


Hurt So Good

by Mandosgirlfriend



Category: Star Wars Original Trilogy, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Daddy Kink, Dirty Talk, Dominant Kylo Ren, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Infidelity, Kylo Ren Has Issues, Kylo Ren Needs a Hug, Kylo Ren is Not Nice, Manipulation, Masturbation, Mildly Dubious Consent, Office Sex, Power Dynamics, Reader makes dumb decisions, Reader-Insert, Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, Threesome - F/F/M, Unsafe Sex, Voyeurism, bitchy wife, i'm not sure how business works so, kylo ren's mood changes every three seconds, reader doesn't know when to stop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 17:29:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 34
Words: 112,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29388450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mandosgirlfriend/pseuds/Mandosgirlfriend
Summary: You were good at your job. Like really good, and you loved what you did. You were probably the best nanny in New York City, and you were doing so well with your family of 6 years before they decided to move. When you get the call that you have been picked by an elite member of society to be their live in nanny, you are nervous. You are even more nervous to find out that man is Kylo Ren, the most prolific and famous business man in the world. Oh. And his wife is a prolific NYC socialite. Your job becomes increasingly harder when Ren takes a special liking to you. And you reciprocate.This work was originally posted and completed on Wattpad from July 2020 to December 2020.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 23





	1. Settling In

You were nervous. Very, very nervous.

You had been a nanny for years, but this job was going to be a bitch and you knew it. You had never ever been picked for one of the private names at your agency. Sure, working as a nanny in New York City you often worked with very rich, very powerful families, but never the private names. The private names were always the most powerful of the powerful, the richest of the rich, and you absolutely did not want to piss them off. They could destroy you, and you had seen it happen before to other girls who got picked by private names.

Teresa Bott had been picked for a private name. The man of the family was the owner of the biggest airline in the world. And Teresa Bott picked up his thirteen year old son late one time. Teresa Bott never got to work in NYC again. AND she could never fly that airline again. What the actual fuck? Mortals with too much power.

But this story and the other stories like hers kept drilling your mind. Who picked you? And what if you fucked up?

You absolutely loved your job. Being a nanny was the best gig in town. This job meant you often got to relax in the mansions of the Upper East Side while the rich's children attended whatever stupid lessons they were being forced to attend. Then you would simply pick them up, take them home, and essentially just make sure they didn't die, all the while getting paid extremely well. Not to mention if you were assigned a live in position you got to live in the ridiculous mansions. It was awesome.

You had landed a live in position right when you got New York, and you had been working with that family since their kids were in diapers. But two weeks ago, they decided to move to Paris. Being the gracious family they were, they let you stay in their home until you got another assignment. So, tomorrow would be move out day. Into a private name's house.

You found it a bit unfair that you couldn't know whose home you were moving into. How could a human being be so elite that they could hide their entire identity from someone moving into their fucking home? But the elite motherfucker was paying you one hundred fifty an hour, so they could wear a mask for all you really cared.

You laid on your bed staring at your phone reading over the vague details you had been given. They gave you an address to meet a driver in the morning, an overview of your pay, and the private name's agency phone number. The private names never gave out their real numbers, instead they used phones provided by the agency.

You rolled your eyes and then peeked at the time. It was 2:30 AM, and you had to meet your driver at 5:30. You decided that rest would be a good idea.

You arrived at the meeting point ten minutes early, suitcases in hand. You were always early, never late, the most punctual motherfucker you knew. It did suck being up this early, but most families' routines started around this time. You had just really enjoyed your two week break.

You sat on the bench in the beautiful park and swung your feet as you watched the morning people on their daily jogs. You began to hope to yourself your new family weren't early morning joggers; your last family was up at it at 4:30 AM, and you were right there with them. You opened up your phone's camera and checked yourself out.

Not wanting to make a bad impression you had spent a little extra time on your hair and makeup today. It was a sad fact, but non private names were super shallow, so you could only imagine private names would be that times two. So, you put on a full face of makeup, but you didn't cake it, you applied it to be "naturally glam" as if the several layers of makeup were natural. You had styled your hair in loose waves down your shoulder to show you were cool, and down to go with the flow. Maybe you were overthinking all of this.

You made sure your outfit was casually professional. Nannies had a certain a look, and you had perfected it. You were in your best pair of denim skinny jeans, an oversized white t-shirt hung off your shoulders, and a mustard yellow cardigan with tan flats. It was the uniform of the "cool nanny." Your phone started to ring, and you jumped nervously at the sound. It was your mom.

"Hey, baby, how is it going? Are you at the new place?"

"Nah, the driver hasn't come yet. He's actually late," you looked down at your watch that read 5:33.

"Well, I'm sure they're on their way. So...do you know who it is yet?" she prodded.

"No, ma'am, and you know I couldn't tell you if I did anyway," you explained for the thousandth time. It would suck to keep a secret from your mom, but you were chancing nothing.

"Oh, come on. You know you have to tell me if it's someone really cool," she whined.

"Mom, I am not losing this job. This job is going to pay for your future nursing home, so I can't risk losing it," you joked.

"You bitch!" she laughed, "well, good luck and be safe. Make good choices, I love you."

"I love you, too, mom, bye bye," and as if on cue, a black Rolls Royce came to a stop right next to you. You hung up the phone and stood.

A plump man with red cheeks and big smile emerged from the driver's side. He rushed over to you and opened the back door nearest you.

"Ma'am! I am so sorry I am late. Traffic..." he breathed heavily and spoke with the most New York accent you had ever heard, "you know New York."

You smiled, "it's okay," you extended your hand and introduced yourself.

"That is a beautiful name, ma'am," he smiled.

You picked up your bags and moved to put them in the trunk, but the driver hurriedly took them away. "No, ma'am, I got 'em! Go in, relax."

Feeling spoiled and embarrassed you slid into the luxury car with red cheeks. The white leather felt so lux and ridiculous underneath you. He shut your door and plopped back into the driver's seat before speeding off into the Manhattan traffic. He lowered the partition.

"The head of the home left you a gift there in the side console, ma'am. A welcome gift for you," he gleamed as he drove on. This was the happiest dude you had ever met. You moved your gaze from the expensive leather to the black console beside you. A letter sat atop a bottle of the most luxurious champagne you had ever seen. The letter had your name written in the most beautiful calligraphy. You picked it up and unfolded the thick and lush card stock. Everything in this car was so posh.

"Welcome to my home, see you soon."

It was written so smoothly and sleek. You had never been treated like this before, so again your cheeks filled with blood. He broke the silence.

"They're excited to have you. You are their first nanny," he kept his eyes on the road.

You decided to prod.

"Any chance you'll tell me who they are?" you fluttered your lashes as if he were even looking at you.

He chuckled, "I had to sign all those NDAs, too, you know. You will know soon enough."

"Sounds like a grueling schedule I got waiting for me," you looked out the window at the city. You were in the nicest part of town.

"I could get in trouble for saying this, but I can tell you're nervous, and I want to warn you. The man...he's got...he's a very busy man. You will understand that immediately. And with that, he can be strange to be around, does some questionable stuff. All this to say, watch yourself around him, okay?"

You were nervous before. Now you were terrified. "O-okay..." your eyes fell to your lap.

"Look don't be al--" his phone began to ring, and he answered immediately.

"Hello? Yes, I have her. Yes, sir, we are pulling up now. Gotcha, goodbye, sir," he tapped his ear to end the Bluetooth call as the car came to a stop in front of a six story behemoth of a home.

He hopped out of the car and swiftly walked to your side, opening the door. "Just remember what I said, play it cool." You swallowed and nodded as you exited the car.

You looked up at the mansion and truly couldn't believe your eyes. You had never laid eyes on something so magnificent and grand. A doorman appeared in the large golden doorframe and called out your name.

"Right this way! He will handle your luggage," the handsome doorman called out to you. He was super cute, dark skin and kind eyes. He was eager to lead you inside the home. You made your way into the door and stopped in your tracks as you entered the foyer. You gazed up at the painted ceilings that depicted angels and demons fighting surrounded by gold crown molding. It honestly looked like something out of the Vatican. You tilted your head down to look at the Art Deco tiling beneath your feet to see it was made of real marble. This small foyer alone would absolutely cost more than any home you had ever lived in before. The walls were white and sprinkled with gold detailing throughout. It was extremely regal, and you were in awe. The doorman caught your attention again.

"Ma'am, the lady of the house is awaiting you in the kitchen. Just go straight down the corridor and it's the last door on the left."

"Thank you," you smiled as you came back to reality and made your way down the crisp and clean corridor. Again, it was white with gold detailing. There were no family pictures, so you still had no clue who awaited you in the kitchen. You walked in and your eyes immediately laid on a waif, tall woman with pale blonde hair sat regally atop a barstool. She was so thin, and her eyes were sunken into her face. She was so unique looking. Her white sundress hung loosely on her tiny little body as she stared down at a hardcover book on the marble counter, and even though you eyed every aspect of her, you didn't know who she was. She was beautiful in her own way, tight lips and sunken eyes and all. She looked up from her book just as you were done examining her.

"Hello," a sweet like syrup voice came from her wide smile, "I am so happy you are here. Come," she gestured to the empty barstool next to her.

"Hey there," you returned the sweetness in your voice as you walked to your seat next to her. She turned you toward her and began to gaze deep into your eyes. You awkwardly stared back.

It felt like an eternity that this strange waif woman bore into your eyes. Her eyes were dark brown, but they felt endless. You were very uncomfortable at this point, but you were not going to fuck anything up. If the lady of the house wanted to eye fuck you, she could eye fuck you.

"You are a kind and warm hearted person," she nodded slowly still staring into your eyes. She began to lean back in her chair, "Ashton will love you. I knew we made the right decision."

"Ashton? Is he your son?" you questioned trying to steer the conversation away from your eyes.

Her face lit up, "yes, yes, he is. I have a talent...I can see people's true intentions by looking into their eyes, and you are just perfect for this family." She finally looked away to call for Ashton.

"Dusty! Bring Ashton, please!" she called to a back room. An older woman appeared in the doorway with a beautiful baby with wefts of dark hair. He was stunning.

"He is absolutely beautiful," you said as the mother took the baby from the woman. The older woman seemed to scowl at you as she left the room.

"Thank you so much," the mother said as she cooed and kissed Ashton.

"You know," you looked back at her, "we haven't even introduced ourselves yet."

"Well, I know you. I picked you," she laughed a little too hard. "I am Diane."

"Diane, it is a pleasure to be here in your home and tending to little Ashton," you gestured toward the child, "may I hold him?"

She eagerly accepted and handed you the baby. He was a very calm baby, you could tell. You had raised 4 of them for your last family, so you knew when you had a good or bad baby on your hands. You smiled at the sweet baby before making funny faces at him. He died laughing.

Diane watched closely but with a smile on her face. "He is going to be so glad we picked you when he sees..."

"He?" you questioned while you played with Ashton.

"My husband, of course. He was skeptical about getting a nanny, but I have a new job, and I need this." She folded her arms as if she were having to defend herself.

"I completely understand, ma'am. What is your job if you don't mind my asking?" You normally wouldn't ask, but Diane seemed weirdly loose and comfortable with you.

"I am going to be a moonlight crystal healer," she almost squealed with excitement, "I get to help people heal with the power of crystals every single night under the goddess moon herself. I am booked out for almost two months."

You feigned excitement as you didn't really believe in that woo woo bullshit, "That is so awesome, ma'am! I am very happy for you and happy to be the one help take the load off."

She stroked the baby's voluminous hair, "I hate I'll be missing so much time with him and my husband, but I have always wanted to do this. The schedule will be really tight, though. I leave every night when my husband gets home, so it's pretty much all you after that. My husband...he isn't much on the whole 'taking care' side of things. He's a real man's man," she said in a mockingly gruff voice.

That seemed so unfair to you, but you wouldn't dare comment on your employer's marriage.

"So, with that we can talk schedule!" she pulled out a spiral notebook labeled 'Ashton.'

The two of your spent the better part of two hours looking over this schedule. Basically, you were free to do whatever you wanted until 8 PM. After 8 PM, Ashton was essentially your baby, and you were essentially his mom. It wasn't anything too difficult, though, especially because you had most of the day off. You were a little amused at all of the new age metaphysical garbage she was having you do for baby Ashton. Before bed you were to give him a "spirit bath," it was normal bath, but there were "mystical" herbs in it. Okay...

You had never imagined a set up like this, but you could get used to it. With your last family, you got up at 4AM, went jogging with the babies and mom at 4:30AM, then the parents went to work from 5-8, and during that time you took the babies to their respective classes until you picked them up at 7, fed them, bathed them, and put them in bed, all before mom and dad got home. Then you had the night to yourself.

But this, this was much different and would change the game. You had never ever had time for an actual social life. Of course you wouldn't have much of a nightlife, but you had an entire day to make friends. You were friends with some of the girls at the agency because you would see them on payday to pick up your check, but otherwise, since you only had nights to yourself and minimal weekends, you didn't have many friends, and you certainly had no love interests.

You couldn't remember the last time you had been with someone romantically. You were always hyper focused on doing your job well. But just because you were a stickler for making sure your job was done well didn't mean that your needs and desires didn't exist. There were nights you would get on Tinder, find someone, and sneak out the house in the middle of the night to get what you needed. When your previous family didn't bring you on a trip, you would use the free week as an essential FuckFest to really satiate your needs.

While you thoroughly enjoyed and needed sex, your job came first. But having days to yourself meant that you could possibly meet someone. You wouldn't have that much time for them, but maybe they would be understanding about the importance of your job. Plus, you didn't plan to be a nanny forever. At some point you wanted to go back to school and get a more secure job. But for now, you were right where you needed to be.

After your discussion with Diane, you were way less nervous. Really meeting Diane and getting to know just how...eclectic she was made you feel at ease. You hadn't forgotten about what the driver had told you, though, so some nervousness sat in the back of your mind. Diane's sweet voice called you back to reality.

"So, since we got that down, do you want to see the house? See your room?" she smiled widely at you.

You tucked your hair behind your ears and stood, baby in hand, "let's do it!"

You walked around the magnificent home with your mouth slightly ajar, in pure awe of the beauty. They had a library with 12 foot walls filled with books, new and old alike. They had a living room the size of a nice apartment with a huge, projected TV. The dining hall was just that, a hall. The dining table could host 30 people. The kitchen you had already been familiarized with was also massive. You could see yourself making late night grilled cheeses in there forever.

You and Diane reached the floor of the home that was solely bedrooms.

"Down at the end of the hall, that's the primary bedroom. My husband and I. The 5 bedrooms between there and here are guest rooms. This, to left is you, and this, to the right is little Ashton."

You opened the door to your room to reveal a stunning emerald green themed room. Emerald green walls with intricate detailing, a massive king sized four poster bed with matching green dressings. You looked in awe at the crown molding on the ceilings and looked back at Diane.

"This is stunning," you choked out.

"Every bedroom is color themed, the green room is the best one if you ask me," she winked, "you have plenty of room and you even have the en suite bathroom. Should you ever need anything the directory of the staff in the house in on your nightside table."

"Staff?" you cocked your head. Ashton was cooing in your arms.

"Yeah! We have a full staff to keep this place running. For instance, you for him," she pointed and smiled at the boy, "Dusty, our house manager which is really just fancy speak for cleaner," she tilted her head back with laughter.

You were absolutely in shock as she named off the 'staff', "Poe, our in house chef. If you're ever hungry you can call the chef's kitchen, and he will take care of it. Outdoor care is The Lawn Service from downtown. Hmmm, who else?" she looked up in thought, "Oh! And Finn, our doorman, he can call a driver if you need to go anywhere. Kylo insisted you have access to everything, and I totally agreed."

You stared at Diane for a moment before you could speak.

Kylo. Ky-lo. You turned the name around and around in your head. You knew it. You knew it as the name of the most powerful business man in the world. But surely it wasn't him? Kylo Ren? Kylo Ren was absolutely the most successful and most rich man in the country. He was so powerful and renowned that he was a celebrity. One of those business guys that makes such an impact they are essentially rock stars. But he was also notoriously terrifying. He had hosted a reality series where he searched for the next big name in business, and you had watched it. He was the Gordon Ramsay of the business world. Aside from being infamously mean and rich, he was named People's Sexiest Man Alive three years in a row. It couldn't be? Could it?

You responded before you had stared for too long, "that is too kind. Really y'all are too kind. Thank you so much," you gave kind eyes to Diane. She threw her hands up as if to say it's nothing.

"Okay. I am going to take Ashton for the day. Want to spend some time before my first night on the job," she beamed as you handed the babe to her. "You are free to do absolutely whatever you want! What's mine is yours!" and she turned away, walking down the hall to her room.

You watched her as she closed the ornate door to her room. You immediately retreated into your green wonderland of a room. You plopped on the massive bed, laid out on your stomach, and you unlocked your phone. You went to the search bar.

"Kylo Ren wife," you typed in nervously.

Your eyes widened to the max as you saw the first picture.

It was a photo from the 2018 Met Gala. Diane smiled widely with a classic updo in a shining navy sequined gown. She looked incredible, really. She was on the arm of no other than Kylo fucking Ren. You were living in the house of the most recognizable man in America. Maybe the world.


	2. Him

In your flustered worry about meeting the literal king of the world, you had fallen asleep on the luxurious sweet sheets of your new bed. You were awakened with a faint knock on your door. You looked at the time on your phone. 7:54pm. You had slept a long time. You hopped up and hurried to the door.

It was Diane with Ashton in hand. "We had such a good time being together today," she was smiling and looking at his small round face as she said the words.

"But now I have to go," she put on a pronounced frown as she turned to you, handing you her son. You happily took him, and smiled at Diane.

"You have fun on your first day," you exclaimed.

"I will! You, too!" she laughed as she began her descent down the stairs.

"Oh, I will!" you lied. You were scared to death of meeting the man of the house. And he would be here in just six minutes. Maybe he made a habit of running late, and you could collect yourself.

"Kylo is always here at 8PM sharp! He's strict about his schedule," Diane called from the stairs, "he'll be here soon! Make sure to introduce yourself."

Diane was gone. She practically had run out of the door and hopped into her car, zooming off into the night to put crystals on people's foreheads and tell them they were healed. You sighed and looked at Ashton. He had tired eyes. It was time for his night bottle.

You made your way down the ornate stairs to the first level where the personal kitchen was. Yes, they had two kitchens. One for chef, one for them. Boujee.

You reached into the baby's designated cabinet and grabbed the Williams Sonoma bottle. Baby in one arm, you rinsed the bottle, and then set it on the counter. Diane had breast milk in the fridge for little Ashton so you grabbed some, heated it up in the microwave and then poured it in the bottle. You looked at the time on the stove 8:05. Maybe Kylo Ren wasn't as sharp about time as Diane had made it out to be.

"Hello," a deep, rich voice said behind you completely from thin air. You screamed as you turned around utterly frightened at the sudden sound. The bottle dropped from your hand.

You were stunned. Not only because this man had literally come out of nowhere, but you were taken aback at the view across the room. It was him. Kylo Ren in the flesh. He looked completely different in person beginning with his sheer size. He was massive. At least 6'3", and with a chest that spanned far and wide. He was in a fitted, tailored suit made of a luxurious navy material with a burgundy silk tie, and a silver Rolex watch glistening in the low light of the kitchen. Wealth radiated off of him. His feathered black hair fell to the side and framed his angular face past his jawline. His very defined jawline. He was...absolutely gorgeous. Probably the most beautiful thing you had ever seen in person. Or ever. You quickly understood why People Magazine gave him Sexiest Man Alive so many times. But he was horrifying at the same time. His impending size and the power that was palpable from his frame made your legs shake. Dark brown eyes stared at you intently. You cradled Ashton close to your chest as you bent to get the bottle on the floor.

"Sir, I am so, so sorry, I didn't know that you were--"

"Surely you were told of my schedule," he leaned against the doorframe he stood in, a slight smirk on his lips as he watched you hurriedly wash Ashton's bottle.

"Oh, yes, of course. I just really hadn't heard you come in or heard anything really..." you turned off the faucet and looked back into those dark eyes. You were terrified. "I really can't apologize enough. I am (y/n)."

He looked at you for a moment before sucking his teeth and striding to the counter opposite of you, "I picked you out from that little catalog, I know." He gave you a borderline evil grin. You had no clue the agency had a catalog of you girls. Maybe that was a specialty for these kinds of clients...weird.

He was now four feet away from you and whatever power and strength you could feel radiating off him from the doorway, was now tripled. You looked at him for a moment. You shifted Ashton in your arms and grabbed the bottle. The awkward silence had gone on too long.

"Well, it is a pleasure to be in your home, thank you for this opportunity," you said to him and then began to walk out of the room, "Ashton is a lovely boy. And proving I know your schedule, I know that you have to get to your evening workout at 8:10! I will leave you to it."

Kylo Ren turned to face you as you were exiting the room, coolly leaning on the counter, "well done." There was that devilish smile again.

You smiled meekly and essentially scurried out of the room like a little mouse. That is exactly what you felt like next to that man. A mouse. You had never ever been in the presence of someone so menacing, so confident, so....hot. He made you feel like absolute garbage. You could smell the Tom Ford cologne wafting from his strong neck, and it made you feel weak. Your interaction with him had not been what you expected. You had expected a much more cold and quiet meeting accompanied with an ice cold stare that would pierce your soul and hurt your feelings. But the actual meeting had been much more peculiar. He had been so forward and his body language reeked confidence...or arrogance really. He knew he was good looking, and he knew you knew exactly who he was. That's why he was smiling like that. He knew you had some crazy internal reaction going on.

You made your way into the den. It seemed like a good quiet place to feed the baby. When you walked in you saw the woman you recognized as Dusty, the house manager. You took a seat on a luscious blue velvet chaise.

"Hi, there," you said to her kindly, "we didn't really get to meet earlier," you told her your name as you adjusted yourself and Ashton in the seat. You raised the rubber nipple to his mouth, and he went to town on the breast milk. Dusty turned to you with a blank expression.

"Hi," she sounded sour.

You cocked your head as she turned back to the antiques she had been dusting.

"I am really excited to be here, I already love this little guy so much," you looked down at the Cherub-esque babe.

You heard what you registered as a scoff from Dusty. You were extremely confused as to what her deal was, but you ignored it. You decided to focus on feeding Ashton. You were a pro at this. One hand held the bottle to the boy, and the other was quick at work on your phone finding the most interesting YouTube video you could while you fed him.

Dusty picked up her bucket of supplies and turned to leave the room. As she passed you, you heard her mumble something under her breath.

"I'm sorry?" you craned your head to look at her, confused expression on your face.

"I said goodnight to the boy," she again seemed to scowl at you, spitting the words in your direction as she left the room.

You scoffed in disbelief. What the fuck, dude? This house was fucking weird.

Before long, Ashton was passed out and the bottle was dry. It wasn't his bath day, so it was time to get him dressed and in bed. You ascended the stairs to bedroom level, and entered his nursery. It was absolutely huge. Bigger than any child hood room you had ever had, and it was decorated with various "boy themed things." You placed the sleeping boy on the dressing table while you settled on a blue dinosaur sleep jumpsuit. You put his chubby little body in the garment, and then gingerly placed him in the crib. He was so easy going. Now, all you had to do was keep his monitor on you to make sure he didn't wake. At least the actual job part of this assignment was easy as fuck.

It was 10 o'clock. All your duties were done for the evening. Of course unless the baby awoke, but Diane had mentioned that was rare. You decided to take advantage of the home theatre on the first floor. Diane had kind of just glossed over that part on the tour because she thought "film and television is toxic." You descended down the stairs and entered the kitchen. You had to traverse the kitchen to get to the cinema. You stopped in your tracks when you looked to your left.

Kylo Ren was standing tall in front of an open refrigerator, looking for something to eat. He was shirtless and grey sweatpants hung on his hips. His hair was wet, and you found yourself gawking at his muscular and built back. His broad shoulders more evident than before, your mouth was literally agape. He was statuesque. He looked like he would feel like marble under your hands. Your hands...on his body...the thought was good. You snapped out of your entrancement when the man turned his head back towards you. So cocky.

"Hello, again," he turned his head back to the fridge, "the baby's asleep?"

You swallowed hard, "Yea--I mean, yes, sir. He's such a good baby, he was so easy to get in bed." You stood awkwardly in the door way, trying to keep your voice cool and neutral. You didn't want to give him the satisfaction of him knowing you were in awe (or afraid) of him.

"Good. Glad to hear it," he grabbed a glass water bottle and turned on his heel to face you. If seeing his unclothed back did anything to you, seeing his huge chest and tight abdomen made something in you flutter. The fridge closed on its own. "What are you doing now?"

You pointed weakly to the hall that lead to the cinema, your voice quieter than before, "I was going to try out the home theatre...if that's okay. Is that okay?"

His face was blank, "weren't you told you could do whatever you wanted? Did you listen at all?"

This. This rude shit is what you had been expecting from this man.

"Uh," you darted your eyes to the floor, "yeah, she told me that. I just wanted to make sure you weren't going over there or any--"

"I am not. Do what you want. You live here now," he downed the last bit of his water and tossed it into a nearby recycling bin. He came from behind the counter and walked your way. He was headed to his room you assumed. You stepped to the side as he neared you. Before you knew it, he was standing right in front of you. He stopped to look down at you. You looked up at him as the words rolled off his tongue, "have fun. Goodnight." and then he disappeared up the stairs. That was the closest he had been to you. You could smell his aftershave. Smell his freshly shampooed hair. You got a close up of his angular facial features. Your breathing was unsteady. You took another look at the stairs and then made your way to the theatre.

You felt minuscule in the huge theatre. It was the size of megaplex auditorium, and you were the only person there. You had watched two movies already, but it was hard for you to focus. You kept Ashton's monitor close, but he hadn't made so much as a peep, and your mind kept replaying the vision of Kylo Ren shirtless in the kitchen. You knew it was wrong. He was married, he was your boss, and he was notoriously not a good guy. But his incredible looks and body were absolutely undeniable. The image of the muscles in his back moving while he leaned to look in the fridge one hundred percent did it for you. The thought of his wide chest, his beautiful face, your thighs on either side of that beautiful face.....

For fuck's sake. Why was he invading your mind like that? You had barely spoken to the man. You were solely there to take care of his baby. His baby that he had with his wife. It was vile of you to feel like you did about that man. But it was so hard to shake the feeling.

Yep. You were horny for Kylo Ren.

Again, you had sexual desires and needs, but you had never ever experienced something like this. You had never seen a man and then been absolutely encumbered by the thought of riding his cock for hours on end. You thought about what it would be like to have him on top of you. His tall, massive frame hovering above you, panting, sweating, while he rammed himself inside your cunt. You could only assume such a sexy, fine built man had a massive dong. The idea of being absolutely torn apart by him made you squirm in your seat.

The thought of his black hair tickling your face while he fucked you into oblivion made your core pulsate. You realized you were wet. Really wet. And you needed to be touched. You looked around the large empty theatre and contemplated. Diane had mentioned the rest of the staff was always in bed by 11 pm, and Ren went to sleep at midnight. And of course Diane wouldn't return home until 7 am. It was nearing 3 am. You were most likely the only person awake, and this room was slightly secluded from the rest of the house. Your mind raced back and forth, trying to decide if it was a good idea. But you needed it. Your pussy was aching.

Your hand slowly made its way from the armrest to your thigh, moving slowly and assuredly to your throbbing sex. You rubbed yourself through your jeans, and your head tilted back in pure pleasure. It had been a while since you felt this.

You applied more firm pressure and started moving your hand up and down faster against the fabric. You could feel the moisture soaking through to your touch. You were so hungry for touch, for your boss. A small moan escaped your mouth as you thought about his strong arms holding you against him, fucking you ruthlessly against a wall. You bit your lip, and your hand dove into your pants and under your panties.

You rubbed furious circles on your clit as you arched your back and used your free hand to grab a tit over your shirt. Your mouth parted and soft sounds came from your throat as your fingers worked your swollen clit. The image of your boss bending you over the counter in the kitchen flickered through your mind, his large hand roughly grabbing your hips, him sinking into you over and over. Your fingers immediately plunged into your tight hole, and you started fucking yourself relentlessly. Your legs were spread wide open, draped across the armrests as you worked your cunt. His name escaped your lips as you pinched your hardening nipple through the shirt. You moved your fingers back to your clit, wetness erupting from your cunt. You rubbed fast, hard, with the pressure you had fantasized his tongue would give you. You felt the release nearing, it began in your belly. You focused on your fingers, biting your lip as the pressure built from stomach all the way to your swollen nub. You were beginning to see white when...SCREAM. The noise jerked you back to reality.

Your hand flew out of your pants and your eyes were wider than you imagined they could open. You glanced over at the entrance of the theatre room.

No one was there.

SCREAAAM.

You were frozen but your eyes looked down at the seat next to you. It was the baby monitor. Ashton was awake.

You let out a long breath of relief. Not super relieved you didn't get ride out that cum (it was going to be absolutely epic), but relieved that no one saw you being so fucking pathetic. You were fully sober and present and started to realize how fucking stupid it had been to rub one out in the middle of the home. You shook your head in disappointment, grabbed the monitor and left the room to head up to the nursery.

When you entered the room, Ashton was wailing. You hurried over and picked him. He reeked. He needed to be changed.

Guilt settled in while you changed the baby. You were in the theatre masturbating while little Ashton needed you. You felt disgusted with yourself. Especially because of your vile fantasies about Ren. This couldn't happen again. You were here for a job, and that job was not to fuck the most powerful man in the world.

You sat in the plush rocking chair in the corner and rocked the baby back to a gentle sleep. Again, he was so easy. You replaced him in the crib and quietly left the room.

While you shut the door you looked at the end of the hallway to see the primary bedroom door was halfway open. There was dim light coming from it and some sound, like a tv was left on. Kylo Ren must have left it on while he fell asleep. You decided to go shut the door, just to be mindful of his privacy.

You crept down the hallway and as you neared the door you made sure to be ultra quiet. Would you look in? Surely not. That would be such an invasion of privacy.

As soon as your hand touched the door knob, your eyes almost unintentionally darted up to peak in the room. Your eyes widened in shock.

Your boss was laid out on his back on the bed, grey sweatpants pulled down to his thighs. His large hands were wrapped around his very much exposed, very massive cock, rubbing up and down slowly. His eyes were glued to whatever was on his TV, he was unaware that you were there.

You quietly and slowly started backing away from the door. Once you were far enough away, you bolted into your green bedroom.

You had just seen Kylo Ren's cock. And it looked delicious.

Self-loathingly, you got in bed and finished what you started in the theatre.


	3. The Office

Your drapes lifted to let in the early morning sunlight. The sun kissed your skin, telling you good morning. You opened your eyes halfway. You had forgotten that the drapes were controlled by the home's AI system. Diane had said you could adjust the time they opened. You checked your phone. It was 7 am. That was a fine time to wake up. 

You sat up and rubbed your eyes looking around your room. You were still so awestruck that this was yours for the foreseeable future. You slung your feet off of the bed and made your way into the en suite bathroom. The green marble floor was cool on your feet as you entered the massive bathroom. In the middle of the room was a hot tub sized bathtub just waiting to be used. You turned on the hot water and waited for it to fill. 

You hadn't had a leisurely morning like this in ages. Until 8 you were just a girl who lived in a mansion in New York City, free to do as you please. 

You stood and walked in front of the mirror. Your hair was wild and untamed and you had not gotten all that much sleep. You had slept naked. And then you remembered. You remembered the image of Kylo (could you call him just Kylo?) stroking his thick, long dick in the privacy of his room. It was absolutely awful of you to have looked in his room, but he left his door open. That was really on him. ANYONE could have seen. 

You had spent the better part of your night using that vision to make yourself burst in pleasure in your own room. You couldn't say it wasn't one of the best orgasms you had had in a while. 

You put your face in your palms and shook your head violently, trying to rid your mind of the thought, the image, the fantasy of Kylo Ren. You looked at yourself in the mirror and gave yourself an approving nod. You would not be thinking of that man as anything more than the dude who signs your paychecks. 

You poured some of the lux oils that had been left for you in your bath, and lowered yourself in. This was fucking awesome. 

You sat at your personal makeup station, and attempted to tame your hair. After you blow dried it, you opted to wear your hair in a messy bun, but one of the cute ones that looked purposeful and unkempt. You grabbed your small makeup bag and put on a soft natural look that complemented your eyes and hair. You reached into your unpacked suitcase and opted for a comfortable pair of black leggings, an oversized sweater and some ADIDAS tennis shoes. You were going comfortable today. Once you were pleased with the way you looked, you left your room and made your way into the den. 

Diane was sitting on the couch with Ashton. She was showing him some story book while he cooed happily. Her eyes met yours as you entered the room.

She exclaimed your name with an excited expression. 

"Hey, ma'am! How was your first night?" you sat on the ottoman across from her.

"Please. Call me Diane," she smiled as she sat the book aside and shifted Ashton in her lap. She looked around the room and then whispered, "it was magnificent!" 

You were really excited for her. She clearly was passionate about this. "Well, tell me! Did you get them..uh, healed?"

Diane giggled, "it takes several sessions to get someone healed, silly," she leaned back against the plush cushions and sighed, "and that is why we might see a schedule change soon." Her eyes dropped to the baby. 

"A schedule change?" you were suddenly worried that your free days would be no more. 

"Yeah," she breathed, "Like I had told you, I'm booked out for two months. I have so many clients. So many that I might have to spend, like, days, maybe even weeks away." She looked regretful.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Diane. I know all that time away from Ashton would be painful," you looked at her with sad eyes,

"Yeah, but I do have to remember that being a mother is not my only trait," she perked up with a slight smile. "I have to do things for myself, too. So, I think it's the right decision." 

"Well, whatever you decide to do, you know you can count on me," you smiled.

"Absolutely! How was your first night?" she cocked her head.

You thought for a moment. The first answer that popped into your head was "fucking weird. I met your husband, and his large and impending... presence absolutely terrified me, but then I realized it absolutely turned me on. THEN I saw him shirtless, lost my shit, went into your theatre, tried to rub one out, but your baby started crying, so I put him down, and THEN I saw your husband jerking his cock in your marital bedroom to which I ran to my room and came like a porn star." But you opted for something much less controversial.

"It was lovely. Ashton is so easy," you caressed his little head.

Diane smiled down at him and spoke in baby talk, "yes, he is. He is a sweetie pie."

She looked at her watch and then back at you. "You know you don't take this little guy till 8. Well, for the time being at least. Go! Go have fun, enjoy your time!"

With that you gave her a grin and left the room. You felt a twinge of guilt the entire time you were around Diane. She was so kind to you and trusted you so much already, and you had spent the past 12 hours thinking about choking on her husband's cock. You sucked. 

What were you going to do today? It was nearing 9 am, so you decide to get a late breakfast somewhere in your new neighborhood. You weren't super familiar with this part of town because literally only superstars lived in this area. As you neared the front door you were greeted by the adorable doorman who you remembered was named Finn. 

"Good morning, ma'am! Have a lovely day," he smiled at you as he opened the door for you. 

"Thank you!" you turned back to him and told him your name. "It is very nice to meet you."

"You, as well," he smiled as he said your name. You blushed and walked down the steps to the sidewalk below. 

You began your walk down the foreign road. You had never been surrounded by so much wealth. Your last family lived in an incredible neighborhood but nothing like this. This was almost just ostentatious. You walked a few blocks down when you noticed you were nearing a super delightful cafe. You ducked in and realized it was much more boujee than you had anticipated, but it would do. 

You ordered avocado toast and a coffee, and then went and sat on the empty patio. You decided to FaceTime your mom.

"Hey. baby! How's it going?" she was excited to hear from you.

Your mouth full of avocado toast, you said, "it's great! I'm settled in, getting to know the area." You panned your camera down to your breakfast. 

"Looks yummy. Sooo..." she trailed off.

"You aren't going to stop till you know who it is, huh?" 

"Pretty much."

You brought the phone close to your lips and whispered. You were horrible at keeping secrets from your mom. "It's Kylo Ren." 

"KYLO REN?" your mom exclaimed. 

"Ohmygodmomshutthefuckup," you dropped your phone out of nervousness, not wanting anyone to hear his name. 

"Hey, fuck you, don't talk to me like that," her brow furrowed.

You straightened up and looked at her remorsefully, "sorry, mom. I am just terrified of getting fired."

"I know, I know. So, what's he like in person? Have you met him?" She pushed.

"Yeah, I met him. He's fine. Kind of cold," you looked both ways before lowering your voice, "honestly, doesn't care much for the baby. I am not sure he even knows the baby's name." 

"What a dick," she sneered. 

"Yeah, the mom did like all the baby stuff before I showed up, I think," you took a sip of your coffee. 

"Well, is he at least as handsome in person?" 

Your mind flashed an image of his strong back, "uh, yeah. He is pretty." 

"Least there's that," your mom shrugged. 

You nodded, "yeah, well, I am almost done here. I am gonna try to explore the neighborhood some more. I love you."

"I love you, too! Be safe! Bye bye!" 

You hung up the phone and scarfed down the last couple bites of your avocado toast. You left a five on the table, and walked on. 

You had walked so far you were nearing the business district. The tall buildings were so beautiful. You absolutely loved the city. You walked a few blocks down and noticed the looming, black glass skyscraper with bright red words "REN TOWER" plastered at the top. That was your boss's workplace. You stopped and stared up at it for a while. You knew he was a business man and a celebrity, but what exactly did he do? You realized you had no clue. You shrugged slightly and continued your morning walk. 

You were turning the corner around Ren Tower when a man in a fine suit appeared from a seemingly trap door. You jumped back, startled from his magic trick. 

He said your name as a question. How the fuck did he know your name? "I am one of Mr. Ren's associates. He saw you on the camera outside." 

Your face twisted in confusion, "what?"

The man gave you a subtle shrug, "he asked me to invite you in. To his office." 

"Why?"

Another barely there shrug. You were super unsure why this man would want to see you at his workplace. Didn't he have much more important things to be doing? And you were still quite uncomfortable with the idea of looking at him seeing as your mind was uncensored. 

Fuck it. 

"Can I go in through the main door? This," you gestured to the supposed trap door, "seems sketch." 

"Sure. I'll escort you, ma'am."

The man in the suit walked ahead of you as the two of you trekked to the front entrance of the tower. You had never been in, but you had seen the building a million times. It was beautifully architected. The inside was even more beautiful. 

The lobby was adorned with a deep black and white marble on the ground, the walls painted stark white with black artwork along them. The modern light fixtures were a matching matte black. Black and red furniture was sprinkled throughout the large lobby. It was a stunning display. You and the suited man made your way through the people scattered throughout, and you noticed a huddle of paparazzi outside the window. 

"Paparazzi?" you questioned. 

"Oh, yeah. They are always trying to get a glimpse of Mr. Ren. I heard his photo sells for a lot in the tabloids," the man looked back at you as you made your way to a long row of black elevators. You shook your head. You lived with a man whose photo was worth money. Insane. 

The elevator opened for the two of you and you stepped in. The man scanned his finger on a touch pad and the doors shut. 

"Mr. Ren's office and personal space takes up the top three floors," the man told you, "His office is the first of the three floors. That's where we are going." 

You nodded and kept your eyes straight forward. You were nervous. Your palms were sweaty. 

After what seemed like an eternity, the door opened into a dimly lit black room. The suited man gestured for you to go in. 

"If you ever need anything from us here at Ren tower, look for this red sigil on the lapel," he pointed to the mark on his collar, "We are the Associates of Ren." 

You smiled meekly, "thank you," and you walked forward. The elevator shut behind you, and the man went with it. 

The office was decorated like an upscale apartment. The color scheme was the same as the lobby. Black, red, and white, but mostly black. It was hard as fuck to see in this room. You walked further in when you heard the familiar voice. 

"Over here," you heard from your left. 

You walked through the doorway to see Kylo Ren sitting behind a large red desk, papers sprawled every where, 4 computer monitors spread across the thing. He had nothing personal on the desk as far you could tell. No pictures of Diane or the baby. Nothing. 

Kylo was leaned back in his huge, clearly custom made for his build, office chair. He was wearing just a white button up, and tailored black pants. The sleeves of the white button up hugged his biceps close, you could see the muscles moving beneath the fabric. He was immaculate. He ran a hand through his hair, and then held it out to the black chair opposite him. 

"Sit," he commanded. 

You don't know why, but you obeyed. You sat. 

You folded your hands in your lap nervously, "good afternoon, sir." 

Your eyes were darting from his face to the floor. He was looking right at you, almost through you. Brown eyes driving into your soul. 

"Afternoon," he leaned forward on his forearms on the desk, "I saw you were out for a stroll." 

"You must have surveillance cams everywhere," you smiled nervously.

"I do. 360 degree view of the area around the tower. You were unmistakable in the crowd," you watched his eyes dart down your body. You had only encountered each other twice. Well, you had encountered him thrice. But he didn't know you saw the show in his bedroom last night.

You forced out a playful, "oh, well, I am glad you caught me." You finally made eye contact. Fuccck. 

"I have surveillance everywhere. I see everything," his face was blank, but it was taunting. How could he be so expressive and lack so much expression all at once? He leaned back in his chair again, "I want to get to know you better."

You slightly titled your head, confused that this important man wanted to know you.

"You do?"

"I do," he nodded slightly. 

He took a sip from the black mug sitting on his desk, "I should know well the person caring for my child, shouldn't I?" He placed the mug down and licked his lips. You hadn't noticed how plush and voluminous they were before...

"I guess so," you were forcing all the confidence you could, but your creaky voice made it hard to feign. His gaze was heavy on you. 

"I heard you and Diane have hit it off quite well," he sighed, "she can be a bit much, don't you think?"

You were wide eyed. Why would he say that about his wife to a nanny he had know for less than 24 hours? 

"Uh," your eyes found the floor again, "I wouldn't say that at all. She is a beautiful, great woman," you felt like you had to over compensate the compliments due to your burning urge to fuck her man. 

Kylo was silent as he watched you fidget in his chair. You looked back at him.

"Sir, can I help you with anything else? I was just on my way to pick up some items for my room," you lied. Your room was fully stocked with everything a person could possibly need. And he knew that, too. You just needed out of this room immediately. The rush of multiple, conflicting emotions was too much. 

He again looked up and down your body, "that should do it." He stood up and walked around the desk. He leaned against the expensive wood right in front of you. You looked up at him, tall frame looming over you. He looked down at you, raven hair falling to either side of his face. Your breath was caught in your throat. You were eye level with his abdomen. You couldn't bring yourself to stand, only look up at the man who had invaded your mind the night before. 

"You know when I told you I see everything?" he breathed, voice low.

All you could do was look at him doe eyed, chin straight up, a small nod coming from you. You smelled that intoxicating cologne again. 

"I mean that," he licked his lips before carrying on, his face stoic, "you should probably know something," his hand was suddenly reaching outward, index finger gingerly placed on the bottom of your chin. You were paralyzed. "At the house, in every room, minus the bedrooms, I have surveillance cameras." His eyes searched yours, looking for the realization. 

And the realization did come. It hit you like a train. He had seen you. In the theatre. The stinging heat of mortification shot up your body, your face turning beet red, as you shot up to stand. Your mouth was agape in horror, you could only stare at the man who had just basically admitted to seeing you masturbate on his furniture, in his home, right out in the open. You started stumbling backwards, your ass running into a shelf behind you. Kylo was staring at you with a sharp expression. 

"I-I... what... I don't know what to even say," you thought you were going to start hyper ventilating, "I'm sorry," you croaked out, throat drier than ever. 

He crossed his arms, and you knew he was about to fire you. 

But this was a chance encounter. He hadn't planned on meeting with you. Why hadn't he done something about it when he saw you on the camera? Wouldn't he tell Diane? Diane was totally cool this morning. Something was off. 

Before you could even process what was happening, Kylo Ren was across the room standing mere centimeters from you. When you breathed your breasts touched him. You smelled bergamot, cedar, and leather radiating from his skin. The smell almost put you in a trance. You dared to peer up at his face. The stoic and unreadable face. You were again taken aback by his sheer beauty. The lines of his face made him so appealing, the moles, and his beautiful skin. You were getting that familiar feeling of need from the day before. 

"I watched you touch yourself. I watched you moan for me, saying my name like a little slut," you wondered how he could hear your whimpers. That must have been a mega fancy surveillance camera. You registered that he called you a slut, and the word rolling off his tongue sent a shock wave all the way down to your needing pussy. 

You shifted uncomfortably on your feet and looked down, your already red face was deepening. 

"I am so sorry, sir, I will pack my things as soon as I get to the house--" 

Two fingers pressed lifted your chin and then laid against your lips, silencing you. "Enough."

His index finger then began tracing your lips, feeling the tender skin. A small moan escaped your mouth. Kylo lowered his hand. 

"I know you watched me, too," he placed his hands behind his back. "From the doorway." 

Could this get any more fucking embarrassing?

"I was truly just trying to shut the door for you. I thought you might have fallen asleep.... and I just..." you couldn't excuse your behavior. You were vile.

"I left my door open on purpose. I am not a stupid man," he spat at you, sudden annoyance in his voice. "I wanted you to see what you do to me."

You cocked your head, "what I do to you?" Your voice was barely a whisper.

He placed a hand on the wall behind you, pinning you between him and the bookshelf, "ever since I saw you in that catalog... those perky tits, those beautiful lips," he looked down your body and back up to your eyes, "I knew I wanted you." His free hand made its way down to his pants. Your eyes flickered down. He was adjusting the massive bulge in his trousers. "Then, seeing you in the theatre. Well, that was enough for me to have to jerk my cock watching the footage. Watching such a filthy, dirty girl in my theatre." Your lips parted as you took in his words. You squeezed your thighs together, needing the friction. He pressed his body against yours. 

And then Diane flushed through your mind. 

You tried to back out of his hold, but his body was strong against you. His hardness pushing into your lower belly. "Sir... you're married, and I just don't think this is a good idea." 

He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Suddenly, a massive hand was placed firmly around your throat. Not enough to choke you but enough to let you know what he meant "Does it look like I don't know that? Questioning my intelligence?" His hand tightened. "I don't give a fuck if I am married," he practically spat the last word out with a scowl. 

Your eyes were wide and you squeaked through his grip.

"I said I wanted to get to know you, and I do. I want to get to know every inch of this body," his hand traveled down from your neck to your plump tit. He massaged it in his hand and low rumble came from his throat, "I want to know these delicious tits," hand moving to your waist and behind you, slowly traveling to your round ass. He squeezed it relentlessly awarding you with an unsolicited moan. His hand was so fucking big. "This tight ass..."

It was admittedly easy to submit to his words. He was so fucking hot and he was handling you just the way you liked it. But you had morals that you needed to adhere to. And you were his fucking employee. 

His hand started to slither back to the front of your body and down your stomach, and you knew where he was going. You had to stop this. You grabbed his wrist. "Please. Sir."

"Don't fight it," he ground his hardness into you as he backed off. Adjusting his shirt as he stood back looking at your body. "You know you can't."

You were taken aback. You scoffed. "I think I can, sir. This. This is just unbelievably inappropriate." You threw your hands in the air and shook your head. "I have got to fucking go." You began to bolt out of the office, and you pressed the elevator button violently. 

"I literally just came here to take care of your baby. I didn't sign up for this, I am not a fucking prostitute. I know you picked me out of some catalog, but I am not yours for the picking," you were practically yelling, mostly out of panic. You felt yourself losing your job by the minute. You jerked your head to face the elevator as you waited. 

Kylo chuckled to himself as he watched you. That couldn't be good. You had just gone off on your employer and world renowned business man. 

"There will be consequences for your actions, dirty girl," he rolled up his sleeves as he returned to his desk, "see you at home." He waved to you from his throne. In many ways he made you sick.

Silently you boarded the elevator. You stood in disbelief as you descended 54 floors. There was absolutely no way to process what had just happened. You couldn't. 

Even harder to understand was your sheer lust for this man. Your need. You wanted to stay in that office and see what he would do to you. You thought about acting on it. But you were also astounded at his clear presumption. Telling you you wouldn't be able to resist him. Who the fuck did he think he was? Was he like this all the time? Did he always pluck young girls he found attractive out of the crowd, and tell them he was going to fuck him? Poor Diane. 

You ran out of the doors of Ren Tower and began a silent and quick walk to your new home. Despite your mixed emotions, one feeling was absolutely clear. 

Pure, unadulterated horniness.


	4. I Asked You A Question

When you returned to the mansion, you could barely bring yourself to look at the doorman you had begun to form a crush on. You settled for a light smile as he let you through the front door in your haste. You were hurriedly trying to make your way to the stairs to go stay in your room and scream into your pillow. But you were stopped in the kitchen doorway by none other than Diane. 

"Hey, there," she had a big grin on her face, "how has your day been?"

Shame started creeping its way down your body and you looked at your feet, "it's been good." Your voice was a whisper. 

"You sure don't look good, is everything okay?" she put a small hand on your shoulder.

You snapped your head back up and looked at her, putting on the best act you could, "Yeah! I promise I'm good. I went on a stroll around the neighborhood. It's absolutely beautiful."

"Oh, yeah, it's a nice neighborhood. But I am more akin to the wilderness," she looked into the distance, "I like the mystery of the woods." Diane was so fucking strange. "I think you would love it. You have such a sweet soul, I can sense it," you heard her words and the guilt and shame was just overbearing. You had to get out of her company asap. 

You noticed that Ashton wasn't in sight. "Where's little man?" you craned your head looking around the room. 

"Oh, he's napping. I was actually just organizing my tool box for tonight," she pointed back to her box "magical" crystals.

"Well, I will let you get right back to that, Diane," you smiled warmly and started back to the stairs, "see you this evening." Once turned away, your brows pinched right back together in the worried, shamed expression they had been in before. 

You had spent the entire day watching the clock. Absolutely horrified to see that it kept marching on closer and closer to 8 o'clock. Would you even see Kylo? If you did, what would he say? He had said some ominous shit about having consequences for your actions, so you assumed that meant a termination was imminent. You began to contemplate starting a lawsuit if he fired you for this. But he was too strong and too influential. No one would believe you, and that was absolutely tragic. 

Diane had actually left early today, and she had handed Ashton off to you around 5. You absolutely didn't mind because you wanted anything to get your mind off of him. And the way his hands felt on your body. 

You had decided to lounge with Ashton in the TV room. You had finished his enrichment, so you could essentially just chill until it was time for his bath. You were watching some trashy reality when you saw Dusty the house manager enter the room. You swore you saw her roll her eyes when she saw you. You had already gone off on your boss today. What would going off on your coworker be?

"Hey, what's your deal?" you lifted Ashton to your chest as you eyed the nasty, sour woman. She was older and plump. She had limp in her walk. 

She looked disgusted, "excuse me?" she scoffed.

"I said, what is your problem? I tried to be kind and nice to you yesterday, and you were far from that," you knit your brows together as you explained your sudden hostility. 

The woman turned toward you and put one hand on her hip. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," she spat.

"Oh, cut that shit. What did I do to you?"

She looked around the room and then back to you with a purely unamused face. 

"You're going to ruin this family," she said flatly.

Your mind raced. Did she know that Kylo had tried to do things to you? That you masturbated in the theatre? Of course she could, she probably had access to the surveillance. You pushed all the nervousness to the back of your mind. 

"I'm sorry? What the fuck?" you retorted. Ashton shifted in your arms. 

"It is so evident why Mr. Ren hired you. We didn't need a nanny. I was taking care of Ashton and the home just fine before you showed up. It would have been zero issue to keep the home the way it was, but that evil man is using Mrs. Diane's career as an excuse to have a live in side piece," she practically poked her bottom lip out in disgust as she looked at you. 

Your mouth dropped in disbelief. "I don't know where you think I came from, but I am not some fucking mail in hooker," you were absolutely taken aback. Why did everyone seem to think you were hired for fucking? "I am so sorry you feel like I took your job, but I am far from here to sleep with anybody, and I am horrified that would assume that. And to presume that and just be a bitch without even speaking to me? Yeah, okay," you scoffed and looked away from the woman. She kept her menacing glare on you. 

"You can say that all you want, little girl, but I have been the manager of this home for 10 years. I have put up with Kylo Ren's bullshit personality for a decade, and I know how he operates. And I see how weak you are. You'll do it. I saw the way you looked at him in the kitchen last night. Disgusting. Now, I am going to do my job," and then she ignored your presence. After all those nasty words, she acted like you didn't exist. 

It took everything in you not to throw hands at this elderly bitch. But alas, you didn't need yet another reason to get fired. 

Dusty was passionate about calling Kylo Ren evil. You didn't know a lot about the dude, but you didn't think he was evil. Amoral? Maybe, but evil? What the fuck did he do to her? 

10 years, she had said. Had Kylo been married for ten years? Wikipedia could tell you.

You decided to leave the totally hostile room where Dusty was cleaning up and took yourself and Ashton into the den. You sat down carefully on the chaise lounge. 

You pulled out your phone and searched his name up. The page was flooded with pictures of him in black tuxedoes looking absolutely delicious and faceable. Ugh, there went your control again. You narrowed your search by typing in "Kylo and Diane Ren." You clicked on an article called "The Wild Romance of Kylo and Diane Ren."

Kylo Ren and Diane Lawrence had their first encounter at the 2017 Met Ball. The two had been seated together, and it was love at first sight according to a source close to the couple. Ren, the proprietor of RenTech, and Lawrence, the socialite and sole heiress to the Lawrence Railway Company fortune, began dating soon after the Met, soon being seen hand in hand all over the world. Within three months, the two were married in a private ceremony in Versailles Palace. The two have been the poster children for power couple ever since." 

You were surprised. They had only been married for about three years. And they had gotten married so soon. You could never imagine marrying someone just three months after meeting them. Even if they were the most famous man in the world. 

You looked through the photos of the two of them together. She was always smiling, he was always stone faced. You had always figured that was just his "thing." But since you had met him, you had experienced that stone face yourself. You felt really bad for Diane. 

You found yourself captivated at the sight of him, though. Like you always were. 

You locked your phone and noted that it was time for the baby's bath. You went upstairs to his personal bathroom and got him squeaky clean. He smiled and cooed as you dressed him in his pajamas. It was time for his nighttime bottle, so you headed to the kitchen. 

Warm bottle in hand, you sat in the den and fed Ashton. As he had before, he took the bottle easy and fell right to sleep. You glanced at a nearby clock noticing that it was 8:55 pm. You knew Kylo Ren was home, but you hadn't so much as heard him walk through the door. Maybe firing you wasn't his very first priority. 

You placed Ashton in his crib and crept out of his room. You looked down the hall at Kylo and Diane's room. The door was open. But you weren't falling for that shit again. Shaking your head, you went in your room and decided to go to bed early. 

Days passed. You didn't see nor hear from Kylo Ren. Your mornings were always filled with delightful conversation with Diane, and your afternoons typically consisted of you exploring town. You had taken a liking to a book store around the corner from your home. It was a safe place you could go and relax, and you had even managed to meet a few people. Your budding crush on Finn the doorman had intensified, and you had started flirting with him on your way out everyday. He kept things professional, but you thought he might take a liking to you as well. 

It had officially been a week since Kylo Ren had met with you in his office. You were starting to lose some of that guilt and feeling a lot better about your job. 

You and Diane had become close enough for you to enter her personal office. You walked into the space which was filled with bookshelves full of crystals and incense sleds. It smelled like a tattoo shop in there. 

You sat in the chair opposite her desk.

"How's it going, Diane?" you smiled at her.

She had a weak smile on her face. "It's going so well. The business is booming like you wouldn't believe. But I have some news." She looked solemn.

"What? What is it?"

"Today I'm going full time. Like... not just nights. I will be going on full assignments," she folded her hands on the desk and looked at you apologetically. 

"What does that mean?"

"For example, I am taking a full healing job starting today. I'll be in the Hamptons for four days with this client," she tilted her head, searching for your reaction.

"Oh," you felt disappointed. You really liked Diane. "Well, it's good that you're getting to do more business."

"Of course. I am just going to miss being home so much. You know, I have spent the last three year in this home?" she looked at her hands and shifted uncomfortably, "Kylo never really takes me anywhere." 

That was the first time in a week you had heard her talk about him in a personal light. You looked at her sympathetically.

"Well, now is your time to shine. I know you'll miss Ashton and your husband, but what you're doing is good. And its good for you. You know Ashton is safe with me," you placed a hand on hers. 

She smiled and looked up at you, "I do know that." She looked at her planner on the desk, "I'm headed out tonight, I will be back Friday. Then my next client calls for a week, but I will be home for three days before I depart for that one." 

"Busy, busy woman," you said as you leaned back in your chair. You noticed Ashton in a playpen on the floor. 

"You're right. Well, you better enjoy your day. You're going full time momma starting tonight!"

You giggled as you left her office. And then it hit you.

You were going to be alone with Kylo Ren. 

Well, not entirely. The other staff would still be there, but who is to say he wouldn't pull some shit simply because his wife was away. 

Diane's departure came way sooner than you had hoped. It was 7 pm, and she was long gone. Just you, the baby, and soon to be Kylo Ren. You were so nervous. 

You were in the kitchen making the bottle when you heard the familiar footsteps. You were standing at the sink, the fridge behind you, and he entered the room. He was wearing expensive, fitted jeans with a red polo tucked neatly beneath his Hermes belt. The Polo was fitted against his expansive torso, giving you a wonderful view. His hair was slightly disheveled and it made him look even more rugged and sexy. Fuck this guy for being so hot. His Louboutin loafers made loud clacking noises against the marble as he made his way directly to you. 

Or thought it was directly toward you. You were frozen as he rounded the counter and opened the fridge. The wind as he walked by smelled like cinnamon and leather. 

You grabbed the bottle and waited for him to say something as you stood there at the sink. 

But he didn't. He grabbed his water and quickly left the room without even acknowledging you. You stood in disbelief for a moment, and then made your way back to the baby. 

You shut the door to the baby's room having successfully put him down as always. You went into your room and decided to take a quick bath before you did anything else. You kept the baby monitor close by as you bathed in the luxurious soap and oils. 

When you got out, you let hair down, cascading down your shoulders. You looked in the mirror at your bare face and body. You looked good and felt even better after that bath. 

You slipped on your pink silk and lace pajama shorts and tank, and then contemplated what to do. You hadn't dared go back into the theatre since you were told about the cameras. You couldn't bring yourself to do it. But you were dying for the popcorn that came from the room, and you needed to watch a movie. You thought for a brief moment and said fuck it. Fear wouldn't hold you back. 

You walked in to the theatre and looked around. There indeed were four cameras in every corner of the room. It felt almost creepy and invasive at this point, but hey, you wouldn't be masturbating in here again. 

You sifted through the selection of films and picked a romantic comedy you hadn't seen yet and settled in to the plush seat with your popcorn and soda. You made sure the baby monitor was turned up as loud as possible. This night wasn't turning out to be so bad after all.

You were lounged back comfortably in your seat as the climax of the movie neared. The movie turned out to be pretty shitty, and you opted to get on your phone instead. You were scrolling on Instagram when suddenly your film was stopped. You shot your head up at the screen. Then you moved your head over to the entrance of the theatre. 

Kylo Ren stood there tall and wide. A shadow in the doorframe. 

"Don't you know not to use your cellphone at the movies?" his deep voice seemed to echo in the empty. 

"Uh, I don't in real theatres," you locked your phone and sat up. You then realized how skimpy your pajamas were. You crossed your arms.

He snickered, "Real theatres?" he walked in and you could see his gorgeous face in the dim light. "This is as real as it gets. 2.4 million I spent on it." He gestured around the room. 

"Well, this movie sucks," you looked away from him, unable to handle the sight. 

Ren looked up at the screen then back at you, "I think I invested in that one." 

He shrugged and then he was moving. You weren't looking at him, but he seemed to be coming very close to you. 

Close to you indeed. You looked to your right, and he was there. He was wearing a loose black t-shirt and black sweatpants. He took the seat to your right. Oh, fuck.

"Why are you sitting there? Why are you even in here?" you turned to face toward the screen again.

"Uh, my theatre. My house," he said. In your peripheral you could see he was staring right at you. 

"Someone could see you in here." 

"My staff is asleep."

"You don't know who could get up and see you in here with me." 

"And it's so strange that I would be communicating with my child's caretaker?" you looked at him, his face absolutely blank. So hard to read. 

You grimaced, "a little strange when she's in lingerie," you gestured to your body. 

Those dark brown eyes darted down, examining your pajamas. "And you choose to wear it so freely in my home. The first night my wife is gone, too. Convenient," his voice was low. It still had the power to melt your core, and it did. You felt heat forming between your legs, and he hadn't even said or done anything sexual. 

"You know I can take whatever I want right," his body shifted toward you. You looked away. 

His huge hand was on your face in an instant. He jerked your face back to meet his gaze. 

"I know you want it. I see the way you look at me, the way you melted in my office. You fucking wanted it. Didn't you?" he said lowly.

His demeanor was so different now. The once expressionless face now exemplified complete fury and determination. Determination to get what he wanted. His tight grip and stinging words made your legs drop from your body and wetness pool in your shorts. You weren't wearing panties. 

Two fingers invaded your mouth suddenly, pushing down on your tongue. He jerked you closer to his face. 

"I asked you a question, did I not," he was mad.

You don't know what came over you, but you nodded. You nodded weakly. 

His shoved his fingers further down your throat eliciting a gag from your mouth. "I know it. I didn't even need your answer." He removed his fingers from your mouth slid them down your chin to your throat, trailing all the to your tits. He grabbed one and squeezed as he got closer to you. Closer than he had ever been. His mouth was at your ear, "I will fucking tear you apart."

You shuddered and leaned back as his teeth found their way to your neck. He bit at you while his hand was at work on your tit. He rolled your hard nipple between his fingers and you let out a soft moan. 

"Don't let anyone hear you," he snapped in your ear. You were really letting this happen. 

His hand dipped under your silky tank top, his fingers finding their way to your nipples. He squeezed and pinched them as he watched your face contort in pleasure. 

"Do you like that, slut?" he whispered.

You nodded.

"Speak," he squeezed your nipple harder, too hard. 

"Yes! Fuck!" you squeaked. 

"Yeah, you do," he smirked, "you forget I know what you like." Suddenly his hand was between your thighs. Long fingers were rubbing up and down over your shorts. 

"So, so wet for me," he breathed out, "is this how you felt when you were rubbing yourself thinking about me?" His hand snaked it way inside the pink fabric and a finger slicked its way up your throbbing pussy. 

You arched your back in pleasure. His rough hands felt so nice on your body. You couldn't believe the sensation. 

"Yes," you sighed in pleasure.

"Yes, what?"

"Y-yes, sir?" you guessed.

"That's right, slut," all at once two rough fingers were rubbing circles on your clit, your wetness slicking the entire area. His free hand snaked around your back and roughly pulled your tank down to reveal your breasts. He massaged one while his fingers were hard at work on your swollen nub. 

"Tell me how you like it. Tell me how it feels," he demanded you as he rubbed furiously.

"I-it's good, sir," you could barely speak. Your eyes rolled back as you bucked your hips forward needing more.

The hand on your tit shot up to your throat and started choking and not lightly. You could still breath, though.

"That's not enough, fucking tell me how it feels," he snarled in your ear, fingers never leaving your wet clit. 

Pleasure was taking over and an orgasm was near, "it feels so fucking good, sir, fuck!"

Pleased with what he had heard, he plunged his fingers into you, his thumb stayed at work on your clit. He began to fuck you, his fingers moving fast and hard in and out of your pussy. You shouted out, but quickly covered your mouth. The familiar feeling of heat in your belly began to rise. It was making it's way down to your clit as you cried out. 

"Sir, I'm...." you were embarrassed. You were continually moaning, though. 

He was laser focused on finger fucking you, "You what? Say it."

"I... I can't," you whined as you rocked your hips in rhythm with his hand.

His hand stopped. "Say. It." 

You were desperate. "Fuck! I'm gonna cum, fuck me!!" you exclaimed. As soon as you said it, fingers were back deep in your pussy and your clit was being annihilated by his thumb. 

Your back arched as your eyes clamped shut. The release in your core was amazing, unlike you had ever had it before. You rode out the intense orgasm on his fingers and panted as you slumped in your seat. "Fuck, dude."

Kylo's sat back in his seat. "On the floor. Knees." 

You looked over at him, "what?" you cocked your head. 

"Don't make me repeat myself. That's a warning. Get on your fucking knees," he pointed to the ground in front of him.

When you hesitated, his massive hand found your hair. He grabbed you by the scalp and pulled you down to the floor. You moaned in pleasure as his hand left your scalp and pulled his sweatpants down, his large girth springing free. It was as glorious as you remembered it. 

You couldn't help yourself. You sprung forward and took it in your mouth. You hollowed your cheeks as you sucked at the head, lowering your head down further to take more of him in. You didn't know if you could take all of him. But he wanted to find out. 

His hands were on either side of your head, and he began forcing your head up and down. His cock reaching your throat with every thrust downward. Tears began welling your eyes, but you absolutely loved being manhandled by him. You moaned with his huge cock down your throat. 

"Fuck," he muttered under his breath. He caught your hair in his hand like a ponytail and began fucking your mouth. 

Your fingers fell to your clit, needing release again as he railed your throat.

"Don't fucking touch yourself," he swatted away your arm, "you fucking cum when I tell you you can," he groaned as saliva pooled in your mouth, escaping from the sides and getting everywhere. 

You tried to lift your head to argue not being able to cum but he kept your head down on his cock. 

He began thrusting sloppily and pulling your hair hard, "fuck. Fuck! I'm gonna cum in that pretty little mouth." 

And as he released a paramount groan, you felt his hot cum shooting down your throat. Your eyes rolled back as you took it, gagging more on him. He looked down at you panting and small sounds still escaping him. His face was euphoric.

He released your hair and you came up for air. You swallowed lungfuls of air while you wiped your mouth and eyes. Your legs were shaky, but you were able to get back on the seat. 

It seemed as if he had already gained his composure, because he was stuffing himself back into his sweats and getting up to leave when you could breathe again. His face as blank as ever.

"Where are you going?" you questioned through labored breath. 

"Bed. I suggest you do the same." He didn't even look at you as he left. 

"What the fuck," you whispered to yourself.

Kylo Ren had gotten what he wanted. And that was how he left the situation? The fuck?

You looked up at the movie screen and sighed. Familiar guilt crept up your legs. What had you done?


	5. Firm Boundaries

You had woken up at 5 AM to the cries of the baby through the baby monitor. You rubbed your eyes and threw the comforter off of yourself. You sat up and stretched your whole body, a slight aching in your knees as you moved. And you remembered. 

Your knees had been hard at work last night for Mr. Ren. 

You put your hands over your eyes and groaned as you shook your head violently. You had done something so bad, so wrong. You dropped your hands and sulked as you looked around the room, looking for your bag. 

When you found it, you threw on a black bra and black lacy panties. You decided to wear a black t-shirt dress, opting for comfort rather than glamor. Since you were just going across the hall to check on the baby, you didn't wear any shoes, your feet pattering against the floor as you left the room and entered Ashton's. 

You would have him all day since Diane was away, so at least you would be preoccupied and not have to think too much about the mistake you had made just a few hours ago. You changed the baby and got him dressed before you headed down to the kitchen to make his bottle. While you made his bottle, you grabbed a banana for yourself. You couldn't make yourself eat much of anything else with guilt filling the bulk of your stomach.

You sat at the bar to feed Ashton with one hand, the other hand feeding yourself. You were enjoying the quiet personal time when none other than Kylo Ren paraded into the kitchen. He was on the phone. 

"And what do they want in return?" venom in his voice. The person replied, and he was not happy about it. "Tell them fucking no. I'll have them ended, I will literally have their company fucking shattered if they ask again."

He was walking briskly past you to sit at the small dining table in the corner. Dusty promptly entered the room, ignoring you, and placed a newspaper on the table in front of him. Then she scurried away quickly. It was clockwork to her. 

"Yeah, well, fuck it. When do I need to be there?" a pause, "Okay." He hung up. You were trying desperately to keep your eyes off of him, even though you could smell his intoxicating smell from across the room. You finished your banana, and shifted Ashton in your arms more comfortably. Ren was furiously sifting through his paper. You were standing to leave when the voice that was just drenched in fury and anger flatly said, "good morning." 

Your eyes met his. His face was apathetic. But he was as gorgeous as ever. "Uh," your face was in somewhat of a grimace, "morning." 

He had left the room like nothing happened last night and he was acting like that now. What a little bitch. 

"You're up earlier than usual," his eyes fell back down onto the newspaper. He kept up with your schedule? He was always gone when you left. Must have been those surveillance cameras. Fuckin' creep. 

"Um, yeah," you gestured to the baby in your arms, "kind of have a job to do here."

All he let out was an unimpressed hmm while he read about the stock market. You were annoyed. 

"Look, it's really fucked up what you did las-" his eyes shot up as he silently shushed you, a long slender finger placed over his lips. 

"I suggest you stop talking. I have no idea what you're talking about," his eyes fell again. 

You were seething. Of course he wouldn't talk about it or admit it. That's what men like him did. 

"Whatever," you rolled your eyes and headed for the door. He didn't stop you and didn't look to see if he was watching you. 

Your day was slow. It mostly consisted of you tending to Ashton and being pissed off at Kylo. Pissed that he had gotten what he wanted, but you were also pissed that you had enjoyed it so much. You had never ever orgasmed like that before. The boys you usually did stuff with didn't even know where the clit was, so you always had to get yourself off. But Kylo knew. Diane was a lucky woman to reap the benefits of his hands and dick every night. But again, he was a cheating piece of shit. How cliche was it that he was the rich, celebrity douche who wanted to fuck his nanny? Really? 

You had to formulate a plan for if he approached you again. You couldn't tell anyone. It crossed your mind to tell Diane, but you didn't know her all that well, and she could have been that type of wife that refuses the believe their husband cheats. But you couldn't have been the first, not after the way Dusty had been treating you, saying she knew how Kylo Ren operated. 

You had decided on simply sitting down with him and having a mature discussion about how it would be best for not only you and him but his child if you two kept it professional. Surely bringing in his child would make him more apt to leave you the fuck alone. You had one good experience with him. That was enough. You could officially anonymously post on that Reddit thread "I Fucked A Celebrity." That was enough.

You were sat in Ashton's room as he took his afternoon nap. 

You had been given a work cellphone that was solely for contact with Diane. Kylo's number was on there, but he never called. It rang in your pocket. 

It was a FaceTime from Diane. With a long groan, you answered. 

You perked, "Hey!" 

"Hey!" she was on a beach with a large sunhat on, "how's it going? How's the baby?"

"It's good, he's good," you pointed the camera to the crib, "napping, of course." You turned the camera back toward you. 

"Good! I am so glad to hear it. I am sorry again that your schedule has taken such a dramatic turn," she cocked her head to the side, "look, be honest with me."

You stiffened in your seat, "Of course, always."

"Has Kylo given you any trouble?"

You froze for a moment, wide eyed. You replied before it seemed like something was wrong. 

"No, not at all, why?"

"I know how he can be... he can be... brash, and I just don't want you to be deterred by that," she looked solemn. 

"Oh, God, no. He's perfectly fine. To be completely honest, we haven't even interacted all that much," you lied. His cock had invaded your throat. 

"Sounds like him..." she looked off camera and then back at you, "alright, alright I have to go. You know to call me if you need me!"

You smiled, "of course, bye, Diane." 

She hung up the phone and you slumped in your chair. It sucked having to lie. 

The next few hours snuck up on you. You had finished all your nightly duties with Ashton, and you found yourself taking yet another bath in your private bathroom. You knew in here at least, you could get some time alone to think. Or really not think at all. You needed to clear your mind. 

But alas, your mind could not be cleared of the image of Kylo Ren. It was all you could think about. You needed to talk to him now. You knew he was home. 

You got out of the bath and put on the most unflattering pajamas you could. You settled on the baggy flannel pants and permanently stained grey t-shirt you saved for the weeks you were on your period and felt gross. Sure he could resist you in this get up. 

You exited your room and looked down the hall. His door was actually closed, but light and faint noise emanated from the crack underneath. You crept down the hall so none of the other staff would hear you. 

You lifted your hand and knocked lightly on the door. 

The door opened to reveal a shirtless Kylo Ren, wearing only black sweatpants. He looked down at you. "Yes?" his voice was a whisper.

Your eyes inadvertently flickered down his exposed torso. You shot them back up to look him in the eyes. 

"I would like to talk to you. In private." You feigned confidence, a hand on your hip.

He stared at you blankly for a moment then breathed out of his nose heavily. 

"Meet me in the den. I'll be there shortly," he muttered and disappeared behind his door. 

You quickly made your way to the den, ready to settle this once and for all. 

He entered the room about 5 minutes after you. And he had put on a t-shirt. That made this a little bit easier. 

You were sat on your favorite chaise lounge in the room, and he sat on the tulip chair across from you. He folded his arms across his wide chest and exhaled. 

"I'm a very busy man, you know. Most people have to call a whole team of people 8 months in advance to get a meeting with me," he said looking around the room, "what do you want?"

You scoffed at the display of arrogance. "I want to set firm boundaries with you. You and I are both adults here, and I think we both know that it would be best for us, and your wife and child if we limited our interactions to strictly professional." You were impressed with how easy you presented your idea, so profesh. And you hadn't even thought about fucking him the whole time. 

Kylo's face was as unreadable as the day you met him. He looked at your for a moment, searching your face. "You don't want that." 

You hadn't expected a counter to your proposal. You just knew bringing the baby into things would make him shut the fuck up, but alas. 

You leaned forward and said through narrowed eyes, "don't tell me what I want. I am a good person, and I am only here to take care of your baby." You emphasized the words. 

He leaned back and uncrossed his arms tilting his head to the side. That raven hair fell to the side with him.

"Last night tells me otherwise," he retorted with ease. "I know you want to do it again. You want more. I just know it." He shrugged apathetically. His voice was singing in your ear, the deep smooth tone giving you goosebumps. He licked his lips as he waited for your response. You couldn't handle that view. 

"And what makes you so sure?" your face was turning red. And not from anger but from the realization he was right. 

"Because," he leaned forward, getting closer to you, "girls like you always want more. Girls who take cock like you...." he leaned back, running a hand through his hair, "they always want more."

You considered his words as they flooded your mind with disgusting thoughts. Thoughts about what you could do to his tight, hard body. You bit your lip without even realizing it. He smirked. 

"I know I am right. You're dying for it right now," his eyes travelled along your body as he spoke, "you know that you didn't come to my door to stop me. You wanted to push me further." 

"That is absolutely not true," you weren't sure he was wrong, but you tried to stay strong. "Why do you even want me?"

His eyes came back up to your face and considered. "Something about you makes me want to break the rules. Whether it's your perfect little body, that mouth, I don't know," he crossed his arms again, "I am compelled by you." 

You sat back in your own seat. You considered his words for a long time. Something horrible and wicked coming over you. 

"So... if I wanted to... do stuff with you, it would remain no strings attached? And it wouldn't get in the way of me doing my job?" you pondered. 

He scoffed, "of course it would be no strings attached. I don't feel in my heart what my cock feels for you." 

"Fucking harsh," you scowled. 

"Only the truth for you," he said with a bored expression. 

"As for my job?"

"Seeing as we can only see each other at night, I see no issue. The child sleeps through the night, so I have heard," he shrugged. 

He really didn't know his own kid all that well. Did this guy even have a soul? 

You looked off to the side as you considered everything. You could spend your nights being pleasured by the literal best looking man in the world, or you could be a good person and not fuck a woman's husband. 

You shook your head violently, "fuck! I can't do it. I can't be a side piece..." you leaned back as you groaned. You wanted to do it so, so badly. Why couldn't Kylo be a single dad? 

Suddenly Kylo was standing. He was right next to you, you were eye level with his crotch. 

"Rub it," he demanded in a quiet, low voice. 

"Um, did you not just hear me, dude? I can't do thi--" 

His hand was wrapped tight around your wrist in an instant. He brought your hand to his already stiffening member and demanded again, "rub it." 

The pressure on your wrist made you whimper. It felt so good to be handled so roughly. You opened your hand and let your fingers explore his hardness over the sweatpants. Kylo let out a low groan, "Good girl." He let your wrist free, and your hand didn't move. You palmed him, rubbing up and down his now fully erect cock. You looked up at him and you shifted to the edge of the seat. He was looking down at you intently, watching your every move. Your fingers wrapped around the waistband of his pants, and you pulled them down just below his crotch. His black boxer briefs were taut from his massive bulge. Your eyes fell from his to his crotch. You leaned forward and licked him over the boxers. Kylo muttered something under his breath as he watched you closely. 

You pulled the waistband of the boxer briefs down, his cock springing out. You wrapped your hand around the base and licked your lips as you examined it. 

"You like what you see," Kylo said in a hushed, raspy voice as he brushed a piece of hair out of your face. 

You nodded quickly, eyes still on his throbbing cock, and then let your hand run up and down its length. He let his head fall back in pleasure, mouth slightly agape. You leaned forward and wrapped your plump lips around the head. You swirled your tongue around it savoring the taste. You slowly took more and more of him into your mouth until his entire length was tickling your throat. 

"Fuck, yeah," Kylo breathed as his hand twisted into your hair, grabbing with force. You moaned with your mouth full and the vibrations made Kylo shudder. 

You began to bob your head up and down his cock, your mouth overflowing with saliva. Kylo was breathing hard and muttering under his breath, trying to keep quiet. 

You looked up at him with your mouth full of his cock, and the sight made him growl. He began bucking his hips violently, fucking your throat and making you gag with every snap of his hips. He pulled your hair harder as his thrusts increased in speed, tears falling from your eyes. The pain in your throat made your pussy throb with wetness. 

"You're such a good girl," he panted lowly, every thrust seemingly going deeper in your mouth. Kylo's thrusts began to get sloppy and you felt that he was about to cum. The twitch in his shaft told you so. But before you had the chance to taste him, he quickly pulled himself from your mouth, spit falling from your mouth to your shirt. 

Kylo was breathing heavily, wide chest rising and falling fast. "Stand." 

You obeyed without hesitation this time. You stood and looked up at the man in anticipation for what came next. 

Kylo's hand removed your baggy t-shirt in one quick instant. You were standing in his den, in front of him exposed. He grabbed your hair at the back of your head and pulled your head back, ducking to catch one of your stiff nipples in his mouth. A sharp gasp escaped your throat as he flicked and sucked at the sensitive spot. His free hand was squeezing the other nipple hard. You moaned a little too loudly and the hand that was in your hair was immediately on your throat. 

"Shut up," he snapped viciously. The pressure on your throat kept you from making noise, but it made your need grow in droves.

He bit your tits and left little marks all over them. Though you were expressing huge moans, they couldn't come out of your throat. 

Both of his hands fell to the waistband of your baggy pajama bottoms, and he jerked them down violently, completely revealing you to him. He looked at your naked body and you saw the wildness in his eyes. He looked like he was going to tear you apart. 

"Hands and knees," he pointed to the chaise lounge behind you. You began to blush. You were starting to feel self conscious, and you would especially be embarrassed on your hands and knees. Your eyes fell to the floor as you hesitated. 

SMACK.

You felt a red hot pain on your ass cheek. He had reached around you and slapped the fuck out of your ass. 

"Oww!" you yelled out. His hand was over your mouth in an instant. 

"I suggest you shut the fuck up, and get on your hands and knees," he snarled in your ear. 

You couldn't take that deep sexy voice. You nodded and got on your hands and knees atop the chaise. 

Kylo was behind you immediately, one knee on the chaise the other leg stabilizing him on the floor. He kneaded your ass cheeks before laying another loud, hard, hot smack on your ass. 

"Fuck," you whined out, the impact making your core feel electric. 

"Tell me what you want," he was preoccupied, staring at your red ass cheeks, caressing the slap marks lightly.

You weren't good at vocalizing during sex. It made you so uncomfortable. 

"Um," you looked behind you then back forward. "I want you to fuck me?" you said it unsure, like a question. 

His hand reared back and moved so fast you swore you could hear the wind it produced as it made impact with your ass. You arched your back and called out, moaning loudly. He seemed not to care this time. 

"Not good enough. Tell me what you want, beg for it," his voice was even, but low.

"I-I need you to fuck, please, sir," you said breathily. Calling him "sir" seemed to please him because a deep moan erupted from his chest. He grabbed his cock and the base and ran it up and down your sopping slit. You gasped at the contact, and pushed your hips further back, inviting him closer. 

"Look at that pretty pussy, so wet for me," he teased the head at your entrance and you whined, needing more, needing him. His hands were on your hips in an instant, and he shoved his hips forward, slamming his length into you. He was so long, so thick you felt like you were being ripped, but it was a good burn. He hissed, as he acclimated to the tightness of your pussy. 

"Fuck," his voice broke, "you are so fucking tight.. so wet..." he began to slowly rock his hips back and forth. 

You bit your lip as he entered and exited your walls. He felt so, so good and you needed more movement. You ground your hips against him, and he stilled you by digging his fingers into your hips. 

"You don't get to be in control," he hissed. At once he grabbed your hair and started violently pumping in and out of you. His thrusts were fast and wild, and he hit your cervix with every pump. Vile moans erupted from your chest as you reveled in the pain of his cock totally tearing your pussy up. 

"Fuck, you feel so fucking good," he said through gritted teeth as his hands made their way back to your ass, gripping the fat as he pounded inside of you. 

"Yes, Sir," you closed your eyes in bliss. His right crept under your body and found your swollen clit. His rough fingers began to rub circles against causing a loud squeak to come from your mouth. 

"Ohmygodfuckthatfeelssogoooood!" you were almost incoherent. 

The loud sounds of skin slapping against skin and Kylo's labored breathing filled the room. You were so close to release. You couldn't take much more.

"Do you wanna cum for your boss, slut?" Kylo panted, voice gruff. 

"Yes, yes, please!" you yelled out. 

The pace of his fingers increased and it seemed as though his dick went even further into you. You howled out as you felt the heat rise in your legs. His hand spanked you hard as he commanded, "cum for me," he hissed at you. 

The pressure built in your legs and made its way to your bundle of nerves, and the release came to you, pleasure taking over your entire body. You let out a string of expletives and moans you rode out the magnificent orgasm. Kylo continued pounding into you and let out his own guttural sounds. He pulled out of you and demanded, "get on your back, now," he practically yelled at you. 

You quickly turned to be positioned on your back looking up at him. He was sweaty, black hair stuck to his red face. He stood over your tits and began furiously jerking his cock. 

"Touch yourself," he barked. 

"It's too sensitive, I can--" 

"Touch yourself, now," he barked with more furor. Your hand shot down to your overstimulated clit and you rubbed. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you let out whimpers. Your eyes returned to Kylo's cock as hot ropes of cum shot from his head to your tits, eliciting moans from you. He groaned and his face contorted in pleasure. He panted as he rode out the rest of his orgasm. You stopped touching yourself, falling limp against the chair. 

And as soon as it had started, it was over. He was shoving himself back into his clothes, and he wiped his hair from his face. Though his face had just been in a state of uncontrollable pleasure, it was now stoic and hard. He looked down at you, looking up and down your sweaty, cum covered body.

"Stay there," he murmured and left the room. You sat up on your elbows wondering where he could possibly be going. 

A minute later he appeared in the room with a small towel. He walked over and gingerly wiped the cum from your chest. He meticulously wiped up the remnants of your rendezvous and inspected your body. 

"Are you okay?" his fingers grazed over the wounds his fingernails had dug into your hipbones. 

You nodded and swallowed thickly. 

"Good," he reached over and grabbed your pajamas. "Here." 

You took the pajamas in silence and got dressed. 

The two of you stood in the silence for a moment. You looked to the ground and he at you. He wiped the hair stuck to your forehead away. 

"Goodnight." he muttered. 

"Night," you looked at him, color rushing to your face. 

He took the soiled towel with him and left the room. 

You sat on your favorite piece of furniture in the room, the chaise lounge. And you thought about what just happened. 

And you thought about how you wanted more of it.


	6. Chapter 6

You were lying in bed, unable to sleep. You didn't know what time it was, but it had been at least a few hours since your encounter with Kylo Ren. Your pussy was still aching from the sheer girth of him. You loved it. 

You played the scene over and over in your head. How calm and collected he was before, how he lost control during, and how he was normal again after. He was a weird man, and he perplexed you to no end. 

But then you thought for the millionth time about the softness he gave you in aftercare. Cleaning you and making sure you were okay after he marked you. It was out of character for him, and it made you more confused than before. You grazed your fingers over your marks, wincing at the touch. They were swollen and raised and they would be there for quite a few days at least. You glanced over at your nightstand, and you tapped your phone. It was 3:30 AM, and seeing as you had to be up at 5, you accepted you were getting no sleep tonight. You sat up and stretched before stepping out of the bed, heading to your sanctuary in this home: your bathtub. You realized you were walking with a slight wobble. Damn. 

You ran the water hot, almost scalding. Your sore pelvic area needed to soak in hot water before you could possibly think about moving about normally for the day, so no one would suspect a thing. You poured in bubble bath deciding to take your time since you had it. You stripped from your pajamas and threw them to the side. There were lots of clothes on the floor. You weren't the most tidy. 

You dipped your foot into the tub and hissed at the heat. It was hot, but nothing you couldn't get used to. You braced yourself and stepped into the bubbly tub, slowly lowering yourself down into the water. You exhaled deeply as you laid back in the spa. It felt good on your lower half. 

You tilted your head back and closed your eyes. The water was embracing your body and making you forget about everything. It was just you and this tub. 

That was until you heard three knocks on your open bathroom door. 

You jolted upward and looked forward to see a fully suited up Kylo Ren. Today his suit was completely black. He looked sleek and put together, as always. A smirk tickled his lips as he saw how scared you had gotten from the sudden noise.

You quickly flung your arms over your breasts, though the bubbles were doing a great job of censoring you from his eyes. But then again, your humility was a fleeting idea seeing as he had just been inside you not seven hours before. 

"Can I help you?" you spat, scowling, totally shocked at the invasion of privacy.

He crossed his arms as he leaned against the doorframe, "Don't be so hostile. It is my bathtub you're in," he said coolly, 

"Didn't anyone ever teach you to ask permission to go in a girls room," you sunk further into the bath trying to obscure yourself. 

"Don't play shy," he gestured to the bathtub.

You rolled your eyes, "Seriously. What do you want?" 

He stepped forward slowly, hands falling into his pockets. He stopped at the foot of the tub and looked down at you. 

He breathed out of his nose as his eyes looked into the bath, seemingly trying to get a glimpse of your body. Your "little whore body," as he had once called it. 

His eyes met yours. "I need you to understand the importance of your keeping your mouth shut about what happens in this home." His voice was flat. "I know you signed several NDAs about talking about what happens in my house, but it's in the best interest of your safety that you don't say a word about what you and I discuss in private." 

Your mouth dropped with a scoff, "As if I want to run around telling the world about what I've done with you." 

His brows raised with a shrug, "good. Don't make that mistake. As for Diane..." he was basically scowling at the word, bitter on his tongue it must have been, "you and I both know she comes home today. For a while at least."

"Yeah..." your eyes fell to the water. You hadn't felt guilty at all, but you felt it coming on. 

"I think it would be best if we kept our interactions to a minimum when she's home." he looked at the floor and shook his head. "You're a messy one, huh?" His eyes fell back on you. 

You cocked your head and your brow furrowed, "that's all fine and good, Mr. Ren," it felt weird calling him that since he had defiled you, "but what makes you assume this will continue?"

He let out a deep chuckle and stepped forward to where he was standing over you to the side of the tub. "You seem to always forget," his arms extended and two fingers caressed the underside of your chin, "I know what you want. Your eyes tell me everything I need to know. The desire for my cock burns in them." His hand dropped to his side. 

You swallowed thickly. He was absolutely right, but you wanted to maintain some of your dignity. He could see right through you. 

Looking up at him through your lashes you whispered, "I know."

His fingers lifted again and traced your lips. "And with that, I'll be seeing you soon."

He stuck a finger in your mouth and you automatically wrapped your lips around it and sucked. He watched you with intense eyes as you tasted him and moved your mouth all around him. His mouth twitched as he slowly pulled it from you. He stood for a moment in silence just examining your face, a certain unfamiliar expression of softness seeming to transform his expression. But then it was gone with a shudder.

"Have a lovely day," he said huskily as he turned on his heel and exited the room. 

You sat in the den on the long sectional couch on the opposite corner from the chaise lounge chair. You couldn't look at it the same anymore. You were thumbing through your phone, and Ashton was lying on the floor getting his tummy time when you heard the clacking of shoes erupting from the hallway. 

Soon enough, Diane entered the room with a big smile on her face. She ran over to pick up Ashton while exclaiming, "my boy!!" 

You smiled as she snuggled the baby and talked to him about her trip. 

"Oh, how I missed this little face," her eyes moved from the baby to you, "well, hello, stranger!" She was so energetic. 

"Hey, Diane," you beamed, "I am so glad you're back."

She sighed, "Only for tonight," she made an exaggerated frown.

"Leaving so soon? I thought it was going to be a couple days," you questioned thinking about how that meant you were going to be alone again with Kylo sooner than you thought which was exhilarating but also terrifying. 

"Yeah, it was supposed to be.." she trailed off as she wiped drool from Ashton's mouth, "but I am kind of a hit, if I am being honest. Booked out like fifteen more gigs." 

"Diane, that is just awesome. I am so happy for you," and you genuinely were. You hadn't see her this happy ever. When you met her she was much, much more reserved. But now she was this wild free spirit throwing crystals on peoples foreheads for money. More power to her. 

"Thank you! I am hoping that on some of these excursions, I could actually bring Ashton and Kylo with me," she sat next to you, Ashton on her lap. "I was actually going to see if Kylo would come with me on this next little trip." She looked at the floor absentmindedly. "He and I don't go many places together, he's always traveling," her eyes snapped back up to you, "but I am hoping since my business is so good, he'll come," she smiled a meek smile. 

You felt sadness for her. Little did she know you were interrupting her marriage behind her back. Doing awful things. And all she longed for was quality time with her husband and baby. Poor thing. 

"Well, that will be great, Diane. I know y'all will have an amazing time," you patted her knee, "where and how long will y'all be out?"

"If Kylo agrees to go, it'll be six days in Boston. He and I got married in Boston," she smiled, looking off into space. "You'll of course have the house to yourself. You'll be free to do whatever. Even if you want to go home to visit family or anything, you're free to do that." 

"Sounds good to me," you moved the hair out of Ashton's face, "I'm glad you'll get some bonding time."

But on the inside you felt a pang of disappointment. You were disappointed that Kylo would be gone and not here, readily available to fuck your brains out. You really had been looking forward to your next encounter. He was like nicotine, you couldn't help yourself. 

Since Diane was home for the night, she spent the entire evening taking care of him. You had essentially spent the rest of your day running small errands, picking up things from the corner store that you needed and tidying up your room since Kylo had made a comment about your cleanliness. It was still pretty early in the night. You were situated in your bed with your door slightly cracked for no particular reason, and you were cuddled up watching the latest episode of your favorite show. You were completely immersed. 

That was until you heard the slam of a door from the down the hall and then heavy footsteps following after. 

"Kylo, please. I am begging you," you heard Diane's sweet voice, but this time it was strained like she had been crying. You heard nothing from Kylo but saw him and Diane zoom by your door, their footsteps being heard going down the stairs. 

"Kylo, please say something. This is completely unfair," she pleaded.

"Oh, my God. I left the room to try to get away from you, can't you take a hint?" he growled back at her. You got up and walked closer to your door to get a better listen. You cursed yourself for being so nosey. There were standing right at the landing of the stairs. 

"You don't have to be so hurtful..." she sniffed, "I don't deserve this treatment, I literally just asked you to go on a goddamn trip with me." Her voice was raising.

"And you just assume that I'll up and leave on a whim," his voice flat this time, classic Kylo, "Don't you know I have a job? Something you wouldn't know anything about. And don't try to convince me again that playing with your little rocks is a 'job.'" His words were so hurtful even you felt the sting. He was a fucking asshole. 

"That is so unnecessary, Kylo. I am the happiest I have been in a while because of the 'rocks.' I assure you that happiness has nothing to do with you and being in your presence," her voice had turned from the sweet tone you knew to a venomous spat. 

"Then why invite me on your little vacation?" he retorted.

"Because I want to fix this! I love you!"

"Sure, Diane. Go to bed. I'm getting the fuck out of here," you heard his heavy steps heading down the stairs. 

The sound that erupted from Diane's throat was chilling, "Fuck you, Kylo Ren. Fuck you." 

She started to storm back to her room. You quickly dodged out of view. 

She slammed her heavy bedroom door. 

You hung your head in sadness and regret. Sadness for Diane. Regret for everything you had done with Kylo. 

You shut your door quietly and then got back in your bed. 

You were only snoozing for about 15 minutes when your phone began to buzz. You groggily looked at the screen to see a text from an unknown number. You opened it.

"Driver outside. Leave out of the exit in the Kitchen. Go now. Don't text back." 

You groaned. He couldn't possibly be booty calling you right after that altercation with Diane. That fucker. You locked your phone and closed your eyes again. 

Your phone buzzed again. Annoyed, you read the message. 

"Now."

"You fucker," you whispered as you sat up. You couldn't say you weren't intrigued. You threw on leggings and t-shirt before quietly sneaking out of the room and down the stairs. 

As you made your way into the kitchen, you stopped in your tracks. Dusty was up and sitting in the kitchen. She looked up at you and pursed her lips and crossed her arms. 

"Oh where oh where you could you be headed off to?" she said with the most sarcasm. 

You grimaced. "I'm going to a friend's house." You were an awful liar. 

"I watched Ren leave like 30 minutes ago. I am not stupid."

You rolled your eyes and threw your hands up, truly unwilling to deal with Dusty's bullshit right now. "I don't give a fuck about Ren. And you should start doing the same concerning me." And you bolted out the side door. You couldn't believe you had just spoken to someone so rudely. 

You darted out the gate to see a black Tesla Model X waiting for you. He must have hired a different driver. Would have been strange for your driver to take you somewhere Ren wanted you at this time of night. Against your better judgement, you entered the car, and off you went. 

The ride was silent, and you couldn't see the driver. As you watched the light of town, you began to notice the familiar terrain of the business district. And then you were pulling into an underground, private garage beneath Ren Tower. As you neared the elevators you noticed a man with that red sigil on his lapel. One of the Associates of Ren. 

The associate opened your door, and offer you a hand. You took it and got out of the car, thanking the driver. 

"This way, ma'am," the suited man gestured to the open elevator. 

You got on and kept your head low. You were embarrassed thinking about what this guy thought of you being called to Kylo's office so late. The ride up the tower was as silent as your car ride. Soon, the familiar bell of the elevator broke the silence, and you exited the cart. Except this time, it wasn't into Kylo's office. 

You were suddenly in a beautifully decorated apartment. It was modern and sleek, and it smelled expensive. You were standing in the living room, and you could see a dining room from where you were. You walked forward and looked at the art that adorned the walls of the apartment. 

You were eyeing a beautiful painting of a naked woman draped across a couch when a voice came from behind you.

"I got that one in Belgium. I knew her," the low voice making you turn around. 

"Uh, that's cool." Kylo was wearing his usual nighttime uniform. Sweats and a forgiving t-shirt that outlined and accentuated every muscle in his torso. You looked around the room and then back to Ren. "So, like. Why did you call me here?" You had to fake like you didn't hear his conversation with Diane. "This doesn't really apply to that whole 'keeping our contact limited when Diane is home' thing."

Kylo started toward the black couch in the center of the room. He plopped down with a deep exhale and looked over to you. He slowly gestured to the spot next to him on the couch, prompting you to sit. You hesitated. 

"What if Diane notices I'm gone?"

"She won't," he sounded bored. 

"But what if?" you put a hand on your hip. 

Kylo's eyes rolled. "Though it won't, if she happens to notice, I'll make sure you were 'seen' at some nightclub on the town. It's a Friday night, so it's believable," his head fell back as he sunk further into the couch, legs widening as he got comfortable. "Now stop talking about my bitch wife and come here." 

You swallowed. "Mr. Ren, I don't know if I can do this again right now, my... body hurts. From last night." 

He lifted his head slightly and looked at you through hooded eyes, a brow raised, and then he let his head fall back again. "Turns out you can't take as much as you thought?"

You got defensive, "uh, yeah, I can take whatever. It's...just been a while. That's all."

"Come. Sit." he demanded with a strong voice this time. Sighing you moved to the couch and sat about three feet from him. If he wasn't inside you, you felt awkward around him. 

"You never answered my question. Why did you call me here?" you crossed your legs and looked at him. He looked tired and brooding. 

"I know you listened to my conversation in the hallway," his head fell to the left, looking at you with dark eyes. You shifted in your seat, looking away from his intoxicating gaze. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," you fumbled with your fingers in your lap, his eyes were directly on you. 

"I saw you. And I heard you move to the door. Why?" he said flatly. 

You dropped your hands to your side. "I felt sorry for Diane." Your voice was barely a whisper, drenched in guilt. 

He turned his back to face upward. "Why do you care about her and her feelings so much?"

You looked at him with a furrowed brow and raised your voice, "Because she is a good person, a great mother, and she doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is by you." You crossed your arms in defense. 

He scoffed, "You don't know her. You can't begin to believe those things, you've know her for less than a month." He let out a sharp, low chuckle, "But even I should know it doesn't take very long for you to get comfortable with someone, huh?" 

"See, it's that kind of unnecessary rude shit that makes me know Diane doesn't deserve your treatment," you turned your body away from him, not wanting to look at him. Because if you did, who knows what you would do. 

He shifted on the couch sitting up, "You know, I let you get away with a lot of disrespectful talk. I am your boss. Isn't it proper etiquette to be respectful to him?" 

You snapped your head at him and spat out, "Isn't it proper etiquette for bosses not to fuck their employees?" 

With a flash in the dim light, Kylo was looming over you, a hand firmly placed on your throat. His knees burrowed into the cushion next to you making your body lean into his. 

"If that smart fucking mouth of yours didn't feel so good around my cock, I would send you back to wherever you came from," he said through gritted teeth. When he heard you yelp through his grip, he tightened it. You tried make a sound but nothing came. The feeling of heat between your legs began to travel up your body, pricking at your cheeks as he drew in closer to you, bringing his pink, plump lips to your ear. "When I let go of your throat you will stand and strip for me. Do you understand?"

When you didn't respond immediately, his grip tightened even further, forcing you to see stars. 

"I said do you understand?" he growled, tongue grazing your ear lobe. You nodded vigorously, as well as you could. 

"Good girl," his hand dropped and he sat back down on the couch. You bit your lip and stood in front of him. You grabbed your other arm, embarrassed to be in front of him. You shifted on your feet not sure where to start. 

"Go on," he said with no emotion. He was eyeing you, watching you so closely. 

You sheepishly took off your shirt and threw it on the ground next to you. His eyes immediately darted to your breasts that were being restrained by a lacy black bra. Your hands snaked down your waist to your hips where you hooked your fingers in the waistband of your leggings and peeled them off, throwing them to the side carelessly. Kylo was now eyeing your red thong, biting his bottom lip. You matched his decor. When your hands made their way to your back to unhook your bra, you noticed the growing bulge in Kylo's lap. It made your core tingle with excitement, but also with pain knowing what was going to happen to it. You released your tits from the bra and they bounced free. Kylo's lips parted in awe as you bravely caressed the flesh of your breasts, giving him something to look at. Your hands went for the waistband of your thong, but Kylo stopped you. 

"Turn around," his fingers in a twirling motion. You obeyed and turned away from him.

You hooked your thumbs into the panties and began slowly pulling them down, bending down the lower you got. You were exposing the most private bits of yourself to a man you had know less than a month but had surely fucked. You couldn't believe this was your life. You peeked between your legs to see Kylo gawking at you, his hand palming the hardness in his pants. You smirked with pride, you were driving him wild. You stood back up, and turned back towards him. 

You stared at Kylo in silence. He continued to rub himself, and he was looking at you in the eyes now. 

"What do you want, Mr. Ren?" a hand on your hip as you asked. 

He cocked his head, considering you. "I want you to lie back on that coffee table and touch yourself." He pointed to the big block of black marble in the middle of the room, directly behind you. You looked behind you and felt your face turn red. You had never, ever done something so personal in front of someone. Sure, he had seen you do it on the camera that one time, but lying the middle of a room while someone just sits there and watches? That was something you really couldn't fathom. 

He could see your hesitation and embarrassment, so he pulled out his cock and began stroking it in huge hand. "I show you mine, show me yours." With the encouragement of his massive cock in your sight, you backed onto the coffee table. The marble was cold against your ass as you brought your feet up onto the table. You spread your legs, and his hand quickened ever so slightly, staring at your wet, glistening core. 

Your hand slowly traveled down your body until it reached your throbbing center. You traced your fingers up and down your slick slit. You settled your middle and ring finger on your clit. You nervously looked down at your hand. You couldn't bring yourself to look at Kylo. You started to rub small circles on your clit, and you bit your lip at the friction. Your pussy was still sore, but the pain was dulled by the sweet sensation of stimulation. You applied firmer pressure and your head tilted back, mouth agape. You heard Kylo's pace speed up, his breath heavy. 

You moved your fingers down your folds and plunged them inside yourself. You were burning for penetration, and your slim fingers were no match for Kylo's monster cock. You moved your digits in and out at a quick pace, eliciting small moans from your mouth. Your legs widened as you fucked yourself, pushing yourself closer to the edge. You pulled your fingers out and moved them back up to your needy clit. You rubbed quick circles, giving yourself the pressure and movement you needed. Your legs were completely spread, and you were holding yourself up on your free hand. Your face was scrunching in pleasure as you let out a string of expletives. 

"Look at me," Kylo demanded. With embarrassment, you raised your head to look at Kylo. 

His eyes were locked on your hand hard at work on yourself. His teeth were gritted as he breathed hot and heavy, his hand pumping furiously up and down his length. The head of his cock was glossy with precum. You groaned at the sight, your hand seemingly moving even faster causing the familiar pressure of climax building in your nub. 

"Fuck--I'm gonna cum," you mewled.

"No," he commanded. "You cum when I'm ready for you to cum." 

Your hand slowed and you whined. He stood up and walked to the opposite side of the coffee so he was standing behind you. 

"Lean your head back," he grabbed your hair at the crown of your head and yanked your head back. You hissed at the pain and rubbed harder into your cunt. 

"Open your mouth, slut," he began jerking his length vigorously over your face. You opened your mouth and inadvertently stuck your tongue out awaiting his load. He shook and spasmed as he gasped and groaned his way to his orgasm, his face twisted into maniacal pleasure as his load shot out over you, hot ropes of cum landing on your face and in your mouth. You closed your eyes, throaty moans coming from your mouth. His hand slowed as the last bits came from his cock. He panting heavily as you closed your mouth to swallow his load. He looked down at you and pulled your hair back even harder. 

"Cum for me," he said through gritted teeth. 

You yelled out in pleasure, "Fuck, KYLO," you didn't realize you had said his first name until it came out. The sound of his named elicited more pulling on your scalp. Your hand worked hard until finally you were overcome with pleasure, your orgasm making every inch of your body shake. You let out pathetic whimpers as you convulsed under Kylo Ren. 

When you finally came to, you leaned back on your hands and tried to catch your breath, breathing heavily, 

Kylo let your hair go and left the room. He returned with a plush white hand towel. 

He kneeled in front of you and you leaned forward. He wiped the remaining cum from your face softly, making sure not to irritate your skin. He placed the towel on the table next to you and then looked at you for a moment. He seemed to be examining every part of your face. You gazed back and took great notice of his lips. They looked so soft. And then you realized you had never kissed him. Maybe that was too personal for him, but god, did you want to. You looked into his dark eyes and saw a wave of emotion and softness. Sadness was prevalent in his eyes, and you wanted to know more. He blinked and then looked upward, realizing he had shown vulnerability.

Kylo stood. He turned and walked toward the kitchen area, bringing the towel with him. 

"The driver is waiting for you. My associate Vicrul will escort you," he called from the other room. "Get dressed, he's on his way." He reentered the room and sat on the couch as he had been before. 

You didn't know why, but you were slightly hurt he was kicking you out. You knew that this was a no strings thing, you had said it yourself. But looking into his eyes, you felt for him. You wanted to be there with for a while longer. But that couldn't and wouldn't happen. Things were purely physical.

You got dressed quickly while Kylo looked out of the large floor to ceiling windows. 

The elevator dinged and opened to reveal the associate who had helped you earlier. 

"I'll see you tomorrow," you muttered. 

Kylo didn't look away from the city scape, "yeah." 

You looked to the floor and boarded the elevator. You felt sad. You wanted to kiss him so bad. 

What was with Kylo Ren? What was his story? Why was he so fucking complicated?

You had to find out.


	7. Not The Best Part Of Town

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There are instances of physical and attempted sexual assault and mention of the word r*pe in this chapter. It's minor and not graphic, but if these things might hurt you, I would suggest skipping out on this one.

You had crept back into your home late last night unnoticed. You were exhausted even though your mind was being torn apart by the mystery that was Kylo Ren. You had realized that though he was the most powerful man in the world, you knew so little about him. But your mind needed rest. Processing all of what you had been doing as of late took a lot out of you.

You awoke to a small knock on your door. You rubbed your eyes and walked over to open the door. It was Diane, her face sunken, tired. You felt a pang of sadness overcome you.

"Diane, I am so sorry. Was I supposed to be up already?" you glanced at the clock in the hall noting it was was 5 AM.

She shook her hands in front of her, "no, no. I was just coming to tell you goodbye. I am headed to the airport."

"Okay, do you need help with anything? Let me go and check on Ashton," you tried to walk past her, but her small hand stopped you.

"No, he's coming with me," she said in a flat tone, her sweet voice gone. You decided to pretend you didn't hear the conversation in the hall from last night.

"Oh? So, Mr. Ren decided to go along with you?" you knew this would be painful for her, but it was better to feign your ignorance.

Her eyes and head fell to the floor. "No. Just me and Ashton."

You placed a hand on her shoulder, "I'm sorry, Diane."

Her eyes met yours, a meek smile on her face, "Don't be. Ashton and I will have a lovely time together. I modified the trip," she sighed, "we will only be gone for a week."

You watched her, the sadness palpable between the two of you.

"But, hey, you get a week to yourself!" she gave you a playful punch on the arm. "Enjoy it. You work so hard for us."

You darted your eyes away from hers, unable to look her in the eyes. "Thanks, Diane."

She let her hands fall to the sides. "Alright. Well. See you soon," she smiled that small smile and was gone. You closed the door behind you and curled back up in your bed. There was no way you could fall back asleep having seen Diane that way. She seemed paler, more grey. And it was so disturbing to hear her voice so monotonous. You grabbed your phone and unlocked it immediately going to the search bar.

"Kylo Ren"

Your screen was bombarded with photos of his gorgeous face. You thought about how you had fucked that beautiful man, and you felt a little cocky. You of all people had fucked "The Sexiest Man Alive."

You scrolled down to click on his Wikipedia. You were desperate for information, hungry to know more about him. You started reading.

"Ren was raised in the upscale neighborhood of Chandrila, New York City, born to humanitarian parents Leia Organa and Han Solo."

You paused. You knew those names. The Solo Foundation. Your school had a fundraiser for it every year when you were growing up. You knew that they helped countries under control of tyranny gain their freedom. They were important people. So he came from money. But it was very hard to believe that he came from such Saints of parents. He was the antithesis of "humanitarian."

"Ren excelled in school, and he began attending Columbia University at the age of 16. He received his Bachelor's in business by 19 and attained his Master's by 21. He founded RenTech before graduating, and the company had reached a worth of one million by its second quarter."

He was apparently very skilled at what he did. You went back down to the "Personal Life" section.

"Ren is a notoriously private man. Little is known about his upbringing and what he does when he is not in the office."

There was an extensive section about his meeting and marrying of Diane. You figured Diane must have been a lot less private than him. Why was he so tight lipped about his life? He was an obvious master at keeping things hidden, considering his affair with you, but this must have been something juicy.

You looked your phone completely unsatisfied with what you found. Every interview was about his work ethic, every article was about his business strategies or what he had worn to the office. You groaned and tucked yourself back under your covers. To your surprise, you did fall back asleep.

When you awoke, it was nearing noon. You certainly hadn't meant to sleep in that much, but at least you didn't have any responsibilities today. Or for the next week. You took off your previous night's outfit and threw on a pretty, lacy pink bra with matching cheeky panties. You were a stickler for matching your underwear since in middle school someone had convinced you that you needed to match at all times because you had no idea when you were going to have sex. Never before had that advice been so relevant to you.

You threw an olive green t-shirt on and tucked it into a black skater skirt. You were feeling frilly and girly today. You sat at your vanity and put forth the effort of putting on a natural face. Even though you were off the clock, you still wanted to feel put together. Or you subconsciously just wanted to look good for when Kylo Ren returned home for the evening. Whatever it was, you felt fantastic, and you wanted to make good use of your day.

You opted to visit your favorite little bookstore. As you left the front door, you noticed a huddle of photographers craning their necks to get a better view of the front door of Ren Mansion. There were usually a few paparazzi around here but never this many. They never caught anything concerning Ren at his home; he had several secret exits that no one would suspect. But these photographers caught you, and their little cameras began to click. You wondered what they gained from getting a photo of you. Was a photo of the household nanny worth anything? You would have to Google yourself later.

You walked into the bookstore, inhaling the familiar smell of old pages. You went to your favorite section: Gothic American Literature. You were absolutely in love with the deep and dark romantic themes of the era, and you never tired of reading them. You loved Nathaniel Hawthorne, your favorite author with no argument. You had read his works numerous times. His poetry was the music that kept you dancing, and his novels were the words of wisdom you needed growing up. You sauntered to the Hawthorne section and plucked The Scarlet Letter from the shelf. His most famous work, you had read the story so many times. But you never got tired of the story of the outcast woman. You empathized with Hester Prynne, the protagonist. You understood her. You plopped down on the rustic chair next to the American Lit section and opened the book to a random page. You knew the book so well you could start just about anywhere. You had opened the book to a page in chapter two. The words popped out at you.

"Here, there was the taint of deepest sin in the most sacred quality of human life, working such effect, that the world was only the darker for this woman's beauty, and the more lost for the infant that she had borne."

It should have come as no surprise that you would have turned to a page that discussed the topic of adultery, but the words haunted you, coming toward as if they were part of a 3D feature. You have related to Hester as an outcast before, but now you related to Hester as a sinner. As a woman who should be adorned with a red A. You slammed the book shut not wanting to see anymore, and you placed it back on the shelf. With a furrowed brow, you escaped to the British lit section, and picked something more neutral to read.

You had spent the better part of two hours reading various books at the store when you decided to leave. You strutted back onto the New York pavement and contemplated what to do. You settled on going to the nearest park. You hadn't been to one in a while, and you really wanted to see some green.

On your trek to the nearest city park, you passed Ren Tower. You wondered if he was up there, just randomly staring at his security footage seeing you walk by. But you realized that he was most likely in a tense meeting about whatever it is he did in that tower. Then you realized that you really don't know exactly what it is RenTech does.

You made it the three blocks down the road from Ren Tower to the luscious green park. It was a nice day, and there weren't that many people around. It was a perfect day for a walk.

You walked into the garden portion of the park, taking in all of the different breeds of flowers. It was so romantic and beautiful and you began to regret that you didn't have someone to experience it all with. You smelled the sweet smells of the pink hibiscuses that surrounded you, and kept moving forward, walking through the maze of hedges and flowers.

When you rounded the corner, you saw an obviously drunken man laid out on the ground. You had lived in New York for a long time at this point, so you weren't scared of a homeless person. Most of them were really kind people, anyway. You tiptoed around him and made your way out of the flower maze. You started walking on the secluded path that gave you great views of the green grass and lush trees surrounding you. You saw a small wooden bench and decided to take a seat there to soak in the scenery all alone, peacefully. You had never seen a park this undisturbed. You reached in your purse and pulled out your phone, pulling up an e-magazine.

You were reading an article about the latest trends in plastic surgery when you heard shuffling in the bushes behind you. You weren't afraid of much, but you were a cautious person, very aware that you were a woman alone in New York City. Unsettled, you got up and started walking down the path to try to make your way to the more populated area of the park. You were walking at a moderate pace when you heard from behind a slurred voice.

"H-hey, lady!"

You glanced over your shoulder to see it was the drunken man from the flower maze. You ignored him and kept walking forward, your pace quickening.

But as your pace quickened, so did his. He was jogging up behind you.

"Lady, you got a fine ass, come here," his voice was slow and sloppy. You were starting to get afraid, because he was right behind you.

His arm outreached and his rough hand gripped your arm hard. He pulled you back, and you violently thrashed to try to get out of his reach. You wanted to scream, but you were absolutely stunned and nothing came out.

In a flash, the man was pulled to the ground from behind. You didn't realize what happened until you fell back yourself, landing on your ass. You looked up to see Kylo Ren standing above the man who was now laid out on the ground. He was fuming, his teeth barred.

"Hey, fucker, what do you think--" the man was attempting to get up when Kylo's foot made impact with his face. The man's face shot the opposite way, blood spewing from his mouth. When the drunk man fell to ground once again, Kylo kicked in him the ribs with a deep growl erupting from his chest. You looked past Ren to see two Associates of Ren running up. Ren must have outrun them. Kylo was rearing back to get in another kick when you finally spoke up.

"Kylo--stop," your voice was dry and shaky.

His eyes shot to you, anger swirling in his irises.

"It's Mr. Ren," he snapped. Embarrassment made your cheeks turn crimson.

"Get this prick," Kylo called back to the two Associates. You noticed two more had shown up as well. How many of these guys were there?

Two of the men walked forward and jerked the drunken man off the ground. They began carrying him off to who knows where. The other two men stood at attention to Kylo about ten feet away.

Kylo watched them tote off the man for a moment, and then his intense eyes fell to you. His large hand was outstretched to you, "Come."

You pitifully looked back up at him, confused as to how he had come to your rescue and hurt that he had snapped at you. You were feeling sensitive. You took his hand, and he pulled you up. He began walking back from which he came, and you followed, your head hung down. The Associates followed you closely.

Your group made it to the street where a black SUV was waiting. There were huddles of photographers circling the car and the furious sounds of cameras clicking and lights flashing gave you a headache. The Associates piled into the back, and you and Kylo took the two main seats. The door closed behind you, and you were on your way. You remained silent for a moment, but then looked over at Kylo.

"Were you following me?"

"Don't talk." His voice was flat like always, but there still laid a tint of anger too. His words almost shaky.

You looked at your lap and obeyed for the rest of the ride.

The SUV pulled into the familiar private underground garage below Ren Tower. This time you noticed it was filled with luxury cars. All black minus one blood red Lamborghini. This must have been where he kept all his personal cars. The garage at the house only had two spots.

Ren exited the car and headed into the already open and waiting elevator and you followed suit. The Associates waited for the next cart. Or so you guessed. They didn't get on with you.

The thirty second ascent to the 57th floor was dead silent. You could only hear the breath coming from Kylo's nose. In the pure silence, your mind started to focus on how bad your arm and ass hurt. That man had grabbed you hard as fuck. The elevator dinged, and Kylo exited into the apartment from the night before. You stepped off and stood there at the entrance, unsure of what to do.

Kylo had marched off with purpose and without a word. You noticed a mirror on the wall to your right, so you stepped in front of it examining your ruined skirt. You examined the backside where you had made your impact. It was ripped and dirty, your pink panties peeking through the small holes. You began to pray that the paparazzi hadn't caught that. Your elbows and the back of your legs had a coat dirt on them from the fall and you sighed. You had felt so cute this morning, and it had started as such a good day. You began to wonder what that man had planned to do to you. As strange as it had been that Kylo was most likely following you, you were extremely grateful.

"Come." You heard his demanding voice call from down the hall. You really didn't want to piss him off any further so you obliged, making your way down the hall.

You turned into the last door on the right entering a beautiful, modern black and white tile bathroom. Kylo was standing by the large tub which was filled with hot water. He had removed his black blazer, and he was only in his tailored trousers and a fitted white button up, three of the buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up. He motioned you forward with two fingers. You walked up to him and looked up at his bleak face.

His hands came down and untucked your shirt from your skirt, pulling it up over you in a swift motion. He tossed it into a nearby basket and then returned his hand to the waistband of your skirt, slowly pulling it down, bending over at your feet as you stepped out of it. He discarded that as well, and then motioned for you to turn around. You did, and his fingers gently unhooked your bra, letting it fall to the ground as your breasts fell free. His fingers ghosted down your spine when finally a palm was rubbing your ass cheek through your panties.

"Are you hurt?" he murmured, gently massaging you where you had fallen.

You nodded and winced. You were already bruised.

His fingers hooked into the waistband and he carefully pulled your panties down to the ground. You stepped out and turned back toward him. His eyes darted to your arm noticing the purpling spot where you had been grabbed. His fingers lightly caressed the flesh and then his hands fell.

"He hurt you. He will be facing consequences," Kylo's eyes were admiring your body as he spoke.

"That's unnecessary.... Mr. Ren. He was just a drunk." Your voice was hushed.

He moved your hair behind your shoulders. "Get in the bath, you need to relax."

You stepped back and lowered yourself into the tub. The hot water felt amazing on your skin.

He walked to the window on the opposite side of the room and looked out at the city.

"You can call me by name when we are alone. We weren't alone earlier," he said dryly.

You didn't respond. Instead you sunk lower into the water. He sighed and turned back to you. He walked over and sat on the vanity stool near the foot of the tub.

You held eye contact with him for a moment, examining those hard to read eyes. You saw something there, but it was only for a flash before he went back to normal. Normal old stoic Kylo.

"So... were you following me?" you finally asked.

He looked off to the side. "I saw you were headed out west. On the cameras." He ran a hand through his hair, "Not the best part of town, you know."

"I mean, that doesn't justify you following me," your eyebrows furrowed.

"And what if I hadn't? You would have been beaten? Kidnapped? Raped?" he snapped at you, face hardening with annoyance and anger, but then coming back to the blank state. "I just didn't want you to get hurt."

Your eyes fell to the water. You really were so relaxed, your muscles completely lax.

You were silent for several minutes while you sat there. Kylo sitting across from you, eyes moving all over the room.

"Thanks." You finally said.

He didn't say a word, but he stood. "Come to the room across the hall when you're done. Take your time."

And he strode out the door, leaving you to think and soak in this beautiful bathtub.


	8. Lay Down

You sat in the tub as it drained, watching the water swirl away into the hole at your feet. You thought about how Kylo had hurt that man, followed to ensure your safety. Though it was an invasion of your privacy, it made you feel safe and wanted. He personally didn't want you to get hurt. He had gotten angry in a way that lead you to believe that he would have actually been upset if you had gotten hurt. You felt a swell of emotion and feeling for him, and you absolutely couldn't allow that.

You stood up and grabbed the towel that sat next to the tub on a posh side table. You towel dried your hair then wrapped the thing around your body. Carefully stepping out of the tub, you got out and walked into the hallway to see the door across from you ajar, waiting for you. It was a bedroom.

You looked around the room. The black walls were sprinkled with fanciful artwork. There was a massive bed, larger than a king, on the far side of the room adjusted against the wall with a perfect view of the city through the large floor to ceiling window that took up an entire wall. This was his personal get away apartment. The place he would go to escape from his home. It must have been a hurtful conversation to have for Diane. You figured the conversation went like, "Hey, I have a personal penthouse apartment to go to when you piss me off, and I will probably invite bitches over to fuck when I am there, so yeah." Probably not, but you couldn't put it past Kylo. He was sitting on the bed, a laptop that he was furiously pounding at in his lap. He was frowning, clearly frustrated with whatever was happening on the computer.

Without looking up at you he said, "I got you some clothes delivered," he quickly pointed to the foot of the bed, a pile of clothes slung across the velvet fabric of his comforter, "make yourself comfortable." His voice had twinges of annoyance flying throughout, but you didn't take it personally. You looked at the clothes on his bed, wondering where they came from. Were they Diane's? Were they from the side piece lost and found he kept here at the Bachelor Pad? You thought that you had too much dignity to wear another woman's clothes, so you were going to ask. But as soon as you opened your mouth....

CRASH

The laptop hit the wall with an impressively loud crash, instantly breaking in half. You shuddered at the impact. He had thrown the item right past you, you had felt the breeze it made as it soared across the room. You snapped your head back at him.

"FUCK!! Fuckfuckfuckfuck!" he was snarling, his teeth bared as he yelled. His loud booming voice caused you to flinch and retract.

He was breathing hard through his nostrils as he looked out the window to the city. You should have been utterly terrified, but something in you made you feel a completely different way. You quietly walked to the opposite side of the bed from him and climbed in. You sat with your legs in front of you and scooted over toward him. There was only about a foot of space between the two of you. You sat uncomfortably in the silence listening to only his breathing. He steadily gazed out the window.

When his breath was noticeably more controlled, you finally opened your mouth, shifting the towel around your body to allow more coverage.

"Do you want to talk about that?" you said in a hushed voice.

His gaze slowly found your face. "Like I would discuss the inner workings of my business with you." His face was bunched up in a scowl as if you had offended him by asking.

"Seriously? I was literally just trying to help you," you scoffed. "Normal people talk about things rather than throwing a three thousand dollar laptop against the wall."

He scoffed back at you while turning his head back to the cityscape, "I'll have another one tomorrow."

You threw yours arms across your chest and huffed. You couldn't believe you had started to feel soft for this dude. You shifted your body to face away from him. You wanted to sulk and be mad, but this bed was way too comfy to leave right away. You sat there silently for what seemed like ages and then you felt the barely there touch of his fingers trace down your arm.

"Do you still hurt?" he said almost to himself.

The touch was electric, the feeling of him on your body even though it was so light, made you excited. You started to feel the known feeling between your legs. You turned back to face him. His brown eyes seemed to show concern as they met with yours.

"I feel fine. I just have a couple bruises," you murmured. His fingers left your arm, and your muscles relaxed.

"Take off the towel and lie on your stomach." He stood and made his way around the bed.

"Why?" you didn't want to give in so easy.

"Just do it," he sighed.

You exhaled and stood on your knees removing the towel and placing it to the side. You lowered yourself on to the plush bed face down and almost moaned in ecstasy at the feeling of the bed beneath you.

"Fuck, did you buy this bed from God?" you groaned.

"Hastens." He was standing next to you. You propped yourself on your elbows and craned your head to look at him.

"It was rhetorical, you know."

"Lay down."

You obeyed, laying your head against the plush pillow, your arms bent underneath.

You could only see Kylo's huge silhouette in your peripheral. You had no clue what he was going to do. You were waiting anxiously to find out when his mammoth hand was on your back. The contact gave you goosebumps and you reveled in the warmth of him. His hand began lightly running up and down your back, the soft touch sending tingles throughout your body. When his nails would graze your skin, a light moan would escape your mouth. He gently drug his hand from between your shoulder blades down to your supple, bruised ass. He rubbed a soft circle on your right cheek and you winced at the dull pain. His hand retreated you craned your neck to look back at him. His eyes looked concerned.

"No, please. Don't stop." you pleaded before laying your head back down.

His hand returned to your ass even more gently this time. He caressed your skin and trailed his fingers down your thighs. The proximity to your already wet core made you want him even more than before. When his middle finger slid up your inner thigh you let out a gasp. He didn't move his hand this time, rather he placed his hand flat on the back of your thigh and massaged it. He then ran his fingers down the back of your leg all the way to your ankle, and brought it back up, teasing the innermost part of your thigh. You opened your legs to invite him for more. You needed more.

He grabbed one thigh and closed your legs. "I don't want to hurt you."

You turned onto your back and looked up at his beautiful face. He looked like he had been chiseled from marble. His black hair was in his face as he looked down at you, eyes moving to look at your exposed breasts.

"I like it when you do," you said sheepishly, red painting your cheeks. "It will make me feel better."

The corner of his mouth was uplifted. This was the closest you had seen to a genuine smile on Kylo's face.

"You're funny." His face fell back to its truest form: stolid. His hand found your thigh again and he ran it all the way up your body to one of your breasts, giving it a light squeeze. The action made your eyes flutter shut.

In a moment of sheer bravery, you grabbed his wrist and directed his hand to your now throbbing center. His hand fell against your mound.

"Please," you whispered, begging eyes looking into his.

He stared into you for a brief moment before two fingers slid up and down your folds. He collected the pooling wetness at your entrance and rubbed it all over your swollen clit. You let a shrill moan leave your lips as you writhed in the feeling of his touch. Your eyes closed in pleasure as he rubbed circles on your pussy sending you into a state of bliss. You bucked your hips trying get more. More pressure, more friction, more of him. His middle and ring fingers slipped down and disappeared into your entrance, his thumb left rubbing your clit. He moved his fingers in motion with your hip movements. A steady stream of moans and expletives left your mouth as you rode his long digits.

You opened your eyes to look down at your cunt being pounded by Kylo's hand. You noticed the huge bulge in Kylo's pants. You licked your lips and ground into his hand even harder. You were in need of him more than ever.

You placed your hand over his prompting him to stop.

"Fuck me," you breathed, looking at his erection.

"No. That's too much," he shook his head and started to finger you again.

"No, no. I want to be fucked by you, I need it, Kylo."

"No. That's the final answer. Stop asking or I won't finish you off." He snapped at you, and you felt angry. You needed this.

He was continuously fucking you with his hand when you blurted out, "Oh, wow. Kylo Ren's too much of a little bitch to fuck a chick with a few bruises? Pathetic."

His eyes met yours, and you could already see the anger boiling in them. He snatched his fingers from your cunt and looked at your through narrowed eyes.

"Don't you ever call me a bitch. Do you know who you are speaking to?" he snarled, his finger pointing at you with menace.

"Someone who is acting like a little bitch," you shrugged sitting up and hanging your legs off the side of the bed. He was staring down at you, his jaw tense. He grabbed you by the jaw, fingers digging into the hollow of your cheeks.

"Someone as dispensable and unimportant as you has no place speaking to me this way," his grip tightened, "Do you hear me, little girl?"

You shifted against the bed, your cunt aching for his cock.

"Yes," you groaned, unable to hide your pleasure.

"No, you will say 'yes, daddy.'" he bit back at you, nails finding their way into your skin.

You absolutely lost it at the words and your thighs opened wide. He stood between them.

"Yes, daddy," you said to the best of your ability. He pushed your head back as he let you go, causing you to fall backward onto the bed.

You propped yourself on your elbows, mouth parted slightly as you watched him. He was unbuckling his belt and hastily unbuttoning and unzipping his trousers. He pulled out his cock and you licked your lips in anticipation.

"Is this what you want, little girl?" he questioned with venom in his tone, stroking his cock.

"Yes, daddy," a wanton moan escaping with your answer.

"Good girl," he said before grabbing you by the legs and jerking you forward. Your lower half was suspended off of the bed, all of your weight being supported by him. He held you by the ass before stuffing himself inside your tight wet cunt. You yelled out in pleasure at the impact. All of him was inside you and you writhed on the bed in absolute bliss. He groaned as his hips clashed against you.

"Do you like it when I shove my cock all the way in your tight little pussy?" Kylo said with broken breath obviously in pleasure.

"Yes, daddy, it feels so good," you whimpered.

And without warning he began pounding into you. His hips snapped furiously against your body emanating a loud smacking noise every time he thrust into you. Your legs wrapped around his body and his fingernails dug into your already bruised ass. You hissed at the pain and his fingers sank in even further. Kylo was panting through gritted teeth as he railed you hard, harder than he ever had before. As he moved in and out of your cunt, you felt that familiar sensation of being torn apart by his girth, and you loved it. Your head fell back as you let yourself go. Loud moans fell from your mouth, as Kylo fucked you good.

"Play with your tits," Kylo demanded, never slowing his pace, hips moving moving fast.

Your hand snaked up the sides of your body, landing on your bouncing breasts. You massaged them and rolled your nipples between your fingers causing you to curse in ecstasy under your breath.

"Fuck--," Kylo's breath was hitched. He liked the sight of you touching yourself.

"Yes, daddy! Fuck!" You called out as he bucked his hips.

To your surprise, his hips began to slow and his grip on your ass tightened.

"I--I'm gonna cum," he panted, his jaw tight. You were surprised he would be finishing first, but with pure confidence you looked him in the eyes.

"Cum for me, daddy," you begged him, letting your tits free to bounce as he came inside of you.

You felt the hot cum shooting inside of you, filling you up. He fell forward, his sweaty face nuzzling into your neck and his hair tickling your face as he breathed hot breath through every shot of cum. His thrusts were sloppy and frantic, pulling in close to you as he rode out the last moments of his orgasm. He laid there on top of you breathing quickly, trying to gain composure. After a moment, you felt his lips against your neck, nipping at your skin as he stood up. He picked up your lower half and put you back on the bed, your head at the pillow and feet at the end of the bed. He walked to the foot of the bed and climbed onto the mattress, raising your legs and placing them on either of his broad shoulders. He was lying on his stomach, his face mere inches from your slit. You started to feel self conscious. It had been a long time since anyone's mouth had been anywhere near your cunt. You moved your thighs closer together, trying to shut them entirely.

Kylo's large hands pried your thighs apart, violently shoving them away from one another.

"Kylo," you wanted an excuse for him to not, "your cum is still down there."

He scoffed, two fingers separating your swollen pussy lips, "I don't give a shit."

And then his face was buried in your cunt, his tongue licking up from your entrance all the way to your clit. You gasped at the sensation, your back arching as his stiffened tongue moved horizontally on your swollen nub. He moved his tongue expertly around you, eliciting sharp squeals and moans. He laid his tongue flat licking up and down, collecting all of the fluids at your entrance including his own cum. Your fingers tangled in his hair pulling lightly to bring him further into your center. His tongue worked hard and fast circles on your clit pushing you closer and closer to the edge. Two fingers found their way inside you and began pumping in and out making your hips buck. Your moved your hips up and down, your cunt riding his tongue and his fingers.

"Fuck, Kylo!," you shrilled. He nibbled on your clit.

"That's not what you say," he spoken against your wet center shooting vibrations to your core. Your legs shook around his head.

"Fuck! Daddy!" you gasped, your hips moving faster.

Kylo made out with your pussy, sucking and licking every bit of you. His plush lips worked their way around you and his fingers didn't cease fucking you. You were going to cum. You felt the pressure building at your bundle of nerves. You pulled his hair tighter.

"Daddy, I'm gonna--" you tried to tell him, but his tongue flicked you just the right way, releasing shock waves through your body. Your eyes clamped shut as he lapped at you through your climax. You screamed. You couldn't help yourself. Loads of wetness washed over Kylo's mouth and fingers. Your hips slowed against him and you fell limp against the bed. Kylo stood on his knees and wiped his mouth gasping for air before falling on the bed next to you.

The two of you laid there silently, gulping in air, trying to come back to your senses. You stared up at the ceiling noting the expert molding. Everything he owned was so expensive and beautiful. He was so beautiful. When you two had caught your breath you turned your head toward him.

"Can I ask you a question?" you eyed him, his face was blank, devoid of any feeling.

"I suppose," he exhaled and turned his head toward you.

"What do you even do?"

"Huh?" his brows furrowed.

"Like, what even is RenTech. I read about in the news and see all this stuff about it, but I have no clue what y'all even do," you said genuinely. A true grin spread across Kylo's face, and he let out a chuckle.

"That's a great question," he looked back up at the ceiling. He sighed, "We started out as computer software company. Sold a software called First Order that all major computer companies bought. Made computers three times as fast." he turned his head back toward you, "We still do that, we just do a lot more now. That's why there's so many floors in this tower. We have about 30 different businesses here."

"That's crazy," you said with wide eyes, "and you started the company when?"

"When I was 19."

"Wow. And you have all this only ten years later." You were in awe. Kylo turned on his side to face you.

"What about you? What's your story?" his face showed genuine curiosity.

You shifted to your side to face him, propping your head up on your hand.

"I moved to New York to go to school. I really wanted to go to NYU for film," you rolled your eyes and sighed as you continued, "but I couldn't get in. So, I had to find a job fast. I only had like a month's worth of rent left when I got rejected. I actually just Googled 'best paying jobs in New York,' and I read about the agency." He was actually listening to you and seemed to be interested. "I applied, immediately got the job, and then boom. 6 years later I'm here," you splayed your arm out gesturing to the room. Kylo smiled. You couldn't get enough of that. He was even more gorgeous with a smile on his face. His hand caressed your waist, moving down the slope of your hip.

"I'm glad you are," his voice a whisper. You smiled back, enjoying his touch and the comfortable silence. Finally you spoke again.

"Can I ask you another question?" you were the one whispering now.

"Yeah," his fingers were tracing circles on your hip.

"What's your family like?" his hand stopped immediately. His whole body tensed. "I mean, I have read about you before, so, like I know who they are. I was just wondering what they're--"

He sat up and got off of the bed quickly. He was hastily tucking his shirt back in, buttoning and zipping his trousers. You sat up, confused at the sudden change in atmosphere.

"Kylo, what--"

"Get out," he commanded. He wasn't facing you. He was looking out that window again.

"What?"

"Get out." His voice was dark and low.

"I'm sorry if I--"

He turned around, a menacing snarl on his face as he barked, "I said get the fuck out."

You flinched at his words, they stung you and pierced you like daggers. With your eyes wide and mouth tightly shut, you stood up and hurriedly threw on the clothes from the end of the bed. He watched you like a hawk, his stare cutting you the entire time. You looked at him one last time before walking out of the room and to the elevator. When you left the room you heard him begin to yell and the sound of glass shattering. You quickly scurried into the elevator, and hit the ground level button.

A tear fell from your eye as you descended confused and afraid.


	9. Never The Same

When you returned to the house, you shot straight to your room. You didn't want to see anyone, talk to anyone, or do anything other than sulk, really. There was zero reason for Kylo to have spoken to you like that, and it really made you upset. You weren't sure why you were letting this unpredictable, emotionally unstable, married man dictate your feelings like this, but alas he was. The two of you were having somewhat of "moment" when he decided to lash out because you asked a simple question. Was he offended you had Googled him? Was he hiding something about his family? There seemed to either be some deep rooted trauma or just anger for digging into his private life. Knowing his personality, it was probably deep rooted trauma. But what could two humanitarian parents do to fuck up a kid? As you had noted before, he seemed to be the opposite of humanitarian. He was a corporate monster who committed adultery. Whatever they did to him, it must have been extreme. 

You were strewn across the large armchair in the corner of your room. The TV was on, but you weren't paying attention. You kept replaying the moment in your head. The tender atmosphere where he was caressing you gently and then the rampant, fire rage filled man that kicked you out of his place. 

You groaned and stood up stretching your arms and yawning. You had actually had quite a hectic day what with the attempted assault, rough fucking, and being yelled at. You looked at your phone and noted it was 7:30. You had just enough time to go down to the kitchen and get some food before he got home. 

When you walked into the kitchen, you saw a woman with milk chocolate brown hair and small framed body hanging up a piece of art of the wall. You were confused as you had never seen her before. 

"Uh," you cleared your throat, "Who are you?"

The girl whipped her head back at you, clearly startled. "Who are you?" she spoke in a British accent. Her face was soft and pretty. 

"I'm the nanny. And you?" your brow was furrowed. Her face softened, and she flashed you a smile. 

"Oh! Lovely! I'm Rey," she walked over and extended her hand. You took it and gave it a shake, "I'm the interior designer for the Rens." 

"Oh, are you here often? I just hadn't seen you before," you told her your name as she dropped your hand and walked back over to the new piece. 

"Not super often. Diane just called me in to do some changes while she was out. Said she needed a 'change of scenery,'" Rey called back to you. You walked to the fridge and began to make a salad. 

"Oh, well, that's cool. Seems like a fun job. How long have you been doing that?" you asked as you assembled your dinner. 

"For the Rens? God, forever. I designed Kylo's first apartment when he was just 17," she explained as she adjusted the painting one last time. Your brow raised at this. This woman had known Kylo for a very long time. Maybe she could give you some answers if you prompted her the right way. She walked over and sat on the bar stool next to you. 

"I need a break," she huffed. "So, how long have you been nannying here? I haven't seen you either."

"It's been a few weeks. Super new," you said as you took a bite. 

"Oh, yeah, super new. I didn't think they would ever get a nanny," Rey said, slightly trailing off at the end of her sentence. 

"Why's that?" you pushed. 

Rey looked like she regretted what she had said. "Uh, just because Diane is such a good mom and all." 

You absolutely called her bluff. "Are you sure that's all," you looked at her through narrow eyes, prodding for the truth. 

"Er, well, Kylo is a very adamant man, and he always seemed to want Diane to stay home. At least that's the impression I got." She looked around the room and the back to you, speaking in a whisper, "Between me and you, I always thought it was because he was embarrassed of her." She shrugged. 

You played dumb. "That can't be true. I read in the tabloids all the time about how they were the 'ultimate power couple,'" you insisted. 

Rey rolled her eyes, "That's what Diane's publicist feeds the media. I'm telling you, they totally hate each other. That man is trouble. He's bad." 

Something in you felt defensive, so you retorted, "Several of his employees have said that to me... if you all hate him so much, why do you keep working for him?" 

Rey let out a laugh, "Same reason you probably stay. The number of zeros on your paycheck, doll. He's loaded. Plus, our families know each other. I've known him for a long time." 

"I think he's fine, he hasn't done anything to make me dislike him," you were essentially lying. 

"Oh, sweetie, if you don't hate him now, you will soon enough," Rey looked at you with sad eyes. 

You looked at your salad for a moment, and then you met eyes with Rey again. "Why is he so...."

"Him? Why is he so him?" She finished your thought. 

"Yeah." 

She scoped the room once again. 

"Like I said, I've known him for a long time. I went to Columbia to study design, and he was like all over the news when he showed up on campus. He was like this child prodigy who had been trained in the art of business by his uncle, but something went horribly wrong. And his parents were those big charity folks, the Solos. That is literally all we knew. And that after that he never spoke to his family again. In school, he was less of an ass, but as soon as he graduated and started RenTech with Harold Snoke, he changed," her voice was hushed. "Then, his died dad that year, too. He was never the same again." 

You looked perplexed, "I thought he started RenTech by himself?" 

"Harold Snoke was his first investor. He owned half the company till he died. It killed Kylo to know that he wasn't in full control for those years that Snoke was around," Rey explained. 

You were inundated with information about Kylo. You were thrilled to have at least something to begin to understand him, and why he would shatter glass at the mention of his family. 

"How did you find all of that out?" you cocked your head. 

"All the rich families in Manhattan know each other's business. My dad was friends with the Solos. Our dads tried to set us up," Rey fake gagged, "can you imagine being married to Ren? I feel for Diane every single day." 

"Yeah," you trailed off letting all of this new information sink into your mind. 

"Well, I got to get going. It was so nice meeting you," Rey smiled. "But, hey," she leaned in close to you, "let's keep all this between us, okay?" 

You nodded and got up to put your bowl in the dishwasher. "No problem." 

She grabbed her bag and was headed out the door. You leaned against the counter on your forearms and pulled out your phone. You scoured Ren's Wikipedia but saw nothing about an uncle. The page didn't even mention Harold Snoke. You typed his name in the search bar.

The image of a lanky and disfigured old man popped up on your screen. His face was uneven, and he looked frail. Every photo was him in a suit, looking powerful though he was so decrepit. You looked at the search results to see an article that was titled, "Snoke: The most merciless man in business." You eagerly clicked on it. 

"Harold Snoke. You know the name and the god awful face. But that god awful face didn't stop him from becoming the most prolific name in the business world, a multi-billionaire, and pretty much the owner (or co-owner) of every business you can think of. Now that he's dead and gone, we will take a look back at who he really was."

You skimmed through the article, trying to find anything to give you some context. 

"Corporate greed was Snoke's game. If there was an opportunity to make money, he was all over it. That's why no one was shocked upon his death to find out he had invested in the selling of illegal military weapons to foreign countries." 

Shit. That was bad. 

"One of his most notable endeavors was his undertaking of Kylo Ren." 

Bingo.

"Snoke saw the 19 year old as an yet another opportunity to make a buck and loaned the youngling a whopping 6 million dollars to start RenTech, a company he co-owned until his death. It's said Snoke taught Ren everything he could about the dirty side of business which makes complete sense seeing as Ren has replaced him as the most prolific man in business. Though it is not confirmed that Ren has done any dirty dealings, it wouldn't be hard to believe he hasn't considering his reputation as a...well, asshole. Not to mention the rumor about RenTech parts being made in China under slave labor." 

You were reading every word when suddenly the familiar sound of Louboutin loafers clacking on the marble made its way into the kitchen. You stood up straight as a needle as he entered the room, shoving your phone into your back pocket. He stood across from you on the opposite side of the counter. He was still in that button up from earlier, and you couldn't avert your eyes from looking at the expanse of his chest in the fitted shirt. His endless eyes looked at you, observing your body. 

"What are you doing?" he said coolly, a stale look on his face. You scrunched your face up in offense, offense that the first thing he would say to you is not 'I'm sorry.' 

You quickly walked to the door that lead to the stairs ignoring him and his question. You didn't want to see him any longer.

He said your name. Your froze. He had never ever called you by your name. The only thing he had called you was slut, so hearing your name roll off his tongue transfixed you. Your focus was on that part of your mind that wanted him. You slowly turned around to face him. Was he going to apologize for his behavior?

He sighed. "Do you still hurt?" 

You shook your head ever so slightly. He was referring to your body, and it truly didn't hurt. But emotionally? You were hurting. You wanted so badly for him to apologize. You wanted so badly for it to be like that moment when the two of you were conversing, and he was smiling. You wanted so badly... him. And it was becoming clear that it would only ever be merciless, meaningless fucking on his terms. You felt so stupid to have let yourself get involved with him. 

You turned back around and made your way to your room. You weren't done sulking for the day, apparently. 

A week went by, and you didn't see Kylo. The next week Diane had returned with Ashton, and she did over night work for several days. Your days were spent doing the usual: running around town, spending your paycheck on junk, and watching movies and TV. Your nights were routine with Ashton, taking care of him and retiring to your room. You couldn't say that you didn't hope Kylo would sneak into your room and demand you to get naked or some shit like that. You missed his touch, his beautiful face, his cock. But you knew that his distance was probably for the better. 

It was midday, and you had decided to chill out in the den with Diane and Ashton. You and Diane were still friends even amongst everything that you had been up to. She was easy to talk to and you found a lot of solace in being her friend. 

The two of you had gotten into a conversation about your upbringings, and it was like night and day. She had grown up in upstate New York in a mega mansion with extremely rich parents. She said she was never impressed by any of it, though, and never wanted to go into the family business. She said she got famous by association, and that's how she ended up in all the magazines and stuff. You followed her up by telling her about your humble life in your small town. Your mom made enough to support you and give you a good childhood, but unlike Diane, you didn't go to boarding school in Switzerland. You explained that your parents had divorced when you were 12 and that you had lived with your mom ever since. Your dad was kind of a loser, and you rarely saw him. 

"I am so sorry that happened to you. It must have been hard," she said sorrowfully. 

Several minutes passed without you or her saying anything. You both silently watched the baby. 

"What was that like for you?" Diane blurted out. 

"What?" you questioned. 

"Being a child of divorce," she shifted her body to face you on the couch. 

"Um," you thought about it, "I mean, I really wasn't a big fan of my dad, but it made me sad. I guess."

She glanced at Ashton then looked back to you, "But, like, were there any lasting emotional traumas or anything super detrimental on you because of the divorce?" Her eyes were big, ready to hear anything you had to say about this topic.

"Not that I can think of?" you really wished you had a better answer to give her. "I just got a little jealous of my friends who had parents who were together sometimes. That's really it."

Was she asking for herself? To see what to expect for Ashton if she left Kylo? Honestly, you wouldn't blame her. 

"Interesting..." she stared off past you clearly contemplating something. There was that silence again. 

She broke the silence again. 

"Did Kylo do something to make you uncomfortable?" she said bluntly, the words ringing in your ear. Your eyes widened as you looked at her. You feigned ignorance quick. 

"What do you mean?" you said a little too quick. 

"I've just noticed these past couple of weeks you have avoided him like the Plague," she shrugged, "You can tell me anything. If there's a problem, I can fix it."

You shook your head and held up your hands, "No, no, no. There's not a problem at all," you tilted your head as you pretended to think about the past couple of weeks, "I guess it just looks that way." 

"I know he's a prick," she said your name solemnly. "If he ever does anything to irk you, let me know," she gave you a weak smile. 

"I will," your voice cracking, but she didn't seem to notice as she was in deep thought again.


	10. Did You Ever?

Another few days came and went without you so much as hearing from Kylo Ren. At this point you just accepted the fact that you and him would probably never speak again much less be intimate again. Your mind seemed to be more and more clear of him with each passing day, thankfully. Diane had left for another week long excursion, so it was just you and Ashton all day, every day for the next six days. 

It was night time, and the baby was long asleep. You had wanted to go on a stroll in your neighborhood, but the events from a few weeks back in the park still had you shaken up to the point where you didn't feel comfortable on the streets anymore. You hated that because you had never ever been that way before. Fuck that drunk man. 

Not being able to go on the walk you so desired, you opted to go to the library. It was a spot you hadn't spent much time in the home, and you wanted to see what kinds of literature your host family was into. You slipped on some shorts and an oversized tshirt and made your way over to the library. 

The wretched housemaid was just finishing up cleaning one of the desks in the room as you walked in. You narrowed your eyes immediately. You had done a pretty good job of avoiding her since you spoke to her last. Sometimes you would walk by her and catch her giving you the evil eye, but the accusations (true accusations) of adultery had stopped. 

Well, at least until then. 

"Well, if it isn't everyone's favorite homewrecker?" she put her hands on her hips as she looked you up and down. 

"You gotta be fucking kidding me, dude?" you sighed, totally not willing to get into it with Dusty. 

"I call it like I see it," she spat. You placed your fingers on your temples a massive pressure building in your head.

"You know, Dusty, even if I were fucking Mr. Ren, it would be on him, too, you realize that right?" you said aggressively, "You can call me names and bitch and complain all you want, but it won't change the fact I took your job. You should be thankful Mr. Ren even kept you on staff. You seem to hate him so much, anyway? Why do you even stay?" Your words fell one after another, unable to censor yourself tonight. 

"You can spew all that shit at me but know my allegiance stays with Mrs. Ren, and I look out for her. I will catch you. I will," she said, lips thin and tight. 

"What the fuck ever, Dusty. Don't you have somewhere to be?" you groaned and walked further into the library. She made a disgusted sound and left the room. You were about fucking done with her shit. But you were a team player, and you never wanted to be problematic on staff, so you would probably just keep your mouth shut. 

You looked at the massive expanse of books totally in awe. You wondered why you had never bothered to come explore this room. It was like an actual library. Everything was categorized and in alphabetical order. It was an absolute dream. You began your trek to find the next best book to read. You opted for a play by Arthur Miller and plopped down into the cozy reading chair in the corner of the room. 

Your eyes began to glaze over as you read the words of the play. You looked at the clock on the wall and realized you had been steadfastly reading for almost two hours. It was midnight. It was probably a good time to retire to your bedroom to get some good sleep. You stood and brought the book back to its rightful place. You yawned and stretched your arms before moving to leave the room. As you were walking to the exit you saw someone sitting in the chair near the door. You looked over to see Kylo Ren clad in black pajama pants and a black tshirt, his fingers intertwined in his lap. He was staring at you with a cold expression on his chiseled face. 

"What do you want?" your tone was venomous. The obvious want to be away from him clear. 

"I haven't seen you recently," he said in his deep and booming voice. 

"Uh, yeah, and I wanted to keep it that way," you snapped. Your tone of voice was making you realize how still hurt you were over his behavior from your last encounter. 

"Why?" he said curtly. 

"Are you fucking serious?" you raised your hands in the air. "You are a smart man, Ren, don't play dumb." 

He tilted his head to the side and his face exuded confusion. He truly didn't know why you would have avoided him for all this time. 

"I don't understand. I took care of you," he questioned. 

"Uh, lest you forget the part where you screamed at me to leave? Threw a fucking glass vase or some shit against the wall because I asked you a question?" you grimaced. 

He stood, an angered frown on his face. He walked toward you quickly, too quick for you to move away. A finger was in your face as he snapped, "You had no right to ask such trivial questions." An obvious look of fear rippled across your face. He grabbed you by the jaw, his fingers pressed into your hot cheeks. "And even after all that I still am compelled to give you my attention. I gave you your space, and I know you couldn't stop thinking about me, so be thankful that something in my head is telling me to even continue to look at you. If I had the willpower, I would have gotten rid of you, you know that? But I couldn't. I can't."

Kylo noted your wide eyes and downturned mouth, and his hand fell to his side, his face softening as he looked you in the eye. 

"Oh, how lucky am I? Thank God you found it in yourself to treat me like a human being, to not fault me for your own trauma," you hissed at him. How fucking narcissistic, to believe you were lucky for him wanting you around. At this point you wished he had fired you. Dealing with your feelings for him, your relationship with Diane, and the scrutiny from Dusty, you wanted it all to be over. "You're a fucked up man, and you don't know how to properly treat people. You treat your own fucking wife like a dog." 

Just as quickly as his face had softened, the fury returned. His chest puffed as if he was about to lay it all out, scream at you. You felt like you had gone a step too far, and he was going to make you pay for it. 

But something else happened. He closed his eyes and took deep breaths. 

He breathed your name calmly. There it was again. He said your name. It felt so foreign but so good to hear it come from him. It made you melt like butter, because it completely humanized him. It was hard to believe he was that: a human. But the velvety way he said your name made you believe it, and it made you yearn for him more than ever before. You were beyond confused as to what to feel for Kylo Ren. 

"I shouldn't have been so short with you. You said yourself, there needs to be firm boundaries here, and my..." he sneered, "family is far out of those boundaries." His fingers brushed a lock of hair behind your ear. 

"I couldn't have known," you said in a quiet voice, eyes falling to the floor. 

"You do now," he exhaled. You kept your eyes low, unable to speak. You didn't want to accept his non-apology. But his proximity made it so difficult. The heat radiating from his body, his intoxicating smell, and his gorgeous, waiting face made it so, so hard. 

He moved in closer to you, backing you into the nearest shelf, your back pressed against it. His knee was between your legs, parting them ever so slightly. He towered over you, his eyes examining your face closely. He leaned down. His voice was deep and low, his lips hovering at your ear, lightly grazing the skin, "I miss being with you." 

The words sent electricity down your spine and his hand fell to the small of your back. Plush lips still at your ear. You were putty in his hand. But you couldn't let this go, not yet. 

"You really scared me, Kylo," you said taking his face in your hand and directing it at yours. 

"I would never hurt you, do you know that?" he said with furrowed brows. Here was that distant gentleness that you longed for. You wanted to believe that, but he had hurt you. Hurt your feelings. When you didn't respond right away, his lips fell to your neck and left soft, wet kisses all over. He kissed from your collarbone all the way to your jaw, and you wanted more than ever for him to kiss you on the lips. But you were afraid to ask for that for fear of the rejection. You let out soft whimpers at his touch, something you had been devoid of for too long. His mouth lifted from your neck, and his deep rich brown eyes looked into yours. 

"Can I take you somewhere?" he whispered. You couldn't say no to him. You nodded in approval. 

He took a step back from you and put his hands on your shoulders, "Do you know how to get to the garage?" 

"Yeah, through the side 'trap' door," you did air quotes. He rolled his eyes. That was what Diane called it. 

"Yeah. I'm going to head down there now. You head down there in 5. Just in case anyone is awake," he said, giving your shoulders a soft squeeze before dropping them. 

"Okay," you said hesitantly, completely unsure where he was going to take you. He turned and left the room, and you stood there waiting. 

You waited six minutes just to slightly disobey Kylo's order. You were still kind of low-key pissed. But you traversed through the rooms to the side door and made your way into the garage. Kylo was sitting in the driver's side of the blood red Lamborghini you had seen parked at RenTower before. You walked to the passenger side and scoffed as the butterfly door opened on its on. It was so ostentatious. But when you sat in the luxurious leather seat, you sank into it. 

As soon as the door shut, he sped onto the street. This neighborhood was pretty empty at night, so there wasn't much traffic at all. When he rounded the corner, flashes of camera started going off, and you gasped, ducking your head below the dash. 

"Oh, my fuck! Kylo! I think they saw me," you had legitimate fear in your voice. 

"Sit up, Jesus. I have a special kind of tint on the windows. They can't see anything," he said condescendingly, as if you should have known. You sat up and looked at him through narrowed eyes. 

"Well, hell. Did you invent that, too?" you asked sarcastically. 

"Yes, I did," he said flatly. What hadn't the man done. 

The two of you sat there silently both in your pajamas driving through the New York streets. After about ten minutes, you saw the entrance to Ren's private garage at RenTower. He was just taking you to his apartment, and you were slightly disappointed. But what did you expect? He couldn't take you out in public. 

He parked, and the two of you exited the car. You got on the elevator and waited for him to press the button. He did, and you began your ascent. 

The doors slid open, and your jaw dropped. It wasn't his office. In front of you was a beautiful terrace leading to an infinity pool looking over the city skyline of New York. The deck was garnished with greenery, and lux deck furniture atop dark hardwood. Edison lights twinkled above the deck and the pool, and the lights of the city were bright and beautiful from above the pool. The deck even housed a bar. It looked like a bar out of the hippest nightclub in town. 

Kylo stepped off of the elevator and walked forward. You followed him walking slowly while absorbing all of the beauty of this terrace. 

He stopped right before he reached the pool, and you stood next to him, your mouth still open in awe. 

"This is incredible," you said with wonderment. Kylo didn't say a word but stared out at the terrain with a blank face. 

"What is this for?" you turned your head to him. 

"The terrace?" he said lowly. You nodded. He wasn't looking at you, but he saw. "I had it built for relaxation. For bad days. I like to swim, and I like the skyline." His eyes still staring out to the vast city. You studied his profile. You had never noticed his sharp features; the point of his long nose, the peak of his chiseled jawline at his chin. He was stunning. Breathtaking. His head turned to you after a steady silence between the two of you. 

"Let's swim," he said suddenly, slipping his shirt off in one quick swipe. 

"I don't have a swimsuit," you shrugged. 

He looked at you with an assuming face. "Yeah, that's like the whole point." 

You watched him as he removed his pajama pants. You had never seen him fully nude, and it was a glorious sight. His long legs were muscular and built, and his ass was tight. His body was perfectly proportionate with his broad build, and you were absolutely astonished a human could look like that. He looked at you and waved his hand at your clothes, gesturing for you to take your clothes off, before he disappeared into the pool. He looked up at you from the water. 

You slid off your shirt and brought your shorts down to your ankle. You were exposed to him in your black underwear, and he was watching closely, eyes devouring your body. You reached behind you and unclasped your bra. The cool air made your nipples go hard. You pulled your panties down, and you heard Kylo make an audible noise of some sort. You stepped into the pool, and you were next to him. 

You swam to the glass wall of the pool that faced the city. You propped yourself against it on your arms and looked out. 

"This must be the ultimate stress relief," you said as Kylo swam up to your side. 

"It's nice," he said, unimpressed. "What were you reading in the library?"

"Arthur Miller," you looked at him, surprised he cared. 

"I like his work. The Crucible was always my favorite."

"Really? I bet you relate to John Proctor," you joked at him. 

"No. John Proctor feels bad about being an adulterer," Kylo said serious as ever. 

You furrowed your brows. "I'm going to ask a question. If you choose to get upset and scream at me, I'm staying in this pool, you can leave instead."

He didn't say anything. 

"Why do you even stay with Diane? Why do either of you stay with each other?"

He looked off into the distance. He didn't seem to be upset. 

"It's extremely complex," he muttered, saying your name. 

You paused. "Do you love her?"

"I think you can answer that," he looked at you with a look that was almost sorrowful. But it was still a stone fence blocking you from knowing what he really felt. 

"Did you ever?" you said softly.

He ignored your query. 

His hands found your waist, and he turned you. Your back was pressing against his chest, and his hand rubbed up and down your sides underneath the cool water. He had you facing the skyline, and you couldn't stop staring. His hand moved up to cup your breasts, and he began massaging them, the pads of his fingers stimulating your nipples. A wanton moan broke from your mouth. 

"What do you think of all this?" his mouth was at your ear, his breath warm against you.

"It's amazing, Kylo," you breathed as his hand steadily worked on your breasts. 

"All that time you weren't speaking to me, I wanted to bring you here," one hand traveled down your tummy, fingers finding their way to your cunt. His fingers teased at your slit, and your head fell back on his shoulder. 

"Why?" you breathed enjoying his teasing touch. 

His finger slipped in and ran up and down your folds. Your back arched, and his finger settled on your clit, rubbing small, slow circles against you. Your ass pushed into him, and you could feel his unmistakable hardness against you. You reached behind you, and wrapped your hand around his engorged cock. 

"To do this," he said throatily, low. 

You pumped your hand up and down on him slowly, a throaty moan reverberating at your ear. He squeezed your tit hard in response and moved his finger faster. Your moved your hips in circles wanting more. Your hand quickened involuntarily on his cock because you felt so good. The cool water and his magic fingers were everything you needed. Suddenly his mouth was on your neck, suckling and nipping at you skin. 

"Fuck, that feels so good," you moaned. He responded with a "hm" against your skin. The vibration felt so nice against you, and his lips moved up, tongue tracing your jaw before sucking and kissing you there. 

He moved his hands back to your waist and turned you toward him, your legs wrapped around him, his hands on your ass. Your back was pressed against the cool glass wall of the pool. Kylo's lips were back on your neck in an instant. Your head fell back as he left small marks all over your. 

His hands snaked up your body, and they found either side of your face. 

He pulled your face back down to face him. You had never been like this with him. Face to face, intimate. His eyes vulnerable. 

Before you could say something to break the silence, his lips met yours. 

The soft pink lips you had longed for were intertwined with your own kissing you hard and deep. His lips moved against yours and you moved yours in sync. It felt amazing and right. His tongue traced your bottom lip, before entering your mouth. His tongue danced with yours, and you moaned against him. You were in absolute shock. 

He pulled away, holding your bottom lip between his teeth as he did so. He grabbed your thighs, and then pushed inside of you.

"Mm--Kylo," you groaned. His lips muted your noise returning to your mouth. 

Bucking his hips in a slow, aggressive rhythm Kylo engulfed your lips. He tasted you, moaned against you. Your hands found his hair and pulled at it gently, grinding your hips against him. His cock stretched you, the feeling outstanding. His lips left your mouth, mewling noise coming from you as his hips quickened. Your cunt throbbed from the sensation, and you pulled his hair harder. He hissed through gritted teeth and pounded into you, moving in and out as fast as he could underneath the water. His mouth found your chest and sucked hard welts into your skin as he made his way down, catching a nipple in his mouth and sucking.

Loud whines came from you, your head hanging off the side of the pool, "Kylo, yesyesyesyes, fuck!" 

His head came up and he looked at you intensely, his mouth parted as he panted from shoving his cock in and out of your wet cunt. 

"Tell me what you want," he panted. 

"I want to cum for you, Kylo, I want to cum all over your cock," you mewled. 

You felt him twitch inside of you, and a groan fell into your neck as he nuzzled his face there. His thrusts were so deep, hitting your cervix with every impact. A hand made its way to your center, fingers rubbing against your clit in quick side to side motions. 

"Cum for me, I want to feel you do it," he said into your skin. 

The words were hot on your neck, and the sensation on your clit made your toes curl. Kylo bit into your neck and your eyes rolled back. You were close. You grabbed the back of his head by his hair and pulled his face to yours, your lips attacking his. You made out with him furiously as your orgasm built in the pit of your stomach. His finger increased the pressure on your center, and his cock went deep inside you. You pulled his face back, your mouth forming a distinct "o." You shut your eyes hard as you screamed out, the release starting in your clit and blowing through your legs. You felt weightless in the water before, but now you felt like you were floating in euphoria. 

He slowed his pace as his arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him. You were slumped over him, body feeling like jelly. He slipped outside of you and walked to the stairs, holding you by the ass and carrying you out of the pool. He sat you on a lounge chair, and walked off to grab a towel.

"Here you go," he handed you the towel, and you dried yourself as best as you could, still in bliss from your orgasm. He stood in front of you drying himself off. He was still hard as a rock. 

You reached out and grabbed his cock pulling him nearer. He came closer, and your lips wrapped around him. You sucked on him as you took him in deeper and deeper, a moan leaving his mouth as he held your hair back in a ponytail. He grabbed it hard, pulling it taut. You took him down your throat, every inch in your mouth. He moved his hips back and forth slowly, looking down at himself disappearing into your mouth every time. You grabbed his thighs and retracted, his dick falling out of your mouth. 

"Will you fuck my throat?" you looked up at him through your eyelashes, speaking quietly, needy. 

He grabbed his cock and shoved it back into your mouth not hesitating to begin slamming his hips back ad forth, his cock sliding down your throat every time. You gagged on him and spit pooled out of your mouth. Your eyes watered as he fucked your mouth relentlessly. His jaw clenched as he groaned, pulling your hair and watching you like a hawk. Your eyes darted up to look at him, and that was it for him. 

"Fuck," he moaned your name, "I'm cumming." His cum shot down your throat, and you took it in desperately, your eyes rolling back at the sensation. His hips bucked with every spurt until he was done. He pulled himself your mouth and you fell back suddenly exhausted. 

Kylo was panting in pleasure as he wiped himself clean with the towel before dropping it on the ground. 

"Sit up," he said through breaths. You obeyed.

He picked you up with ease, and you took the opportunity to go limp against him. You could have fallen asleep in that moment. He carried you into the elevator, and then you two entered his apartment. He carried you down the hall, and then he placed you in that beautiful luxurious bed from the time he went off on you. You sunk into the fabric and hummed in comfort, your eyes closing immediately. You felt yourself drifting off as Kylo placed a soft, plush blanket on top of you. 

"Thanks," you mumbled. You would be asleep at any moment. 

Your eyes fluttered open to see Kylo putting on boxer briefs. He then rounded the bed, and you felt him get in. To your disbelief he laid close to you, his arm pulling you nearer to him, your head resting on his chest. 

You listened to the steady rhythm of his breathing, and then you were gone. Asleep.


	11. Do I Seem To Care?

Your eyes fluttered open at the emerging sunlight. You rubbed your eyes to clear your vision and yawned widely. When your eyes adjusted to the room, you saw the intricate pieces of art on the wall and remembered where you were.

You had slept in Kylo Ren's bed. Well, his private penthouse bed, but his bed, nonetheless. He had laid a blanket on you before getting in the bed and pulled you closer to him. To cuddle. Unbelievable. You turned your head to the left seeing an empty side of the expansive bed. You saw a modern chic clock in the corner that told you it was 11 AM. You had slept hella late, and he must have gone to the office. It was a weekday after all. And then you remembered. Your eyes opened wide, and you gasped.

Ashton. He was all alone at the house, and you were here, sleeping late in your boss's bed.

You shot up and looked around the room frantically. Your eyes settled on a small white note with your name written beautifully across it. You picked it up and turned it over in a frenzy.

"Called in sick for you, the child is taken care of for the day. Take your time. Clothes in the closet."

You sighed a big breath of relief. Your breathing began to steady as you got confirmation Ashton was okay. You were close to an aneurysm.

You fell back on the bed, and you thought about the night before. You thought about how nice it had been. The vulnerability and kindness was unexpected, and honestly, quite strange, but you took it all in. Plus, the sex had been pretty awesome. You had never done it in a pool before. Especially not a multi million dollar pool.

You looked around the expensive and chic room realizing he said you could take your time and do what you want. You stepped off the high bed and sauntered into the bathroom. You were already naked from the night's previous events.

You opted to use the lux shower. Huge with three rainfall shower heads, a built in speaker, and a steamer, you were in absolute heaven. When you stepped out from the shower, you noticed a black, mega soft robe to your right, so you threw it on. It smelled like Kylo. You walked to his vanity, a noticeable lack of feminine products, so you knew Diane didn't frequent this place. You dried your hair and put on a spritz of his cologne. You adored the smell.

The closet was inside the bathroom, so you walked in and were astonished to see it was the size of a boutique store. The closet was stocked with expensive suits from designers that you could never imagine to wear. There was a wall of shoes from equally expensive and luxurious designers. In the middle of the room was a large dresser that housed ties, socks, underwear, all costing way over what ties, socks, and underwear should cost. But draped over the top was a pair of black leggings, a black t-shirt, and your cleaned black underwear from the night before. You wondered where this came from, but you needed clothes, anyway, so you slipped it all on.

Your feet pattered against the floor as you walked down the hall. You walked into the kitchen, and you saw a woman unloading groceries into the fridge. She was a middle aged woman with dark brown hair and olive skin. You gasped at the sight of her. You should have tried to hide, but you gasped, and you gasped loud.

Her head turned toward you. The two of made eye contact, and the room was completely silent.

You were frozen. You absolutely couldn't move. Your eyes were wide, and every single muscle in your body was tensed. The woman standing at the stainless steel refrigerator was as speechless as you.

"Uhh," fell from your mouth completely dumbfounded as to what to do or say. You couldn't play 'I'm the nanny,' because there wasn't a baby in sight, and why would the nanny have any other reason to be emerging from her boss's room at one o'clock in the afternoon. Barefoot, at that.

"Who are you? How did you get in here?" the woman's brows knit together, her face extremely confused. She was scared. She thought you were an intruder.

"I--uh, I'm just..." you stuttered completely shaken. "I-I was just leaving," you looked around the room hoping the Kylo had brought your shoes inside somewhere. Her face bunched up in fear as she pulled out her phone.

When you turned your head back to the woman, she was typing something frantically on her phone. "Security is on the way, you're not going anywhere," she pointed at you, speaking in a panicked voice.

"What? Security?" you started to panic even more. That would be yet another person spotting you casually walking around Kylo Ren's apartment. You started to walk toward her, trying to calm the situation.

"Look, ma'am, this is a--"

"Don't come any closer!" she yelled, shielding herself behind the bags of groceries, as if you were going to hurt her.

Within moments, the elevator pinged, and an Associate of Ren ran into the kitchen, frantically looking for the threat.

"She's there!" screamed the woman, pointing at you. You recognized him as Vicrul. He quickly snapped his head at you, and you instantly saw relief in his face, stern look softening.

"Come with me," he gestured at you. You followed him, unsure if he was actually kicking you out or not. He walked you down the hallway to Ren's room.

"Just sit down, I'm going to call Mr. Ren," he said as he pulled out his phone, hitting the speed dial. You sat down on the side of the bed.

"False alarm, sir. Yes, everything is fine. It was, er," he glanced at you, "your friend. Got it. I will keep her here."

He hung up the phone and looked at you. "He's coming up. Just go with what he says, okay?"

You nodded, and the Associate left the room walking back into the kitchen.

"What did she want? Had she taken anything?" you could hear the woman in the kitchen on the brink of tears. Dramatic.

"There's been a misunderstanding, Mr. Ren is on his way," he said coolly. And soon after that the ding of the elevator pierced the silence. You heard fancy shoes stalk into the kitchen with the rest of them. You listened closely.

"Carmen. Did you seriously call security on my yoga instructor?" you could hear the red hot annoyance in his tone.

"Mr. Ren, I am sorry, I had no way of knowing that she would be here," she pleaded.

"Do you really think that I would be so stupid to let a stranger get access to my domain, Carmen? Use some common sense," he said with venom dripping from his tongue. You kind of felt bad for Carmen.

"No, sir," you could hear that she was hanging her head in shame.

"All of you get out. It's about time for my yoga," he said with condescension.

"The groceri--" she started.

"Out."

You heard the shuffle of the woman and the Associate boarding the elevator. And the fast pace of Kylo's shoes trekking down the hall.

He entered the room and walked to the bed where you sat, punching the mattress with an angry groan.

"FUCK!" he yelled.

"Who was that? Why was she here?" you said, worrisome expression taking over your face.

"She's my grocer, and I forgot she would be here today," he ran a hand through his hair pacing.

"Is everything going to be okay?" you asked, biting your nails.

"Like I would actually let anything happen?" he spat, I have too many people on my side for anything to happen."

"What if she tells Diane?"

"She and Diane don't talk, I don't think they even know each other," he stopped pacing and turned to look at you. His hands were on his hips, the worry from his face steadily leaving. "No one will ever know a thing. I can assure you of that. You need to trust me."

You nodded and looked down at your feet. "Oh. Where are my shoes?"

"I don't know, get some out of the closet," he pulled out his phone and started typing away. "You need to come to my office, anyway." He looked up at you and snapped, "quick, quick."

"Why?"

"Just do as I say."

You walked into his closet finding the few pairs of women's shoes in his closet. They were luckily your size, so you slipped on a pair of black flats. They were Jimmy Choo.

You walked back into the room. "Why do have women's shoes in your closet?"

He sighed, bored by your questions. He looked at you, "My designer assumed my wife would be spending time here, wearing those clothes and those shoes. But look, it's my mistress instead." He was so shameless. But it was kind of hot to be referred to as his mistress. So mysterious. He walked out of the room, and you followed him into the elevator. You descended down to his office, and the two of you entered. You still couldn't believe how pretty the room was. He sat behind his desk and started clacking away at his computer.

"Sit," he pointed to one of the chairs across from his desk without looking up at you. You took a seat and looked around the room. You noticed one of diplomas on the wall, subtly on display in a corner. Upon reading his name, "Kylo Ren," you remembered that his parents were the Solos. Why was his last name Ren? You wouldn't dare ask him, especially not when he was already wired up from someone seeing you. His eyes left the computer screen, and he looked at you.

"So, what do you need me for?" you shrugged.

"I just wanted you to sit there and look pretty," he mocked your shrug.

"Seriously?"

"Clearly not. You can't leave so soon after I just said you were my yoga instructor," he said with an expression of annoyance. His eyes glued back to the screen.

You were silent for a moment.

"Do you or have you ever done yoga? I cant imagine it," you tilted your head, imagining his large body twisting into yoga poses.

"Absolutely not. But that's the only staff member she wouldn't know. Because she doesn't exist," he said nonchalantly, tip tapping away on his computer.

Momentary silence. You shuffled in your seat as you looked at Ren. His face contorting different ways as he typed passionately. He was dressed casually today. An expensive t-shirt and slim, fitted designer jeans hugged his body. You really couldn't help but gawk at him. Especially his lips. You knew what those felt like now, and it was incredible. You couldn't take being quiet any longer.

"So, what are you working on?" you were getting restless just sitting there staring at this man typing.

He heavily sighed, your query clearly bothering him, "email to my partners."

"Sounds boring," you laid back against the chair and let your head fall back, staring at the ceiling, "What do they want?"

He snapped his head at you, and his voice was one of utter intolerance as he barked your name, "Shut the fuck up. I am working."

You sat up and frowned at him. His eyes fells back on the screen and you mumbled, "asshole." He didn't hear you. Or if he did, he didn't react.

You pulled out your phone and thumbed through your various social medias. You noticed that it was nearing five o'clock at this point, and you were ready to leave. Kylo had continuously been at work on his computer.

"Kylo, can I go now? It's been like two hours."

"No."

"Can I go to the apartment and wait then?"

"No."

"Can I--" his eyes met yours, anger boiling in them.

"No! You can't! You can keep that mouth of yours shut. That's what you can do," he bit.

Something about him snapping at you made you excited. Maybe it was how bored you were, but you clenched your thighs together and bit your bottom lip. You thought about keeping your mouth shut and not acting on your urge, but you didn't.

"I know a way you could keep me quiet," you said with innocent eyes. He was looking at you and his face was still showing obvious signs of annoyance, but he didn't say anything.

"Let me get under your desk," you pointed downward. His face softened, but it was still stone cold.

"Come onnnn," you wiggled in your seat, "It will keep me quiet!"

"You should stay quiet because I tell you to. Not because there's a cock in your mouth," he said through narrowed eyes. He breathed heavily through his nose and then leaned back, backing up his chair a little before pointing downward.

You excitedly hopped out of your chair and made your way behind the desk. You stepped in front of him and lowered yourself onto your knees, backing up so you were completely under the desk. He scooted back up, and your fingers worked at his belt.

"Don't make a sound. I'm still working," he warned. You silently nodded as you unbuttoned and unzipped his pants eagerly.

You pulled his hardening cock out from his underwear, licking your lips. Kylo was fast at work on his computer as you massaged him in your hand, moving your hand up and down slowly to get him fully erect. Kylo's breathing was louder, so you knew he liked it even if he was playing hardass.

Once he was completely hard you stuck out your tongue and ran it up his length from the base. You took the head into your mouth and swirled your tongue around it before wrapping your lips around it and sucking, moving your tongue side to side. You pulled him out of your mouth and spat on the head. You rubbed the spit up and down his shaft, lubricating him so you could jerk him off. Kylo's breathing was steadily getting louder with every pump of his cock.

You leaned forward and took him in your mouth again, going down to take all of him inside your throat. You moved your head back up and grabbed his cock opting to suck and jerk him at the same time. You moved your head up and down, taking as much of his hard cock as you could. It took everything in you not to let out your sounds.

Kylo's hand made its way under the desk, and his fingers laced through your hair, pulling it. He wasn't pulling it as hard as he could, but it wasn't gentle, and it set your core on fire. You could feel the wetness coming from yourself. You continued to bob your head up and down enjoying every inch of his massive dick.

Suddenly, Kylo's office phone began to ring. You froze for a moment but decided to keep going. Kylo squeezed your hair harder indicating you should stop, but you absolutely didn't. You kept sucking.

Kylo picked up the phone.

"Make it fast," his voice as demanding and steady as ever, but his legs were shaky. You decided to give him a good deep throat.

"I can--" a long breath as he steadied himself, "I can agree to that."

You gagged on his cock eliciting a small sound, so Kylo yanked your hair. That made you just want to make louder noises.

"Just get it done," he commanded, and then he slammed the phone down. In an instant both of his hands were on either side of your head.

He began thrusting his hips up and down, throat fucking you relentlessly.

"You're a bad girl," he said through gritted teeth, "I was on the phone. You should have stopped, slut."

You reveled in the pleasure and the pain of his cock hitting the back of your throat. Your eyes rolled back as you let out a wanton moan over him, mouth full. He pulled your hair hard.

"Shut the fuck up, do you hear me?" his thrusts somewhat increasing in speed and force.

He was panting and hissing through gritted teeth when a noise jolted him.

Three knocks on the office door made Kylo's face shoot upward. You instinctively pulled back, releasing him from your mouth. You looked up at him for instruction, you were terrified.

He pushed you back to the wall of his desk so you were completely obscured from anyone's view on the other side of the desk.

"Come," he yelled, he was getting his breathing under control while he shoved cock back into his pants. The door opened and you heard footsteps make their way in.

"I have reports for you, Ren," you heard a snide voice say to Kylo. You had never heard anyone call him anything other than Mr. Ren.

"And what makes you think you can show up unannounced to my office, Hux?" Kylo sneered. You sat still and quiet under the desk, completely petrified.

"Well, if it weren't my job to be the one to bear bad news for you, I surely wouldn't be here," the man said back, voice pure with condescension. You saw Kylo's body tense up.

"Go on." Kylo's voice was low, dark. Darker than it had ever been.

"Firstly," the man sat in the seat across from Kylo. He was so close to you. "Your shares in the Lawrence Railway Company have sold." You thought about that name. You had heard it before. "The money will be in your account by midnight."

Kylo's body was tight and completely tense. Whatever conversation was happening, he wasn't happy to have it.

"Secondly, you've been approved to take Snoke's shares in the upper market. They came to an agreement, and since he has no heirs, and you can handle them better than anyone, you get them," the man spoke with such a snide voice about everything.

"Thirdly, the divorce lawyer is here," your jaw dropped and your hand flew over your mouth. Kylo's hand gripped the handle of his chair so hard his knuckles were white, and you could hear the wood cracking. "She's dropping off the initial papers you will have to fill out. Do you want someone to deliver to you today?"

"Someone can leave it in my mailbox when I leave today," Kylo said. You could hear that his jaw was tense.

"She says that your whole plan to sneak attack this divorce and your leaving Diane out of the loop is very unethical, and she is embarrassed to be doing the service," the man said with disgust in his own voice. "You're even pulling your ownership of her family's business, when your ownership is the only thing that keeps them afloat these days. Cold as ice, Ren."

"Do I seem to care?" Kylo was monotonous.

You couldn't believe what you were hearing. He was going to serve divorce papers to Diane, and you were certain you weren't supposed to hear about it. Then you realized where you had heard of the Lawrence Railway Company. That was Diane's family's business. Kylo was pulling his ownership of the business. Or that was what you presumed from what you had heard. You weren't a business woman.

You were hurt. You were hurt for Diane. Although she would be better off without him, you really felt bad for her. She had confided in you how much she just wanted a happy family with Kylo. And she was scared of divorcing him for Ashton's sake. And were you responsible? There was no way he was leaving her for you, but had you ignited the flame in him to leave her? You couldn't help but feel responsible.

"I think it's pretty shitty what you're doing to that poor woman," said the man in the chair. "You could at least give her some warning. Especially before potentially bankrupting her parents."

"I don't believe I asked for your opinion, Hux." There was that dark, monotonous tone.

The man in the chair stood and was walking toward the door. "But what could we all expect from a man trained by Snoke?" The man the left the room and shut the door behind him.

Kylo stood for a moment silently before punching one of his computer monitors as hard as he could, a loud snarl emanating from his chest. You heard the sounds of more crashing as he walked around the room, curses falling from his mouth.

Then there was silence.

You slowly crawled forward, out from under the desk and peered over to Kylo lying on the leather couch in the corner of the room. His breath was heavy and hard.

You stood slowly.

"You're leaving her?" your voice barely a whisper. He didn't say anything. "Why? What about the baby?"

"Don't you say a fucking word about this to her. I will know it was you if she says something. And you will pay the price. It is best for you to keep this to yourself," he was staring at the ceiling. You were horrified that he could be so cold as to not say a word before filing for divorce.

"It's evil what you're doing," you dared to mumble.

"I don't care. Go home."

You gladly obliged. You didn't want to look at him.

You looked at him one last time, disgust on your face and then walked out to board the elevator.


	12. I Like That One

Diane had been pestering Kylo for weeks about needing a nanny. Since he had agreed to let her follow her stupid little dream of rubbing crystals and plants on people, she insisted that a nanny would be needed. Kylo failed to see the need as the live in maid always took care of the child when Diane wasn't home, which was rare. He had made it very clear to her when she found out she was pregnant that she would be responsible for it. He just simply didn't have the time. Not to mention his recent plan to secretly file for divorce. 

But Diane would eventually win the fight. Anything to shut her up. On a rare occasion, Diane got Kylo to sit down with her and search for a nanny. They used this elite agency that all of their colleagues used. The exclusive, password protected website was strange. It listed out the nannies like a dating site: their headshot, their likes, their dislikes, their experience. It was like being on a dating show. Kylo was halfway paying attention as he sat next to Diane at the kitchen counter, scrolling through the potential nannies. 

"This one seems nice," Diane pointed to a young redhead who had never been placed with a family but had impressive credentials. Kylo gave her a "hm" as he sat there completely bored. 

"Gonna need a little bit more input from you, Kylo. This person will be spending, like, nights with our child," she looked at him with a concerned face. "You could at least look at the selection." 

Kylo turned his eyes to the screen not enamored in the slightest. Diane continued scrolling among the list of over qualified names. Kylo pointed to a random girl to feign participation in the conversation. Hopefully that would hurry this process up. He yearned for the days where this wouldn't be his reality anymore. 

"I like that one," Kylo said, his voice dull. Diane beamed.

"Yay! Let's see what she's about," Diane clicked on the profile and began reading aloud about her qualifications, and Kylo was zoning out. That was until he noticed the girl's headshot that followed the current one. Kylo's attention pulled to her picture, her striking features interesting him, pulling him in. She may have been the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on. 

"Wait, wait, not this one. That one," he pulled a random fact from her mini bio to make her sound more qualified than this one, "she's been with a family for 6 years, click on her." 

Diane gladly obliged, clicking on the beautiful girl's profile. Diane was reading about her litany of accomplishments in nannying, but Kylo was focused on her face. He had no clue why she was having this effect on him, but he needed her, he needed to know her. 

"That's the one, you can go ahead and call them," Kylo said keeping his interest in this woman to himself. 

"Fantastic! I am so happy we did this together, Kylo," Diane placed a hand over his. His skin crawled at her touch. 

"Yeah, me too," he lied. Her hand finally moved as she stood to go make the phone call. "Now don't you turn into some cliche and start fucking the nanny, okay!?" She joked as she left the room, throwing her head back in laughter. Kylo's eyes rolled so far back into his head it hurt. He had no intentions of fucking the nanny, but that made him want to. Diane was so annoying. He looked back at the screen, the beautiful girl's face smiling widely. He read her name aloud. 

Her name felt like candy on his tongue, sweet and graceful. 

It was her first day in the house. Kylo had anticipated seeing her in person, but he couldn't let her distract him from his work. He was already trying to get rid of one woman in his life, he really didn't need another. Snoke had always told him women were the detriment to men. However, Snoke had encouraged and virtually coerced Kylo into marrying Diane. It was the worst decision of his life. Diane had clearly married Kylo for his riches and power, and he had married her to invest in her father's company. Snoke knew that Diane's father would only give up his shares of the company if it were to family, so Snoke convinced Kylo it was a good thing. It was a horrible decision, and he had regretted it from the night of their marriage. Diane was simple and stupid. She only wanted him for security to keep living her rich life. Plus, the sex was awful. She only believed in having tantric sex, and Kylo was far from a tantric sex man. That's why it rarely happened between the two of them. Only when he was desperate for a cum. 

So, Kylo had come to the conclusion he would enjoy looking at the girl but nothing more. 

He encountered her for the first time in the kitchen. She was wide eyed and very obviously scared to be around him. When he laid eyes on her, her beautiful symmetrical face, gorgeous hair, her beautiful body, particularly her breasts that showed tasteful cleavage at the top of her shirt, he had felt a twitch in his dick. Her obvious fear was palpable, but her obvious attraction was, too. Kylo tried to be collected, but he couldn't. He had to be nearer. The closer he got, the more he could sense her want. He knew she wanted him, and she wanted to give in, but she was scared off, and he didn't get the reaction he had hoped for. That was for the better. 

He had seen her again in the kitchen, and this time he was shirtless. Her eyes had eaten him up with desire, and he loved every minute. When he got closer again to her, his cock hardened.

He laid in bed awake, achingly horny after the sexual tension he had encountered in the kitchen. He was in dire need of getting off, so he pulled out his phone, opening her file where her pictures were stored. He stared at her headshot, taking in all of her incredible features, and then he flipped to the full body shot, and his hand immediately reached for his hard cock. He tried to jerk off to her pictures, but it didn't give him the satisfaction he needed. She had mentioned she was going to the in house theatre, and he knew it was wrong and voyeuristic, but he couldn't help himself: he turned on the security cameras that were in the theatre onto his TV screen, and what he saw made him audibly groan. He was pleased to see she, too, was touching herself. Her face was contorted in pleasure as she rubbed her pussy, and he knew it was for him. Aside from the sensitive microphones picking up her moaning his name, he just knew this was all for him. And so he wanted to tempt her, leaving his bedroom door open and stroking his cock, baiting her to come to his door and close it. And she did, but she ran away. He had to be more direct. 

Regardless of him not needing the distraction, he was determined to get her. After revealing he saw her in the theatre, she was so close to submitting, but again, she retreated. She was good at that, and at this point, it turned him on. It made him need her more. Her energy was so intoxicating. 

She had succumbed to Kylo with their next interaction. He had made her little body squirm in pleasure as he made her cum hard on his fingers. And then she had taken his cock down her throat so well. She was just the slut that he had always wanted but never had. However, when he touched her he felt something deep inside him he never had before. It was a distant memory of an emotion. He had an idea of what it was, and he repressed it. He couldn't feel that anymore. 

The first time he fucked her, he felt satiated in a way he hadn't since college. Before Diane, the women he had been with would do whatever he wanted in hopes of getting money or something in return, but this girl, she loved being handled like a whore. She expected nothing in return. And it made him feral. To fuck her so freely in the den of his own home that he shared with a wife he didn't love made him feel so powerful. But when it happened, there was that feeling again. The one that he tried so hard to repress. So when he was through, he had to leave the room immediately. 

Then there was the night that Diane had to make a scene in the hallway. She was always begging Kylo to go on these trips with her, but he knew it was just so they could be photographed together so her relevancy would stay high. If she hadn't have thrown such a fit he wouldn't have needed to go to his private apartment to get his fix of his nanny, but alas. He had made it a point not to kiss her, not to give her any kind of tenderness that could imply he felt more for her than her being just a cum bucket. But he could still enjoy carnal visits with her, he believed, without getting any kind of attachment. That night she had masturbated for him, and it was amazing. He had almost forgotten himself when he cleaned her face up for her, but he promptly kicked her out. She couldn't think she was something special. 

Things had been fine until he had seen her on his cameras that day. She was carelessly walking into the part of town that the undesirables frequented, and he had a bad feeling. He should have not cared at all, but the sense he got of her danger bothered him. He had himself driven to follow her, and he got out at the park where she disappeared into a maze of hedges. He had found her just in time to accost the motherfucker who was trying to hurt her. His Associates took the man to a nearby alley and beat the shit out of him before throwing him back on the streets. She was so shaken and injured that Kylo couldn't hold himself back any more. He had to take care of her. And that he did. 

After tenderly caring for her and giving her an amazing fuck, she had gone too far. She asked about his family, and that was the one thing he never talked about. He didn't speak of them to anyone, and the audacity she had in assuming she could made him furious. He hurt her. He hurt with his words, and told her to get the fuck out. Kylo had taken a vow the day he left his home to never contact them again, and he had further distanced himself from his family by changing his name as Snoke had advised him. His birth name of Ben Solo had never seemed menacing enough according to Snoke, so Kylo Ren was born. 

She didn't speak to him for two weeks, and Kylo obliged. He figured the time away would get his mind in the right place, off of her at least. But this proved to be inconsequential. He thought about her constantly. When he was in meetings his mind would drift off and think about her tits in his huge hands or how she yelped when he would pull her hair back. He would think of her lips, how they moved when she talked, when she talked back to him. When he would sit at his desk to research the market, he could only think of how it felt to be deep inside of her cunt, and then how sweet she looked lying in his bed, completely worked out from their sex. How pretty she looked after taking it from him. He couldn't get enough of her, he needed her. But he held back for as long as he could. Diane was around, and they seemed to be getting closer, and Kylo noticed that. It made him sick, especially because the divorce was proceeding and moving fast. 

He had finally had enough, and he needed to see her. He wasn't one to apologize, but he knew he owed her something, and so he gave in to his desires and took her to his pool. He broke his own rules and kissed her. He needed to know what that felt like, and it was amazing. Completely out of his character and letting himself down, he slept with her. He held her close and let himself slip. Instantly regretting his decision, he still found himself somewhat happy. 

Carelessness was not a trait that Kylo regularly took on, but his bliss for her had made him forget that his grocer would be delivering the day that she was waking up in his apartment. It was additional stress that he absolutely didn't need, but it was handled. He would find a way to continue their affair in safe way that kept him focused on himself. Having her in his life for pleasure was a necessity, he believed. 

But it all had to be ruined by punkass Hux. He couldn't have waited for any other time to come talk to him. Kylo acknowledged it was his carelessness that had led her to finding out. On what world would it have been a good idea to have his mistress suck his dick in his own office during operating hours? He felt like a fool, and she was angry. She was livid, and he couldn't understand why. He was more worried about her telling Diane considering their friendship. If she did, everything would be ruined. The whole point of the secrecy was to make the process move faster, so Diane had little time to get her own lawyer, and he could be out of her chains forever. 

Kylo was at a loss. She was so angry with him, but he had bigger things to worry about. 

He laid on his couch staring at the ceiling. He had broken pretty much everything that was made out of ceramic in his office. Shortly after she was gone, he heard someone delivering the papers to his mailbox.


	13. This Is Nothing

You were reeling. You couldn't believe that 1. Kylo was going to leave Diane, especially the way he planned to do it, and 2. that he hadn't mentioned it to you. It really seemed like the type of thing that would come up in conversation between two people in an affair. Not that it would change anything, most likely, but it would have at least subsided your guilt a little bit. And though you betrayed her every time you not only thought about Kylo but also laid hands on him, you truly considered Diane a friend. She was so kind to you, and you couldn't possibly understand why he would have any qualms with her. The waves of guilt you felt were crashing into your mind leaving you with a splitting headache. 

When you had returned to the house, you were greeted by one of Kylo's men. That was who he had called in to take care of the baby for the day. You were positive that Dusty found this suspicious, but you didn't have the emotional strength to deal with her. You avoided her as best you could. You took the baby and performed his nightly duties, putting him to sleep promptly. Your eyes were heavy, and you wanted nothing more than to take a bath and go to bed. 

So, you did take a bath. A nice, long and luxurious where you soaked in the near boiling water. You hadn't noticed how sore your body was from the previous nights' activities until you undressed and relaxed in the water. And it was a constant reminder of him. He invaded your mind. You thought so many things. You thought about how angry you were at him. You thought about how his hard, muscular body felt against yours. You thought about how he was amoral and evil and unkind. But then you thought about how tender and careful he had been with you. Your mind was torn apart with conflicting feelings. You had never been in a real relationship, so you had never felt strong emotions for anyone before. But you were starting to believe that maybe you did feel something for Kylo beyond lust. Along with the guilt that you felt towards Diane, there had always been a twinge of jealousy and disdain. When he was near you or in your line of vision, you heart would beat faster and you would be nervous. A small, dark part of you had been thrilled when you heard that man talk about Kylo's divorce. But you couldn't allow those feelings to come to the forefront. You would only end up hurt. 

After your bath, you dried yourself and crawled into your bed. You didn't bother with clothes, because you didn't have the energy nor the interest in putting them on. You laid in bed unwilling to fall asleep. Kylo's words rang in your head. He had threatened you. He had threatened you after telling you that he would never hurt you. You hadn't even been able to process that yet. You wouldn't dare open your mouth, because of his power. While you had been fucking him on the side, you had forgotten about his social status and who exactly he was, because he was so private. But when you were holding on to his secrets, you were well aware of what he was capable of. It wasn't your place to tell Diane, but part of you did want to tell her. She was your friend after all. You closed your eyes hard and tried to clear your mind. You were on the brink of finally being able to sleep when your phone began to buzz on your night side table. You sighed and leaned over, picking up your phone to see that Kylo had texted you. From his personal number. 

"Come to my room." 

You scoffed and laid your phone back down beside your head, closing your eyes to try to sleep once more. A few minutes later, the buzzing began again. You contemptuously looked at the phone to read another text from him. 

"Please." 

It was almost like reading a foreign language. Seeing Kylo Ren say please was something you could barely fathom. And because he said it to you, you felt a soft spot telling you to go see what he wanted. You did want answers, an explanation as to everything that was going on. You laid your phone down, and shook your head as you got out of the bed. You knew this was a bad idea, but you were an addict to his chaotic behavior. You had also never been in his (and Diane's) bedroom. It seemed so personal. You slipped on your pink silk pajama shorts and the matching lacy camisole. 

You walked down the hall quietly. When you made your way to the door of his room, you lifted your hand to knock, but he opened it before you could. He stood before you in black joggers and black t-shirt. Standard uniform for him at this time of night, but he looked magnificent in it. You had never seen someone make such a simple outfit look so good. You had a frown on your face when you arrived, but as soon as you made eye contact with him, your face softened, completely unable to to focus on how you were feeling about him before. All that you could think of right now was how beautiful he looked in the dim light. He stepped to the side and gestured for you to come in. You hurriedly entered. 

Your eyes studied the red and black room. Just as your room was clad in green, this one was scarlet red and the deepest hue of black. Neon red lights lined the crests of the black marbled walls, and velvet red and black furniture accented the red carpet below your feet. Expensive red drapes covered the windows, and the bed in the middle of the room was a large bed with a black padded headboard. The black silk sheets shimmered under the red lighting of the room. It was beautiful, but it honestly looked like a BDSM lair. 

"This looks like some kind of sex club," you murmured, your head turning to look at every bit of the room. 

"It was the only room I got to decorate," Kylo muttered back. "Sit." 

You turned to glare at him, "I think I am fine standing."

His apathetic face met yours. It seemed like he was about to argue with you, but he just conceded with, "Fine." 

"So what?" you crossed your arms. 

"I want to know that you aren't going to divulge any of what you heard today," he explained, face devoid of emotion. 

You took your time before responding. "Why is it so urgent that I keep my mouth shut, huh?" 

"Is it not obvious? Your indiscretion could ruin my entire plan," his voice rising with vexation. 

"And what's that plan, Kylo?" you put air quotes around plan. "Because from what I am understanding it's real fucked up." 

"I don't have to explain that to you," he paced over to you fast, his body mere inches from your own.

You were starting to get angry, "Oh, fuck off. I think I have a right to know given you have dragged me into your shit, Kylo." 

"I dragged you into this? Are you fucking insane?" he barked at you, face even closer to your own.

"Uhm, yeah!" you were practically yelling, "YOU made the decision to start.... whatever," you gestured with your hand between the two of you, "this is."

"This," he made the same gesture, "is nothing! It never has been and it never will be."

His words stung you in a way that you didn't know they would. 

"Regardless of what you think, you came on to me. You were the one who decided to cheat on your wife. And you apparently chose for me to be here. So, yeah, I think I deserve to be let in on your little secret operation," you jabbed a finger into his chest. He grabbed your wrist and gripped it tightly. 

"You'll tell her, I know you will. I know how guilty you feel around her. You overcompensate in your little 'friendship' with her so you can feel better about yourself," his grip was tightening on your wrist, "And wouldn't the ultimate freedom for yourself be telling her that I was leaving?" 

You tried to jerk your hand back, but you couldn't. "Kylo, I would never tell anyone something so fucking huge! That is not my place, and it is especially not my place in this situation," you were blustering, "Let go of my fucking hand." 

He released your hand, throwing it down. "Fine. Then, yeah, I am leaving her. In a month's time. I'm purposefully telling her with no time to spare, so she will have nothing," he ranted, face still so close to your own. 

"That's evil, Kylo, it's so fucking wrong," your eyes moved from his, that sinister part of yourself feeling joy for him being single. 

"And who are you to judge? What the fuck do you know about the situation?" his voice thunderous. 

Your eyes met his with hot fury blazing in them, "I know enough. I know that that woman wants nothing more than to live a happy life with you and your child. She works so hard as a mother, and she is kind and beautiful, and you treat her like dog shit on the bottom of your shoe." You were essentially squaring up to him, your chest touching him, closing the space between you. 

"And that is where your ignorance shows. That proves to me you know nothing," he snarled your name. "Do you know the part where she married me for money? Or the part where I married her for the business opportunity? How about how she uses my name for her fame? That stupid fucking 'business' of hers is only alive and well because she markets the fuck out of my name" his face was that of angry man, but his eyes seemed to be glassy, watery, hesitant to continue "And above all, do you know that that kid out there isn't mine?" his voice cracked at that. 

"What?" you retreated, you face falling from anger to confusion. 

Kylo looked like he regretted speaking. He felt like he had gone too far. "The math didn't add up. She and I didn't have sex for a very long time, and she was too stupid to realize the timing was off. It's not possible," the seemingly sad look was gone from his face instantly, "and that is why I do not care. I don't care if it's evil, I feel nothing for her nor the child. My plan ends with me on top." He walked away from you, sitting on the end of his bed. He was breathing hard, so clearly stressed and frustrated with everything. The room was still tense but calmer than before. You really just felt sad. 

"Kylo," you breathed, your voice a whisper. You turned and walked to him, standing in front of him. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Useless. I don't care about it," he scoffed. 

"No, I am sorry for not trying to understand where you were coming from," you tilted your head, eyes sad, "I really had no clue."

"Everyone is under her spell. She has that effect."

"You have to tell her you know about Ashton." 

He looked up at you with annoyance, "I don't have to do anything. And you especially can't tell me what I 'need' to do." 

You sighed. "That's fine, Kylo. I'm sorry."

As he always did, his anger subsided quickly, and he sighed as well. 

"Please don't tell her," his eyes were on the floor. 

"I promise I won't." 

You looked at him for a moment while you processed everything that you had just heard. He had entered a loveless marriage with an agenda on both ends. And you could hardly believe that Diane was a cheater, too. You began to wonder if this man had ever properly been loved or properly loved someone else. His emotional immaturity made a lot more sense now. 

"But why waiting till the last second to tell her?" you said barely audible. 

He shrugged. "She doesn't deserve time. Her dad will try to sue, but he can't. I sold my shares of his company. I'll take a big loss, but it's worth it to be free of her bullshit." 

"Okay." You whispered. You stared at him for a moment unsure of what to say or do. You sighed before turning on your heel to silently leave the room. As you were walking out your heard Kylo say your name quietly. You turned back to face him. His face was doing its best to hide his frustration. 

"Will you stay in here tonight?" he said in a hushed tone. 

"Kylo, I shouldn't," your voice quiet. 

"I need you." 

Your face turned red hot. The feeling you so badly needed to repress for him was coming at you full force. His vulnerability and obvious pain drew you into him, and against your better judgment, you felt like you needed to be there for him. You walked back over to him, standing in front of him where he sat on the foot of the bed. You wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pulled him into you, his head resting against your breasts. His large arms wrapped around your waist, and you stroked his hair. He pulled you close to him, tightly. He pulled back slightly and turned his face to look at your chest. He began placing soft kisses on the exposed part of your chest. Each kiss left an electric sensation buzzing through your body. His hands traveled to the sides of your body, snaking underneath your camisole. He grasped your waist as he continued to pepper small, sweet kisses on your exposed décolletage. You let a soft moan escape your lips as you continued to stroke his hair, looking down at his face as he kissed you. 

He looked up at you and his eyes bored into yours, and you noticed the yellow embers that highlighted the darkness of his irises. It was absolutely breathtaking. You leaned in and pressed your lips against his. He responded by bringing his hands to the small of your back, trying to pull you closer but you were already as close as you could get. His lips danced with yours, the softness of his tickling your own. His tongue entered your mouth, and you moved yours in time with his. You were interlocked with him, the passion and fire tangible. His hands slid down to your ass and then to the backs of your thighs. He pulled you onto his lap, his hands sliding back up your back to wrap around your waist. He scooted the two of you backward bringing his back to the headboard of the bed, his lips never leaving yours. 

You pulled back and removed your camisole throwing it to the floor before latching yourself back to his lips. His hand ran up and down your back, the sensation giving you goosebumps. You lightly tugged at his hair. You could feel him hardening beneath you, so you bucked your hips eliciting a moan from Kylo against your lips. 

Your fingers caught the bottom of his t-shirt, and you pulled it over his head. You looked at the expanse of his chest and ran your fingers down it, trailing down his abdomen, the muscles flexing in response. Your fingers trailed to the waistband of his pants, and you stood on your knees as he pulled them down his legs, kicking them off the bed. He was naked, his whole body exposed to you underneath you. His erect cock was twitching against you, you could feel it on your swollen and needy sex. Kylo's hands rubbed up and down the tops of your thighs. 

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my life," he said sheepishly. You had never seen him so nervous to say something. "I've thought that since the day I saw you." 

You responded by crashing your lips against his, continuing the passionate kiss. You ground against his hardness, the friction giving both of you a sensation of ecstasy. You breathed out a groan against his mouth as his hands engulfed your ass, squeezing your cheeks hard. Your hand slithered down his body to grab his length, and you rubbed him up and down in motion with your kisses. You squirmed against him, the pleasure heavy for you. Kylo hooked his hands in the waistband of your silk shorts, and with a growl, he tore them off of your body. You didn't even care your were so engulfed with him. With his scent, his aura, his body, everything about him.

Kylo held you by the hips as he scooted down to lay beneath you. 

"Sit on my face," he purred, squeezing your hips and pulling you forward. 

With his help pulling you upward, your thighs were on either side of his head, your wet, throbbing center hovering above his mouth. He wrapped his arms around your legs and gently licked the innermost part of your thigh, just inches away from your slit. You mewled in response, the sensitive feeling driving you mad. You looked down, watching him. With his eyes closed, he stuck out his tongue and licked a stripe up your cunt. You arched your back in response, drawing your pussy closer to him. His tongue found your clit and licked sensuous patterns firmly against it. Your eyes fluttered shut as you steadied yourself on the headboard. Your hips rocked against his tongue, riding it. He wrapped his lips around your nub and sucked on it making you cry out in satisfaction. His fingernails dug into your thighs as he lapped at your cunt making you release a sob of absolute ecstasy and causing you to buck your hips against his mouth. He was moaning against you releasing wild vibrations through your cunt, driving you insane. Kylo desperately sucked and licked your cunt, making your legs quiver. You were being drawn closer and closer to release. He sucked up all of your wetness, thoroughly enjoying himself. With one more flick of your clit, you knew it was time. 

You began muttering Kylo's name amongst your moans as the electricity built in your center. And with his lips pressed against you, making out with your cunt, the Earth seemed to stop spinning as you came, came hard against his mouth. Your body convulsed as you rode out the earth shattering orgasm. Kylo's mouth slowed against you, and you panted, leaning against the headboard, panting for air. When you had collected yourself, you crawled back down his body and stood on your knees, hovering over his pulsating cock. Kylo hands caressed your hips, his eyes trailing your body. 

"Fuck, you're hot," he rasped. You grabbed his cock and held it steady as you sunk onto his length. Every inch of him invaded you, and you cried out as your walls clenched him. Kylo's hands firmly grasped your hips, his fingertips pressing into your skin as he hissed through gritted teeth. You had to adjust to his girth as always, but it was even more intense from this angle, being on top. You leaned forward, placing your hands on his chest and began rocking your hips back and forth, sputtering mewling noises as you felt him take over you. Kylo's lips parted as he used his strength to give you more force while you moved up and down his cock. He breathily moaned your name as his fingernails dug in further to your sensitive skin causing you to bite your lip at the sharp pain. 

Kylo held you up by the hips and started to ram into you. Bucking his hips from underneath you, he fucked you hard and fast. His teeth were gritted as he panted and purred in pleasure. You couldn't hold back your sounds, releasing a wild scream of passion as he drove into your cunt. The dull ache of him stretching you was barely noticeable as you felt the throbbing of his cock with every snap of his hips. 

"Kylo," you whimpered, "you feel so good inside me." Your hands moved to his bulging biceps, holding yourself up. "I want you to cum inside me, please," you begged him.

This only encouraged Kylo to rail you harder, his hips moving at an ultrafast rate, hips slamming against you hard. Your screams and whines were continuous at this point, and it fed Kylo. Your tits were bouncing wildly and his eyes were glued to them which grew the ferocity of his fucking. 

Kylo's body began to tense up, and his thrusts turned sloppy, slowing as his eyes slammed shut, and grip tightened on your hips. He twitched inside of you as his load erupted, hot cum shooting into you throbbing wet cunt. He groaned as he melted into his orgasm, riding out the bliss that came with every shot of cum. 

Finally he went limp, gulping the air around him to catch his breath. You fell to his side and nuzzled your self under his arm, laying your head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. The arm under you pulled you closer, while his hand tilted your chin upward to look at him. He placed a soft kiss on your forehead, and then one on your lips. You stared at the eyes you liked you so much. 

"Should I go to my room?" your voice a whisper. 

"No. Stay with me," he pleaded. 

"What if someone heard us, Kylo?" your brow furrowed, suddenly aware of loud you had been. 

His finger moved the hair stuck to your face behind your ear, "Honestly? I don't think I care."

You knew that wasn't the case. He was just pussy drunk, and immediately in the morning he would be angry and blame it on you that he was so "weak". He was incapable of feeling anything more for you than being his personal in house fuck toy. After tonight you had confirmed to yourself that he was much more than a pretty face and a good fuck to you. You anticipated the hurt you would feel in the morning. But you pushed that thought to the back of your mind and decided to enjoy his "weakness" for now. It felt so right.

Kylo pulled the comforter over the two of you. He turned to his side, so you did, as well, acting as little spoon. He wrapped his arm around your waist and nuzzled his face into the back of your neck. 

"I wish I could quit you," he mumbled, kissing the skin of the back of your neck. 

"I know," you whispered back, "I know you do."


	14. She Can't Know That

You had surprisingly opened your eyes to the sight of Kylo lying next to you. You had shifted in your sleep to be facing him. He was still slumbering, his face looking the softest it ever had. You had always wondered if this man ever got rest, and it was so good to see him so peaceful, especially after everything he told you the night before. His eyelids were fluttering as he got the rest he so much deserved. You knew that at any moment he would awaken, kick you out of the room, and continue to be the cold man you knew so well. You ran your fingers along his exposed shoulder causing him to stir. He sighed, and his eyes slowly opened. 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you," you said quietly, taking your hand back.

He looked at you with a half smile, "It's okay. I needed to get up anyway." 

"You need rest more than anything," you retorted.

"I'm fine," he propped himself up on his shoulder, "How did you sleep?"

You groaned, "so fucking good. This bed is unbelievably comfortable." 

He chuckled, "I'm glad you like it. You are welcome to it any time," his hand reached out and stroked your hair, moving it behind your shoulders. He was still being kind a caring. What was going on?

"Well, not any time," you argued. 

"When she's not here," his hand slid around your throat. He wasn't squeezing, he just had his hand there. Then he took it back. 

You looked at him for a long moment, staring at him. "Kylo, have you ever been happy?"

He looked back with blank eyes, uninterested in the conversation, "Happiness doesn't matter. Success is what one should strive for." 

You propped yourself up on your elbow to face him on the same level, "that's what someone who has never been happy would say." You pondered for a moment. "Have you ever loved someone?" 

The familiar scowl that indicated his annoyance appeared on his face, "Again, that is irrelevant. That means nothing to me." 

You sighed and looked down at your hands. 

Kylo breathed out before pulling you by the waist to meet his body. You looked up at him, the morning sun highlighting the golden embers in his brown eyes. 

"Will you take a bath with me?" he whispered before laying a soft, plush kiss on your lips. 

You couldn't help but grin and nod eagerly like a little kid. 

You both got out of the bed and walked into the en suite bathroom. The walls and floor were black and white marble, and the sinks were black on the outside and blood red on the interior. There was a huge black jet tub situated in the corner of the sumptuous room. The two of you were both already undressed. Kylo turned on the faucet and water rapidly poured into the jet black tub. 

Kylo got in first, situating himself so you could sit between his legs. The tub was so big you could easily sit next to him, but he wanted you against him. You got into the tub and sat between his legs, your back pressed to his chest. The hot water soothed your ever sore body. You couldn't remember the last time that your body hadn't been sore from being fucked. Soon enough you would have to acclimate to that, right?

The water whirled around the two of you, your head relaxed against his chest. His fingers were stroking your hair, and your eyes were closed. You enjoyed the silence, the only sound audible was the jets of the tub and Kylo's steady breathing. Kylo's fingers fell to your lips, tracing them with the pads of his index fingers, pressing the flesh. 

"I love your lips," he said lowly. 

You smiled. "Why? Because they suck your dick so good?" you joked, mocking his irregularly deep voice.

"That. And because they're so mesmerizing," he place his fingers to the bottom of your chin, tilting your head to look at him. "I love watching you talk." 

Your face was surely flushed with color as you looked at his truly genuine face. "Thank you," you said shyly. 

He leaned in and gave you a sweet, meaningful kiss. At least it felt meaningful. You shifted your head back to look forward. There again was the comfortable silence you had grown to love. 

"Have you ever?" Kylo suddenly muttered. 

"What?" you questioned. 

"Loved." 

You thought for a moment. You weren't entirely sure how to answer the question. 

"Uhh," you hesitated, " I mean, I don't know. I think I thought I loved someone once." 

"How do you think you love someone?"

"Um, it was complicated," your brow furrowed as you thought back, "It was the guy who, uh, took my virginity."

"Virginity is such a stupid concept," Kylo said contemptuously, "go on." 

"Well, he convinced me that he cared for me, I believed him, he fucked me for a while, and I thought I loved him," you said nonchalantly, "That's really all there is to it." You stared down at your feet. "I never really did the whole boyfriend thing again after. Just fucked who ever I wanted and moved on." You felt Kylo tense beneath you. You looked up at him, his face stone. 

You smiled, "You jealous?"

"No," his voice stone, too. 

"It's okay if you don't like to think about it," you were smiling coyly, knowing he was jealous at the thought of you being with anyone else. 

"Think about what exactly?" 

You turned around to face him, sitting across from him. 

"About me. Fucking other men. Like, other guys' dicks being in me," you pointed down to your crotch with a slight smile. 

"I can assure you I have nothing to be jealous of. No one could possibly fuck you like I do," he said confidently, his expression uninterested. 

"What if I told you," your voice dropped to a whisper, "I've been with girls." 

His eyebrow raised, slightly interested. "Have you?" 

"Yeah," you said smugly, "a few." 

"As hot as that may be," he grabbed you by the waist, pulling you on his lap, your legs straddling either side of his thighs, "I couldn't feel less threatened." 

You put on an exaggerated frown, "Come on. It was like a lot of guys. And girls." 

His hands traversed your body, the soapy water falling down your skin.

"I don't care. I like you. Who's been on you or in you means nothing to me," he was barely audible as he looked at your body as if it were a piece of Renaissance era artwork. 

"Are you jealous?" he asked as his eyes examined your body closely. 

"Of you and Diane?," you tilted your head watching his focused face. He nodded. 

"Well, I mean, it seems like you give me more time than you have given her in the past month," you said bluntly. 

"That may be. But what about when you think about what I do to her in bed?" his hands were now cupping your breasts, playing with them. 

Your brows knit together. "I never thought about that. You fuck her?" 

Kylo let out a condescending laugh. "Well, yeah. I'm married to her." 

You pushed his hands off of you, a grimace taking over your expression. "But you hate her."

"But she doesn't know that, and she can't know that. So, when she wants it, I oblige."

Your body was hot with anger. Of course he had sex with her. He was right, they were married. But part of you somehow thought that he stopped when you and him started whatever entanglement you were in. You knew in the back of your mind your anger was totally hypocritical but you couldn't help it. You felt hurt. 

You crossed your arms in defense, trying to hide the fact that your heart was absolutely aching. "So, like, how often?" 

"That's quite personal," he said with defiance in his voice.

"Are you fucking serious? You brought this shit up!"

"Don't start this," he said your name, a warning tone to his voice. 

"Well, you know, Kylo, when you spend all your fucking time talking about how much you hate someone and how you are literally going to secretly leave them, one can only assume that you aren't blowing out their back every night." 

"I can assure you it is not every night," he sneered. 

Your face was one of shock. "That isn't the fucking point, dude!" you threw up your arms in disbelief. You were sick at the thought of his callous hands on anyone else's body, but especially on Diane's. You could have never expected to react like this. 

"Are you fucking any other people, Kylo?" you asked, trying to hide the tremble in your voice. 

Kylo pushed you off of him, not violently but hard enough to get you off of him. He stood and exited the tub as he said, "This is fucking ridiculous. I don't have time for this childishness." 

You stared at him in disbelief, silently from the tub as he hastily dried off. Was he seeing other women, too? You knew that you logically couldn't be shocked. He was a cheater, but you had honestly begun to belief that you were special. You were moments from breaking down. This was your fault, you kept telling yourself. You let yourself get into this situation. 

He was huffing with anger and frustration as he got ready to leave the house. He threw on his suit that was neatly hung from his closet door waiting for him. He turned to you as he neared the door of the bathroom. 

"Clean yourself up, and get to work. I think the kid is up."

And he walked away. 

The week passed quickly. The day Kylo had revealed to you that he was sexually active with people who weren't you, he had summoned you to his room. You didn't want him to know the extent to which you were hurting so you did it. You went to his room several nights and acted like nothing had ever been said between the two of you. You didn't sleep with him, and he didn't extend that offer again, but you gave him what you could: meaningless fucking. Or at least you convinced yourself what that was. The sex was completely unlike it had been the past few times. It was rough and senseless. You didn't mind the roughness, but the lack of passion and feeling was perturbing. 

And Diane returned. She had come back from her excursion and would be home for a few days. You didn't want to look at her, and you knew you were awful for that. But seeing her was a constant reminder of what was killing you. A constant reminder of what you could never have. Something you never even thought that you wanted. But how stupid could it have been to think that exclusivity of any kind was possible with Kylo. You had to feign being okay around Diane, so that included hanging out with her during the day. 

You and Diane were sitting in the baby's room watching him while he played on the floor. Diane seemed a lot happier than she was the last time you had seen her. 

"So, what's new?" Diane asked, big smile on her face. 

"Oh, nothing at all. Just doing my job," you said as you watch Ashton fiddle with some mobile type toy. 

"You're still liking it here?" she tilted her head in wonderment. 

You nodded quickly, "Oh, yes. It is literally the best job anyone could ask for, and I am still so thankful to you." Your eyes fluttered across her body. You noted her noticeably flat chest and found yourself thinking that you had better breasts. You noticed her thin lips, and your mind flashed the memory of Kylo kissing your own and telling you about how much he loved your own. It was very much unlike you to compare yourself to other women and judge them, but you just couldn't help yourself. 

"That makes me so, so happy," she said your name, "you have no clue what you have done for me. Your being around here has given me so much time to really think about myself, and I have been able to do something I love." Her face fell as she continued, "If I can be honest with you, I haven't been as happy as I am now in years. Like a long time." 

You wanted to vomit. You could barely take her voice. "Oh, yeah?" 

"Yes," her eyes lifted to meet yours, "Every time I leave to go on a new mission, I learn something else about myself. I am really going through a personal metamorphosis to becoming my best self." 

"I love that, Diane, I really do," you lied. 

"That brings me to this. And I don't want to have this conversation, but I feel like I must get it out of the way," she folded her hands in her lap, her face seemingly genuine. 

You looked at her in confusion. 

"Dusty, you know Dusty," as the words left her mouth, you literally felt like you were going to vomit. 

"Yeah," you did your best to act cool, but you knew that you were turning pale. 

"She came to me when I got home with some concerns. Now, let me start by saying that Dusty is old, and she can get confused, and I take her words with a grain of salt," Diane crossed her legs as she prolonged this conversation. "But she told me that you and Kylo have been spending time together."

"I'm not sure what she means," you said quickly, almost too quickly. 

"She is under the impression that the two of you have an, um, inappropriate relationship," she explained coolly.

"Diane, I want to be honest with you, that woman is fucking crazy, and she has it out for me," you shot back, worry slightly detectable in your voice.

Diane said your name, "I know. I really do. She fought hard for us not to bring you. I get it. But she did try to show me 'evidence.'" Diane said that in air quotes, "She showed me a picture of your two leaving the house together kind of late at night. I just want to know what that was about." 

You were starting to sweat, and you could feel your stomach's contents rising up your esophagus. You gulped, unable to say anything because you didn't know what to say. You could stop all of your hurt and the stress by coming clean. If you came clean, you knew you would get fired, and then you would never see her or Kylo Ren ever again, and your heart would be relieved of all of the ache that had been caused by this household. But you knew that you would never get hired again, because adulterer nannies were blacklisted. You tried hard to dig up a lie, but what if she had already asked Kylo, and he had given her an answer. You didn't have a clue what to do. 

And as if he could sense your despair, Kylo walked into the open doorway. 

"Are you kidding me, Diane?" Kylo said with a face that read arrogance and annoyance all at once, "You would really be so inappropriate as to interrogate the nanny about a photograph that was given to you by the maid?" 

Diane returned his expression with of her own, completely dropping her sweet girl demeanor. "And this is appropriate, Kylo? Talking to me like this in front of our employee?" 

You sat there, mouth and eyes wide watching them speak to one another like a child watching their parents fight. 

"My employee. You pay no bills," he snapped at her, "Ask me about your fucking in house paparazzi photos next time, and I could tell you that she had to visit the urgent care around the block, and I drove her. Not that I owe you an explanation." Kylo gestured at you without turning his eyes to you, "You, leave. Shut the door behind you." 

You hurriedly got up and left the room completely shocked at what had just transpired. You ran into your own room and waited it out, hearing the yelling from across the way. 

You eventually left your room. You had been afraid to leave and see anyone. Any of them. But you needed to eat something, so you made your way into the kitchen. When you entered, you saw a tight faced Diane typing away on her laptop situated at the table. When you walked in she looked up and gestured for you to come to her. 

"Hey, come here, come sit," she said she continued to type. You were so fucking scared, but you sat at the table with her. 

She eventually stopped typing and looked up at you from her screen. 

"I am so, so sorry about earlier," she said with watery eyes. 

"Diane, don't be. I am sorry."

"No. He is right, I shouldn't have had that conversation with you. It was out of place, and I am sorry for assuming anything." 

Your body was so tense. 

"Secondly, I am sorry you saw him treat me like that, but it is my reality. He's always been like that, and I am fucking tired of it. You're my only confidant around here. I want to tell you something, because I can't tell anyone else." 

You had to keep Diane on your side, so you played along. 

"Sure, Diane, anything. You know you're my friend, you can trust me." 

She looked at her screen and then back up to you, hesitating. Finally, she sighed. 

"I'm gonna leave him. I am working on the divorce papers now. He will be served in two weeks." 

Your mouth felt dry, and your vision started to blur. You were truly speechless. 

"You see the way he is. It's too much. And I am going to give him what he deserves," she said your name seriously. "I will destroy him." 

"What do you mean?" you croaked out. 

"I know all his secrets. And I am ready to let everyone know exactly who he is," she said, an eerie darkness to her normally sweet voice. 

"I will fucking end Kylo Ren."


	15. That Doesn't Matter

Kylo Ren had even surprised himself by not only letting her sleep with him again but by also sleeping in. He never, ever did that. Sleep was for the weak.

When his eyes opened, he felt a warmth that he hadn't in years. He was gazing at her face and taking in every inch of her beauty. Looking at her made him feel unlike himself, and he wasn't sure if he hated it or not. There hadn't been a morning that he woke up and felt excited to see the person next to him, well, ever.

She was talking about how much she loved his bed, how comfortable it was. He found himself only wanting the best for her, making her happy.

"You are welcome to it anytime," he had told her, inviting her to sleep with him every night. Well, every night that she wasn't home. Soon that god awful woman wouldn't be a problem anymore, and he could have these moments all the time. Kylo immediately realized the thought was absurd, and he needed to shake that feeling from his conscience. He couldn't have moments like these.

She asked him if he was happy. She asked him if he had ever loved.

Kylo showed no emotion to her, but in his stream of consciousness he thought about it. He thought about the last time he felt something other than apathy and regret. He couldn't remember. He must have been a child the last time. He really only felt hate. Solid hatred for a lot of people. His parents, his wife, everyone around him essentially. But he didn't hate her. He far from hated her. Every time he tried to, he couldn't. And as for love, he was convinced it didn't exist. He had never loved or even really liked Diane. When he met her, he was instantly annoyed, and that feeling never ceased. When Diane would say I love you to him, he would find himself responding with a simple "hm," and nothing more. That had caused more than one fight. His career was too important and too big for him to love. But the way he looked at her that morning, the way he felt....

In an effort to rid his mind of the intrusive thought, he invited her to have a bath with him. He never took baths, but maybe a simple fucking would clear his brain from his morning time feelings for her and what better place than the bath?

As he sat in the water with her laid against his large frame, he couldn't help but note how well she fit against him. He was stroking her hair, one of his favorite things about her. It always smelled so good. But his favorite thing were those lips. His fingers found them as thoughts of them on his own took over his psyche.

"I love your lips," he said completely against his will. But he meant it. Seeing her speak was exhilarating to him. When she was angry they would poke out further, and when she was obviously sad they would seemingly sink further into her face. And when she was entranced they parted ever so slightly. They said everything about her to him. His mind was screaming no, but his body brought him to kiss her with more feeling and emotion than he ever had before.

Kylo was attracted to her, there was no doubt about it. And he definitely had a special place for her in himself. But he wanted to know more.

"Have you ever?" Kylo suddenly muttered.

"What?" she said softly.

"Loved." The question was genuine, hopeful to know more about her.

She explained that she thought she had once, but it was a fluke. And that had ultimately led her to a life of meaningless sex, and this truly made Kylo jealous. The thought of any man's hand on her infuriated him, and if it were happening during the time that they were seeing each other, and he found out about it, he would probably kill the man. He wanted her for himself. No one else.

And she sensed this. She knew he was jealous. He had to put up a front quick, there was no way she could know he was actually feeling anything at all.

"I can assure you I have nothing to be jealous of. No one could possibly fuck you like I do."

She could totally call his bluff. She took another route in her retort.

"What if I told you I've been with girls," she said coyly.

Kylo was definitely intrigued by that fact. He had had his fair share of two girl threesomes in his college and bachelor days, and the thought of her with a girl was almost appealing to him. But alas, he wanted only his mouth on her.

She was sitting on his lap, her beautiful body completely visible to him. He looked at every square inch of her, wanting to memorize it. The water made her skin glisten, and it absolutely enthralled Kylo. She was looking at him the way he looked at her. And he knew what that meant. And he couldn't let it happen. Among all these feelings and this perfect morning, he knew there was one thing that he had to do to stop all this and let his life continue on the track it was before her.

In that moment he made the executive decision to crush her.

"Are you jealous?" he said.

"Of you and Diane?," she said in her sweet voice. He instantly regretted what was about to unfold.

"Well, I mean, it seems like you give me more time than you have given her in the past month," she said with confidence. He could swear that he felt a pang in his chest. He just did it.

"That may be. But what about when you think about what I do to her in bed?"

He instantly saw the hurt, the confusion, the realization in her big beautiful eyes. This was much harder and hurtful than he ever could have imagined. But he had to cut this tie. He knew that she was falling for him, he could sense it. To believe that they could do this, sleep together, kiss each other, do all these sweet soft things, was stupid of him, and he needed to break her to make her leave him. His master plan didn't and couldn't include her.

Kylo could have won an Oscar for his performance. He lied through his teeth like a champ. He hadn't had sex with Diane in far over a year. He hadn't even kissed Diane since he had met her. The only woman he ever thought about from the moment he saw her picture online was her. He had to keep himself from physically cringing when lying about fucking Diane. He knew that she would be affected by that, but he didn't know just how bad it would hurt her. There were actual fat tears in her eyes. She was devastated. She was heartbroken.

He couldn't look at her anymore, he couldn't take it. So, he faked an exit and left for work. Anything to get his mind off of her and what he had done to her.

After clearing his mind at work, he came up with a new plan. He would go home and act like nothing had happened. He would be his regular cold self and invite her to his room. He would do what he did best and give her meaningless cold sex that would set the tone for the remainder of their time together. He planned on not seeing her ever again after the divorce. No sleeping together. Just plain fucking and little to no talking. And she seemed to be okay with that.

And then Diane was back. The only advantage to her stupid business was her absence, and when she was home, his annoyance was at an all time high. When she arrived back she was even more weirdly positive than she normally was. It was unsettling to Kylo. He always figured that she was sleeping with other people when she went on these work trips, and that far from bothered him, but she could at least try to hide it.

Kylo hated the nights when she was home because he had to share his bed with her. And she liked to touch him, snuggle on him at night. He hated it. But this night, she wasn't anywhere near him, and he found that peculiar. She laid on her side of the bed still weirdly happy.

"How was the week?" she asked him as she scrolled through her phone. He was lying on his side facing away from her.

"It was fine."

"Do anything exciting?"

"No," just his mistress.

"Neato. I did a lot of fun stuff," her voice nails in his ears.

"That's great. Goodnight," Kylo's voice so dry.

"Hey, Kylo?"

He sighed. "Yes?"

She paused. "Nothing. Goodnight. I love you."

He said nothing in response.

The following day, Kylo felt something was off. Diane had been acting so strange, and she hadn't said whatever was on her mind the night before. In between thoughts of the one woman he did care about, he could only think about whatever Diane was concocting in her head. He left work early and made his way to the house.

He was rounding the corner off of the stairs when he heard her and Diane's voices coming from the baby's room. He listened in.

"Dusty, you know Dusty," he heard Diane explaining coolly.

"Yeah," her voice was visibly shaky.

"She came to me when I got home with some concerns. Now, let me start by saying that Dusty is old, and she can get confused, and I take her words with a grain of salt," Kylo listened to his wife explain, her tone completely stable.

"But she told me that you and Kylo have been spending time together."

Kylo's hand balled into tight fists. He was furious. This was what she had wanted to talk about, but she was asking her first. This was her power move. Kylo listened on further before making a move.

"I'm not sure what she means," she was an awful actor.

"She is under the impression that the two of you have an, um, inappropriate relationship," she explained coolly.

Kylo was beyond pissed. That bitch had no place going to her about this.

"Diane, I want to be honest with you, that woman is fucking crazy, and she has it out for me," she was struggling hard.

"I know. I really do. She fought hard for us not to bring you. I get it. But she did try to show me 'evidence.' She showed me a picture of your two leaving the house together kind of late at night. I just want to know what that was about."

Kylo couldn't take anymore of this shit. He walked into the room, fists still balled up. Kylo ordered her out of the room, his eyes fixed on the one he unfortunately called his wife.

"What the fuck is your problem? Being all buddy, buddy with the fucking nanny?" he sneered at Diane.

Diane stood and walked to him, her chest puffed out in defense, "Why would I bring anything to you, you piece of shit? You don't talk to me, you don't look at me, you don't even fucking say I love you to me!"

"So, then it's appropriate to interrogate my employ about things concerning me when I am seemingly not around? You are unbelievable," Kylo stepped back from her not wanting to be near Diane.

"You know, Kylo. I talk to her and act "buddy, buddy" with her because she is literally the only person in this house who treats me like a person. And that is all I have ever wanted to from you," she was on the brink of tears.

"Oh, don't start that bullshit, Diane. Don't act like this marriage has ever been anything but beneficial for you, like your little crystal business bullshit," Kylo's veins were bulging from his neck.

"That may be, but at least I try to love you. I try to enjoy this marriage. And aside from your disinterest in me, you don't even care about your son, Kylo! You won't even acknowledge him!"

Kylo turned and punched the wall, leaving a gaping hole before striding for the door. "I'm staying at the tower." And he left.

Kylo was so tired. He was tired of Diane. He was tired of feeling things for the beautiful interloper in his life. He just wanted to run his business, divorce his wife, and take over the stock market. That was the plan all along. But life had been so different since she had entered it. It was really Diane's fault when he thought about it. She wanted the nanny so bad.

It was much later that night. Kylo sat at his desk, tapping his fingers as he thought about what to do. He needed her. He needed her badly. He picked up the phone and called her.

"Hello?" her voice was dull.

"(Y/N), can you come to the tower?"

"Is that very smart given everything that happened today?"

"That doesn't matter."

"Kylo. You broke my heart."

"Please." his voice vulnerable. "I need you."


	16. Please

Kylo had asked you to be with him, and he sounded desperate. That was completely foreign to you, and you really had no way in your heart to tell him no. It started to dawn on you that this man could chew you up and spit you out and treat you like trash, but something would always call you back to him. How were you going to even look him in the eye knowing what you knew about Diane's plans? You really wished people would stop divulging their divorce plans to you. It was weighing heavy on your mind and soul. Should you tell him? You could ruin her before she had the chance to ruin Kylo. And what had she meant by that? She had his secrets. What could be so bad that it would ruin his life? The morally right thing to do would be to keep your mouth closed just as you had been doing for Kylo. You hadn't said a word to Diane, because it wasn't your place, so it equally shouldn't be your place to tell Kylo about Diane. But then again, you didn't feel the way you did about Kylo towards Diane. You cared about Kylo. You truly did. 

You stood at your bedroom door biting your lip. You were contemplating about everything. You stood there thinking of every possibility. But you knew what you had to do. You had to tell him. He had already been through so much. You didn't want to see him fall. 

As expected, a driver was waiting for you outside in a nondescript luxury car. You got in and fiddled with the hem of your shirt nervously as you made the drive to Ren Tower. The drive was one that was silent and filled with a million thoughts racing through your brain. As always when you arrived you were escorted up the elevator to the penthouse. You just knew that Diane was going to take note of your absence. She had to be on higher alert now since Dusty had been such a fucking snitch. You wondered if Kylo had done anything about her. 

You entered the familiar penthouse and looked around. It was dark and Kylo hadn't greeted you or anything. Not that you would expect that or anything. 

You took the hallway to the bedroom. You peeked into the open door and didn't see him, but you heard the faint sound of water running coming from the bathroom. You turned around and walked in.

The room was steamy, but you could make out Kylo's silhouette in the shower. His strong, expansive back was to you, and you watched his muscles contort as he cleaned his body. His raven hair was wet and glued to his broad shoulders. The view of his beautiful body sent chills throughout you down to your core. His skin looked so light and soft. You wanted to touch him. 

"Kylo?" you finally let out. 

He looked back at you over his shoulder, you noted his stunning profile. His pronounced nose did things to you. He said nothing but gestured for you to come in. You were unable to refuse, so you pulled off your shirt followed by your pants. You watched Kylo in the shower, he was stilled under the stream of hot water. You removed your bra and panties and walked into the ridiculously huge shower. He turned to face you, his deep dark eyes boring into your own. You were looking up at him overly aware at how tall and menacing he looked. He outstretched one hand, and you took it. He pulled you to him, your bare breasts pressing against his body. The water fell over the two of you, traveling down your bodies. 

"Why did you need me, Kylo?" you whispered. 

He didn't respond instead pressing his lips against your own. His large callous hands found their way to your waist, gripping you tightly and pressing your body closer to his own. Your hands wrapped around the back of his neck supporting yourself so you wouldn't slip. His fingers traced up the length of your back and tangled into your hair, pulling your head back and attacking the sensitive skin of your neck with his lips, nipping at the skin lightly. Small moans escaped your parted lips as he worked against the soft skin, and your nails lightly dug into the nape of his neck. Kylo backed you into the nearest wall, and the cool sensation of the marble made you gasp. He continued to nip at your neck and collarbones, sucking small marks into your skin. 

"Fuck," you sighed in pleasure as he worked down the sides of your body. 

His hands snaked to the front of your body, and one hand made its way around your neck. He gripped firmly as he bent down to catch a hardened nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue against it. You clenched your eyes shut as he sucked on the bud, and a sound eliciting pleasure left your mouth. His hand fell from your throat and squeezed the flesh of your other tit firmly, pinching and kneading the other nipple with his long and strong fingers. Your hands danced through his wet hair as he dropped to his knees, his face parallel with your bellybutton. He ran his hands down the slick surface of your belly, savoring every curve, and then he placed his hands on your hips, gently massaging your skin. He kissed the lower part of your belly and began to trail kisses down further before firmly planting a kiss on your mound. His hands fell to the back of your knees and he lifted one leg at a time over each of his shoulders. 

You gasped and started to squirm, scared he would drop you.

"Stop," he hissed, "I've got you." Your legs were draped over his wide shoulders, his face buried between your thighs, and your torso propped against the cool marble of the shower wall. 

His hands were firmly planted on your hips as his mouth dove in to your center. His tongue teased your now swollen lips as he licked each one carefully. He flattened his tongue and licked a stripe up your folds making you squeal in enjoyment. You grasped his hair to steady yourself as your legs quaked from the sensation. 

He moved his tongue meticulously around your clit, working side to side against the bundle of nerves. His tongue moved with different paces, teasing you with the different pressures and speeds. His lips moved against you with furor, humming sweet moans into your center. 

"Kylo, it f-feels so good," you moaned, your eyes closing as you grasped his hair. His fingers dug into your flesh as he steadily licked and sucked you, taking all of you in. 

His tongue began to move more rapidly against your clit sending jolts of ecstasy throughout your entire body. You bucked your hips towards his face to get him as close as possible to you, his nose pressing against you as his tongue danced against your heat. You looked down and watched him. His eyes were tightly shut, and he was focusing hard on making you feel good. But he pulled back. 

"Why did you stop?" you asked annoyed at the abrupt ending. He didn't speak but instead lifted you off of him. 

"Go lay down," he gestured to sloping bench at the back of the shower. Annoyed, you obeyed and laid against the tiled bench, your back pressed against it. He stood and walked over, hovering above you. Water fell from his hair onto your face as he looked down at you. His face was hard to read, but his eyes read complete sadness. It kind of unsettled you. He parted your legs with his own and positioned himself at your entrance. He entered you slowly, slipping in every single inch he had to offer you. You closed your eyes mewling in response. 

He pressed hard into you before pulling back and moving his hips at a steady, rough pace. He hissed through his teeth as he snapped his hips in and out of you. Your back arched off of the tiled bench as you yelled out in pleasure. He lifted himself up and grabbed the nearest removable shower head. He turned the pressure on the highest setting and aimed the water at your swollen clit. The intense pressure made you gasp aloud. 

"Oh my god! That's too much," you screamed out. 

Kylo was unrelenting, continuing to buck his hips quickly in and out of your throbbing pussy. 

"Kylo, please, I-it's too much, I can't--" you were trying to sputter out before Kylo placed his free hand over your mouth, the pressure of the water steady on your clit. Your eyes were wide as you watched him fuck you wildly, sounds completely muffled against his huge hand. The water was building your orgasm fast, and your body was quivering. He was breathing heavily and his thrusts were gaining power as he slammed his cock into you over and over. 

Your hands wrapped around the arm that was holding your mouth shut as your orgasm built stronger and stronger in your center. The heat was rising from your pussy all throughout your body and you screamed as the water and his huge girth brought you over the edge with a final thrust. You saw white as your eyes rolled to the back of your head, and your screams met Kylo's hand. Kylo was quiet except for his heavy breath through a clenched jaw. As your body went limp, he held the water on your now overly sensitive clit, and the pain and pleasure was overtaking you, you felt like you were going to pass out. He finished with a final few sloppy thrusts before cumming inside of you, the hot liquid infiltrating your insides. He removed his hand and your screams became audible. He panted as he pulled out of you, looking down at your wet, over sensitive body.

He stood and walked to the control panel of the shower, turning off the water. You were unable to move lying against the bench. He walked back to you and picked you up before carrying you out of the shower and sitting you a nearby vanity chair. He walked into the closet to grab a towel for you and reappeared with a stone face. He toweled your soft skin, making sure you were dry before drying himself. He left to the closet again, this time reappearing with cozy looking black pajamas. Your body was so achy and sensitive, you watched all this silently and in a daze. You were tired. And not only from the fucking. You were tired of everything. 

You put on the luxurious pajamas, and he put on his usual get up of sweats and a tee. He left the room, and you assumed you should follow, so you did. 

The two of you walked into his kitchen where he grabbed a glass water bottle for the both of you, and then you followed him into the living room. He plopped down on the couch and leaned his head back. You sat next to him. 

"What do you need, Kylo? Was that all?" you said as you situated yourself next to him. 

He stared up. "No. I don't know what I need." 

"Well, you obviously called me here for a reason, so?" 

He looked at you a slight look of annoyance on his face, "I can't just want to spend some time with you?"

"I mean, I guess, but like you aren't ever clear about your intentions or what this is or--"

He sat up straight, "Why? Why does it have to be something? Why can't you and I just enjoy being around each other? Why do you need a label? It's very clear to you that I think more of you than just some thing that is disposable and useless. What else do you need?"

You turned your body toward him, talking gently, "Kylo, I know you're going through a lot. I know you have been through a lot. But you toy with me. And my emotions. I end up hurt all the time."

"Then why do you come back?" his brows were furrowed. 

You stared at him in silence. 

"I think you are ultimately a good person. I know more about you than you think," you confessed. 

"What do you know?" he actually looked a little scared under his façade. 

You looked down and then back to his eyes. "I talked to Rey once about you."

"So, you're asking about me?" he looked offended. 

"Well, yeah, Kylo. I typically like to know about the people who put their dicks in me," you scoffed. But you relaxed, realizing you needed to tread lightly with Kylo.

"And so what did you find out?" 

"That's unimportant. Just know that I feel for you. I see how unhappy you are, and I feel for you." 

He was silent, staring at you with a clenched jaw. 

"What do you want from me?" he finally questioned. 

"I don't want anything from you, Kylo."

"You want a label," he spat. 

"No, I don't. I mean, it would be nice to know where I stand, but I don't want anything from you."

"Do you want me to be your fucking boyfriend or something? Is that it?" 

You didn't say anything at first, you considered your words. 

"Maybe in another world, you could have been. You're smart, sexy, domineering. Everything I could ever want. But I know I can't have you like that. You seem to hate monogamy--"

"I hate Diane," he cut you off. That caught you off guard. You ignored it.

"Even so, I just want to enjoy the time I have left with you," you said softly. 

He looked puzzled.

"The time you have left with me?" he said in a softer tone. 

"Well, yeah. When you and Diane divorce that's it, right? I won't be seeing you again?" you tilted your head. 

He looked off, outside the huge windows. His brows were knit together in thought. 

"I hadn't thought about that," he whispered in his deep, husky voice. 

You didn't say a word. You only looked at your hands. You had thought about it a lot recently. How all this would be over once the imminent divorce was done. After what seemed like an eternity of silence, Kylo spoke your name.

You looked at him, "Yeah?"

"I have to go Las Vegas next week," he explained. You didn't see the significance.

"Sounds fun," you said, unaware of how this affected the conversation. 

"It's this, uh, a private business affair. A lot of different powerful people go every year for a weekend of solitude and fun. Real secret, private thing," he carried on about his vacation. "We also do some business while we are out there. The business isn't sketchy or anything, just the little getaway part."

"Really cool. I hope you have fun. You deserve it," you smiled weakly. 

"Well, I would like for you to go with me." 

You looked at him for a moment through narrowed eyes, "That's not a great idea is it? Like going somewhere in public?"

"Well, this thing is not open to public. I can promise you no one will know you were there with me. Tons of the guys bring their..." he stopped himself. 

"Mistresses?" you finished for him. He looked guilty.

"Yeah."

"So, you want to bring me on some adultery getaway for the world's most powerful men? Who did you bring last year? Bella Hadid?" you were slightly offended, but intrigued. 

He grimaced, "Absolutely not. I have never brought anyone. I have never... done this before you." 

He noted your silence. "There's an unspoken contract of everyone keeping quiet. Literally everyone there has a... side piece. No one will say a word. We will be safe there, and we can... spend some good time together."

You laid back as you considered the offer. It would be so fun to go to Vegas, but to a sleazy, creepy men's getaway? The feminist in you was quaking. And he was a hot target, what if someone leaked that he was there with someone. Especially since this would be his supposed first time bringing someone. If it got out, you would be fired. But Kylo insisted that he would never let anything bad happen. So, maybe it was worth the risk. 

"I really want as much time with you as possible before everything changes," he sounded genuine. Kind even. 

"But the baby," you queried. 

"He's going with Diane for the week." 

"Fuck," you sighed. 

"So?" he said hopeful. 

You sat up and looked at him with earnest eyes. 

"I will go, Kylo. But only if you promise to be more communicative with me."

"I will try," he said with true honesty. 

"Okay."

"Okay. Come to bed with me, please." he reached for your hand. 

"But Diane and the baby," then you remembered why you had come at all. To tell him about Diane.

"I can take care of it. I promise. Please. Sleep with me."

You meekly nodded, and the two of you went to his bedroom. 

The two of you laid beneath his expensive sheets, saying nothing and only listening to breath from your bodies. He stroked your hair as you laid against him. 

"I don't mean to hurt you, you know that don't you?" he muttered, his lips pressed against your scalp. 

"I know. I said I understand you, and I mean that, Kylo. I have Stockholm syndrome or something," you joked. 

He sounded concerned, "Am I that bad?"

You sighed. "No. Maybe? Honestly, I don't know." 

You laid there contemplating how to bring up the ordeal at hand. The long silence between you two was comfortable, but your mind raced with a thousand thoughts. You were situated against him, your head on his chest. Everything about him intoxicating you. But you couldn't be distracted.

"Kylo?" you questioned. "I have to tell you something. About Diane."

But you were met with silence. And his deep breaths. He was asleep. He was sound asleep, peaceful. You had no clue how you were going to do this, but your time was running thin. Especially with this new trip planned.


	17. Give Me An Idea

You had left in the middle of the night. You didn't want to risk Diane being suspicious even if Kylo was confident that she wouldn't be. He would probably be pissed, but you were prepared to deal with that. You had a new, sudden feeling of regret in you that you hadn't felt before. It wasn't like the regret and guilt you felt when you had felt bad about betraying Diane, but you felt bad and regretted taking advantage of Kylo when you knew that Diane was plotting to take him down. You had fed off his vulnerability and completely dropped the whole purpose of seeing him. It made you feel bad. And then you had agreed to go on this stupid sugar baby convention trip. Life was confusing. 

You really didn't get any sleep because you were worried about him. He had never seemed so small and vulnerable, and it was honestly kind of unsettling to see him that way. But again, you had only known this man for a couple of months, so you weren't exactly an expert on him or anything. But from your prior knowledge of him, and what you had learned, you knew he was off. 

In the morning you had sauntered down to the kitchen. Of course, Diane was there, and she seemed happy. She seemed like that giddy overly sweet woman you had met when you started your assignment. She was typing away on her laptop. 

"You look stunning this morning," she beamed. You wanted to roll your eyes, but you didn't. 

"You look radiant, thank you," you smiled as you made your way to the fridge. You opted to have some organic fruit salad. 

"So, I bought a new 300 pound amethyst, and I am using it for the first time tonight on one of my VIP clients," she stopped typing and leaned against the counter looking toward you. 

"How do you use a 300 pound crystal?" you cocked your head as you popped a strawberry into your mouth.

"Well, I am glad you asked because I want to try it out on someone before I try it on her tonight. I need to see what it's capable of. Will you?" Diane closed her laptop and looked at you with hopeful eyes. 

You hesitated. "I mean, what will you do to me?"

Diane chuckled, "Oh, it's nothing. You'll enjoy it. Please?"

You sighed, "only for you, Diane." You were miserable already. You hated new age, woo woo shit, and you just knew you were going to have to indulge Diane's ego and pretend like she was giving you an epiphany with a rock. 

"Yay! Finish your food, and then we will go." She clapped to herself. 

You finished up your fruit salad, and Diane lead you up the stairs. Baby Ashton was in his room sleeping still. That was unusual. 

Diane led you into hers and Kylo's room, and it felt wrong. It felt wrong being in there without him and just her. Knowing what you had done in there. But you were immediately pulled from your thought as you eyed the big ass mountain of a crystal in the middle of the room. 

It was a huge, rough purple rock situated atop a beautiful, exotic, expensive looking rug. There were ornate sitting pillows surrounding the rock, and you assumed that is where you would be. 

"You sit on the east side, I'll be on the west." Diane pointed to the left side of the rock, and you took a seat. 

"What's this gonna do? Tell my future?" you joked.

"It could! This is ultimately to read your soul and cleanse it. If anything has been weighing on you, we are going to fix it today. The amethyst is the stone of clarity, truth, and confidence," Diane corrected you. You didn't really want to be clear and true with Diane, but again, this crystal shit was bogus anyway. The two of you sat on either side of the rock. Diane lit a few small purple candles and pressed her hands to the crystal. 

"Do this," Diane demanded. You put your hand up on the rock. 

"Okay, close your eyes and imagine a purple light radiating into your body and filling it all the way up," she cooed while turning on soft meditation music. You closed your eyes for just a second before realizing how stupid you felt. 

"Diane, I can't meditate," you interjected. 

"Shhh, just try. Close those eyes and think of the light," she whispered in a cool voice. The least you could do for her was give this a college try. 

"Okay, I'm trying," you genuinely relaxed your muscles as you closed your eyes, and focused on this supposed purple light overtaking your body. It was pretty easy to visualize, and with the calming music playing, it was kind of nice. Diane spoke quietly. 

"With this light, it will be revealed to you what your greatest conflict is in life. With this light, you will see what is causing you the greatest sorrow. Think about being sad, and what comes to your mind. Focus," Diane said. 

You found yourself focused on the imaginary light, and you thought about it. You thought about being sad, and what you saw was Kylo. Of course, he was always on your mind, so you weren't convinced this was working. 

"What do you see?" Diane said. 

"Uh..." you thought, "my crush." It wasn't a lie. 

"The crystal is telling me that this person is perfect for you, though," she argued. 

You stayed focused but you were confused. "Really?"

"Yeah. This person really cares for you, too. So much so that is seems like a burden. The crystal says that something is keeping you apart, though." 

"Oh." 

"Is that true?"

"Yeah. I guess."

"Okay, so now focus on the light, it will reveal to us what you need to do to solve this issue," Diane said with a cool light voice.

"Okay," you hyper focused on the light again, and you saw images of you and Kylo happy together somewhere. Somewhere public. You wanted to open your eyes, but you felt as if you couldn't.

"Oh," Diane peeped, "He's already with someone. But he wants you more. I can almost see this guy...."

You snatched away from the crystal, and yelled out. 

"I don't like this, Diane, I am sorry. I don't want to do it anymore," you exclaimed. You were starting to be afraid that there was more to the crystal stuff than you believed. 

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Who is this guy? Why didn't you tell me you were seeing someone? I wouldn't have judged." Diane looked at you with doe eyes. 

"Uh, I was just embarrassed. I don't think he and I are going to work," you stammered. 

"The crystals say different," Diane smiled at you. "I'm sorry. Your first experience shouldn't have been with this particular crystal."

"That's okay, really. When are you and Ashton leaving?" you stood.

"Tonight, around 7. We might be gone for more than a week. I'm meeting with my lawyer," she was whispering now. 

"Oh. Good luck with that," you feigned confidence. "Alright, I'm gonna go read a book or something."

"Bye, girl!"

"Bye."

You had been sitting in the public library in your neighborhood for god knows how long. You had dove into a novel and couldn't stop, and now you were on your second one. This was absolute heaven to you. Quiet, no drama, no divorces, no sexy celebrity men trying to emotionally manipulate you. It was just you and your book and a public tax funded building. And luckily, this particular location closed at 10 pm, so you could have plenty of time to avoid Kylo. 

So, you thought.

It was later in the evening, so you were shocked to hear a bunch of people gasping and hollering at the front of the library. You craned your neck to see what was going on, but you had no intention of leaving your seat. You heard a bystander near you say, "Is that really him?" 

Your curiosity got the best of you. "Who's here?"

The bystander excitedly replied, "It's Kylo Ren! In a public library!"

You groaned to yourself. The people who could see him had their phones out, taking photos of him. 

"He's coming up here, oh my god, do you think he will take a selfie with us?" the girls next to you were way too excited to see him. You closed your book, stood, and walked away. You weren't sure how he had found you, but you weren't ready to see him. So you got lost in a sea of huge bookshelves. 

"He's so fucking hot, dude, look at him," one of the girls whispered as he ascended the stairs. You could agree with that, but if they only knew the knew him personally. You rounded a corner and were obscured by the shelf. But you could see him appearing on the landing of the second floor. The two girls were gawking at him before one of them got the courage to speak up. 

"Uh, Mr. Ren, sir?" she said sheepishly. "Could my friend and I get a photo?"

His face was as uninterested as ever, as always. You could tell he was annoyed, but he looked around and gave them a quick nod. Bending down to be eye level with the girls. The girls were smiling the most ridiculous smiles next to his stone cold line of a mouth. When the photo was done, one of the girls got bold. She asked for a kiss. You watched closely. 

"Can I kiss you on the cheek? You're just so handsome," she was red in the face. You couldn't believe she would dare even ask. 

"I'm taken," he said with the dullest voice of all time. You cringed for the girl. Ouch. 

"Have a great evening," he said to the now crushed girls as he walked away. Straight toward you. He could see you. 

You did somewhat of a temper tantrum as you locked eyes with him. 

But he walked straight past you. He walked into a closed door that was labeled "Employees Only," but before he disappeared, you heard him mumble, "come."

And so you sighed and followed him. It was impossible not to. 

You were in a supply closet with him. The most beautiful man alive. He was in black jeans and a white tee shirt. Simple, but edgy. He looked so good. He was leaning against a shelf holding cleaning supplies staring at the ground. The two of you were silent for a moment. 

"You were kind of a dick to that girl," you crossed your arms loosely, leaning against the wall. Your eyes wondered his body. His size never ceased to shock you. 

"Was I?" he said uninterested. 

"Kind of," you shrugged, "she just wanted a little kiss."

"I don't just go around kissing random women," he finally looked up at you. 

"Oh, so, I am not random?" you raised an eyebrow.

"Fuck no," his face seemed to fall. "Why did you leave me?"

Now your eyes fell to the floor. "I was scared. I'm sorry."

"That was real shitty," he said your name with grief. 

"I'm sorry, Kylo. I'm just scared."

"Why are you scared?" he scoffed "There is no reason to be. I told you the woman wouldn't find out, and you didn't trust me."

"It's not just Diane, Kylo," you sighed. 

He closed the distance between you lifting your chin with his rough fingers. 

"Look at me." he muttered looking down at you. 

You stared up at him, guilt overflowing in your system. 

"Why are you scared?" he said in that gravelly tone that made you melt. 

"I'm scared of what happens when you go. I am scared of losing my job. I am scared of Diane, I am scared of the future. You have no idea what I am going through--"

"Give me an idea," he scanned your eyes, "I can see that something is hurting you."

You considered him. You weren't ready. 

"It's just the whole change thing. And trying to be okay with never seeing you again," you weren't completely lying. 

He stepped back, eyes never leaving your own. 

"Tell me what is really bothering you," his voice growing more demanding by the second. 

You couldn't tell him yet. You didn't want to tell him yet. So, you thought fast, and you said what came to your mind first. 

"I think..." you already regretted it, "I'm falling in love with you." 

Fucking hell. What the fuck had you done. Even worse, you weren't sure if you were lying or not. 

Kylo's mouth slightly parted, staring at you in disbelief and maybe disgust. 

"Uh," he was speechless, stammering even. He turned away from you and walked to the other side of the room. Your eyes were watering with regret at the stupidity you had just committed. But a small part of you thought it would scare him away, and it would be a good thing. Your final weeks in his home would be easy. He wouldn't speak to you, and he and Diane could deal with their shit together, and you would never have to deal with that shit. Maybe he would get rid of you today. Losing your job would be better than dealing with his family drama and the complexity that was him. 

He was turned away from you, and he ran his hand through his hair. You watched him closely, his breathing was quickening and you could see his shoulders rising and falling quickly.

"Kylo?" you were starting to get worried.

Before you realized it, he punched the wall. The concrete wall. He punched it hard. You heard the bones in his hands make a loud crunching sound. His arm reared back and he roared in pain. 

You ran over to him and grabbed his bloodied knuckles, and you felt weak. You absolutely hated blood, but his hand was most certainly broken and soaked in red. 

"FUCK," Kylo was growling and jumping up and down in pain. 

"Oh my god, Kylo, fuckfuckfuckfuck, we have to get you to the ER," you grabbed his shoulder, and he hissed at you. 

"Don't fucking touch me!"

You weren't having it. "Shut the fuck up, Kylo, come on." You grabbed him by the arm, jerking him out of the closet. He was writhing in pain, but you didn't care. He wouldn't go to the ER, and you knew that, so you had to do what you had to do. You were now in the library and dragging the most famous man in the world through the building seemingly against his will. People stared at Kylo as he held his bloody hand against his white shirt, some people taking photos. As you neared the exit, a big man stood in front of you. 

"What the fuck are you doing to him? Do you know who that is?" he was obviously concerned for Kylo's well being. 

"Yeah, I do, move," you pushed past him and busted out the door to the now very crowded NYC street. People had showed up to get a glimpse of Kylo. 

Lights were popping off in your face, the paparazzi capturing you with Kylo. Kylo was still grumbling behind you but was trying to act composed in front of all the people.

"Where is your car?" you yelled back to him. 

Instead of answering, he lead you through the crowd, tons of people reaching out to touch him. It was like they were seeing a god. Finally, the crowd parted, and the two of you climbed into the black SUV. 

"You shouldn't have brought me out the front," Kylo was very angry, but you simply didn't care.

"Shut up, Kylo." 

You told the driver to take you to an ER where he could get some privacy. Apparently, there was an "upscale" ER in this part of town. So, you all rode there silently. Kylo's heavy breaths the only sound you could hear. You watched him intently. His face was wrinkled up in what seemed to be pain and embarrassment. He could be such a dumbass sometime. You wondered where those anger issues came from. 

The SUV pulled up to a private entrance into the nicest ER you had ever seen. It looked like a resort. 

"Come on," you got out of the car and ran around to open the door for Kylo. He still wouldn't look at you but the two of you walked in together. After his check in, the doctor saw Kylo a solid two minutes later. You remembered the last time you were in an ER, and it took about three hours for them to treat your busted open head. Fame had its perks. You stay seated as Kylo was called back, but when he noticed you weren't behind him he just said, "come."

Kylo had referred to you as his assistant when the nurse had you fill out the contact form. You were now an official emergency contact to Kylo Ren. What an accomplishment. The doctor came in shortly afterward, and they x-rayed his hand. It surprisingly wasn't broken, just incredibly swollen, and the doctor had concluded that he must have punched some rusty metal. So, he had to get a tetanus shot. The doctor left the room momentarily.

You stared at the sullen man sitting on the surprisingly luxurious ER bed. He was holding his now wrapped hand and looking at his feet. You were done with the silence. 

"Kylo." 

"What?" he murmured. 

"Talk to me."

"I have nothing to say," his eyes met yours for a moment then fell again.

"Well. I know that isn't true," you sighed. "You said you could tell I had something to say. I can also tell you have something to say." 

He let out a heavy breath, eyes counting the tiles on the floor. "Must we complicate things further" he breathed your name. 

You really agreed. You still didn't know if the foolish thing you had said was true or not, and you didn't want to discuss it. But you wanted to speak with him. Being around him and experiencing silence was the worst. 

"I guess not. Are we not going to talk about it?"

"No."

You nodded lightly. "I'm glad I brought you here," you sank into the recliner that was there for guests of the ER patient. 

"Unnecessary. But your peace of mind is worth it," he looked at you, a hint of an emotion on his face for a moment. 

The doctor came back in and gave him the shot. He also gave him a week's worth of antibiotics, and the two of you were free to go. 

As the two of you entered his car, you noticed you had hundreds of texts, calls, and FaceTimes. You unlocked your phone to see tons of messages from friends and family. They had sent you the pictures of you with Kylo on the street, and they had questions. 

You showed the photos to Kylo.

"They're asking about me, Kylo," he eyed the pictures half paying attention and then continued looking forward. 

"Publicist is on it," he shrugged. 

"Oh, is it that easy?" you were genuinely curious.

"When I pay her as much as I do, yes," his eyes still on the road. "We are going to the house before the airport. Are you packed?"

Your brows knit together in confusion. 

"Packed?" you cocked your head. 

"For Vegas."

"I thought that was this weekend?"

"We are leaving early. I need to get out of this city," he eyed the lights ahead. 

He had not once mentioned needing to be packed. "Well, no. I am not packed, you didn't tell me to be packed today."

"Fine. Pack quickly." 

You hadn't been on a vacation since you were a little girl. You were honestly surprised Kylo was still taking you on this trip given everything that happened, but a small part of you was still super excited to be going somewhere. And you were nervous, but you wanted to forget about everything for a while, and this seemed to be the way to do it. You stuffed the cutest clothes you had into the small duffle bag you grabbed. Your clothes were pretty plain because you had such a mundane job, but they would have to do. You packed the little black cocktail dress you had for "fancier" occasions and then some lingerie just in case. Again, your lingerie was humble lingerie, but it would have to do. Plus, you weren't sure you and Kylo would be doing that much more since you decided to drop the L word. Plus, you decided you had to tell him about Diane on this trip. You had to. 

You walked back out to the car that was waiting for you, and you and Kylo were off to the airport.


	18. You Really Do

It was completely irresponsible to agree to go on this trip. No matter how much Kylo tried to convince you that you had security in this operation, you knew it was dumb. And you were sure he did, too, but at this point you were convinced he had given up on secrecy due to his increased, open interest in you. If Diane found out, he would probably have been relieved about it. But you wouldn't. Job security was important to you, and becoming world wide known as this dude's mistress would absolutely ruin that. 

But still, as a girl from a humble small town with humble small town parents, a luxury trip was enticing, and it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. And before you had ruined your entire life by telling Kylo you were falling in love with him, you were excited about the time with him. But he had barely spoken to you since the ER, and you had just accepted it was probably going to be like that the entire time. That didn't mean that you hadn't sat in the private SUV and thought about it. Were you falling in love with him? You didn't know what it felt like, but if it felt like constant giddiness, pain, sorrow, horniness, and an overwhelming sense of shame, you were. And you thought about how Kylo was so disgusted that you would say that, that he would have rather almost gotten tetanus than talk to you about it. 

He was sitting in the seat next to you on the awkward ride to JFK Airport. He was dressed in a black hoodie and black joggers. He was wearing some Balenciaga sneakers and Burberry sunglasses. He looked like a true blue celebrity. Like the paparazzi photos of famous people at the airport. He looked like such a cliche, and it was kind of funny. You had opted to just wear the black bohemian sundress you had had on before you left with your fuzzy yellow cardigan over top. Your small overnight bag was no match for Kylo's set of matching Louis Vuitton luggage. He had packed a lot of stuff, and you wondered what it possibly could have been. He seemed pretty low maintenance at home. Maybe it was business shit. 

Though you had gone on many trips with your previous (they could barely be counted as vacations because you were taking care of children the whole time) you had never flown before. You had only taken long car rides. You hadn't had time to be nervous about it up until this very moment. You were approximately 5 minutes from the airport now, and the reality was crushing into you hard. You were going to be in an aluminum tube 100,000 feet in the sky. Kylo seemed super calm, sitting there in his incognito outfit and with his wrapped up hand, totally content with the fact that he was about to enter a huge piece of machinery suspended in the sky. You decided against talking about it with him, because you were pretty sure you were walking on thin ice with him. You were still so surprised you were here right now. 

Before you could chicken out and ask the driver to just dump you on the side of the road, you had reached the terminal. 

"Excuse us," Kylo finally said curtly to the driver. He exited the vehicle and walked to the black SUV behind the one you were in. The Associates of Ren were accompanying him on this business trip. They apparently went everywhere with him. 

"I need you to get out of the car first. Wait for me to come around and follow behind me closely. People are going to be yelling at you and asking you questions. Ignore them," he was being so demanding, and the last thing you cared about at the moment was his demands. You were terrified of dying in the next hour. You didn't respond to him, you just got out of the car with the most annoyed expression of all time. And then suddenly, from absolute thin air, paparazzi camera flashes bombarded you. You heard people screaming at you and you could barely make out what they were saying. 

"It's his assistant!" people were exclaiming with glee. And that was that. You were forever known as Kylo Ren's assistant. 

You stood there shielding your eyes when Kylo emerged from behind the SUV, the flashes and clicking of the camera intensifying by a thousand. He had a backpack hanging on his shoulder, he looked so good. The Associates of Ren surrounded you and Kylo in an instant and escorted you through the horde of skeezy paparazzi folks. Then a realization hit you. What if Diane saw these photos? She knew you weren't his assistant, and why would he be taking you to the airport?

"Kylo," you whisper-yelled at him, "Kylo!" but he was ignoring you well. 

As you entered the airport, the crowd died down but didn't disappear. 

"Vicrul, go check us all in," Kylo demanded.

"On it."

The rest of his posse, including you, continued to walk quickly through the terminal. Bystanders watched him in awe as he passed, practically no one noticing you. You got that. He was statuesque. 

"Kylo--" you tried to ask him about Diane. 

"Not now," he said rudely, further sending you into annoyance. He was a terrible travel partner. 

Finally, he and you were lead into the exclusive frequent flyers club where no normies would be bothering you. No one at all would be bothering you, the place was empty. Kylo sat at the chic bar and ordered club soda. You took the seat next to him. 

"Do you want anything?" he didn't look at you, consistently looking forward. 

"Uh, is it free?" you were unsure about being able to pay for anything from this flyers club. Everything looked like it costed a month's worth of rent. 

"Seriously?" Kylo sneered. "What do you want?"

You really did need something to take the edge off. "Uh, pinot grigio?" 

"And a pinot grigio. Your best," Kylo called to the bartender. The bartender was on the far side of the bar at this point, so you looked to Kylo. 

"So, I know I'm your 'assistant' to the public, but like, what if Diane sees all these media photos?"

"Could we not for one fucking day talk about that cunt? I told you it's handled, so it's fucking handled," his voice had gotten significantly louder throughout the statement. 

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Sure. Fucking sure. I am done caring about your well being. You just have everything figured out, huh?" You threw your hands up in frustration. 

"Yeah, I fucking do. I know shit," the bartender was returning with your drinks. 

When he walked away you took a sip of your wine. It tasted expensive. You decided to just let everything go. You needed this drink, you needed to unwind. 

"So, why are you drinking club soda like a pussy?" you prodded as you took another sip. 

"I had an alcohol problem years ago," he cut his eyes at you as he took a drink.

Your face burned red. "Really?"

"No," he scoffed at you, "but that's why you don't ask people shit like that. It's fucking rude."

You frowned. "Asshole." 

"Whatever," he sighed squeezing a lime into his soda.

"Drink something real," you blurted out, "I don't want to drink alone."

"I have work to do on the jet, no," he was staring at the lighting on the walls. 

"Jet?" you cocked a brow.

"Yes."

"Like a tiny little jet?" you were starting to get worried. You knew that statistically private jets crashed more often than commercial airliners. 

"I wouldn't say it's tiny. It's a ten person private jet with a bedroom and full bath," Kylo sipped his drink coolly. 

You felt nauseous. You needed a Xanax. But your dry white wine would have to do. You essentially shot the rest of the glass. 

"I need more." 

You had done your best to hide it from Kylo, but you were smashed. You had drank three long pours of that wine, and when you two boarded the plane you had gotten the stewardess to secretly bring you two little bottles of whiskey. The plane was small. In terms of private jets, it was large and ostentatious, but you felt claustrophobic as fuck. The Associates were on a separate flight, a commercial flight. They had already left as to get there before Kylo. You sat on the leather couch opposite Kylo as the jet prepared for take off. You had been otherworldly quiet so Kylo wouldn't find out you were fucked up, and he had obviously been enjoying the silence. He was sitting across from you in a leather armchair reading some Russian literature. You watched him with your lips pursed as you thought about how he made your body feel. Liquor always made you horny. His massive hand was hovering over the page of the book as he hunched over the novel. His broad shoulders lifted as he breathed softly. You wanted to jump on top of him. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing noise of the engine. Kylo set his book aside and buckled up his his seat belt. You watched him wide eyed, obviously frightened. 

"Put on your seatbelt for takeoff," he pointed to the little black strap by your ass. Why did that even exist? What the fuck was that thing gonna do if you crashed? Keep you in one place while you burned alive? You scrambled to put on the damn thing, your hands shaky. 

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, irritation obvious. 

You finally buckled the damn thing. "Nothing," you lied. 

The plane began to lurch forward and the expression on your face morphed into one of absolute terror. Your hands squeezed at the leather cushions and you looked out the window noticing your increasing speed. Your breathing was heavy, your chest rising and falling rapidly. 

He said your name sternly, "Have you never flown?"

Your eyes met his, yours filled with tears of pure terror. You quickly shook your head no. 

Kylo shook his head and groaned as he unbuckled his belt, eyes rolling to the back of his head, standing up and sitting next you on the couch. He put on the seatbelt for you and then his and looked over to you.

"It's okay. I do this all the time," he was examining your face. A tear spilled from your eye as the jet began to lift off the ground. His rugged thumb wiped away the tear before he rested his palm on the top of your thigh. He rubbed the exposed skin up and down sending a wave of calm through your body. You closed your eyes as the sensation made you completely forget about what was happening. You couldn't imagine what this would have been like if you weren't drunk. But because you were drunk, and you were enjoying this soft gesture, you let your subconscious take control. 

You placed your hand on top of his. His eyes shot to your hand that was dwarfed by the size of his own. 

"Is this okay? Will anyone here tell?" you whispered, or you thought you whispered. You were actually quite loud. 

He faintly shook his head, letting his hand turn and his fingers intertwine with your own. He watched your hands fitting together like they were made for each other. You looked at his face and examined closely. His moles were so cute. 

"Kylo, you're r-really pretty," you hiccuped. Your hand left his and you brought it up to his chin, pinching it between to fingers, "I could literally eat you you're so pretty, Kylo." 

His ember flamed eyes seemed to reveal something to you, but you couldn't tell. 

You pinched his bottom lip and pulled it. "I literally want to bite this off. Your lips are pretty," you crooned. 

"Your breath reeks of liquor," he said your name like a concerned parent. 

"I was scared s-so I got d-drunk, sorry," you tried to get out realizing how gone you were now that you were talking. 

"You should have said something earlier." 

"Like you would have cared, you hate me now," you laughed as you leaned against him. "I wish you didn't, though." 

Kylo didn't say a word. And it pissed you off. You sat up and looked at him with a look of hurt. 

"You really do, don't you?"

"What?"

"Fucking hate me."

"Why would I hate you," he narrowed his eyes, "you're here aren't you?"

You were holding nothing back. Now you were laughing. Everything was funny. "Because I said I think I love you," you slurred. 

"Why are you talking about that?" Kylo's jaw clenched, "Isn't all of this enough?"

"I'm not trying to fight you, Kylo. I want to have fun. But I don't want you to hate me." You were swaying back and forth in your seat, and you looked out of the window to see how high up you were. The lights went off for you to take off your seatbelt. 

"I think you need to get some rest," Kylo first unbuckled your belt then his own. 

"I don't need to fucking sleep, dude," you fought him as his arms encircled you, helping you stand. 

"Lets go take a nap before we get there," he spoke in a soothing voice this time, trying to coerce you. He lifted you up and carried you to the back of the jet to the private bedroom. Like everything he owned, the bed was luscious and black. 

"Please lay down," Kylo breathed, "I don't like seeing you like this."

You crossed your arms. 

"No, I don't think I will."

Kylo ran his hand through his hair, sighing. He climbed in the bed and patted the area next to him. 

"Come on."

He looked so nice. You really couldn't resist his command to come to him. You climbed in the bed next to him, your dress riding up your ass as you laid next to him on your side, facing him. He looked delicious.

"Can we fuck?" you said hopefully, staring up at him. 

"No."

"Why?"

"You're drunk," he wrapped an arm around you, pulling you closer to him. 

"So?"

"So, I won't disrespect you like that."

"But I WANT to be disrespected," you whined. 

"No."

"Come on, I'm never gonna get a chance to fuck in a private jet again, like, you have to," you tried to argue.

Your face was very close to his. His prominent nose was touching your own. 

You were done asking. Your hand snaked down between the two of you as your eyes never left his. Your hand moved down his torso making its way slowly to his pelvic area. You toyed with the waistband of his joggers, slipping your fingers in and out. Kylo watched you with intense eyes. You could tell he was inching closer to being persuaded. 

You took your fingers out of the waistband and glided your hand across his dick over the pants. He inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a moment before grabbing your wrist. 

"No," that deep, rich voice scolded you. You jerked your hand away. 

"No, fuck you," you said with pursed lips as you replaced your hand against his now hardening cock and rubbed him with more vigor. He hissed at the sensation and then pushed you onto your back, quickly getting on top of you, straddling you with either leg at your hips. His hand was on your throat applying firm pressure but not enough to make you not breathe. He was probably concerned about that being you were drunk. He was looking down at you with ferocity in his eyes. He breathed your name through clenched teeth. You stared up at him, eyes wide. He looked so hot there on top of you. 

"Do you remember what I told you not so long ago when we had our first encounter?" he said with a low grumble in his chest. You were trying to hold back a goofy smile, excited at what was transpiring. You shook your head as if to say no. 

"Well, I do believe I told you that you weren't allowed to tell me 'no'" his fingers tightened at your neck. "Do you remember that?"

You nodded.

"So, tell me again what you said just now?"

He lifted his hand from your neck. 

"I said no, fuck you," you purred confidently. 

His index and middle fingers were now in your mouth, pushing your tongue down. "That little slut mouth is gonna get you in trouble," he said your name, coming out of his mouth like pure silk. 

You closed your mouth around his fingers and began sucking on them, looking at him through your eyelashes as you bobbed your head slightly. He plucked his fingers from your mouth with a pop and then began rubbing his hard length over his pants. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Fuck me, daddy," you whined. 

He leaned back and hiked your dress up over your chest. You were wearing red lacy panties and no bra, and so he looked your exposed body up and down, licking his lips in doing so. Something primal was brewing in his mind. His eyes were focused on your breasts, blinking eyes devouring the sight of you. He reached forward and dragged his nails down the front of your body starting between your tits and ending at the waistband of your panties. He pulled it down then let it snap back into place sending a small jolt through your body. 

His black tresses fell into his face as he looked down at his bulging erection. 

"Look what you do to me." He grumbled before taking off his hoodie revealing his built, expansive chest and toned abdomen. 

You reached down into your panties and swiped your finger up your wet folds before pulling your hand out and reaching it up to him, "look what you do to me." He sucked on the finger licking every bit of your juices off it. Your hand fell to your side, and you gazed up at him. He was looking at you, a million things running through his mind and his expression at once. Looks of lust, sadness, admiration. 

"What are you gonna do, Kylo?" you said excitement bursting at the seams. 

To your surprise he got off of you. He must have had something planned. 

But alas, he laid down next to you. He laid flat on his back looking up at the ceiling of the jet. You turned to face him swiftly.

"What are you doing?" you asked accusatorially. 

He was silent. For a long time. Staring aimlessly upward. 

Finally, after an eternity of silence, he turned his head to look at you. 

"What is it? Why did you stop? Are you o--" you were being frantic.

"Baby."

The word made you stop everything. Everything around you stopped. That deep beautiful voice had called you... a pet name? Your eyes were wide and your mouth was open, unable to comprehend what he was doing. 

"Can we just lay together? For the rest of the flight?" 

You were taken aback. You had no clue how to respond, so he pulled you in close and rubbed your back. He buried his face in your hair, taking you in. 

"Thank you," he mumbled against your head.

And then you knew. Amongst you're drunken state, aside from everything. 

You were in love with him.


	19. As Long As You Want

You were awoken by a gentle shaking at your shoulders. Kylo was lying behind you, your back pressed to his still bare chest. His calloused hand stroked your shoulders as you began to shift and shuffle awake. 

"We are here," he whispered. "Have you ever been here before?"

You rubbed your eyes and turned around to face him. "Where? Vegas?" your voice was groggy. 

"Yep," he moved some hair that was stuck to your face behind your ear. 

"No, definitely not. I've never been anywhere," you yawned. "What time is it?" 

"Early morning. We are going straight to the hotel," his fingers grazed your cheek as he sat up and put his hoodie back on. 

"Do we have to walk through the airport again," you asked hoping for a no, sitting up and throwing your now messy hair into a bun. 

"No, a car is out there waiting. Our luggage is already there, let's go," Kylo held out a hand helping you get out of the comfy, plush bed. You weren't hungover at all, but it had only been about 6 hours, so you were still a little tipsy from before. But not tipsy enough to forget what all had been said and done before you passed out in Kylo's arms. 

You also couldn't believe you had made it through an entire flight. You were a bad bitch. 

You and Kylo exited the private room and grabbed your things you had left in the main cabin. The captain and stewardess wished you two a great trip, and Kylo gave them both five hundred dollar tips. Or hush money? You didn't even know. He wasn't very kind to people, but he tipped so well. 

He had never tipped you before. Well, not with money. 

Kylo held his hand at the small of your back as you descended the stairs to the ground. You felt like one of those glamorous celebrities who takes photos on the stairs of their jets. As expected a sleek black SUV was waiting for you at the ground, an associate holding the door open for you. You climbed in and Kylo came behind you. 

It was still dark, so when you got to the Las Vegas Strip, you were in awe. It was a completely different kind of illuminated city than New York. The lights were colorful and vibrant and loud, and the people on the street were all attractive, trendy, and young. It was actually super exciting and all your troubles seemed to be melting away. 

"Which one are we staying in?" you said in awe, looking at all of the mega resorts.

He pointed to the nearest one on the left, The Bellagio. You had seen it in movies before. It was even more beautiful in person, and you got to stay there for a while. 

"That's where the event is. It's a pretty nice place," he said as he eyed the building. 

"Pretty nice!? It's incredible," you couldn't take your eyes off of the bright lights coming from the tower. 

"We are going in through the back, so you don't have to worry about all the cameras and shit," Kylo said nonchalantly as he typed away at his phone. "Fuckin' hell." he said under his breath.

"What is it?" you looked at him, his brows furrowed in frustration. 

"Nothing." he said curtly. You didn't care to press further, you were too taken aback with your surroundings. 

"Oh, how long are we gonna be here?" you said as you looked at a couple of showgirls dancing at the entrance to the resort. 

"As long as you want," he was still preoccupied with his phone. "We can go somewhere else after Tuesday if you want." He looked at you, searching your face. 

"But what about--"

"Don't. Enjoy yourself." His voice was stern and deep. You shrugged and let it all flow away. You were dead set on not worrying and just having a good time. You thought to yourself for a moment as the SUV rounded around the back. 

"What if I wanted to go to the other side of the world?" you tilted your head at him. 

"Then we will go." he locked his phone and looked at you. 

"Why are you being so nice to me?" you crossed your arms and pursed your lips. 

"Because you've got a nice ass." 

"I love being objectified," you said sarcastically. But you smiled. He made you smile. 

You and Kylo walked through the maintenance entrance to the building. You were kind of disappointed because you wanted to see the whole hotel, but this was what you signed up for. Secrecy. The industrial elevator took you up to the top of the resort. It was just like being in New York. 

When you walked through the double doors into the suite, your breath left your body. The decor was a change of pace from Kylo's regular black and red. It was white and gold, and everything was luxurious and pristine. The living room was the first to be seen and expensive furniture was scattered throughout. You walked further in, completely abandoning Kylo to look around. The next room you walked into was a full kitchen, marbled floor and counter adorning the place. The next room was a full spa with a hot tub and massage tables, zen music playing as you walked through gawking at everything. There were three bedrooms, but the primary bedroom was astounding. A glass wall looked out to the illuminated Las Vegas Strip, and the floor had a velvet white carpet coating it. The bed was at least ten feet long, probably made for shenanigans involving several people. There was yet another hot tub in this room, and that normally would have been tacky but it all just worked here. 

Kylo had been following close behind you, and you didn't even notice. 

"You like it?" he threw his backpack on a nearby chair. "I've stayed here a couple times."

"Kylo, it's amazing," your head snapped to look at him. "How are you not just like overtaken with joy? Look at that view."

He sat on the edge of the bed and shrugged. "Used to it. There are definitely better views in town."

You scoffed. "Privileged. How often do you come here?"

"A lot. I have an office here. But this conference thing is only once a year. I only stay in a hotel for the conference." 

"Where do you stay when you aren't here for the conference?"

"Apartment." 

"You say all this shit so carelessly, shit," you finally walked to the bed and sat by him, still gazing out the window. "So, what now?"

"Don't you want to go to bed?" he drug your cardigan off your body.

"I'm too excited," your eyes were sparkling. 

He smirked. He actually smirked. "I think if you get some rest you'll have more fun tomorrow." 

You sighed. "I guess you're right. I'll shower in the morning, too," you said through a yawn. Your luggage was sitting in the corner of the room, but you were too lazy to rummage through it to find sleepwear. You slipped your sundress off and dropped it on the floor, revealing your bare breasts and red panties to Kylo again. He was watching you, but you were too tired to try anything. You climbed into the comically huge bed on your hands and knees. 

"Where the fuck do you sleep on this thing?" you asked confused. Did you sleep in the middle? The edge? What did you do?

Kylo stood and slipped off his hoodie and then his sneakers. "Try the middle. I like that the best."

You pulled up the covers and laid in the middle of the bed setting your phone next to you. 

"So, is this like an orgy bed?" you asked as he walked into the bathroom. 

"It could be," he said as he got ready for bed. 

"Have you ever been in an orgy?" you were genuinely curious. 

"Yeah," he called from the other room. 

You shot straight up, "Oh my god, really!?" You were amazed. "How was it?"

"Too much work. I prefer one on one," he was now walking out of the bathroom and slipping into the bed with you. 

"Like what kind of stuff did you do? Was it boys and girls?" you were like a kid with your questions. 

"Just women. Don't worry about what I did," he closed his eyes signaling he was ready for sleep. 

"Wow, that seems so misogynistic," you were mostly joking, but imagining Kylo surrounded by a horde of women ready and eager to please him did seem a little harem like. 

You turned on your stomach and Kylo placed a hand on your ass cheek, resting it there. You smiled before closing your eyes, completely content with the latter part of this day. It had been eventful, but right now, you were just basking in the company of Kylo. Your phone began to buzz at your head. It was a call. You ignored it. 

A couple of minutes later, the text tone went off, so you picked up your phone and looked at the message. And your jaw dropped. 

It was Diane. 

She had sent a photo of you and Kylo boarding the jet together.

'What is this about?'


	20. Responsible

You saw white. You didn't even know what exactly the emotion was that you were feeling, but it sucked, and you were truly at a loss as to what to do. Your body felt numb, and the thoughts came rushing in. This was it. You were done for. You were going to lose the best job you ever had, be on the shit list of a prominent New York socialite, and any hope of spending some good time with Kylo was gone. You didn't know what to do. So you gasped. Audibly and clearly. 

"What's wrong?" Kylo shifted to face you. "What is it?" he was looking at your phone screen. 

You didn't say a word. You sat up and stared at the picture's thumbnail. The shot was taken in front of the two of you, you were walking closely together, his arm snaked around your back, steps from the stairs leading up to the jet. The words of the message stared back at you. 

"What is this about?"

It seemed aggressive. But of course it was. You were boarding a private plane with the woman's husband while she was away. What lie could Kylo possible tell that she would believe? What was she going to do? She was, after all, planning on divorcing him, so maybe it would be less bad? But all the lying. All the secrecy, the fake kindness. You could physically feel Karma biting you in the ass at that instance. 

Kylo barked your name sternly. "What's going on?" 

You dropped your phone next to him, unable to get the words out of your mouth. You pointed to the illuminated screen, and you felt the tears coming up in your eyes. 

Kylo picked up the phone, and his face seemed to turn pale, ghost white. His eyes darted across the screen trying to make sense of what he was seeing. 

"Who the fuck...." he was whispering to himself, "who the fuck took this?" 

You had been wondering that yourself in your stream of thoughts in seeing the photo. You were pretty buzzed by the time you were boarding the flight, so you were scrambling your thoughts together to try to remember who was around when you boarding. You couldn't remember specific faces, but you didn't remember there being a lot of people. Just some Associates and some of the flight traffic people. 

Kylo shot up from the bed holding your phone as he paced around the room looking at the photo over and over again. You had never seen him even close to panicked, and he screamed unease and panic as you watched him traverse the large bedroom. Kylo seemed to always have a plan, and though you were a worrisome person by nature, his confidence in always having a plan made you feel at ease somewhat, but this, seeing him like this, made your anxiety triple a million times. 

"Okay, okay," Kylo was muttering to himself, "maybe I could, uh, say that I needed--no, fuck, I can't say that she knows about that!" he stopped and looked at your phone screen again before throwing it across the room, the glass shattering upon impact. "FUCK."

You didn't have time to care about your now broken phone. This was bad. 

"Kylo..." you finally breathed out. "What do we do?"

"The fuck if I know!" he was yelling, letting out a loud, guttural scream before kicking the chair next to him. 

"We have to tell her..." you were finding it hard to breathe. 

"Are you fucking stupid?" he spat at you. "I need this divorce to be a smooth as possible, I can't go into court with a fucking side piece!"

"I can't keep lying! She is going to do something bad, Kylo, I know she is," you were feeling like now may be the time to tell him. Or was it? Would he fucking kill you because you had kept it from him? 

"She's useless, powerless, what the hell do you think she is going to do? I can get out of this, I just need to know who took the fucking photo," he was chewing his lips and tugging at his hair now. 

"I think she is capable of something really bad, I just--you need to call her," you were sputtering, your brain running a million miles a minute. "Can she be bought? Can you just give her a million dollars and tell her to shut the fuck up?" you were sitting on the bed trying to come up with anything to make this situation better. 

"A million dollars? She's a rich girl, that's pocket change to her. She will want more like a couple billion," Kylo was standing at the window overlooking the Strip. The sun was rising now. Suddenly, the doorbell to the room was ringing. Kylo's head snapped towards the door, and he strode out the room, closing the door behind him. And that's when your phone started dinging endlessly across the room. You stared at the phone on the floor for a moment before getting up and picking it up. It was cracked to hell, but you could see the screen okay. 

People in your hometown were messaging you on social media. With the picture. It had been sold to a media outlet. And so every person you had gone to school with (who had never really liked you to begin with) was asking you about Kylo. Asking you about if you two were an item, if you were rich now. Hot tears began to run from your eyes. If all these people had the picture, it was only a matter of time before the agency saw it and would call you to tell you to fill out your termination papers. 

Kylo busted through the door, angrily marching into the room, a nicely dressed woman following him with an Ipad. She had dark, beautiful skin, and her hair was incredible. She was really attractive, and you kind of felt inferior to her incredible presence. She was furiously typing on the thing when you realized you were half naked. You covered your breasts and furrowed your brows. 

"Who is this!?" you yelled at Kylo as you walked over to where your dress was laid out on the floor. You slipped it on quickly as the businesswoman was not even concerned about you at the moment. 

"Whoever it was, they sold it to That's It Magazine; that's the original source," she was looking at the Ipad with intense eyes before they met yours. "This is her?"

"What the fuck do you think, Sloane?" Kylo was standing behind her now, looking at the Ipad. "Fuck, it's everywhere!" 

"Do you have social media?" she demanded at you.

"Yeah, I-I do," you stuttered. 

"Deactivate all of them now. Before the outlets find out your name and start releasing all of your personal information."

"People from my hometown have already started asking me about it," you looked at your phone that was still blowing up. 

"Don't say a word to anyone. Just delete all the accounts, and then we are going to figure out what to say. Your hometown folks might sell your name to press, I can't control that." Sloane turned to Kylo, "As for Diane, hold out on calling her for as long as possible, but again, it's not really my job to deal with your marital issues, Ren. So do what you must with that. I'm going to the office to figure this shit out, you need to come with me." She sounded disappointed in him.

Kylo entered the closet in the room. 

Sloane sat in on one of the chairs in the room. "Come, sit with me."

You walked over and sat down. You were embarrassed and ashamed, and you knew this woman was judging you. 

"Rae Sloane," she extended her hand. "Obviously, I'm the publicist." 

"Nice to meet you," you told her your name, your voice was still shaky. 

"I'm going to try my best to fix this. I have fixed a few extramarital scandals before, but this one is going to be particularly tough."

"What makes this one different?" you crossed your legs anxiously.

"You aren't famous. Usually the other person is at least somewhat prominent, so it can usually be excused as business. Plus, no one else was with you two. That makes it extremely hard. And on top of that," Rae looked around the room, "between you and me, which I am sure you know this... Diane is fucking crazy." 

Your eyes widened. "That's what I have been trying to say! Kylo doesn't believe me." You were whispering. 

"Whatever happens between the three of you is up to you all. That's his wife so he's got to deal with that. But she knows who you are and knows you would have no business being with him on a private jet...so I am not sure how to tell Kylo this, but I don't think there's a way of getting out of this with Diane." She looked sad for you. You were somehow even more worried. Didn't know that was possible. 

You looked at your hands. "Has he been in this kind of scandal before?" You almost didn't want to know the answer.

Rae looked at you, considering, "No. Never. I usually just have to write public apologies for when he is too crude to the media. He has never gotten himself into something this bad. Do you know who Snoke is?"

"Yeah."

"Well, when he was alive, it was always the rumor that he kind of 'arranged' their marriage. I don't think Kylo ever was in love with her. So, truly, I am surprised you're the first one." Sloane raised her eyebrows. "I kind of thought he was asexual, not gonna lie. Tons of supermodels have tried to get a piece of him. But he always turned them down. You must be something special." 

You were picking at your fingers nervously. You didn't feel special at all. You felt anything but. 

Kylo emerged from the closet in a full suit. He looked so tired, dark circles under his eyes prominent. 

"Okay, let's go," he turned to you pointing a scolding finger, "Don't leave this room until I say you can." Rae was gathering her things as she stood. 

"I think she should be fine if she wants to walk around the hotel, Ren," she was taking up for you. 

"Did anyone ask you? Don't leave," he barked your name, leaving the room abruptly. Rae Sloane rolled her eyes and followed him out. 

"Sorry," she said as she walked out. 

You ran out behind them. "Kylo! Wait, can I talk to you in private?"

He didn't turn around to look at you. "No, go back to bed." 

"It's, like really important," you pleaded with him. It was now or never to tell him about Diane's divorce plans. 

"No." He was grabbing his things to leave. 

"Kylo, please, please, listen to me. We need to talk about this," you were begging at this point. 

He turned around his face covered in annoyance, anger, fear, all of it. "Do you want to lose your job? I have to fix this. Nothing you have to say could be more importan--"

"Diane is planning to divorce you!" you blurted out. The room was completely silent. Rae's face screamed astonishment as she looked at Kylo whose own face was now one of confusion. 

"Huh?" he put his hands on either hip, "What are you talking about?"

You looked at the floor and then back to him. "She told me. After that big fight y'all had." 

"Are you fucking serious?" his face was contorting into one that you had never seen. It read embarrassment. 

"I wanted to tell you in private, Kylo, you just weren't listening," you countered. 

"I'm going to be waiting in the car out back. Come when you can," Rae abruptly said as she exited the hotel suite. 

Kylo was staring at you, eyes boring through you with red hot anger and betrayal. 

"Kylo, I--"

"What the fuck? Are you so fucking incompetent that you would think that is something to keep from me? Did you stop to think 'maybe he should know this?' Aren't you on my side? I can't believe you," he was screaming. This level of anger was unheard of before now. He picked up what appeared to be an antique lamp and threw it on the ground, the porcelain shattering into a million little pieces. "Tell me every fucking word that bitch said to you." You didn't speak immediately and so he closed the space between you, looking down at you. You felt like a small and weak puppy in this moment. The anger was radiating off of his body.

You sat on the couch behind you and looked up at him. "She was sitting in the kitchen and told me that she was hiring a lawyer. She said you would be served by next week. She said she was going to expose your 'secrets' and ruin you." 

His eyes went wide. "Next week?! Are you serious?" he shouted your name, "You realize that I am not serving her till three weeks from now right? This is going to ruin everything for me. I can't believe you!" 

"Can you serve her sooner?" you were unsure of how to react to his attitude.

"I don't fucking know! I'm on the other side of the country trying to appease you and give you a good time! Fuck, I knew I should have never let myself get to this point with you. I knew hiring you was stupid fucking idea," he was pacing again. That statement hit you hard. It really hurt to hear him be so regretful about the time you two had spent together. You knew that you guys weren't anything and never would be, but he was going over the line. 

"You don't have to be like that," the tears were not holding back anymore, they were falling hard. 

"Oh, stop. I don't have time for this soft bullshit. I have to go fix what you started."

Your head snapped to him. "Me!? Fucking me!?" You stood up and looked him in the eye. "How dare you blame this on me? I was just doing my fucking job, trying to raise your kid--"

"NOT my kid," he spat at you. 

"I don't give a fuck, my function was to come in your home and take care of that baby, and you made it much more than that. You with your fucking power dynamic over me. At first, I thought if I didn't do it you would fire me, so I did, and yeah, I enjoyed it and came to love meeting with you, but YOU, Kylo, are responsible for this. You are responsible for all the shitty aspects of your life. Renouncing your family and changing your name doesn't change the fact that you are weak." you were the one screaming now, sobs and tears freely flowing, "I will put up with a lot, because, for some reason, I feel something for you, but I will NOT be solely blamed for this disaster." 

He was staring at you with a blank expression now. No words came from him. 

"And you know what's really fucked up, Kylo?" you threw your hands up, hiccupping, "You probably will serve her first, get what you want, and go on unscathed from this. You will get everything you want. You will never see me again, and then I have to deal with all the shit. I will be the one known as the homewrecker who tore up your happy home, I will lose my job and have to go home. Diane is fucking crazy, so she will probably ruin my life in some fucking way. And all the while you will still be Kylo fucking Ren, the most powerful, most handsome, most revered man in the world." You sat back down, your cries filling the room. 

He stood there looking down at you. Not saying a word. 

"I have to go." he said quietly, meekly. And then he did. He left. Without a response to your pouring your heart out.

"I bet you do. Good luck," you whispered to yourself. You sat there on that couch and just let it all out. Months worth of hurt, you let it flow out. 

You decided to take a long bath while you thought about your next move. You assumed that as soon as you returned to New York, you would be moving out, so you would have to look at flights back home in a little bit. It was going to be so embarrassing and shameful to tell your parents why you had to leave the city. That also reminded you that you essentially had no skills to start a new career. You didn't have a college degree, so maybe you would have to enroll in college. Your mom was a teacher, so maybe she could get you a job as a sub. Teaching was probably your best option, so you decided that was that. You had been paid very handsomely while working for Kylo, so you figured you could start school with that money. You thought about what your love life would look like when you got home. 

All the guys back home were gross. None of them could possibly suit you, and maybe that was an issue on you. You had high standards before Kylo, but since you had gotten a taste of the Sexiest Man Alive, it was going to be even harder to find someone to meet your tastes. There were some nice girls in town, but you honestly didn't know if they were even into girls. Maybe you just needed to settle. You were getting older, and you wanted a family. Settling for a hometowner may have not been so bad. But then you thought about the sex you and Kylo had perfected. It would never compare. 

Your friends back home would be thrilled to have you back, and you just knew that they would have questions about him. Would you be able to talk about it or would your NDA still be in effect? Would you even want to talk about it? You loved him for fuck sake. This shit was going to be really hard on you, and you weren't ready for that. It was essentially going to be a breakup, and you had never been through a real one. 

You laid in the hot water with a tear stained face as you stared around the room. You looked at all the pretty luxurious decor, and then you thought about the selfish things you were going to miss. You were going to miss living in the most expensive part of town in such a beautiful home. You would miss late nights in the penthouse at Ren Tower. It felt so nice to be surrounded by such expensive things, and it was going to be an adjustment going home to your lower middle class roots. But that was an awful thought, and you pushed it back. 

After you let all of your sorrows out, you walked back into the bedroom where your phone was. You picked it up to see countless messages and texts from people you knew. Including your mom. You hadn't talked to her in a long while, you hated lying to her, and that was exactly what you had been forced to do for so long. 

"Why didn't you tell me that you and him were seeing each other?" Her message said. You couldn't reply, and you were explicitly told not to, so you didn't. But in the sea of text messages, one stood out to you. Diane. 

"I know you two are in Vegas, and I know why. Call me ASAP."


	21. On My Own

Seeing this message barely phased you. You were already in the worst state you had ever been in, so seeing this message couldn't raise your anxiety levels anymore. But it would definitely fuck up Kylo's day even more. He had only been gone for a couple of hours, so you weren't sure if he and Rae had come up with a story, but you apathetically decided you should probably tell him. If he would even respond to you.

You opened up the phone app, and hit his number. The phone continually rang and not to your surprise, he didn't answer. So, you screenshot Diane's message and sent it in a text to his personal number. You laid your phone down, and walked to your luggage. You were sick of his shit, so you decided to get dressed and go explore the hotel to try to get your mind off things. Besides, the publicist had said it would be okay for you to do that, and Kylo didn't own you.

You threw on black leggings and an oversized sweater. You didn't even worry about your makeup or hair, that shit didn't matter. You just needed to get out. To stop feeling like a caged in animal.

So you left the room and your phone and headed down to the first level.

You walked into the beautiful hotel and if you weren't so down, you would have been absolutely thrilled to be there, but instead the flashiness of it all made you just remember your situation. You had been to the casino once or twice, but none of them were like this one. You looked out across hundreds and hundreds of slot machines and table games. It was super flashy and chic, but again, you felt so blah.

An attractive woman in a tailored suit was walking straight for toward you with purpose. Her golden, perfectly curled hair bounced behind her back as her expensive pumps clacked against the floor. As she neared you, you gave her a small smile, expecting her to pass you right up. But she walked straight to you, extending her hand when she made her way to you.

"Hi, sweetie! I'm Josie Gardner," she grabbed your hand, shaking it excitedly. "It is so nice to meet you," she beamed her white, perfect, straight teeth at you.

"Hi?" you said unsure, did she recognize you from the picture?

"Oh, you are probably so confused," she chuckled, "I'm your personal VIP assistant while you are staying here. You are staying in the Executive Penthouse, right?"

"Yeah, I am," there couldn't have been less excitement in your voice. "I didn't know I got an assistant."

"Well, of course. I am here to get you whatever you want. Into any club, any restaurant, any show, whatever you want or need, I have got you."

"Oh, well, I came here with a friend, I don't have that kind of money, but thank you," you were starting to walk off when she playfully scoffed.

"Sweetie, it gets charged to the big man's card. You should know that, shouldn't you?" she cocked her head at you.

"They didn't mention it. I can go anywhere in town?" you were considering it. Considering going out on the town and having the most expensive meal of your life, going to the best spa in town, going to a nightclub during the day and ordering three bottles of that Jay Z champagne that costs nine hundred dollars a bottle, buying a couple of Chanel bags. Just to spite him. You were started to feel the anger part of the grieving process.

"Pretty much. May I set you up for breakfast?" she pulled out her iPad. You looked around the room, and then back to Josie.

"Uh, sure. Can I go get my phone from the room first?" you asked, looking at her long legs. She was so Amazon like.

"Of course you can! I'll have transport out front for you in 5," she walked off briskly, typing away on her iPad. You figured you should at least keep your phone on you if you were going to go against Kylo's orders. So you went back up and grabbed your phone. You decided to at least brush your hair to look a little more presentable. You were positive you didn't look like the type of woman with a VIP assistant. You stuffed your phone into the pocket of your sweater, refusing to look at the screen yet, totally afraid of what you might see. You made your way back down and walked through the beautiful place, finally making your way to the SUV waiting for you out front.

You had been given reservations at the top breakfast spot in town, and when you got there you realized how fucking tired you really were. You drank 4 cups of 20 dollar coffee to keep yourself awake as you scarfed down a seventy dollar plate of banana's foster pancakes. You were sitting there already feeling the nervous jitters from all that caffeine when you decided to finally look at your phone. It had been a solid five or six hours since you saw Kylo and also sent him the message from Diane, so no telling what you could have expected. You finally had the courage to look down at the screen. 

"Come back to the room. Now." 

You frowned at the text, so, so, so fucking fed up with his demanding shit. You ignored him.

You slammed your phone down as the poor unsuspecting waitress was bringing you the check. You were signing for the tip when someone slipped into the chair across from you. 

You eyes looked up to see a very sunken faced Kylo. The bags under his eyes somehow even more dark and even more pronounced. He managed to still be so beautiful even so, but you were still livid. 

"How did you find me? I literally just saw your message," your frown still very pronounced. 

He rubbed his eyes and covered his mouth as he yawned. "Josie." 

"Damn. Of course." you finished signing the tip making sure it was hefty and looked back to Kylo. "What do you want?"

"I don't have the energy to care about your blatant disobedience or us being watched right now. Let's go back to the hotel."

"Then why even come find me?" you crossed your arms. 

"Come on."

"Can you at least tell me what's going on?" you conceded. 

"If you come on," he stood, waiting for you. 

You groaned, sighing as you stood. You followed behind him in shame, everyone in the restaurant watching you. His willingness to be seen with you could only have been an indicator of bad news. But you were prepared for that. 

Finally back at the hotel room, Kylo plopped on one of the many couches, hands covering his eyes as he breathed deep breaths. You sat as far away as you could, on a lounge chair in the corner. It brought back memories. 

"What's the latest, Kylo?" you sighed yet again. Ready for the blow. What had they come up with? Had they made a deal with Diane? What would he say?

He rubbed his temples aggressively. "There's no covering it."

"Why?" you were now more invested in the conversation. 

"You didn't see?" he sat up and looked at you. 

"See what?"

"Go look at Twitter." 

You quickly opened your phone and swiped to see what was trending. What you saw made you want to throw up. 

Diane had Tweeted a photo that was obviously secretly taken by Dusty inside the house. The photo was of you standing at his bedroom door together from that night. The Tweet's caption made you want to just lay down and die. 

"the woman I trusted to care for our child was too busy caring for my husband #sohurt #cantbelieveit" 

She had made several other Tweets essentially blaming you for everything. 

"She did this before you could come up with anything..." you trailed off as you looked at the photo. 

"Yeah," he was staring upward now, "but I served her. About 20 minutes ago. She has the papers." 

You looked over at Kylo. Unsure of what to say, unsure of what to do. You just watched him. 

"So...what will this do to your image?" you finally blurted out. 

"Nothing. Men never get shit for affairs. It's unfair, but it's true. You on the other hand, I'm shocked that her fanbase hasn't started attacking you." he said gruffly. 

"They may have. I deleted social media." you looked down at your phone pondering if you wanted to check. 

"You should keep it that way." 

"When is it final?" you looked around the room, suddenly feeling like privacy didn't exist. 

"Hopefully in a week. We are getting pushed to the front of the line. But because of this....she's going to get a huge settlement," Kylo kicked off his Louboutin dress shoes. "but it's worth it. any amount of money to get her the fuck out of my life is worth it."

You were silent, considering your question. 

"What happens to me?"

He looked at you deadpan from across the room. "We will go back to New York tonight. I can put you up in the penthouse for the week, but after that...." he was nervous, red faced, and his throat was tight. 

"I'm just on my own, huh?" you whispered, your voice cracking from the pain. The pain you thought you had cried out. 

His eyes met yours again. You could swea your saw raw sadness in his deep, rich eyes. You were going to lose it again, so you ran into the bedroom. You got on the ridiculously large bed and the tears spilled from you eyes. He was close behind you, trailing into the room. You turned away as your face became stained with tears. 

He breathed your name. "Please don't cry." 

You ignored him, laying down because his words made it hurt worse. 

He sat on the edge of the bed, as close to you as possible. He said your name again. His hand found your calf, and he gave it a light squeeze. You darted your eyes at him, but you were unable to look him in the eyes. 

"I think you are wonderful. I really do. But I am not made for the kind of life you want with me," he sounded so cliche, like such a fuckboy. "You deserve better." 

And that was it, you were tired of this gaslighting, manipulative bullshit. "Shut the fuck up. I don't want to hear that shit. I deserve better, yeah, better from you. I have put up with so much for the sake of loving you, and you fucking feel that way about me, too, but your emotional immaturity is a real fucker. I'm going home tonight, Kylo. And I don't mean New York." You stood up and started repacking your barely unpacked bag. 

"What the fuck do you mean?" he stood up, voice lower than usual. 

"I'm going home, home," you said. not facing him. You finished packing your bag and pulled out your phone, booking the next flight to your home state. "You can throw my shit away, I don't want it." It was mostly just clothes and a few personal things you had brought to Kylo's home. 

Kylo walked toward you, reaching for your arm. You jerked it away. "Don't touch me!" You avoided him. 

"Can I please get you a private jet at least?" he offered. 

You turned around to stare at him, your mouth agape with shock. "THAT'S what you want to say to me?" You got close to him, centimeters away as you poked your index finger in his broad, hard chest. "YOU ARE FUCKER KYLO REN! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU SO MUCH IT HURTS! I hate you so fucking much that it makes me want to cry," you were sputtering out your words in a what you thought was menacing yell. 

He took a step back, eyes wide while he watched you gather your things. 

You walked to the exit door and looked back at him. "Anything?" you gave him a chance. He was silent, unmoving. 

"Goodbye, Kylo." Your eyes were still pouring tears, and they continued to until you landed safely in your home state. 

The past three months had been tough. Coming home to your parents and having to explain everything was difficult to say the least. Not to mention you're too close for comfort mom who had been trying to get Kylo's dick size out of you since the moment you landed back home. 

You had requested that she not talk about him, that it was a "bad experience." You couldn't stand to hear his name and for about two weeks after "the scandal," it was all you ever heard.

"So were you two a couple?"

"Was it a one time thing?" 

"Was he good in bed?"

And then there were the more bold questions. 

"Why would you sleep with a married man?"

"Was it always your plan to be the cliche nanny fucking the husband?"

"Are you ashamed?"

You waved off most questions. It was all too much, and it was all unfair. This was going to be your life for the foreseeable future. The media coverage had been extensive. Your mom did her best to make you comfortable coming back home. She let you live in your old room for free, but you insisted on using your nanny money to help her pay for her mortgage. She also did indeed get you a job as a substitute teacher, so you were pretty much at the school everyday. 

You hadn't dated or tried to date anyone either. You were kind of a social pariah, so it wasn't like anyone wanted to anyway. 

You had told your mom you loved Kylo, and she really felt for you. She knew how bad it sucked to be forced to leave someone you love, but your dad had also cheated on her and that led to her divorce, so you knew she had mixed feelings about your situation. So, she coped with humor. 

Your mom was a fun mom. She loved going out and drinking with her friends almost as much as she loved you. And she did it every Wednesday at the local bar. And it was Wednesday, and she was convinced you needed to get out. 

"Baby, I'm just saying, you might benefit from getting some human interaction from humans that aren't 8th graders," she pleaded with you. She was wearing her best suburban mom, girls night out outfit. 

"I really will be fine here, mom," you were sitting on the couch still in your teacher clothes. 

"Mrs. Kelli will be there, you love Mrs. Kelli," she pleaded again. She was right, you did love Mrs. Kelli. She was the most fun of your mom's friends. And you literally hadn't had fun in months. It may have been worth it just to go out and get drunk on your mom's dime. She always paid. 

"Ugggghhhhh," you groaned. "Okay. Let me change." 

You had left the majority of your clothes in New York. You needed to reinvent yourself after everything, so it was okay. You opted for more dark clothes these days. It just matched your vibe best.

You opted for a black spaghetti strap dress, heavily inspired by Posh Spice. You gave your hair messy waves and did a light grungy makeup look. You weren't making yourself look all nice for anyone but yourself. If you were gonna go out, you wanted to feel good. You topped it off with a chunky pair of 90s inspired platforms, and you looked in your mirror. You weren't gonna sugar coat it, you looked hot as fuck. You hadn't ever looked like this around Kylo. You wondered how he would react if you had....

But you pushed him out of your mind, focusing on how absolutely banging you looked. You suddenly had a boost of confidence, and you thought maybe, just maybe you might look for some action tonight. It had been entirely too long, and though you knew no one would satiate you like Kylo, you were in need. Granted, many dudes probably wouldn't be interested in you, given you would be with your mom and her group of friends, but it was worth the try. 

You walked back into the living room where your mom was waiting for you.

"Jesus, are you trying to make every guy in the place pounce on you?" your mom gasped at your choice of look. You shrugged and headed for the door. 

"Let's go!"

The bar was packed for a Wednesday. It had only been about an hour, and your mom was already pretty smashed, singing karaoke with her friends. You had been nursing the same Old Fashioned since you got here. You were pretty irritable around everyone, so you decided then you needed to down some more drinks. You chugged the rest of your Old Fashioned, and scrunched up your face as it went down. 

"What you drinking?" a man's voice said beside you. You looked over to him, scowl still on your face. 

You were astounded at what you saw. This man had nearly the same face as Kylo, but he had light blonde hair on top of his head. You didn't know him, he must not have been from here, because you would have remembered such a good looking guy. He was almost as tall as Kylo and he wore these huge wire rim glasses. He was cute. You stared at him for a brief moment, all of your skeletons threatening to leave the closet when you finally spoke up. 

"Old Fashioned. It's a strong one," you licked your lips. "Sorry, I was staring. Has anyone ever told you you look like--"

"Yeah. They have," he laughed. "All the time. Blonde Kylo Ren is what they usually call me, but my name is Matt," he gave you his hand. "Nice to meet you."

You gave him a smile and your hand, "You too." You told him your name. "I need another one," you called out, hoping the bartender would hear. 

"Can I buy your drink?" Matt looked you up and down, he probably thought you didn't notice, but you smirked and nodded. He ordered your next drink, and then it dawned on you. He didn't seem to know who you were. And that was refreshing. Maybe he did, but he didn't bring it up and that was enough for you. He ordered a beer, and the two of you sat at a high top table together. Your mom had spotted you with him and gave you a thumbs up before leaving you alone. 

"So, what do you do?" you asked him, sipping your third Old Fashioned. 

"I'm an engineer," he downed the last bit of his beer. "What about you?" He was sweet, genuinely interested in you. 

"I'm a teacher, well, like a sub, but I teach pretty much everyday, so yeah," you realized you were babbling. "Sorry, I don't really talk to people my age that often." You were blushing. 

"It's okay, I like hearing you talk," he looked around the room for a moment, obviously nervous to ask what he wanted to next. So, you did it for him. You stood up and walked beside him, bringing your lips close to his ear. 

"Do you want to go somewhere?" you whispered, your berry colored lips grazing the soft skin of his ear. He looked at you with a smile and nodded enthusiastically. He grabbed your hand and the two of you left to his place. 

You were in the passenger seat of his Cadillac when you realized you probably had drank way too much to be going home with someone. But a bunch of people saw you with him, and you had sent his car model to your mom via text. You were naturally nervous these days.

"Are you from around here? I am, and I have never seen you before," you asked looking over at him. His side profile uncannily looked like Kylo. 

"I moved here a couple of months ago for work," he flashed a smile at you, "I can't believe someone as beautiful as you came from this dump."

"It is a dump, hell yeah," you said. The resemblance to your former flame started to work its magic on your center, the heat starting to form there. You rested a hand on his thigh and rubbed up and down softly. His eyes darted down to your hand and so you took that as an invitation to go up further. Your hand grazed over his cock, and he jumped back. 

"Hey, hey, be patient, baby," he laughed. "We are almost there." You were borderline pouting for the rest of the ride. 

When the two of you arrived at his place, he wasted no time in putting his hands all over your body, feeling you up. His lips crashed against your own and small moans fell from your mouth. You were making out all the way to his bedroom and when you got there you pulled your spaghetti straps off your arms and let your tits fall from your dress. He looked like a kid on Christmas when he saw them and his hands shot to them immediately, kneading them in his palms. Your head fell back in pleasure as he left small kisses on your neck while playing with your tits. 

"Mmmm, fuck, daddy," you let slip from your throat. Matt's head shot up and he looked puzzled. 

"Isn't that a bit misogynistic? A little anti-feminist?" he cocked his head.

"What?" you sounded annoyed. 

"Calling me.... daddy?" he genuinely seemed confounded. "It's a little strange for me." 

"Okay, I won't," you put your hand behind his head, leading his mouth back to your neck. He continued peppering kisses on your neck and clavicle. His body was pressed against yours, and you could feel him hardening. You moved your hand down and began palming him through his jeans. It was nicely sized, but nothing like Kylo. He let out some moans and you grabbed it with more force. 

"You like that, baby?" he said between sucking your neck. You responded by kneeling on the ground in front of him. 

"Yes, yes, I do," you said as you focused on undoing his pants. He looked down at you with wide eyes as you worked at his zipper. When you finally got it undone, his girth sprung from his boxers. You moaned and licked your lips as your hand wrapped around him. 

"Shit, that feels good," Matt murmured as you worked your hand up and down his cock. 

You smiled up at him before taking him in your mouth. You hollowed your cheeks and began sucking him while bobbing your head up and down. His hands were at his sides and you wanted them in your hair, so you guided them to your scalp. 

"Pull," you commanded him. He pulled at your tresses lightly, barely any pressure at the root. You sucked him harder in hopes that he would respond with more tension. Guttural grunts came from him, but no more pull. You didn't want to make him uncomfortable again, so you deepthroated him in hopes that he would fuck your throat or something. 

"Oh my god, how do you do that? I-I've never felt that before," his head was falling back, but no hip reaction. 

You pulled back. "Please fuck my mouth, okay?" 

He looked down, "I don't want to hurt you." 

"You won't, I promise, please" you jerked his length before putting him back in your mouth. He began to reluctantly buck his hips finally bringing you some pleasure as he made you gag on him. You moaned against him causing him to shudder. He continued to buck his hips at a nice pace but not the ruthless, sloppy, mean thrusts you were used to. 

You stood and looked him in the eyes, "I think I need to be fucked." You noticed then that you were kind of the dom in this situation, and you weren't good at it. But you would get no where if you let him take the lead. 

"Okay, baby, bend over my bed," he said in a low, supposed to be sexy voice. 

You smiled and walked to the edge of the bed, bending over and hiking up the bottom of your dress to reveal your black thong to Matt. He walked over and rubbed your ass. 

"You like it rough don't you?" he said sending a much needed shock through your body. 

You looked back at him, "yeah, I do." 

"Okay, take this," he reared back his hand but the impact was laughable. It was about as hard as you would hit a small child. But you were growing tired of this encounter, so you played along and moaned and acted like it was the spanking of a lifetime. 

"Mmmmm, fuck! Fuck me!," you fake screamed out in pleasure. Matt responded by jerking his cock as he reached in the side table next to his bed, grabbing a condom and slipping it on. He rubbed his head along your slit before slipping it in roughly, but not the way you liked it. Kylo's cock nearly hit your cervix when he fucked you like this, Matt wasn't even close. He began moving frantically, jackhammering you from behind all the while slapping your ass as if you were a puppy he was scolding. Matt was making animalistic noises as he went, grunts and heavy breaths. You let out fake, porn-esque moans to hurry him up. And just as abruptly as it had started, it ended. Matt's cock was twitching in side of you as he emptied into the condom. 

You stood and pulled your panties back up and then adjusted your dress. Matt was getting completely undressed. 

"Did you cum?" he looked at you hopefully. 

"Uh, yeah! It was amazing," you lied through your teeth. He walked over and pecked you on the mouth. 

"I would love for you to spend the night with me," he was in his underwear, getting ready for bed. A small part of you felt like that was wrong, you had only done that with Kylo, and you didn't want to change that. 

"I would love to, but I have work in the morning," you feigned a sad face. 

"Well, that's okay! Let me take you home," he started slipping on his clothes, "I hope you will give me your number," he smiled at you. 

"Maybe!" you stood there awkwardly. 

When you got home that night, you felt gross. You felt like you wasted a body count. Your mind raced with thoughts. 

Your mind raced with thoughts of Kylo.


	22. In The Arms Of Another

It had been exactly three months to the day since he saw her last. It had almost been three months to the day that his divorce was final. It happened just two days after she was gone. She had made the right decision by going home and not returning to New York. The press had gone wild, camping outside of his home, his tower, everywhere he looked there was a reporter or photographer trying to get a photo of the adulterer and hopefully his mistress. But she had missed it all, thank god. He didn't want that for her. 

She also missed Diane. And her attempted wrath. As soon as Kylo walked through the door of the home after Vegas, she was there. Her hippie dippie bullshit persona was out the window, and she was her true self. Screaming and hitting him, she was blaming her for "ruining her family." Kylo repeatedly told Diane that she was the sole cause of this, and he never loved her. That she knew as well as anyone else that their marriage was solely for the benefit of Snoke. 

"The moment Snoke died, I started thinking about how to leave you," Kylo was growling at Diane as he grabbed the few things he wanted to keep from the house. The most important thing to keep was his grandfather's hat, his prized possession. "That's a fucking lie, I started thinking about it way before then."

"You are ruining my life, what does that basic common bitch have that I don't, Kylo?" Diane was following him around the room, screaming in his ear. 

"Why are you pretending like this marriage was anything but a business deal, Diane?" Kylo turned to her, his face red, "You can't stand the fact that you will fade to irrelevance the moment I leave that courtroom."

"Your son, Kylo!" Diane threw her hands up.

"Stop. Stop trying to convince yourself and me that he is mine, you fucking idiot," Kylo entered the hallway and ordered the movers to come in and get his boxes. 

"How dare you say that? Say something so vile about your son?" Diane was feigning tears at this point. 

"Wanna take the test in court?" Kylo turned to her at the door. Diane got small, realizing her mistake in challenging it. "Try to say he's my kid in court and watch what happens." 

That was the last thing Kylo had said to Diane outside of court. Her lawyer did all the speaking and negotiating with him and his lawyer. Diane had settled for a five hundred million dollar settlement and openly admitted in court that the son was not his for an additional three million for the child's "college fund." Kylo had also ended up retaining his stakes in her family's company. He had stopped caring about that, but it was a positive that made up for the five hundred million he had lost. 

He wondered how much easier this would have been if he hadn't let her take over his mind so easily. If he hadn't gotten tangled up in her. Honestly, it probably wouldn't have been much different. He was unhappy before her, he wanted a divorce before her, the kid wasn't his before her. She just added positivity and happiness to his life on top of all the shit. 

Kylo was surprised to find that after the day the divorce was final, thousands of women were in his inbox trying to pull a console and grab. That was when you consoled a newly single man and then grabbed him up for your own use. Supermodels, young actresses, tons of fans were all in his inbox saying sorry and sending him titty pics. But he was unimpressed and unfazed. A small part of him hoped that she would see him in the news and reach out to console him. But of course, she didn't. She was probably avoiding the media still which was a great idea, because they were still trying to rip her apart. Diane's fans could be ruthless. 

Kylo had planned on investing in property and buying a new home in the city, but for the past three months, he had chosen to just live in the tower. His days were extremely mundane, and he was pretty sure that he left the tower a total of maybe three times since he moved in full time. Several days he opted to attend meetings from the comfort of his couch on a computer rather than take the elevator a few floors down and he had foregone the gym a lot. He had worn a full suit like once since this all went down, but he was the boss. What was anyone going to say to him? He was kind of the poster boy for post depression break up, and it wasn't the break up with his wife that was hurting him. 

It was her. 

He thought about her all the time. He thought about her smile, her scent, her sarcastic wit, her beautiful, voluptuous body. The way that it felt against his own. His favorite thing was her lips. The softness and the taste drove him wild. He could have never gotten enough. But he had worked hard to not let her know that, he had kept up his wall high and strong even in the moments when he wanted to let it fall and let her in. Those final days with her, he was so exhausted and tired of hiding his feelings for her that he actually physically felt worn down. When she had lost her shit on him, he didn't have the energy to correct her. To tell her that she meant the world to him, and he didn't want her to go. That even though he said he could only see her for one more week, he wanted more than anything to keep her around forever. But that part of him that yearned for power more than anything let her walk out of that door. 

Kylo was laying in his bed after a long day of work. Hux had been a total little bitch the whole day, when was he not? He looked at his phone screen while he considered looking her up. Would it have been so bad to see if she was doing okay?

He unlocked the phone and signed in to his private Facebook. Celebrities had special accounts that couldn't be looked up. He solely had this account because when he was younger, he used to keep up with his family. 

He typed her name in the search bar, and she was the first result. Her profile picture was her smiling big with a couple of her students. She looked happy with them. 

"She's a teacher now," Kylo whispered to himself. He scrolled through her page seeing all of her posts, seemingly happy and positive posts. She seemed to be doing well for herself. But he wasn't getting the information he wanted. He was seeing all this surface level Facebook shit, but he wanted to know the real thing. He looked at the add friend button for a long time, but he decided against it. Facebook was too much. He opened up Instagram. 

His Instagram was run by Rae Sloane, but he occasionally would log on to see what people were saying about him. Usually it was just cringey posts about how much his female fans loved him and sometimes people even wrote fanfiction about him. He thought it was so weird. 

He looked up her name, and there she was again. He looked through the photos. Lots of them were selfies that had been taken in his home. He smirked looking at some of the photos because he could tell she knew she looked good in them. But her newest photo absolutely did it for Kylo. She was standing in the mirror posing seductively in a skin tight, small black dress. She was wearing black platforms that accentuated her pretty legs, and her lips were covered in a dark purple stain. She looked absolutely fuckable. She had never looked like that around Kylo. He thought she was the most beautiful woman in the world when she was just in her leggings and cardigans, but this was next level. She was a goddess. 

Her tits were prominent in this dress, pushed high and smashed together shoving thoughts of her naked body into Kylo's mind. Kylo was drawn to the visible curvature of her belly which brought even more memories of her bodies writhing under his. He loved every curve on her, including her belly. His dick was starting to get harder and harder the more he studied the photo. Her lips were slightly parted in the photo, and her tongue was slightly visible. He thought about all the things her tongue had done to him, and he began to palm himself through his sweats. He stared at the photo, studying every aspect before slipping his hand under his pants and underwear, wrapping his large hand around his own cock. He hadn't looked at pictures of girls and jerked off since he was a preteen. The last time he had done anything like this was when he watched her on the security camera. 

He began pumping his hand up and down slowly as he sifted through the rest of her Instagram. He found a photo from a couple of years prior from a beach trip she had taken. She was sitting on the sand in a red bikini. This would work well for him. He bit his lips as he started to pump fast at the vision of her half naked on the ground. He wanted to be doing this, standing over her. She would have loved that. He went through more of the photos, continuously jerking his cock, when he found one of her simply wearing the clothes she normally did when she was on the job. A big, beautiful smile on her face. He lost it at her genuine happiness being expressed in the photo, and he breathed through gritted teeth as he came. He put his phone down and laid there for a moment, looking into space. Again, he found himself wishing that she was there next to him, panting for air and coming down on her high. Making her feel good was a wonderful sensation for himself. Seeing her face all red and sweaty, hair stuck to her face, was one of his favorite things about going to bed with her. And then the cuddling. Oh, god the cuddling. Kylo had never fancied himself to be a cuddler, but she was the best, the warmest. 

Part of him wanted to follow her on Instagram to keep up with her, but he knew that she was probably still so mad at him. And she had every right. He had drug her through hell and back. She didn't deserve that at all. 

After he cleaned himself up, he picked his phone back up, looking through her profile again. He noticed she had recently been tagged in a photo. He clicked on it. 

There she was in that tight, sexy ass dress at a bar. 

She was in the tight grip of a boy. A blonde, weak looking boy.


	23. What Time?

The morning after your encounter with Matt, your mom was waiting for you in the sitting room where you two had coffee together each morning. She had a coy look on her face as you entered the room with your mug, taking a seat on your favorite armchair. 

She wasted no time. 

"So, you got in late," she said as she took a sip of coffee. 

"It was like midnight, not late," you rolled your eyes. 

"Was he any good?" 

"Mom, please, don't," you set your cup down with a smirk on your face. 

"He was handsome! He kind of... well, he kinda," she was considering her next sentence. 

"Looked like Kylo," you helped her out. She looked at you apologetically.

"Yeah, I'm sorry for bringing him up, but it was, like, weirdly uncanny," she took another sip. "Which leads me to say, and I am sorry, I am going into mom mode, is that okay?"

"What do you mean?" you tilted your head. 

"Well, I mean, that could mean a lot of things. Like maybe you aren't over him?" she was being careful, tiptoeing around how she approached this. 

"Oh," you thought about it, "I mean, I think a part of me will always feel something for him until I find someone I feel even more for. Now did I go home with him solely because he looked like Kylo? No," you were lying, but she didn't need to know that. 

"Okay, sweetie, I just want to make sure." 

You smiled at her, and finished your coffee before heading out and hopping into your car. You had given Matt your number out of pity when he dropped you off. He had been so sweet to you all night, and even though the poor guy couldn't fuck to save his life, he seemed to really like you. And you had said that you would try dating, so he seemed like a good bet. He was definitely physically your type and maybe you could mold him into the sex god you were craving. He probably thought you were some kind of sexual deviant which was hilarious because some people do blood play, and you just wanted to get your hair pulled. 

You knew he wanted to take you out again because he had posted a picture the two of you took earlier that night on his Instagram. Plus, he texted you as soon as he got back home saying how much fun he had and how excited he was to see you again. He had asked you out for Friday night. The two of you were going to the next town over to see a movie and eat at the only steakhouse in a 100 mile radius. Even if you weren't going to get the satisfaction you so deeply craved, being in the company of someone was nice. 

It was Friday morning. The kids were always the WORST on Fridays, but the kids really liked you. You were the cool teacher, so they gave you little to no shit. You taught 8th grade English, and you always had a lot of fun with them. This unit, your class was reading Flowers For Algernon, one of your favorites. The kids seemed to enjoy it, too. They were all like 14 and 15 years old, so they were old enough to keep up with the media, and a bunch of them did know who you were when you started teaching, and they had not been afraid to ask you questions. 

"What's it like kissing him?" a student named Ruby had asked you immediately when she entered your class the first day. 

But their questions and interrogations had completely died down in the past few months, and you were able to do just do what you loved: teach the content. 

You stood at the head of the class, your perfect PowerPoint on the SmartBoard behind you. 

"So, why does Charlie wish that he was dumb again? Seems kind of silly, but there is a definite reason," you questioned the classroom. 

One of your favorites, Rayna, raised her hand. 

"Yes, Rayna."

"Because when he was dumb he didn't realize how bad the world sucked," she said confidently. 

"You are absolutely right. When he was simpler, he didn't notice all the negative stuff, he only saw the positives. When he became a genius, what changed?" you pushed. 

"He was able to understand social cues that were actually mean?" a boy blurted out. 

"Please raise your hand, but yeah, definitely. So, Charlie believes it is better to be blissfully ignorant than smart and cynical. He wants to be unaware and happy rather than intelligent and understanding why things suck," you shrugged. But that reminded you of yourself and your situation. When you couldn't understand Kylo, it was so easy to be with him, to have fun with him. But when you became aware of his complexity and who he really was, loving him was hard. It was painful. You felt like Charlie. 

You pulled yourself out of that thought. "Okay, so with that knowledge, get out your laptops and start that essay!" you were met with groans from the kids. "Suck it up, bitches." This was why the kids liked you. Because you said things like "bitches."

You sat at your desk behind your own laptop, watching your kids working. You let them talk to each other while they worked, and it was the last class of the day, so you were in a good mood. A text popped up on your laptop's screen. It was Matt. 

"I can't wait to see you tonight. See you at 5." 

You smiled and replied. 

"What should I wear?" You couldn't help but keep things sexual. What could you say? You were horny. 

The dots indicating he was typing quickly popped up. 

"I'd be fine with nothing." 

Cheeky. He was getting better at this. You replied:

"Nothing it is." 

He was typing...

"I love how dirty you are." 

You looked around the room. Your kids were still busy. You began to type back.

"I love that coc-"

The school secretary was at your door and she called out your name. Your head shot up from your laptop as you slammed it shut. 

"Yes, ma'am?" you sounded nervous. You didn't mean to. But she also sounded and looked nervous. 

"You have a visitor in the office," she shifted on her feet. 

"Okay, send them in," you stood, smoothing out your dress. 

The secretary looked around the crowded room of kids. "I don't know if that's a great idea." 

"Joan, it's all good! Send them in!" you were jovial. 

"Okay, ma'am," she said as she left the room. You looked to your kids. 

"That was fuckin' weird," you said quietly. The kids were laughing as you were walking back to your desk. Your back was to the door when the kids abruptly stopped laughing, and you could only hear light gasps. 

You turned around quickly, "What the shit is it?!" and you were shook at what you saw. 

Standing in the door frame, almost as tall as the door frame itself was Kylo Ren.

He was dressed in a fine black suit, black button up underneath, and black patent loafers on his feet. Presumably Louboutins. His hair was longer, brushing his shoulders and he had grown more facial hair than you remembered from three months before. His angular face made you feel weak in the knees. 

You stood there, dumbfounded, mouth wide open. You didn't know what to think or say or do. Your students started going nuts. 

"Dude, you're like the richest man alive!" one kid stood up and then chaos ensued. The fuckers went wild screaming random things at him. You came back to reality as the sound continually got louder. You ran to the principal call button and hit it. His eyes finally fell from you when he noticed the horde of short people around him. Some of the girls were trying to work their 8th grade charm on him when the principal barged in from the backdoor.

"What the HELL are you idiots doing!?" she screamed at the crowd as she walked in. As she walked further into the room she noticed Kylo. She looked very shocked, but then she cleared her throat and adjusted her hair. "All of you, sit." she commanded the kids. She walked over to you and said your name. "What happened?"

Your eyes were glued to Kylo. "Uh, I have a visitor." 

The principal gave you a mocking scoff and pointed at him, "He's here for you?"

The kids were silent now, watching this embarrassing exchange. 

"I am," his chilling, deep voice vibrated through the room. So many memories shot through your brain. 

Your principal walked over to him and extended her hand, "So sorry, Mr. Ren. I mean--I'm Principal Cassidy, sorry for this debacle!" She turned to the class. "All of you, the gym, come on." she barked at the now punished kids. They left the room in a silent line, all of them eyeing Kylo as they left. 

Principal Cassidy stopped before leaving the room with the kids to speak to Kylo again. "I heard about your divorce. So sorry about that. Let me know if I can be of any help." Suddenly you wanted to throw hands. You couldn't explain why, but you did. Kylo stared at her, saying nothing. This made her scurry away awkwardly. You stood on the opposite side of the room staring at him with a completely confused facial expression. His expression was blank, but his eyes glimmered with emotion. Which one? Unsure. Kylo stood for a few more seconds in the door frame, and then he took a step forward. You took another step back as if he were a ghost, and this actually wasn't him.

"Hello," he finally said. The voice yet again sending a chill down your spine. But this time it sent panic into your brain, too. You couldn't believe that he would just show up to your work, to your town, after everything. Your eyes started filling up with tears and your breathing was becoming erratic. Kylo walked toward you and you held your hand out when he was just a foot or so from you. 

"Please, no," you say between breaths. 

He said your name, "Please let me."

You didn't respond. 

"Please." He didn't wait. His arms were around you in an instant, suddenly feeling dwarfed by his embrace. You had forgotten this feeling before and told yourself you didn't miss it, but it all came back to you right then. You started sobbing against his suit. 

"This is Gucci, you know," he said looking down at you. You looked up at him, ugly cry face fully present. 

"Seriously?!" you cried. 

"No," he pressed your head to his chest. He began shushing you as he rubbed your back. 

Your breath was starting to steady and your cries were subsiding. You stepped back from Kylo and craned your neck to look up at him. 

"What are you doing here?" your voice was hoarse. 

He sat on top of a nearby desk. "Someone is trying to take something that's mine." 

You rubbed your eyes, "What do you mean?"

He pulled out his phone and turned it to reveal the picture of you and Matt at the bar. You groaned. 

"Are you serious, Kylo?" you furrowed your brows. "You come crashing back into my life over an Instagram picture? Have you been stalking me?"

"I kept up with you. And when I see some piece of shit with its hands all over what's mine, I take action," he locked the phone and slipped it in his jacket pocket. 

"I'm not yours. I never was," you put your hands on your hips. 

"That's where you're wrong. Even if you don't believe me now, you will soon enough," he was cocky, dark, and demanding. A small part of you loved it. 

"Kylo, do you know how much emotional baggage I have because of you? Plus, I am actively trying to move on," you looked at the floor.

"With the blonde piece of shit, yeah, I know." his eyes were following your body. "But you don't feel anything for him. I can tell." 

"He's not a piece of shit," you frowned at him, "and he and I are going on a date tonight."

"We will see about that," he stood up. "Come on, take me to your house." 

"What?"

"Take me to your house. I didn't get a hotel, and I came here in an Uber," he shrugged. 

"I know you can afford a hotel, Kylo, especially around here," you sniffled. 

He knit his brows, "you aren't being a very hospitable townsperson. Please?"

His saying please always did things to you. "Whatever," you walked past him and he followed closely behind you. 

You popped your head into the office and told the secretary you needed to leave. 

"Are you with him again?" she asked to your surprise. You shook your head and rolled your eyes. You took that as an 'okay' and headed out the door with Kylo on your heel. 

You sat in the driver's seat of your 2014 Dodge Avenger and Kylo tried his best to fit in the passenger seat. He was long and wide, the car thing was hard for him. You pulled out of the parking lot and began the short drive home. 

"I missed you," he was looking at you while you looked forward. 

"Did you?" you said sarcastically. 

"Why are you so mad at me?" he sounded calm and collected. 

"Because you ruined me. Pretty simple," you gave him a shrug and a fake smile. 

He didn't say anything he just looked forward. You were in the car for a whole 5 minutes before you were at your house. Your mom wasn't home, she taught in a nearby town about 40 minutes away, so it was just you and Kylo. 

"So this is where you grew up?" he looked at the modest 3 bedroom home. 

"Yeah. Got the job done," you said before getting out and walking to the front door. You unlocked it and walked in. Kylo noted the mid century modern decor. 

"It's nice, I like it," Kylo was looking around. 

"Do you need anything right now?" you asked out obligation. 

"I'm good," he was looking around. "Where's your room?" his eyes fell on you. 

You sighed. "I'll give you the tour." 

You walked him around the home, showing him each uniquely decorated room. Your mom's room always made people laugh. The walls were covered in movies posters and posters of singers and bands. It looked like a teenager's room. You showed him the humble guest bedroom furnished with Ikea furniture, you showed him the record room, the dining room, and then finally you made it to your closed bedroom door. Your name was written on the door in black marker. 

"I did that when I was a kid," you pointed to it. Kylo turned the knob and walked right in. 

"Didn't anyone ever tell not to go in a girls room?" you scolded him. He kept walking looking all around at your chosen decor. 

"You've seen mine. Time for me to see yours," he looked back to you before sitting on your full sized bed. "It's a really nice place." You sighed, sitting next to him. 

"Thanks," you looked at your foot next to his. It was teensy in comparison. "So, how did the, uh, divorce go?"

He looked over to you, "You didn't hear about it?"

"No, I tried really hard to avoid all of it. Couldn't avoid all the scrutiny, but I could avoid everything else," you shrugged. 

"Well, we settled. She got half a billion dollars, I got all my stakes in her dad's company. She admitted the kid wasn't mine, and now she's married to another rich guy who can't see her bullshit," Kylo's hand was on the bed between yours and his thighs. You could've sworn it was moving closer. 

"She got remarried? Already?" you were trying not to judge that crazy bitch. 

"Yeah," Kylo smiled a small smile. "I'm glad she is someone else's problem." He was quiet for a beat. "How have you been?"

You looked straight ahead. "Do you want my honest answer?" You looked over to him. His allure was undeniable. He nodded. 

"I missed you. A lot. I thought about you all the time. I thought when I started teaching it would be easier to forget you, but it wasn't. Plus, for two months straight I got asked about you every single day. I still do sometimes..." you trailed off, eyes low. 

"And what about this dickhead in the picture?" Kylo's hand did inch closer. 

"I just met him. Like this week," you were starting to get nervous. 

"And do you like him?" Kylo's finger tips were touching your thigh now. 

"He's.....nice. He's a good guy," you said. 

"What's his name?" his fingers were now gathering your dress slowly, hiking up the hem. 

You watched his hand closely. "Matt." 

"Last name?" his fingers were now grazing the bare flesh of your soft thigh. 

"I-I don't know," you choked out. He placed his entire hand on the top of your thigh beginning to run his hand up and down the flesh. He leaned in to you.

"And how far have you gone with Matt," Kylo's lips were at your ear now as his hand traversed your thigh. His tongue grazed your earlobe. You closed your eyes and your breath quickened. 

You could tell him the truth, and it would probably go one of two ways. He would either be extremely pissed, yell at you, and leave. OR he would be extremely pissed, yell at you, and fuck the shit out of you. You were ready to take the bet. 

"He fucked me," you whispered. 

Kylo's entire energy changed. His hand tightened on the flesh of your thigh, and his mouth quickly found your neck, biting you instantly. You gasped in pleasure. His mouth felt familiar on you. 

He kissed his way back to your ear and began speaking, "Fucking the first guy you can find that looks like me. I can't believe it." His hand moved further up your thigh and he massaged the innermost part. "I'll bet he can't fuck you like I do." 

You wanted to antagonize him. You wanted to say "yes, he fucks better than you" to get a reaction. But you had missed this, needed this so bad all you could say was, "He can't."

Kylo chuckled darkly in your ear before scooping you up in his arms and throwing you against the mattress. 

He pulled off his coat and followed that by unbuttoning his shirt slowly. "You've missed this haven't you? You've missed this cock, how it tears you apart," he had it fully unbuttoned. He pounced on you, on top of you in an instant. He propped himself up with one hand and the other trailed from your neck all the way down to your soaking core, a finger slipping under your damp panties. 

"So eager, so ready for me," he gruffly murmured as he slid his finger up your folds. He put the finger in his mouth and sucked off the juices immediately. He let out a throaty moan. "I've missed that taste of yours." You let out a wanton moan as he ground his pelvis into yours. You laced your fingers in his dark hair letting yourself go. His scent was one of the things you missed most, and he was radiating the smell right here. His lips came down and smashed against yours. You immediately pushed your tongue past his lips, desperate for his taste. Your tongues danced together while his rough hands kneaded your body. His hands engulfed your tits over your tshirt dress, and your eyes rolled back. 

"Daddy..." you whispered, then remembering your encounter from a couple of nights ago. 

"Louder, slut," he said against your lips. You said it louder and he crudely jammed his cock against your pussy. He sat up and started to remove his pants, but in your adrenaline shook state, you somehow managed to get him on his back, and you were on top, straddling him. His hands found your hips and his nails dug into your ass cheeks. 

"What do you think you're doing?" he smugly smirked at you. 

"I want to ride it, please, daddy?" you said with a breathy moan. His hands gathered your dress and pulled it over your head revealing your matching bra and panties. 

"You put on a matching set for that douche? You got to be kidding me," Kylo reached up, undoing the front buckling bra in one solid motion.

"Why are you so jealous, Kylo?" you teased him. "I thought you were 'not intimidated' by any man?" His hand was now on your throat, squeezing hard. Your pulse was beating against his hand. 

"I think you need to shut the fuck up and make me cum." 

You could feel the wetness dripping out of you at this point. You could barely breathe and black dots were clouding your vision when he let go. "Ride me."

"Yes, daddy," you said with a hoarse voice. You hurriedly unbuttoned his pants and pulled them down just far enough for his cock to spring out of his underwear. You moved your panties to the side and guided the head to your entrance. You were taking too long for his liking, so he thrusted powerfully inside of you. You let out a howl of ecstasy as you sunk down on him. 

You rocked your hips back and forth feeling him against all of your walls. You clenched him tight as you started to bounce up and down, your tits looking totally lewd as they bounced with you. Kylo's hands wrapped around the smallest part of your waist, squeezing you tightly as you placed your hands on his wide chest for stability. Your legs were hard at work keeping your pace quick as you moved up and down. 

"Fuck," he said through clenched teeth, "I missed this tight cunt." You closed your eyes, but Kylo's hand shot to your face, grabbing your jaw roughly. "Look at me," he demanded you. Your eyes met his, golden flecks brilliantly shimmering in the deep brown. He stuck his fingers in your mouth, and you arched your back to allow him to hit you just right. The sounds escaping your throat were primal, shrieks of pure satisfaction. 

His hand met your cheek with a loud slap. "Shut the fuck up, do you want the whole neighborhood to hear you?" Your face contorted in pleasure as the stinging pain added to the familiar ache of his cock stretching you wide. "Say you're sorry."

"Sorry," you panted out. He slapped you again, harder this time. 

"Sorry what?"

You were still screaming, "Sorry, daddy!" His hands found your bouncing breasts, gripping them firmly. 

"Who's pussy is this?" he was now thrusting his hips in rhythm with yours. 

"Yours, daddy, i-it's yours!" you were coming close to finishing with every movement. Your pussy was convulsing around him, and he could feel it. 

"Mmmm," he sucked his lips in as one hand found your clit, rubbing sloppy circles on the swollen spot. "Cum for me," he moaned your name. "Cum on daddy's cock." 

You obeyed. With few more bounces left in you, you crashed down on him as relief filled your entire being. This orgasm was unlike any other before, making you see hundreds of colors as the sensation flowed from your clit throughout your whole body. Your legs were shaking and you felt weak, nails digging into his chest as your release came to an end. 

Before you had a moment to come back to the real world, Kylo flipped you over on to the bed. He was straddling your body, legs on either side of each arm. 

He was jerking his cock quickly over your face. "Open your mouth," he breathed. 

You opened your mouth wide and as soon as you did, he released his load all over your face, hot ropes of cum painting your face. He was grunting and panting as his jerking slowed, and when he was done, you happily licked up all the cum around your mouth. A string of cum was across your eye when you opened them, and you looked up at Kylo. He was already taking off his shirt and he used it to clean off your face. He threw it to the side and laid beside you, pulling you close against him as you both caught your breath. 

His lips were at your ear. 

"So, what time is your date?"


	24. I Want To Be Mad

"Is that rhetorical?" you looked up at Kylo. 

"No, what time?" he said authentically. 

"Why do you need to know?" you were still catching your breath. 

"Are you still going?" he was stroking your hair. You missed these moments the most. 

"I can't just call him and be like, 'hey, Kylo Ren just came to my house, fucked the shit out of me, and claimed me as his own, so I won't be seeing you tonight, sorry.' That would be so screwed up," you lifted yourself up on one elbow. 

"I mean, you could," he shrugged underneath you. Then his face formed a small frown, "you didn't go exclusive or anything, did you?"

You scoffed, "no! I met him literally two days ago." 

"And you fucked him that quickly? I had to work for that shit," he was teasing you, but there was some sincerity there.

"I'm still going to go. Besides," you gestured between the two of you, "this means nothing, I'm sure." 

"You're mistaken, but do go on the date," he looked at the ceiling. "I'm coming, too." 

You were more concerned about him saying that you were mistaken. The last thing you expected in the entire universe was for Kylo to come running after you in in your hometown and claim that you were his. Saying you were his could have meant a lot of things, but you would have been even more surprised to find that Kylo wanted you in that way. That after all of the emotional trauma and all of his emotional guarding, he would just decide that he wanted to be with you the way that you had so desperately wanted to be with him. 

"You're not coming, Kylo," you laughed at the absurdity. 

"Yes, I am," he retorted coolly. 

"You don't just get to dictate where I go and who it's with. I never agreed to 'being yours,'" you said it very sarcastically. Obviously you were still a little bit bitter. "Maybe I want to be exclusive with Matt." 

"Two things," his eyes fell onto your sweaty face. "Not five minutes ago you were screaming about how you were mine," his fingers grazed the soft flesh of your cheek. "Secondly, wholeheartedly tell me you want to be with Matt," the name making his face scrunch up as if it were a taste of something sour. You looked at his chest opting to draw circles on it rather than answer his question. 

"I thought so. So, I'm going. I just want to have a conversation with him," Kylo's hand on your back ran up and down the hump of your ass.

"Please don't," you looked up at him with doe eyes. "Let me let him down easy. He's so nice." 

Kylo scanned your face. He craned his neck and kissed you sweetly. This was still so strange. The instances of his kindness and softness never were expected. 

You were allowing yourself to melt into the kiss when your bedroom door abruptly opened. 

Your mom was saying your name as she looked at your bed. You were just in your thong and Kylo was half naked, his pants still pulled down revealing his softening dick. 

"Holy shit," your mom screamed, averting her eyes.

"Oh my fucking god, mom, get out! Get out!" You laid on your stomach, and your hand instinctively flew down to cover Kylo's dick, but he turned toward you and stuffed himself back in his pants, quickly zipping it and buttoning the pants. He swiftly grabbed the cum stained button up and draped it over your bare ass. 

"I'm sorry! I--I had no way---you didn't tell me anyone was here!" she was still standing in the doorframe, hands over her eyes. "I'll, uh, uh, be out here, sorry!" She slammed the door behind her as she ran back down the hall. 

"Fucking hell!" you breathed out, thoroughly embarrassed. You looked at Kylo, and you couldn't believe what you saw. 

He was laughing. Genuinely laughing with a gorgeous smile on his face. He looked so beautiful when he smiled, you saw it so rarely. Your reddened face started to subside as a smile of your own formed on your face, laughing with him. 

"I feel 16 years old," Kylo said through a chuckle. 

"Oh, god, I know," you threw the cum shirt on the floor. "I'm so sorry."

His laughing was lulling, and he grabbed your hand, intertwining his fingers with your own. "It's okay. Don't be sorry." 

You smiled at him, squeezing his hand in yours. He started to laugh again, "Do you think she saw my dick?"

You shrugged, "she's been asking about it for months, so honestly, I bet she snuck a peek." 

"I see where you get it from," Kylo rolled on top of you, kissing you all over your face as the two of you simply were happy together. Smiles and laughs abundant. 

You and Kylo had gotten dressed after an impromptu make out session. Something you had never done with him before. Typically if kissing was involved, it solely meant you were banging. But not now. 

You had refreshed yourself for your upcoming "date" and put on a red bohemian maxi dress. It was nowhere near as shocking as the last thing Matt had seen you in, but you were trying to deter him anyway. You hated confrontation, and you hated letting people down, so this night was going to suck. But Kylo brought out something in you that you had yet to find anywhere else, so you were willing to hear him out.

Kylo hadn't brought in his backpack from your car, so he opted to wear one of your oversized band tshirts since his shirt was soiled in sin. The chest area still managed to be tight across his shoulders and chest though it was well over an extra large. 

Kylo looked down at the tshirt scowling. "Green Day sucks. This is the only one you have?" he looked up to you. 

"You obviously have shitty tastes. Yes, that' all I got," you walked to your closed door and you were about to leave the room before you turned back to Kylo. "Are you ready to meet my mom? She's kind of a lot."

Kylo walked up behind you, hand at the small of your back. "Yeah, come on."

You walked into the living room first. Your mom was sitting on the couch, watching some British mystery tv show, but she paused it when you walked in. 

"I'm so sorry," she continued pleading. You held up a hand and shook your head.

"Stop all that. It's okay," you were suddenly nervous. You had brought a boy home to meet your mom. Well, you hadn't brought him home by choice, but it was still wild. Kylo walked into the room, imposing as ever. Your mom stood up, wide eyed and obviously nervous. She walked over to him, her hand out.

"Oh my god," she said in awe, looking up at his face and then yours, "he's so good looking!" She looked back to him, shaking his hand. "You're so good looking." 

Kylo was probably uncomfortable, but he didn't show it. He smiled and held her hand as he spoke, "thank you so much."

"Like, I knew you were good looking, I watched that show you did, but like you're even better looking in person," she was gawking at this point. 

"Okay, mom, we understand," you waved your hands at her. He was flashing that brilliant smile at her. 

"I appreciate that a lot, thank you," he dropped his hand and looked to you. "Did you ask her if I can stay here?"

You furrowed your brows and scoffed, "I don't have to ask, I'm an adult."

He frowned at you, "you're being disrespectful to your mom." You sighed and looked at your mom who had a shit eating grin on her face. 

"Mom?" suddenly you felt like a sullen emo teenager. 

"He is more than welcome to stay, should I make a special dinner tonight?" she was getting way too excited. 

Kylo took that as a cue to leave. "I just remembered, I left all my stuff in your car. I'm gonna go grab that." And he walked away. The moment the door closed your mom let out a heavy breath. 

"Holy shit, I could barely breathe. What's going on? Why is he here? Why is he so fucking hot? What about Matt?" your mom was stuttering. "Sorry, I've got a lot of questions."

"He showed up to school," you raised your brows, "I couldn't believe it. He had seen the picture of me and Matt on Instagram, and he came here." 

"That's just a tad possessive, but kind of hot?" your mom looked conflicted. 

"He's a lot....different. He's seemed to work through some of those issues that I had told you about, but I'm being careful. I promise," you reassured your mom. 

"Okay, okay. But Matt?" she was acting like she was getting a recap on her favorite soap opera. 

"I'm going with him tonight. I think I am going to tell him that my, uh," you considered the words, "ex? Wants to try things out again, and I want to do it. It's only been two days, so he can't get mad right?"

Your mom shrugged, "all men are different. I don't know. Please just do what makes you the happiest. That's all I ask."

"I will," you smiled at her. "Matt should be here soon, so I'm gonna wait outside." 

"Okay, boo. Have fun! I guess?" she was still conflicted. "Oh, baby! Guess what!" 

You turned back to your mom. "What?"

"I totally saw his dick. You are a trooper!" she fanned herself. 

"Oh my god, ewwww!" You ran out of the door covering your ears. 

You were about half way through the movie at this point, and you still hadn't had the nerve to tell Matt you weren't interested in taking this relationship any further. He had tried to kiss you when he picked you up, but for his safety, you avoided it. Kylo was most certainly watching. 

He was holding your hand in the movie, and your first instinct was to feel guilty, like you were doing something wrong. While he had mentioned you were his, he had never mentioned that he was yours, and so it was unfair to yourself to feel bad holding Matt's hand. You spent the entire duration of the film figuring out how to drop the ball. You didn't know Matt very well, but he seemed level headed. He was an engineer, so he had to be, right?

Eventually the horrible action film he had picked came to an end, and the two of you left the auditorium hand in hand. 

"You ready for dinner?" he gave your hand a light squeeze as you neared his car. 

"Yeah, I'm excited about it," you gave a weakened smile. 

You and Matt stood in the waiting area of the steakhouse. It seemed busier than usual, but Matt had made reservations in advance, so the two of you only had to wait for about 5 minutes. 

The hostess looked exhausted as she spoke to you two. 

"You better be happy you two made reservations," she sounded exhausted too. 

"Why?" you asked her. 

She looked around the waiting room and then back to you, "There's a celebrity here!" She sounded excited now. 

Your face fell immediately. You had begged Kylo not to intrude on this encounter, that you really needed to do this for yourself. But he just couldn't help himself. 

"Who is it?" Matt asked the hostess. 

"Kylo Ren. Which, by the way, you kind of look like him," she was batting her lashes at him. You were stunned by the audacity of her to flirt with your date in front of you, but it would make your life a lot easier if she took him off your hands. 

"Oh, thanks," he smiled at her, but he unfortunately didn't seem interested. He turned to you. "What a coincidence right? Kylo Ren?" he looked excited. Poor guy. 

"I can't believe it," your jaw was tight. 

"Do you think he signs autographs? My niece is a big fan of his," he asked the hostess. 

"He seemed to be in a really good mood, so maybe? He took a picture with me, look," she shoved her phone in your face. She clearly had no idea who you were. She wasn't that big of a fan. 

"We should try to meet him, right?" he looked to you, a smile on his face. It wouldn't be there for long. 

"Matt, I have to tell you something," you didn't want him to be blindsided. But then the hostess called you to your table. 

"Fuck," you whispered under your breath. As you were lead to your booth, you passed the table where Kylo was sitting. Suave and handsome as ever in a navy suit. You scowled at him as you walked by, and he smirked. He was at the table with some other important looking men, so you figured he called a business dinner to justify this. You and Matt sat in your booth, a direct view of Kylo from your seats. 

"Did you see him? He looks expensive," Matt was fucking fangirling. You didn't respond, instead glared at Kylo. It was okay, everyone else in the restaurant was staring at him, too. You watched him as he talked with the businessmen at the table, they were all laughing and smiling, Kylo dazzling the room. You had never seen him in action, you never got to see him public like this, so this was foreign and new to you. He made eye contact with you, and then he looked back to his dinner mates. He was excusing himself. He began to walk toward your table. 

"Is he coming over here?" Matt was confused, tilting his head slightly. 

You didn't respond. Instead you narrowed your eyes at Kylo as he walked to your table. Matt finally noticed that you were making a stank face at Kylo. 

"Do you two know each other?" he was finally putting the pieces together. 

Kylo excitedly called your name as he arrived at your table. "Let me sit with you, babe." 

Oh, Jesus. That was so unnecessary. Never called you "babe" once in his life, but now was the time apparently. 

"Babe?" Matt whispered to himself, face totally confused. Kylo sat next to you in the booth and snaked an arm around your waist. 

"Who's your friend here?" Kylo looked over to Matt, reaching his hand across the table. "Kylo Ren, nice to meet you." You hung your head and rubbed your temples.

"Kylo, this is so extra," you hissed. 

"What the hell is going on?" Matt was getting upset, rightfully so. 

"Matt, I was trying to tell you before we got here," Kylo pulled you closer to him. 

"Tell me what?" Matt looked horrified seeing you on the arm of Kylo. He was intimidated. 

"Oh, Matt, I think it's kind of obvious," Kylo pretended to be sad for him. 

"When did this happen?" Matt said desperately. 

"Today. I'm so, so, so sorry, Matt, really," you felt horrible.

"I don't know what to say," he was looking at the two of you. 

"I do know what to say," Kylo spoke up, his rich voice deepening, "Lay a fucking hand on my girl ever again, even fucking think about it, it will be the last thing you do." 

You weren't normally into the primal, man versus man thing, but Kylo sounded sexy. Matt looked angry and like he wanted to retort, but he was keeping himself together. Kylo turned his head to look at you and pulled you in a deep kiss, eyes on Matt while he did it. 

"Come on, babe, let's go," Kylo led you out of the booth. "Goodnight, Matt." And the two of you left. 

"I want to be mad at you, you know," you were on the porch of your home, looking up at Kylo. 

"Why?" Kylo picked up one of your hands. "Because I made your task easier?"

You gave him an mm-hmm. "You were so mean to him." 

"I'm not letting anything keep you from me anymore," he put your hand on his neck. "Rub." 

You started rubbing his neck. He closed his eyes and melted into your touch. 

"Who were those guys at your dinner table?" you questioned. He hmm'ed in response.

"The state educational guys. I called for an emergency meeting to make a donation to your school. That dump needs a remodel," his eyes were still closed, reveling in your touch. You smiled so big. He did that for you. Something so good, so noble just for you. You stared at his enamoring face for a moment before opening your mouth, risking it all. 

"Kylo? Can I ask you a question?" you didn't have much luck with that query every time it came up. 

"Yes," he breathed, still enjoying your touch.

"Where is this going?" you were quiet, afraid to ask it again, but for your own sanity, you needed to know. "I think I deserve the answer to that question."

Kylo's eyes fluttered open, your hand was still working at the muscles of his neck. You couldn't read his face. You didn't know what to expect. 

"Are you mad?" sadness filling your entire being. 

"No," he quickly responded, "not at all. I'm thinking." He stared down at you and placed his hands on your waist. 

"I'm trying to figure things out. The past few months have been so... taxing. I always have been expected to do one thing, and I have always done that that was expected. And I have been tested; you have, too. I'm unsure about a lot of things. I thought I wanted one thing, but now I am not entirely sure. One thing I know is that I don't like to be away from you. I don't like not sleeping next to you. Your presence is intoxicating," he leaned down, kissing your cheek. "So, what I am getting at here-," he stood back, clearly nervous. Such a weird thing to see. Kylo Ren nervous. "What I'm trying to say is I want you to come back to New York. With me."

Your eyes went wide. You weren't expecting that. 

"We can fill out the situation there, get a true, definitive word for what this is," he said gesturing between you two. You stared at him, stunned. "What does that face mean?" He was regretting it, you could tell. He never let himself be as vulnerable as he had been in the past few hours. 

"I'm just.... shocked. It's hard to believe that you would propose that to me. Considering how things have been before," your reluctance obvious in your voice. 

"I know. I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to right the wrongs I did to you. When you told me in Vegas that I was the root cause of all my shit, you were right. You were always right," he said your name lowly. "I want to try even harder. With you home in New York." 

You looked at the wood of the porch, thinking a million things all at once. 

"I had to keep the one incredible, amazing, beautiful thing in my life secret while all the shit I despised was my public persona. I want you to be my reality, public and private," his hand cupped your cheek, the warmth radiating inside of you. 

"Do you want me to live with you?" you were willing to risk it all here. If that question set him off, you would know the answer. 

He replied quickly. "You don't have to if you don't want to. I'm living in the tower now, I can have one of the floors built into an apartment just for you, I swear. You don't even have to live in the tower, I can buy you a house anywhere." He stopped himself, looking down at the ground. His dark hair framing that beautiful face. Suddenly, he got down on his knees. 

"Look. I'm literally begging on my knees," his hands were situated on either hip. 

You had a giggle at him there, small on the ground. It was a lot to process, but it was funny to see him down there. 

"Please," his breath hitched. "Please." 

You put your hands in his hair. You were probably going to regret it, but the past year had been one of regretful decisions that made for incredible stories.

"Okay, Ren. I'll come home."


	25. Hello There

Turning in your resignation to the school board was harder than you expected. You really had enjoyed your time there even if it was short lived, and you really liked your kids. Your colleagues were especially interested to find that you were resigning the Monday after Kylo Ren showed up to the school. Everyone pretty much knew why you were leaving, but you listed your reason for leaving as "new employment." Though you hadn't even thought about what you were going to do when you got back to New York.

Your mom had been supportive of your decision. 

"If he makes you happy and you are willing to take the risk of losing him again, go for it. Every time I have spoken to him this weekend, he's raved about how amazing you are. Your happiness is most important to me, though, and I need you to understand that men, especially men like him, change their minds all the time" she had told you through tears. She had really enjoyed having you back home. And you loved it, too, but your small town wasn't enough for you. 

"I know. I will be prepared if it happens again," you had ensured her with a smile. 

You were back in the place you had most comfortably called home for the recent past. New York was where you belonged, and you were even more thrilled to be there with none other than Kylo. 

On the plane ride home, which you handled like a champ with out alcohol, you and Kylo had discussed what to expect. 

"Where do you want to live?" you and him were lying in the bed in the back of the jet, sticky sweaty bodies glued together. You got to fulfill that mile high fantasy. 

His head was resting atop your breasts, your fingers playing with his hair. "I'll live in the tower. If you're okay with that."

"Yes, of course. I want you there. I just want you to be comfortable. Do you want to work as a nanny again?" he was rubbing the skin of your tummy. 

"I can't. I got banned," you brushed through his hair with your fingers. 

"I made sure you weren't the day after the divorce was final. I went there myself and talked them down," he craned his neck to look at your face. "You just can't be a live in. That was their only stipulation."

That made you laugh. "Gotta get the nanny out of the house before nightfall because she becomes a ravenous whore who will fuck your husband!" Kylo laughed as he shifted on top of you, kissing your supple lips between giggles. 

After the laughter died down, and the smiles stopped, Kylo stared down at you. Face stoney as he looked you all over. He said your name. 

"Do you like me?" Kylo asked, eyes still darting all over your face. 

"I do," you whispered. 

"You don't hate me?"

"No. I never could," your hands met his sides, rubbing up and down. 

"You said it before," his eyes finally focused on your own. 

You stared at the vast expanse that was within his eyes. There were so many things you didn't know about him that you could see swimming around behind those mesmerizing eyes. 

"I never hated you. I hated the things you did to avoid admitting you...liked me," you found yourself still being careful with your words. 

"Do you love me?" his voice velvety rich, deep, it sounded like a song to you. 

You nodded, your eyes never leaving his face. His mouth twitched, and you were sure he was about to explain to why you were an idiot for that. 

"I do, too," he muttered. 

It was then you recognized this expression. This seemingly ambiguous expression was fear. He was scared. He was always scared. The most powerful man in the world was scared to unsheathe the armor he wore on the outside to let you know the man that was on the inside. He swallowed thickly as he waited for your response. You didn't want to push. Him saying "me too" was a huge step for him, and while you had always known deep down that he loved you too, the confirmation made you feel so good. 

You wanted to ease him. "You love you, too?" You smiled big at him letting him know you understood.

He laughed and kissed you deep, "That's exactly what I mean," still chuckling. 

After the two of you had spent a considerable part of the ride messing around, you finally got dressed as you neared JFK airport. As you were slipping your clothes back on, Kylo spoke up. 

"Oh, by the way, I have a red carpet tonight," he was slipping on his sneakers as he looked up to you from where he was sitting on the bed. 

You smoothed your hair down and looked at yourself in the mirror. Hickeys all over your clavicle. Fuck. "That's fun. I hope you have a good time," you turned around. "I'll just be moving my shit in, I guess."

He scoffed, "Ah, no. We have people to do that for you. You're coming with me." 

"With you?" you blurted out in a way that sounded more disgusted than surprised. 

"Yeah, me," he stood up. 

"Like in public?" you didn't know what to think. 

"Well, yeah. It's a movie premiere," he was being coy. 

"I didn't know you wanted people to see us," you were slipping on your shoes now. 

"Well, you're mine. I can't just keep you locked up in a basement somewhere, now can I?" 

"I don't have a dress," you were getting anxious. You hated people looking at you, and this would be the ultimate situation of people looking at you. 

"I have a couple of dollars to spare on your dress," he grabbed your hips pulling you close. "Relax. Let's go sit out there and wait for landing." 

It felt different being in the penthouse this time. You were there openly, you lived there now. There was no worry in the back of your mind haunting you, saying that someone could pop in at any moment and discover your secret. There was no secret. But there was also definitive answer. At this point you and Kylo were two people who now lived together and slept together and said things like "I love you," but there was no title. And he had said that that would be something you two discussed when you got back here, so you didn't worry yourself about it all too much. 

Kylo had left to go get his tux fitted for the premiere. You had decided to just lay low until it was time to get ready because you had been feeling nauseated from the plane ride.

You were sitting alone in the living area reading when a woman appeared from the elevator excitedly calling your name. You jumped, scared from the sudden noise. 

"AH!" you collected yourself, "Hi! Who are you?"

She was a cute goth chick in all black with amazing makeup. "Devin, I am styling you tonight, babe." She smiled at you as she walked forward, big makeup kit dragging behind her. "Where shall we go?"

"Uh, the bathroom should be fine," you sat your book down and got up walking that way. You introduced yourself to Devin. 

You sat in her makeup chair in the middle of the bathroom as she flipped through her phone looking for inspiration. 

"Since this is your carpet debut, we have to go big," she muttered to you but more so to herself. "How do you feel about red?" She looked up at you. 

"It's a fine color," you shrugged, indifferent about it. 

She locked her phone, "Okay, we've got a red Gucci on its way here."

You would never get used to this kind of life. You struggled to pay for an eighty dollar homecoming dress your junior year, and now custom Gucci gowns were being delivered to your door. 

"You good with kind of a retro glam type thing? Like old Hollywood?" 

"Sounds amazing," you smiled. "I trust your judgment." 

Devin was hard at work on your face. You didn't think you had ever had this many layers on your face before, but Devin explained that you had to go so heavy for the red carpet because of the cameras and lights and whatnot. You couldn't see what you looked like, but you knew she had put a bold red lip on you. 

She was pulling and tugging on your hair when the Gucci man arrived at your apartment. She let him in, and she came back excitedly.

"Ready to see it? It's gonna look so good on you," she held the garment bag in front of herself. You nodded eagerly. You had been sitting in the god forsaken chair for way too long for this dress to be underwhelming, so you were excited to see it. 

She pulled out the dress and you gasped. It was the absolute most beautiful thing you had ever seen. It was a classic dress with red lace overlay and beautiful beading. It had a deep v in the front and the silhouette was completely fitted. You could not wait to put it on. So Devin hurriedly finished your hair. 

You put on the dress before you looked at yourself in the mirror. It was surprisingly heavy, but it felt luxurious and amazing on your body. 

Devin looked you up and down. "You look incredible, I am even stunned." She was smiling, crossing her arms, proud of her work. You slowly stepped in front of the full length mirror, and your eyes got big and your mouth dropped open. 

"Oh," you were stunned. You had never felt so beautiful in your life. The makeup was flawless and the vintage inspired hair complemented the timelessness of the dress so well. The winged eyeliner and the cherry red lips made you look like a sexy assassin or something. You felt like a Bond girl. 

"Do you like it?" Devin said hopefully.

"It's incredible, I feel so hot!" you were getting excited. 

"I am so glad! I can't wait to see the pictures. Women who look like us rarely get to be seen on the red carpet...much less with a fine piece of ass like Kylo Ren," she smiled at you. She was right. You had never seen a major A List celebrity with a girl with an average or above body. That made you feel even more empowered. 

Devin was texting someone on her phone when she looked at you, "Speaking of him, he's back from his fitting, and it is almost time for y'all to go. He's coming up to get you now." 

You stood in the kitchen staring out the window because Devin had suggested you not sit in the dress until after the carpet. She was entering the elevator to go when Kylo was coming in.

He walked into the kitchen, you could hear his shoes clacking against the marble. You turned around to look at him. He was in an all black tux. Just a red RenTech pin on his lapel. His hair was groomed to perfection, the volume and shine immaculate. He was clean shaven, and he was breathtaking. You were truly out of breath looking at him. And because the dress was extremely tight. 

He was stopped in his tracks looking at you. His mouth was parted, his eyes darting all over your being. He was speechless.

"Do I look okay?" you were quiet, too, suddenly feeling less confident by his silence. 

"Okay? Do you look okay?" he finally said, swallowing hard. "You look otherworldly. I-I don't have words." He walked over to you, still tall and towering over you even in your heels. He looked down at your face, examining it closely. "You will be the most beautiful person there. Anywhere." He grabbed your hand. "Do I look okay?"

You smiled, "You look alright, Ren. Not too bad." 

He grinned and bent down, lightly kissing your cheek. "I don't want to mess any of that up." He was eyeing the dress, his stare lingering on your chest and your torso. You started to get self conscious again, suddenly aware of just how fitted the thing was. 

"Does the dress look bad on me?" your brow wrinkled. 

He slowly shook his head. "Quite the opposite. It's a beautiful dress, but, God, I want to tear it off of you." His eyes were locked on your cleavage. "Fuck."

You rolled your eyes, "Stop it. Let's go." 

The car had dropped you two off at discreet location where no one was around except for people running the event. You were ushered down a long tunnel where you could hear the crowds of people getting louder. Kylo was holding your hand, but you were finding it hard to keep up with his large stride. You were still feeling sick from earlier, so you were starting to sweat and get nervous. But you wanted this to go well. You were making it official. 

Finally, you two were at the beginning of the carpet under a large tent. 

"After Quentin Tarantino is done down there, you two can go out. Your approved media interviewers are at the end," the production assistant was telling Kylo. He waved off the guy, he knew how this went down. He looked to you. 

"There's x's on the ground, see" he pointed out to the carpet, "that's where we stand. We get our picture taken for about 5 or 7 seconds, then we go to the next, okay?"

The debriefing was making you feel even more unwell, but you nodded silently. 

The controversial director Quentin Tarantino was walking away at the end of the carpet, so it was go time. You two stepped out onto the carpet. 

There were audible gasps before a surge of camera clicking noises and flashes were bombarding you two. Kylo was guiding you at the small of the back to the first mark. You stood on the mark, his arm around your waist as you looked up to the camera, a big smile on your face. Fake it till you make it.

You could hear people screaming his name and yours. You knew the tabloids were going to have a field day with this one, but that was the least of your concerns. You were feeling like shit, and you wanted to get out of your shoes as soon as possible. 

"Come," Kylo guided you to the next mark. You stepped on to it and continued to put on your best celebrity smile, trying to channel that bad bitch energy you had had earlier.

You finally had made it through all of the marks, the screams making your head pound. 

"I've got to do these interviews now. You don't look well, do you want to go in now?" he asked you. 

You moved your hair behind your shoulders, "No, no, I'm good! Don't worry about me!" You smiled for him. Scared to fuck anything up. He looked at you for a moment and then turned to the huddle of reporters with their mics extended. 

He was getting pretty standard questions for a while.

"Kylo, you are producer of this film. Why invest in this one?"

"Mr. Ren, what's your next move with RenTech?"

"Kylo, who are you wearing tonight?"

"Why is the mistress your date tonight?" your ears puckered up at that one. Rae Sloane was standing next to Kylo. 

"Mr. Ren will not be answering any questions about his personal life, thank you." She dismissed the reporter. 

Kylo looked to Rae. "No, it's okay." He looked to the reporter informing him of your name, "Don't disrespect her like that. She's not 'my mistress,'" he threw up air quotes.

"She's my girlfriend," he looked back at you smiling. 

That was it. You were gonna puke. The excitement mixed with the happiness from learning what you were to him and the extreme nausea were going to make you puke. He could see something was wrong with you. 

"I think we are done here, thank you all," he took your hand and led you inside of the theatre. 

"Do you want to leave?" he said your name sternly. "I can tell something is wrong. Did you not want me to call you that?" Now he was getting nervous. 

"No, no, no. It has nothing to do with that. I'm just feeling a bit nauseated," you reassured him. 

He looked you up and down. "You haven't eaten since this morning. Let's go to the green room." He was pulling you away. 

"Wait, Kylo," you said as he turned to look at you with concern. 

"Sorry, I just wanted to see my new boyfriend's face again," you were still giddy and excited even though your stomach was threatening to blow chunks.

"Oh," he smiled at you, "hi."

He whisked you away once more. 

The green room was packed with snacks and hors d'ouerves for days. Anything you could think of, it was in there. The room was also loaded with A List celebrities. It was a bit overwhelming. 

You were standing at the champagne table with Kylo. There were some delicious shrimp cocktails waiting for you there. 

"Here, eat that," he handed you the cocktail. "I am so, so sorry, but I do have to go speak to some people. Business shit," he rubbed your exposed back. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay?"

"Take your time, please. I am having a good time watching all these famous folk," you were looking over at Harry Styles. He was so handsome in person. Kylo smiled before walking away to do his thing. 

You turned back to the table continued eating the shrimp cocktail. It was absolutely delicious. Your nausea was starting to subside, too. You hadn't gotten sick from being nervous in years, so it was pretty shocking to you to be feeling it that day. 

You were picking up a champagne flute filled to the brim with bubbly when you heard a familiar voice call your name from behind you. You turned around and suddenly your nausea was back full force. 

"Well, hello there," said Diane.


	26. Didn't Feel A Thing

Diane was standing there with a hand on her hip, a smug smile taking over her expression. She was wearing a beaded beige gown that hung on her bony body like it would on a coat hanger. You had never realized how truly tiny she was. You were chewing a shrimp as you eyed her apprehensively. This was the last thing you wanted. You had truly thought that you would never see Diane again, but that had been a foolish thought. She had married another business man in town, so of course you two would cross paths.

"Uh, hi. What are you doing here?" you swallowed hard.

"I'm friends with the distributor of the film. You look," she looked you up and down, "...it's a little bit much, huh?"

You were surprised but simultaneously not. You had never seen this mean girl version of Diane, but of course she was going to treat you like that.

"Uh," you looked down at your protruding cleavage suddenly feeling like maybe it was a bit much.

"I didn't know you were back in New York, when did that happen?" she crossed her arms, smug expression still present on her sunken in face.

"I came back today, actually," you were trying to stay cool and calm. Not letting any of your emotions shine through.

"That's just wonderful. I assume you're here with Kylo, yeah?" she took a step closer to you. You were cornered by the table so you stood there staring at her, low key scared.

You nodded setting your champagne and cocktail down. You didn't want to throw hands, but you would if this bitch tried it.

She came closer even still.

"So, he came running after you? That doesn't sound like him," she looked around the room, "you make him do some really stupid shit, you know?"

You were done with this. "Diane, I am so sorry I lied to you and did what I did, but this whole demeaning thing is so immature," you scowled and put your hand out in front of yourself.

"Me? Immature? You are one to talk. Using your job as a way to fly in and snatch up other women's men. Stealing what's not yours," she was way too close for comfort now.

You were taken aback at this display of aggressiveness. Especially with everyone around now watching the two of you. You tried to stay calm and quiet, so only Diane could hear you.

"First thing, no man is ever 'stolen' by another woman. That man wanted to get taken," you said matter of factly.

"Next thing, you are a fucking fake. Everything about you is so manufactured, pretending for years like you loved that man. Don't talk to me about immature." you didn't mean to sound so defensive, but it was happening.

Diane let out a taunting laugh, "Believe what you want, but Kylo is a piece of shit and sooner or later he will get bored with you. Not that I see what is so great about you right now anyway, but the day will come when he treats you like shit on his shoe. Just wait, baby, it's coming."

Diane had her hand on her hip again, clearly proud of her 'menacing' words. You were done holding back.

"You know, it's amazing you try to play victim considering you tried to play it off that a whole fucking child was his when it wasn't. And it's even more incredible to me that you try to convince yourself you're a real business woman when you put rocks on people's foreheads and call it 'healing,'" you shrugged at her.

The fury in her face was almost laughable. She looked like a toddler, red faced and angry.

"You can say whatever you want about me, but you will NOT disrespect the art of manifestation and crystals," she was in your face, a finger pointed directly at your chest. "I wouldn't expect some fucking whore to understand something so complicated anyway," she spat at you.

You let a laugh escape your throat, unable to contain it any longer. "Your stupid rocks are not hard to understand, Diane. The idiots who pay you to let them hold them are quite hard to understand, though," you said shrugging. "You're an idiot, Diane." You spared no words.

Diane was opening her mouth to retort when you saw Kylo reenter the room. He spotted you and looked alarmed before quickly walking over to you.

"Someone as basic and simple and stupid as you wouldn't understand it anyway!" she was now screaming at you, her body pressed against your own.

"Oh my god, get the fuck off of me!" you pushed her back. Kylo was hurriedly walking up when Diane reared her arm back, her bony, skeletal fist making impact with your mouth. It didn't hurt all too much you were just shocked she actually threw hands. The skin of your bottom lip was hot and you felt the thick blood seeping from your mouth.

"What the fuck, you fucking bitch?!" your hand shot up to your mouth. Diane was rearing back to punch again when Kylo's hand stopped her.

"Get away, you fucking psycho," he hissed at her. She instead threw her punch at Kylo's chest. He was unmoving.

"Someone get this piece of shit out of here," he exclaimed to the security that was just as in shock as everyone else.

You were standing behind Kylo, the pain starting to set in as he kept Diane from getting to you again. Who you presumed was Diane's new husband walked up, and he and another security guard were dragging her out of the room kicking and screaming.

Kylo turned to face you, his hand moving your own.

"Fucking shit, she got you good," he was moving your lips to look at your teeth, "it's busted pretty bad," he pulled his hand back, blood covering his fingers. "What happened?"

"She came up to me, and starting asking stupid questions. I don't know, it happened so quickly," the blood was pouring down your chest, getting on your beautiful dress. You were really fucking sad about that. "I'm so sorry, Kylo."

"Why are you apologizing to me? Let's get you out of here," he wiped his hands on a towel at the bar and then escorted you through the room of celebrities. They were all giving you their condolences as you walked through the wave.

Kylo had given you a towel to hold to your mouth while the driver took you to the exclusive ER that you had been to before with him.

"Does it hurt too bad?" he was examining your lip for the millionth time.

"No, it's not too bad," you shook your head. You looked down at your blood stained dress. "I feel like Carrie."

"I don't think I've ever even been punched like that," his eyes narrowed as he put the towel back to your mouth. "If I hadn't been taught differently, I would have beat the shit out of her." He stared forward at the street. "Almost there."

"I should have hit her back, but I didn't want to end up on Buzzfeed News or something," you really had wanted to curb stomp that ho.

"Good call. You'll be an angel in the media," his hand was resting on your thigh now. "You know, even though you're covered in blood, you're still the most beautiful thing I have ever seen."

"I'm like a sexy vampire or something," you smiled, the drying blood visible between your teeth. Kylo shuddered. "Are you okay? She was absolutely feral on you."

"Didn't feel a thing," he shrugged.

You rolled your eyes, "Just made of steel, huh?"

He smiled as the car came to a halt.

You had been called almost as soon as you checked in. The celebrity treatment was nice, you weren't going to lie. Any other ER, it would have been twenty years before they saw you.

You were sitting there on the bed while Kylo tended to some business on his phone. The doctor had seen you, said your lip was good and that you just needed some antibiotics. Now you were just waiting on your prescription. You were so tired. You had traveled from your hometown that morning all the way to New York, gone to a movie premiere, and gotten into a fist fight. This day felt eternal .

Finally the nurse returned to the room.

"Are you allergic to anything?" she asked you, writing something on her clipboard. Kylo was still taken with his phone, not listening to a word.

"No, not that I know of," you shook your head.

"Okay, cool," she was writing away, "Normally for a busted lip we would give you the standard type of antibiotic shot, but the one that we originally were going to use is not recommended for use in the second trimester of pregnancy. It could hurt the baby, so I think we are just going to--"

"Excuse me?" you interrupted her, looking at her then Kylo who was still on his phone paying attention to whatever it is was he was doing. "Second trimester?"

The nurse looked surprised and apologetic all at once. "Oh my, you didn't know did you," her voice but a whisper. She looked over at Kylo also surprised by his oblivion. She looked back to you as if to get your permission to get his attention. You were stunned, unmoving, eyes darting between the two of them.

"Mr. Ren," she finally spoke out. He looked up at her, his face blank.

"What?"

"Did you per chance hear me just now?" she asked nervously.

"No, you could see I was busy," he pointed to the phone in his hand.

She ignored his bad attitude. "She's pregnant."

His eyes were like lasers boring through the woman's head. His neck was gradually turning red and his hand was shaking.

"Are you sure? I take my pill every single day at the same time, I haven't missed it in years," you were pleading with the nurse.

"False positives don't really happen. Especially with blood tests," she was uncomfortable with the energy in the room. "Pills sometimes fail. The blood test indicated you're about four and a half months along. I'm going to give you two a moment. Your prescription will be waiting for you at the front."

She left the room and you looked at Kylo with a face that indicated you were horrified. He was still staring toward the door, his fists shaking uncontrollably at this point.

You had wanted kids one day, but you didn't know exactly when. And it had been so convenient that when you had finally gotten somewhere with Kylo, this had to happen. You were stunned and sick and you didn't know how to feel. Part of you was excited, part of you terrified, part of you pissed. You had always made sure to take your pills correctly, you never missed it. You had been weary the first time Kylo came in you, but you were sure that because you were so vigilant in taking your pills correctly that it would never come to anything. There was also the fear here that you would be tied to Kylo forever. Yes, you loved him, but he was so volatile. Like now, you were convinced he was angry with you.

"Kylo," you said to him, voice shaking.

"How did you not know?" he didn't move.

"I don't get regular periods, because of the pills. I didn't feel different until tonight," you were so quiet.

"You don't look bigger," his voice was icy.

"I don't know why."

"What are you going to do?"

"Me? This is our mistake," you knew it. You knew he would react this way.

He turned toward you. "I know. I know that. But it's your body, and it's your right to decide what you want."

"Do you have an opinion?" you were shocked at the autonomy you were being given.

"I do, but does that matter?" his eyes screamed a million things at you.

"Of course it does, Kylo," you were tearing up. Everything was TOO much.

He looked at the tile floor. "Tell me what your instinct is first."

He looked as conflicted as you were. "I don't know. I feel like I'm not good enough to be a mom."

The corner of his mouth raised just slightly. "You would be amazing."

"Well, as soon as she said it, honestly, I thought I wanted to abort. But the more that I sit here thinking about it...I kind of want it." You were super nervous about saying that out loud.

Kylo stood, walking over to stand in front of you. "Hey, don't call it 'it.' That's our baby." he smiled down at you. "But if at any point you change your mind, I am behind you."

You couldn't help but smile up at his face, the beautiful chiseled face peppered with beauty marks. He leaned down and kissed your still bloodied lips.

"Ours," he whispered, his palm caressing your stomach.


	27. Tell Me A Secret

Your days at the tower the first couple of weeks had been quite the adjustment period. Even though you had lived with him in the previous home, this was a completely different situation. There was no one else there most of the time aside from when the cleaner, launderer, and grocer would show up. There was no Diane, there was no Dusty. It was just you and Kylo. And after a couple of days off to help you adjust, Kylo had returned to his normal schedule, so you found yourself alone a lot of the time. 

You had always wondered what it would be like to be a celebrity. To be able to do bare minimum work, live luxuriously, buy expensive things for the fuck of it. But you found yourself bored. Very, very bored. There was only so much the tower had to offer. Sure there was a full spa on the lower levels, but you could only take getting a massage so many times. There was a whole shopping center of luxury brand boutiques on the bottom floor, but you weren't yet comfortable using the card Kylo had given you. You had considered visiting Kylo's office for some fun on several occasions, but he was so serious during the day, you weren't sure if it was a good idea. 

He had started treating you differently since you two had found out about the pregnancy. Not in a bad way, but he seemed extra cautious. When you would fuck, he wouldn't blow out your back like you were used to. Which sucked because the hormones had your horniness at an all new level.

You were on your hands and knees in the back of a limo that was transporting the two of you to some charity event he had drug you to. Your dress was hiked over your ass, and his hands were firm on your waist, but they weren't burrowing into your flesh like he normally did. His thrusts were also weaker, fainter, more shy. 

"Hit me," you breathed out. 

"No," he said as he continued to thrust gently in and out. The slow thrusts made you hyper aware of his girth absolutely splitting you open. 

"Come on," you whined looking back at him, "one lick?"

His hand raised, making contact with your flesh with a loud pop. You hissed at the sensation.

"Now stop asking, shut up," he demanded. At least his commands were the same. 

And that is how it had been just about every time. You figured it was because of the fetus, but he didn't say anything. 

All the alone time had given you a lot of time to think about that. That being the fetus. You had been saying fetus because you were finding it difficult to connect with it. You and Kylo really hadn't talk about it at all. The past few weeks, when you were with him, you had been attending events, meetings, and having weirdly slow, careful sex, there had been little time for much discussion, and you really wanted to check in with him. See how he was doing, because you knew you were in need of someone to check on you. With the culture shock, the boredom, and the inability to connect with the fetus, you needed it. 

But Kylo was coming home for the evening and staying there. He had nowhere to be for once, and he and you were going to get to spend some time together, finally. 

The rest of your day was pretty standard, but you had decided to make yourself look nice for Kylo because you thought about how much his face lit up when he saw you all done up at that premiere. Before the bloodied face of course. And you hoped a nice skimpy outfit would make him fuck you harder. You wanted to do something wild and crazy with him. Anything to feel something. 

You didn't take the personalized debit card he had provided for you, instead opting to use your own debit card. You had been grossly overpaid by Kylo during your time as the nanny, so you were essentially using his money anyway. 

You took the long elevator ride down to the first floor. An Associate of Ren was by your side the whole time. Things were different since you two had walked the red carpet together. Your face was all over social media. Kylo's fans had uncovered your entire life story by the end of that night. You two had been featured on "It TV's" Hottest Couples List just a few days later. People knew you now. So when you left security actually might have been a necessity. Kylo had assigned you a new Associate of Ren everyday. It felt a little invasive to have a suited man on your heel any time you left your home, but you knew Kylo wouldn't budge on it. Kylo had told you about a time that he was just rumored to be dating this one actress, and one of his fans attempted to beat her ass on the street. You were suddenly thankful for the backup. 

The first floor was open to the public, and it was a bit of touristy destination in town. So, it was packed. You made your way through crowds of people, some of which tried to stop you, but you had learned at this point to ignore them. Once you talked to one person, you had to talk to everyone. 

When you entered the Versace boutique, the manager greeted you immediately. 

"You look beautiful today," he beamed. You looked over in the mirror at your messy buns and worn out chambray dress and shrugged. 

"Thank you, I try," you smiled. 

"I will get the place cleared out for you," he nodded assuredly before scurrying off and shooing tourists out of the boutique. So bourgeois. 

You had settled on a skin tight black jumpsuit with a low neck line. The back was laced up with satin strings, and it accentuated all your best attributes. You paired it with gold platform heels, and you were set. 

You made your way up to the salon and spa with your accompanying body guard. Again, they cleared the spa for you, and you were treated to a mani, pedi, hair, and makeup. They had given you beachy waves that cascaded down your back, and your makeup was healthy and glowy. You looked good as hell. 

At this point, you just had to wait for Kylo to come home. It wouldn't be long. On the 30th floor of the tower, there was a gourmet restaurant. The most coveted place in town, and Kylo had his own special table there, ready for him whenever he desired. That was tonight's destination. 

You sat on the cloud couch in the middle of the living room, splayed out in your twelve hundred dollar jumpsuit. You looked at your phone to see your mom had sent you yet another article about you. 

"Look, they said you're way hotter than that nasty bitch Diane!" 

You smiled at the words. Not because some magazine had called you better looking than Diane. You knew that. But because you missed your mom so much. 

You were thinking about how much you missed your mom when the elevator to the living area opened. 

You stood quickly realizing you were in the most unflattering position ever. You smiled at Kylo as he walked toward you. His eyes were tracing every bit of your body.

"How was your day?" you asked as he stopped right in front of you, your head bent back to look up at him.

"It was fine," that dark, deep voice sang to you. "Ready to make it better."

"Do I look okay?" you flipped your hair behind your shoulder, eyelashes fluttering innocently. 

His eyes fell on your very exposed cleavage then back to your eyes. "Okay isn't the word I would use."

"What word then?"

"Slutty," he looked at your tits again.

"I'll choose for that to be a compliment," you shrugged. 

He pulled you into him, giving your nude matte lips a sensuous kiss. "I'm going to go change." 

The restaurant had been silent when the two of you walked in arm in arm. People had tried to get Kylo's attention, but of course he ignored them. People had tried to sneakily take photos. That was the craziest part about being a recognized person. People thought they were slick but you could always see when they were taking pictures. 

The hostess had led you two into a curtained booth in the most optimal part of the restaurant. The view of the city was breathtaking here. You looked out the window, so happy to be right here, right now. 

A waitress emerged behind the curtain. You almost gasped at the sight of her. 

She was absolutely stunning. Her skin was olive and clear, her hair dark black with textured waves falling down her shoulders. Her lips were full and her eyes a piercing blue. She was wearing little makeup, but she didn't need a bunch. She was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen. Her body was a perfect hourglass, like Kim Kardashian but less ridiculous. The black body con uniform dress accentuated it perfectly. 

"Hi, I'm Chloe. I'll be your server tonight. Can I get you something to drink?" she smiled, teeth absolutely perfect and white. 

"Merlot," Kylo didn't look up from his menu. You, on the other hand, were gawking at her. 

"Uh--" you were stammering, "I, uh, I want water." Kylo looked up to you, an eyebrow raising. 

"Alright, I'll have that right out," and she disappeared behind the curtain, this time her plump ass perfectly visible. Your eyes were glued to it. 

"You're almost as bad as most men," Kylo scoffed. You snapped back to reality looking at him. 

"What are you talking about?" you played dumb. 

"What? Do you wanna fuck her or something?" he now had a hint of a smirk on his face. 

"No! She's just really pretty," you fiddled with your fingers. "I don't want to fuck her."

"Pinky?" he was now smiling full blown. 

"What?"

"Pinky," he shrugged, "Pinky promise me that you don't want to fuck that waitress."

"That's stupid, Kylo," you rolled your eyes. 

"Can't lie on a pinky. That's sacrilege," he made a serious face but it quickly softened. "So, pinky?"

You stared at him through narrow eyes saying nothing. 

"Ah, you do," he was giddy like a school girl. "That's okay, you know, I don't mind."

"Oh really? You don't care that I want to fuck someone else?" you were concerned now. "You know I care if you want to fuck anyone, right?"

He let out a laugh, "Of course. I am not saying I'm cool with you going out in that room, pulling out some guy's dick and riding it, but I am saying it's okay if you see a woman and think about that kind of thing." 

"That's a little sexist, isn't it? I can think about fucking girls but not men?" your eyes were still narrowed at him. 

"Maybe, but that's how it goes," he shrugged. 

You tested the waters. "So, you're saying that if she was willing, I could do her?"

Kylo shrugged again, "I'd rather you not, but if you must." 

You went a little further, "What if it was together?"

He looked at you with a straight face. "Like me and you?"

"Well, yeah." 

"Do you want that?" he tilted his head. 

"Maybe," you were looking at your fingers again. 

"I mean, I am not one to typically turn down threesomes," he grabbed your hand, "But I only want to do things that make you comfortable." 

"She's like really pretty," you looked up at him. "I think I would only have a shot with you." 

"Are you one hundred percent sure you want to do this? I don't want you to do something you will regret," he looked at your earnestly. 

You nodded. You were excited. 

"Okay," he leaned back. "After dinner, I'll go do the talking." 

Your dinner together was fantastic. It was even more tantalizing with the scandalous prospect of what could be later that night. Finally, the two of you were both done, and you were looking at each other from opposite sides of the booth. 

"So, are you gonna go do it now?" you pushed him.

"Guess so," he stood up, "God, I haven't propositioned a girl like this in years, so weird." And he went behind the curtain. 

You were waiting for a solid ten minutes when Kylo reappeared. 

He reached out his hand, "Come on, she will be up in 15." 

Chloe had made her way to the penthouse promptly. She was still in that tight little dress when she made her way into the room, sitting beside you, Kylo on your other side, while you all got to know her a little better. 

The three of you were sitting on the couch. She and Kylo were drinking wine while you had water and making small talk, but you were honestly tired of that. You were so horny. You had never been in a threesome, and Kylo could sense your restlessness, so he made the move. 

Kylo's hand snaked around your waist playing with the low neckline of your jumpsuit. His fingers toyed with the hemline. Chloe's eyes were on his fingers teasing you. Kylo dipped his head down leaving wine stained kisses on your neck. Your head fell back, but Chloe moved closer to you, her small hands pulling your head back. Suddenly, her beautiful luscious lips were on yours, dancing together before her tongue slipped past your lips. Kylo looked up from your neck to see you two kissing, and a deep groan escaped his chest before he went back to work on your neck, his fingers pulled the neck line of the jumpsuit to the side exposing your hard nipple. Chloe looked down, craning her neck to catch the hard nub in her mouth. Her tongue swirled around your nipple, a soft moan leaving your lips. Kylo's hand found the back of her head, grabbing a fistful of her black hair while she sucked and lapped at your nipple. 

She moaned against you, the vibrations giving you chills. She came up and moved the jumpsuit to reveal the other tit. She took that nipple in her mouth as she used her other hand to knead and squeeze the other one. Kylo took that opportunity to unlace the back of your jumpsuit. It fell to your waist, you full breasts exposed. Your hand reached back to rub Kylo's hard length over his pants, a hiss coming through clenched teeth. Chloe sat up and pulled her dress off revealing a silk pink bra and silky pink thong. She got on your lap and continued to make out with you while Kylo's hand explored her body. His big hand was rubbing down her perfectly arched back and then was planted on her huge perfect ass. You were undoing her bra as you watched his hand on her, and you felt a quick but short twinge of jealousy. Her tits fell in your face, and you wrapped your lips around one, sucking on a hardening nipple. 

Kylo stood and removed his jacket and shirt before sitting back down on the couch. Chloe took this as a cue to move to his lap, so she was straddling him now. You wanted to stay participating so you turned toward them, placing a hand on her ass, squeezing the supple flesh. Kylo was playing with her perfect, perky tits, one hand squeezing them and the other hand running nails down her back to her ass. When his hand made it to her ass, he gave it a hard smack. There was that twinge of jealousy again. 

Chloe turned her head back to you, and she began furiously making out with you again, Kylo biting his lip as he watched. You pulled her head back and pointed to the empty space next to you. 

"Lay down." She obeyed. 

You pulled off your jumpsuit leaving you in just a black lacy thong, and then you got situated between her legs, spreading her thighs. Kylo was behind you, his crotch pressed against your ass as you kneeled down between her legs. You pulled her panties to the side and began licking her slick folds, focusing on her clit. 

"Fuck me," she moaned, a little too porny in your opinion. Kylo groaned, and you could hear him undoing his pants. The head of his cock teased your entrance as he jerked himself, watching you eat her out. 

You continued working at her center when you looked up and noticed her eyes were glued to Kylo.

"This is great, but let him do it, and you get up here," Chloe gestured to her face. 

You lifted your head grimacing at her, totally not into this anymore. You immediately realized she had done this just to fuck Kylo. But you wanted to be cool, so you didn't say anything. Instead you stood and changed positions, mounting her face. Kylo laid between her thighs now. He looked up at you, "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm great," you lied as you hovered over her face. She began to lazily suck and lick at your clit, and you could barely even enjoy it. 

Kylo's mouth was on her, his tongue invading her cunt. He was giving her the treatment he had only given you for so long. You were still wanting to be the "Cool Girl" who had sexy threesomes, so you rocked your hips back and forth on her tongue, trying to make yourself enjoy the site of his face in her pussy. 

The three of you stayed like that for a while when you heard Chloe mumble something against you.

Kylo continued doing his job as you responded. "What?"

"I want him to fuck me," she said through panted breath.

He heard that. He looked up to you seemingly looking for permission. You meekly nodded your head, not entirely ready to personally watch him fuck another woman. 

He stood on his knees and positioned his cock over her pussy. You watched intently as he pushed the head inside of her. You couldn't. 

"Okay, stop. I don't want this anymore," you pushed Kylo back yourself, just for good measure and moved off of Chloe's face. 

"What the fuck?" Chloe shot up. "That's so not fair, man, I came here for all that," she gestured at Kylo. 

"Get the fuck out of my house," you spat at her. 

"I'm not going anywhere," she spat back. 

"You heard what she said. Get the fuck out of our home," Kylo shot at her. "Now." 

She gathered up her stuff, huffing and groaning as she did. She angrily boarded the elevator, holding all of her garments. 

When she was gone, you sighed and stood up, walking to the bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" Kylo called after you. 

You didn't know why you had suggested this. You knew you would get jealous. You had just thought she was so pretty, and thought maybe it would make Kylo want to give you the wild fun sex you were used to. You just wanted to do something unexpected and scandalous like you had been in the last house. But it had just made you mad, and of course that chick just wanted to fuck Kylo. Who wouldn't? 

You laid in the bed on your stomach and sulked. So much was going through your head and going on in your life, and you felt like you were dealing with it all alone. Kylo entered the room. 

"What the fuck was that about?" he walked to the bed sitting on his side. You ignored him.

He said your name sternly. 

You turned to him quickly, "Why were you touching her like that?" 

"What? It was a threesome, that's what you do," he knit his brows together, 

"Uh, not like that. Grab her hair and ass like that. You don't do that to me," you turned away again. 

"Yes, I do, what the fuck?" he scoffed. 

"Not anymore. And also, you were totally going to fuck her," you felt tears welling up. 

"That's literally part of the operation! You had your tongue in her pussy for god's sake!" he yelled at you. 

You turned to face him, "You shouldn't have wanted to do that!"

"You asked! You said it was okay!" he was standing now, spit flying from his mouth as he yelled. 

"I can't believe you, you liked her more than me, I know it," you crossed your arms, the tears threatening to fall. 

"Are you fucking kidding me? Seriously? Do you know how many asses I've grabbed in my life? How many chick's hair I have pulled?"

"That just makes me feel great, Kylo," you were crying now. 

"Guess," he demanded.

"A million, fuck, I don't know." 

"Yeah, it's a lot. Guess how many I loved? Fucking one," he was quieting, but there was still hot passion in his voice. You looked at him slowly. 

"I fucking love you. I really do," he sat on the bed again, a hand finding your arm. 

"Why haven't you been doing sex like you used to?" you asked quietly. 

"I don't want to lose control and hurt you or the baby," he breathed. 

"Kylo," you looked away from him.

"Yes?"

"Can I be honest about something?" your eye were wandering anywhere but him. 

"Of course."

"I am scared, I don't feel a connection to the baby at all. I don't know if I want to go through with it. I think I want to abort," you were barely audible. "I don't know a lot about you, and I am expected to raise a child with you. That seems like a bit of a lot, and I don't know if I want to do that. At least not right now." 

He was breathing deeply. "You're like 5 months at this point." 

"I know." 

"I need to process that." 

You sat up, "I thought you said you would stand behind me no matter what."

"I will, that's just a lot. I feel responsible," he looked at the wall. 

"For what?"

"You don't feel like you can do this with me, and that's my fault." His eyes looked almost watery. 

You realized the weight of what you had said. Though you meant it. 

"I just want to know every bit of you, like you know every bit of me. Having a baby with you would be amazing, but I don't know half of your story. I love you so much, but I know so little about you," you sat up and sat beside him. 

"I've felt so alone since I moved here. I don't feel like I have anything that's mine, and I just feel like I'm dealing with it alone. The slow sex was just a catalyst of emotions, I guess," you rubbed his back. "I guess that's why I thought a wild and crazy threesome would make things more interesting. I don't know." 

"What do I need to do?" his eyes met yours. They were watery. 

"Tell me a secret."


	28. Pliable

"A secret?" he muttered, looking at you blankly. 

"Yeah. Tell me something I don't know about you, something personal," your eyes were searching his face and his eyes. 

He stared at the comforter on the bed. His eyes were darting all over, thoughts running rampant behind his eyes. 

"Tell me about anything, Kylo. Your childhood, your parents," he visibly flinched as you brought them up. 

"I.... can't," his fists were clenched. "I buried that part of myself. Am I not enough?"

"Of course you are enough, Kylo. But if I am expected to have a whole ass kid with you, I would love to know a thing or two about you. Why do you hate your family so much, why? Just why? You met my mom. You know just about everything there is to know about me. It's unfair, and absurd to believe that this would work without me knowing anything at all about you," you were getting more annoyed by the minute, and so was he. 

"I literally had one goal. To be alone and focus on my work, my life's work, and never ever have to worry about anyone but myself and my businesses ever again, and I completely abandoned that for you. I don't understand how that isn't enough for you to believe that we can do this together," he said, his jaw tight. "You know me. You don't need to know who I was." 

"I really want to believe that. I do," you suddenly felt tired. You felt tired of this argument, tired of trying so hard. Maybe this was all you would ever know of him, and maybe that was enough. 

He exhaled deeply, and then stood. He removed rest of his clothes, and he crawled under the covers of the bed. "Come." His arms were outstretched for you. Giving up on this, you came to him, laying your head on his chest and wrapping your leg around his waist. You could feel how tense his muscular body was from the conversation.

You two laid there quietly, the rise and fall of your chests mirrored. He slowly relaxed.

"I can't believe we brought a girl home," there was a hint of humor in his voice. 

You couldn't help but smile. Laughing at the situation kept you from getting unrightfully jealous. 

"I know. If I'm honest, I would like to keep it limited to just our own genitals that we fuck with," you looked up at him. 

"I'm okay with that, I suppose," he kissed the tip of your nose. "I'm sorry I've made you feel anything but supported and cared for. I'm trying really hard." 

"I know," you nuzzled into his chest. "Let's sleep." 

And with that you tried to fall asleep. But it was eating away at your mind endlessly. You had to connect with his family. You had to do this to understand him. 

It was a beautiful Saturday morning. You had woken up to the angelic face you had come to love so much. You loved waking up to him, seeing him actually get rest. It was so rare that he got to do that. 

You carefully left the bed being extra mindful to not wake him. He was out cold, so you tiptoed out of the room. You threw on some pajama shorts you had left strewn across a chair in the bedroom and one of Kylo's famous black t shirts from his drawers. It was so long on you, grazing your mid thighs. You stopped in front of the mirror and eyed your body. You pulled the shirt taut against your body, turning to the side to see the bump that had finally started forming at your stomach. You still hadn't told anyone. You really needed to. 

You walked down the hall into the living area, the bright rising sun shining through the glass walls. You made your way into the kitchen and grabbed a yogurt from the fridge. You sat at the bar watching the city scape outside the window. It was a beautiful chilly morning, and you felt mostly content. 

It was still killing you to know so little about Kylo's past life. Sure, you knew the man he was now, but nothing of before. Nothing of why he was so broken. You started to wonder about all those secrets that Diane had on Kylo. And how she knew them. 

Your eyes wandered from your yogurt bowl to the slightly ajar door to his home office. That had always been like an unspoken off limits place, and you had always figured it was because he had secrets in there. But now that you two were like a real thing....

No. It would be borderline evil to go snooping through his stuff. You weren't that kind of girlfriend. But, again, most girlfriends weren't in a relationship with "Closed Off As Fuck, Brooding, Sensitive, Impossible to Break Kylo Ren." 

You stared at the door for a long time before setting your bowl down and sauntering over to it. You pushed it open a little bit further. It looked as you would expect it. All black with some red accenting. There were papers and files and all kinds of things thrown across the black hard wood of the desk. You stepped in. There was no going back now. 

You walked behind the desk and sat in the rolling office chair. First you opened the top drawer on the right. Nothing seemingly of interest. It was a bunch of confidential files with the RenTech logo stamped across them. You went to the next drawer down. It was just a black box titled "Important Docs." You lifted it open to find his passport, extra identification, the deed to the tower, and his birth certificate. 

"Ben Solo," you read it out to yourself. "I like that name." You placed it back in the box and shut the drawer, moving on to the left side of the desk. In the top drawer you found a printed picture of yourself. The one of you in that black dress from the night you fucked Matt. You felt a warmness in your heart as you placed it back on top of the office supplies where it was. 

In the next drawer you found nothing but more papers pertaining to the loads of businesses he owned. You sighed and slumped down in the chair. The filing cabinets against the wall were labeled "RenTech," so you didn't even bother going through them. Your eyes lazily scanned the room, looking around for anything. Your eyes landed on a wide brim bowler hat sitting in a glass case atop an ornate black wood chest. You got up and walked over to it. 

"What is this?" you asked to yourself. You inspected the hat closer. Embroidered in red thread were the initials AS. You wondered the significance of it. The chest beneath the case looked antique, very old. Maybe there were answers in there...

But that felt like you were going too far. This stuff seemed quite personal. But it was killing you, the wonder of what was in the chest. 

You carefully lifted the case off of the chest, gingerly placing it on the floor. You began to lift the heavy clasps of the chest and then the top.

"What are you doing?" an icy cold, piercing, dark voice emanated behind you. You froze dead in your tracks, unable to respond. He said your name with the same venomous tone. 

You turned slowly on your knees to see Kylo standing in the door way, fists balled up at his sides, bare chest rising and falling quickly. "Kylo, I am so--"

"Shut up, shut the fuck up," he closed the distance between you, towering in front of you, "Stand up. Now." 

You quickly shot to your feet, looking up at him with regret in your eyes. "Ky--"

"I said shut the fuck up. I don't want your meaningless apologies," he snarled at you. "What were you thinking?" 

"I--I just wanted to understand you, I don't know what I w-was thinking," you were stuttering. 

"I thought you were content with me, I thought you had dropped the silly notion that you need to know anything about who I was," his nostrils were flaring. He was trying so hard not to unleash on you like he had in the past. 

"I don't know what to say, I really am so disappointed in myself. I'm so sorry," you were looking into his eyes. They were black with fury. 

"What did you see?" he said with a shaky breath, eyes darting to the chest. His demeanor was changing rapidly.

"In the trunk? Nothing, I swear," you quickly reassured him of that. 

He looked on the floor behind you. He pushed you aside gently but with purpose and picked up the case placing it back on the chest. "Literally no fucking respect for anything," he spat. "What else did you go through?"

You looked at your feet. "The desk." 

"Anything else?" he said as calmly as he could manage. 

"No." 

"Good." He rubbed his temples as he exhaled your name. "I don't know that I can even be in your presence right now."

That stung. It stung hard, but you deserved it. "What do I need to do? I can go home, I can be gone by the end of the day." Your abandonment issues were kicking in hardcore. 

"Don't be stupid," he was turned away from you, the muscles of his back tense. "I don't want you gone. I just don't want to be around you right now."

That almost felt worse. "Okay," you whispered. Your eyes were glued to the floor. 

"I'm going to shower, and then I am going to go to the other side of town to get some business done. I'll be back when I'm ready," he was leaving the room. You were standing there in the middle of the room like a sad puppy. You were so ashamed. 

He had been gone for a few hours and you had never felt lonelier or more like a loser. You had come so far with him and had possibly gotten him to a place of some type of normalcy, and you completely ruined it with your inability to accept that you weren't going to know everything about anything. Especially him. 

You weren't sure where he went. You didn't want to pry, but you already missed him. Today should have been a lax day of the two of you hanging out on the couch and watching the latest thing on Netflix. You had gotten him into binging TV recently. But alas, your snooping ass had to go one step too far. So you had taken a shower and gotten ready. You straightened your hair and decided to put on makeup. You had nothing better to do. You slipped on jeans and a distressed, over sized gray sweater. You looked cute, but you felt like garbage. You noted the growing bump at your abdomen again. 

"Guess I should tell my mom today," you sighed to yourself. You had held off for so long because you had been so unsure about keeping it, but at this point, if you waited to tell her any longer, the kid would be here already. In the month you had known about the baby, you hadn't once touched your belly the way pregnant people always did. Whether it was that lack of connection or fear or both, you avoided touching your belly at all costs. Kylo hadn't either. He was under the impression if he breathed on you wrong he would hurt you or the baby. 

You were sprawled out on the couch when you were scrolling through your phone, trying to muster the courage to tell your mom you were pregnant. She was cool and supportive, but she was also smart unlike you had been recently, and she was going to have huge doubts and concerns about you having a baby with a man you had known for less than a year. Especially one that you had gotten involved with while he was married and you were his employee. 

You were about to hit the button to ring up your mom when the household AI began to sound off. 

"Call From Security. Call From Security," the monotonous voice alerted you. You had never answered the call system before so you rushed over to the tablet in the wall that controlled it. 

"Uhhhh," you eyed all the buttons, finally seeing 'answer.' 

"Hello?" you called out. 

"Hi, miss?" they questioned. 

"Yes?" 

"Is Mr. Ren in?" 

"No, he's out. What's up? Is something wrong?" you were getting worried. 

"No, no. He has a visitor," they paused, "He added you to the household consent form, so you do have the ability to accept visitors. Should I send them up?"

That made you even more sad. He had trusted you enough to put on the damn household name list. "Who is it?"

"It's Leia Solo," the security person sounded uneasy. 

You were so stunned. You didn't know much about the past, but you knew Leia was his mom. You had heard of her for a lot of your life, and all of the efforts she put into charity. It was as if your prayers had been answered. How was it that after all of the commotion of today his mom would show right up to the door. Thank God he wasn't around. 

"Send her up." you said confidently. But you were sure this was a decision you would regret later. 

"Are you sure?" who ever this guy was, he understood what inviting Leia up meant. 

"Yes."

You sat on the armchair in the living area that faced the elevator leading into the apartment. You were anxiously awaiting Leia's arrival and praying that Kylo would stay gone for as long as possible. The elevator ride up took about thirty seconds and you were counting each second in your head. You weren't sure what you were going to say to her, but you had to meet her. And no telling how long it had been since Kylo had seen or spoken to her. From what you understood it had been at least ten years. 

You could hear the elevator nearing the entrance to the penthouse, and your muscles began to tense. Then you heard the familiar ding. 

The doors parted, and there standing in front of one of Kylo's associates was the surprisingly short, beautiful mother of the man you loved. She looked confused to see you, but nonetheless she walked forward, entering the apartment. The associate stepped forward, too. 

"You may go," you told him, eyes never leaving Leia. She was majestic. Regal. Her eyes were the same deep, gorgeous umber that Kylo had inherited. The associate nodded and reentered the elevator. The doors closed shut as you and Leia gazed at each other for a long moment. You realized your disrespect and stood. 

"Mrs. Solo, I am so honored to meet you. Your work is inspiring," you were instantly embarrassed for being so formal. 

"Thank you, doll," she walked around one of the several couches to the armchair opposite of the one you had been sitting in. She took a seat, and you mirrored her action. "I would ask who you are, but I know." 

You blushed with immense embarrassment. She knew you as the rest of the world did. The homewrecker nanny who ruined Kylo's perfect home. Except she was his mother and probably thought a lot worse of you. 

"Let me tell you, I had always prayed he would dump that freak Diane," she shook her head in disapproval. You had to hold back a laugh. 

"You didn't like her?" you acted objective to the topic.

"She was the worst! A total weirdo," Leia chuckled to herself. You wondered how she had met Diane, but maybe she hadn't maybe she just knew her persona. 

"I still would like to introduce myself, if that is okay," you gave her your hand and her aged, soft hand took it. You told her your name. 

"It's lovely to meet you. I must say, I'm surprised you let me come in," she leaned back in her seat. She was wearing a lovely Chanel pantsuit. She was so freaking beautiful. 

"Well, why wouldn't I?" you tried to hide the nervousness that was filling your tummy. 

"I try every month. Ben usually turns me away. The second I got the go ahead, I knew he wasn't here," she looked around the room. "This is a nice place. He's done so well for himself." 

It was so peculiar to hear Kylo referred to as Ben. But that was who he was to her. 

"I just don't understand that. My mom and I are so close. I could never," you furrowed your brows at the thought of shutting out your mom. 

"He's a challenging boy. He thinks he is the smartest person in any given room, but I'm sure you have caught on to that," she looked at you. "You are so beautiful. Can I ask you something?" 

"Anything," you were ready to answer her questions. 

"What happened? What actually happened, because the media can be so harsh. And deceiving," she gave you a look that said she knew how it felt to be in your shoes. 

You sighed. "Do you want the PG version or the real life version?"

"Of course I want the real life version," she smiled, eager to hear what you had to say. 

You took a long inhale. "I'll give you the abridged real life version. He picked me to be their nanny. He picked me because he wanted to...," your eyes darted to Leia and then to your hands. You couldn't be that blunt with her. "Get to know me. We did start seeing each other while he was married, but he had been planning for a long time to leave Diane. That doesn't justify what I did--"

"Baby, it takes two to tango. It's not what you did," she reassured you. You smiled lightly. 

"You're right. We just... connected. And so here we are now." 

"I know my son, and I know it wasn't as simple as that," she had a look of earnest. 

"You aren't wrong," you raised your eyebrows as if to say 'you right bitch.' "There was a lot of him trying to push me away. But, I mean, I tried to do the same. I just couldn't." Your eyes were on the floor thinking of how much he meant to you. And how badly you had hurt him that morning. This encounter wasn't helping your case. 

"He has trouble with emotions. Especially love." 

"Why is that?" you looked back at her, so ready for this answer. 

"It's a few things. Snoke had a lot to do with that. His uncle. Me. His dad," the same sadness you had come to know in Kylo's eyes were there in hers. "His uncle, Luke, tried to take him under his wing and show him the ways of our family business. But Ben was frustrated with the ways that Luke did things, he wanted more. Ben was very power hungry. Snoke really swept him away with the promises of money and totalitarian power. Snoke was an evil, evil man," she shook her head. "Snoke convinced him that the best course of action would be to completely renounce his family and his name, so he did." 

"He was so easily persuaded it seems," you murmured. 

"He was in a weak place. His father had just died. Hurt people are pliable," she shrugged. 

"Can I ask what happened to his dad? And I am so sorry you had to experience that kind of loss," you were teary eyed. Probably because of the pregnancy hormones. 

"Of course," she said sorrowfully taking a deep breath, "Ben had just decided to leave the family and ran off to the city with Snoke. Han was a very stubborn man, just like Ben, so he had decided to leave the base where he was working in Central America and 'try to talk to some sense into that little shit,' as Han had so eloquently put it." She was smiling at that memory. "The plane went down over the Gulf. It was tragic." Leia's eyes were lingering on the floor before they met yours again. "I think that he has always felt responsible. Even though he claimed to not care, I think that was the last straw for him." 

"I really can't imagine the pain and hurt you have been through, Mrs. Solo. I am so sorry." 

She sighed and gave you a smile. "That's okay. He seems to be happier these days from what I see in the media. I know he's in love, does he admit it?"

"How do you know that?" 

"I have seen photos of you two together. He has never looked at anyone that way before."

You started blushing. "Yeah. He says it." 

"I can tell you love him, too. The way you talk about him, you're so in love," she was smirking. The expression uncannily mirrored Kylo's. 

"I have to be honest. We had come really far. He had started to open up some, but I kind of did something bad," you trailed off. You felt like you could confide in her. 

"What is it?"

You covered your eyes, the embarrassment and shame all coming back to you. "I went through his office trying to find anything to help me know who he was. He is so closed off about you all." 

"Ah, I see. That is a tough one to recover from. Especially with Ben. I went through his journal one time when he was a teenager. Didn't speak to me for weeks. He would have never spoken to me again had he not been 13 at the time." She looked out the window. 

"That's why he wasn't here. He said he couldn't stand to be around me, so he left," your eyes were watering yet again. 

Leia placed her hand atop yours. "He loves you, babe. He will forgive you." Her hand lingered there for a moment, and her face became one of confusion. 

"What is it?" you sniffled. 

"You're pregnant," her eyes met yours, sparkling with hope. 

Your eyes went wide. "How?"

"I have always had this sixth sense about me... I can feel certain things. And you are with child," she sat back in her seat. "You haven't told anyone have you?"

You shook your head, still in shock. 

"Are you having doubts? I can sense that as well," she gave you a look of concern. 

"I--," you looked at your hands, "A little."

"What are you afraid of?"

"I was afraid that I would be raising a child with a stranger. With someone I didn't truly know..."

Leia nodded understandingly. "That is a valid fear. But let me tell you something." She stood and sat on the ottoman right in front of you, taking your hands in her own. 

"Ben has made some bad choices in the past. He has done some morally questionable stuff. But I don't know of any other person in this galaxy who would make a better father than him. That last child, I wish he could have opened his heart to him, but he knew he wasn't his own, and that hurt him. But this child... there is no one better." You looked up to her. "Now, it is your body, and you are the ultimate decider on what to do with your body. But if you are afraid of Ben's capabilities, you shouldn't be." 

A tear finally fell from your eye. "You are an incredible woman."

"As are you," she dropped your hands and gave you a smirk. "I know what it is." 

"The sex?"

"Yes. Do you want to know?" 

You nodded.

"That in there," she pointed to your tummy, "is my granddaughter." 

Suddenly a warmth washed over your whole being. You were seeing the world through rose colored glasses, a feeling of affection and love taking over you. You were feeling the connection. The connection to your child. Yours and Kylo's daughter. Your hands fell to your stomach for the first time, and you felt an overwhelming feeling of acceptance. 

You pulled Leia into an embrace, your eyes fluttering shut as more tears fell. It was silent, but it could be unspoken that the two of you had made a deep connection, too. 

"Mom?" a hoarse bellowing voice came from the entrance to the apartment. 

Leia turned around quickly. 

"Ben."


	29. Come Home

Kylo's mouth was a tight line. His eyes were laser focused on his mother, the bump in his throat bobbing up and down. His chin trembled as you sat there unable to speak. You weren't sure what to say. Sorry wouldn't even be close to enough for this situation. This might have been the ultimate betrayal. You couldn't see Leia's face from where you were, but you were sure it was one of sadness, longing, and maybe some sense of happiness. His eyes slowly moved to you, your face completely still, eyes wide with some mix of sorrow and fear. He was still planted firm in his spot in front of the elevator. His suit was fitted on his tense muscles, his knuckles white with pressure. 

You wanted to say something, but you couldn't be the first to speak. You felt like you were intruding on something. Something you were not ever supposed to be a part of. Leia stood and turned to face her son. 

"You need to leave," he finally said, his voice cracking. 

"I'm not leaving, Ben," she put a hand on her hip. "This nonsense is over." 

His breathing was intensifying when his eyes found you again. "Not you. Her." 

Your emotional state was already in shambles so your already watery eyes welled up even more. You stood. "Okay. Please call me when I can come back." 

You were walking forward when Leia grabbed your arm. "No, no. You won't be kicked out of your own home. You're trying to send away the mother of your child?" She cut her eyes to Kylo. "I know you are better than that." 

"You told her?" his voice was as sharp as razor blade. 

"She knew!" you were defensive now. 

"She knew?" he scowled, voice level increasing. 

"Yes, I knew. You know that I can feel things like that, Ben. She didn't say a word. I know you don't consider me this anymore, but I am your mother, and this behavior is uncalled for," Leia had as much power and aggression in her tone as he did. 

The vein was bulging at his neck as he tried to control himself. As much as he claimed to hate her, he wasn't being disrespectful to her. 

"I'm calling security, there's no way you should have been able to get in here," he was walking to the tablet in the wall. 

"You added me to the household consent thing. I wanted to meet her. Kylo, I will be so, so disappointed in you if you have your security drag your mom out of here," you pleaded with him.

"Yeah, because you have a right to be upset and disappointed in me."

"This nonsense needs to stop right this second. Ben, let me have just ten minutes of your time. I just want to talk to you. Please," her voice was stern but soothing and calming all at once. 

He was only a few feet from Leia and you now. You could hear his angry breathing, nostrils flaring. 

"I'm going to leave. Because I want you two to have some time alone. Please do call me when I can come back," you took that opportunity to leave the room. Kylo's eyes never left his mom's as you got on the elevator quickly escaping the tension in the room. When the doors closed you sighed a breath of relief though you weren't completely at peace. You were hoping they would get the chance to talk things out with each other, but the repercussions of everything you had done were going to be severe, and you knew it. 

Kylo looked at his mother for a long moment. So much was running through his mind, and it was all conflicting. He was angry. He was sad. A small part of him felt the familiar benevolence he had once felt before for the woman standing before him. She was there, in the flesh. He hadn't laid eyes on her in so long, she was almost unfamiliar. She had aged so much in the time that he had spent away from her. He supposed not only losing your husband but also your son would do that to a person. 

She was the first to speak. "Sit with me." 

"I'll stand," Kylo said. His jaw was so tight it hurt.

"As you wish," Leia took her seat. "That girl is lovely. You should be nicer to her." 

He struggled not to roll his eyes, "You don't know anything about her."

"So, she isn't lovely?" Leia raised an eyebrow. 

"I am not here to talk about the girl. As a matter of fact, I am not here to talk about anything at all. What do you want?" he shoved his hands in his suit pockets. 

"My son. Back in my life," she was collected and graceful. 

"Your son is gone."

Leia laughed lightly to herself. "You can give yourself a silly stage name and say you aren't my son all you want, but that doesn't make it reality."

He scowled at the unnecessary mockery of his name. Snoke had told him it was the perfect name for a man of power. 

"I believe I have the power to make that decision for myself. I have for ten years now," he could feel his face turning hot red. 

Leia sighed. "I can understand your anger with Luke. I can even to an extent understand your anger with your father." 

Kylo swallowed uncomfortably at the mention of him. 

"But why me? Where did I go wrong? I really want to know," she looked at her son with honesty on her face. 

Kylo didn't show any indication, but he considered her question. Why had he found it necessary to block her out? She had always tried to care for him, to be a good mom when she was around. She had work all around the world. Her and his father would have missions on the other side of the globe frequently, but when she was home, she tried so hard to be the best mother she could. But that didn't change the fact that it often seemed as if work and their pristine image meant more to her. His dad, on the other hand, had always found something wrong with him. Since he had been a child, his dad would tell him that he needed to be a certain way. The way that made them and their charity look nice. His family had lived very comfortably, but the bulk of their riches went into the charity. The charity would fund schools in third world countries and things of the sort.

When Kylo had met Snoke as an intern in college, he got a glimpse of what keeping the money to yourself and playing dirty could get you. Riches, homes all over the world, fame, women. Whatever he wanted. Kylo's confidence in Snoke's abilities waivered the moment he essentially arranged his marriage to Diane. 

"I thought you always said that the most powerful people in the world didn't have time for silly things. And marriage seems like the pinnacle of silly," Kylo had said to Snoke that day in his office. 

"Sometimes you have to sacrifice things you love to get to the top, child. Your freedom for her family's company. She's a beautiful woman, you don't have much to lose. If you marry this woman, we will be at the top of the Forbes list two years from now," Snoke had given him a devilish grin. Kylo enjoyed his freedom. While he had little interest in being married or tied down, he loved having the ability to fuck whoever he wanted when he wanted. He couldn't imagine breaking the sanctity of marriage if he were ever married, so all of the fun he could have with whoever whenever was out the window if he did it. But he would then be the second richest man in the world. 

And so he had done it. He proposed to her and followed the lead of Snoke. That was the beginning of the end of his trust in Snoke. 

Since Snoke had died, Kylo had found that being the richest man in the world was a novelty. All of the money and fame and women in the world couldn't mend the emptiness inside of him. Until he had met her. 

And so here he was now. Standing before his mother completely unsure of why he had ever abandoned her in the first place. Sure, her disapproval of his greed and ways of business were annoying, but she was a lonely woman hurting for the loss of her son and husband all at once. He had lost so much time. He had lost time for all the years he wasted with Diane. He had lost time with the woman who brought him into the world. 

He took the seat adjacent to Leia, sighing as he did so. He was still so tense, but he had been watching anger management videos on the internet to try to do better for the one he loved. He breathed calmly as he had been instructed. 

"I don't know," he didn't look at her. 

She stayed silent, eyes never leaving his face. 

"I don't know why I did it. I don't know why I have spent my whole life trying to be independent and my own person, but I have always let someone dictate how I should look, act, and who I should surround myself with," his voice cracked as he vocalized the most difficult thing he ever had realized, "I'm weak." 

Leia kept her distance not wanting to push him too hard. "You aren't weak, Ben. You were misguided, and me and your father had a lot to do with it." 

"I'm not blaming anyone but myself."

"It's not your job to take the blame. It's your job to learn from it all and be better, and I know that you are beyond capable of that. Now there is no better time. If I leave this place today, and you still feel it necessary to not speak to me, I will understand. But that girl deserves to know you. All of you. She is the mother of your child, Ben," Leia was enthralled to have this opportunity to speak to him. And she was even more overjoyed to see him so vulnerable. "I love you so much." 

Kylo's eyes finally drifted to Leia. He looked at her from the corner of his eyes. "I know." 

You were sitting in the book store in the old neighborhood. This place had always brought you some type of solace when you needed it most, so it was the first place you thought to go when you left the tower. 

Everything was unraveling anyway, so you decided to call your mom. 

"Hello?" your mom said through the earpiece. 

"Hey, mom. How are you doing?" 

"Fantastic. How are things? I miss you so much." 

You smiled. "I miss you, too. Things are good, mostly. I was calling to tell you something."

"What's up, baby? Are you okay? Did Kylo leave you?" she was frantic. 

"Whoa, no, chill. I, uh, have news," you bit your lip. You had no clue what to expect. 

"What is it? I'm on the edge of my seat here."

"I'm kind of, like, you know," you were sweating, whispering into the phone because you didn't want the nearby fans of Kylo to hear you. Your body guard was doing a pretty good job of keeping them away. 

"You're annoying me now," she had her mom voice going. 

"Pregnant. I'm pregnant," you finally choked it up. 

Silence. Oh, god. 

"How far along?" she finally spoke, the disappointment so evident in her tone. 

"Almost 6 months," you were going to cry again. 

"Are you serious? How long have you known?" 

"Like a month," you murmured. 

"How could you go that long without knowing? Why have you waited so long to tell me?" 

"I never have regular periods. I had been debating on whether I wanted to keep her or not, but I decided. I am keeping it." 

More silence. It was deafening. 

"It's a girl?" 

"Yeah. I think," and there were the tears. 

"It's Kylo's?" 

"Yes. Of course."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"And he knows?"

"Yes."

"And he wants to be part of it's life?"

"Yes, mom. Every thing has been thought through," you slightly lied. 

"Okay. I feel like I couldn't sway your choice at this point, so if you feel like this is right decision. Okay." 

"Are you mad at me?"

"I'm disappointed in you for keeping this from me. But you are an adult," she was quiet for a moment. "I have to go. Bye." She hung up. 

And now you really felt alone. You sat your phone in your lap and wiped your eyes discreetly. Several people were trying and failing to watch you inconspicuously. 

As if on cue, your phone began to ring. It was Kylo.

"Hello."

"Come home."


	30. She Told Me

As you were walking back into the tower, you passed by a grinning Leia. She was walking out as you walked in, and she gave you an assuring wink as she left. No words, nothing else. You looked over your shoulder as she exited the premises graceful as ever. You wondered how their talk had gone. You looked forward and continued the walk to the elevator. You were secretly hoping that the elevator would break down, and you would just be stuck there rather than having to go confront Kylo. 

You shifted on your feet nervously as the elevator ascended. Had he made amends? There was no way. Had he cold heartedly demanded his mom leave and never come back? Had he somehow convinced himself you were bad for him, and he was going to be sending you back home? There were so many possibilities. The elevator stopped, and the doors opened. 

He wasn't in the living room any more. Not in the kitchen. You didn't even dare try his office, so you took the hall and walked into your bedroom. You gingerly pushed the door open to see Kylo sitting on his side of the bed, back against the headboard. His suit jacket was on the ground, his shirt unbuttoned and hanging on his built frame. He had on no pants and no shoes or socks. What the hell had happened, you wondered to yourself. You stood in the doorway, head low, but eyes directly on him. He looked up from his phone and his eyes were surprisingly soft. His face wasn't tight, and he seemed relaxed. This is not what you had expected at all. 

"What happened?" you said sheepishly. 

He simply lifted a hand and beckoned you forward. You took small, slow steps to him. You were standing by the bed, inches from him. Kylo stared at you for a moment. His eyes darted all over your face. He must have been noting your tear stained cheeks. 

As you were about to break the silence, Kylo's arm wrapped around your waist pulling you on top of him. You were straddling his lap facing toward him. His hands rested on your full hips while he examined your face further. He sighed before cupping your cheeks with his hands. 

"I should have been more open with you. You only wanted to know who I am," he nodded as he reassured you. His thumb caressed your skin softly as he continued. "I am not and will not ever be who I was. But who I was, as much as I despise him, was just as important in getting you into my life. It's not fair to keep that from you."

You weren't showing any indication of feeling, but your heart was growing fuller by the moment. His hands fell to your waist. 

"My mother has a way of reminding people of their priorities, of the things that matter most. It made me sick a lot of the time growing up. My dad was the same way. When things would seem so pressing, so important, like every decision I ever made was going to be the next to make or break me, they would remind me that the most important thing is being true to myself and giving what I can to others. I haven't given you half of what I should have." He swallowed, his eyes glassy. 

"I want to be great for you. I want to be what you want me to be, but I cannot go back to who I was. I can go forward, and I can change for the better, but there's no going back. I would love to grow and change with you, if you'll have me," his eyes were desperate. It was as if he was afraid he was losing you. 

"I will," you whispered. "You are enough." 

He gave you a weak smile before pulling you into his chest. His arms wrapped around your waist and squeezed you tight. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, your face nuzzling into his neck. His hair tickled your face. 

Kylo's pink lips were brushing against the sensitive skin of your neck. The sensation sent chills down your spine. He began to plant small, delicate kisses at the base of your neck, and you pulled back slightly to give him more access. His hands slipped under your sweater while he worked at your neck, the kisses becoming increasingly more intense. His mouth parted, and he began to suck lightly on the skin. You let out a small moan while his fingernails traced lightly up and down your back. You grabbed his shoulders and your head fell back.

"Oh," you moaned, "Kylo..." your words trailed off as his kisses trailed up your neck and behind your ear. 

He slipped your top off and took a moment to look at you in your little pink bralette before replacing his lips on yours this time. The kiss was deep and longing, his tongue sliding against your bottom lip. His hands were firm at your waist as your mouths moved in unison, like they were made for each other. You slipped your hands into the shoulders of his button up and slipped it off, throwing it on the floor. Your hands explored his torso feeling every bit of his chest and abdomen. You could feel him hardening against your own center, so you instinctively grinded against him. A throaty grunt escaped from his mouth to yours, and his nails dug into the flesh of your sides.

He pulled away from the kiss and pulled your bralette off. His mouth immediately found its way to your stiff nipple. His tongue swirled around it before his he sucked on you eliciting a moan from you as you watched him. He continued sucking and licking at your nipple while his eyes met your own. It drove you crazy to watch him give you all of this attention. You grabbed the hair at the back of his head and pulled it taut causing him to hiss and nibble at your nipple. 

"That feels so good," you whined as you continued tugging on his raven black tresses. 

He moaned against your skin as he made his way back to your lips, kissing you passionately while his hands worked at the button of your jeans. You pulled away and jumped off the bed just long enough to peel off your jeans and panties before getting back on top of him. He shimmied off his boxer briefs underneath you, and then two of you were there bare and exposed. Completely vulnerable. His hands moved down your back and landed on your ass. He kneaded the flesh in hands hard, not concerned anymore about manhandling you. He let out a small growl against your lips as his hand reared back and smacked your ass cheek with a loud pop. 

"Yes," you said through gritted teeth. Your hand found its way to his now fully erect cock between the two of you, and you wrapped your fingers around him. You began to slowly and firmly move your hand up and down as you continued to furiously kiss. 

"I need you," Kylo said breathily against your lips. You took that as your cue to get on with it and get him inside of you, so you lifted yourself and grabbed his cock, guiding it to your entrance. 

"No, babe," he grabbed your hand and pulled it away, looking at you directly in the eyes trying to stress the meaning of what he said, "I need you."

You looked at his face. For once the emotion was clear, so easy to read. He looked at you longingly. "I need you, too, Kylo."

He pulled your lips back to his own, and the grabbed you by the hips, lifting you to now invite you to ride him. You grabbed his cock once more, and then you sunk down on his entire length. 

You planted your hands on his shoulders, and his were wrapped around your waist as he looked down to watch you engulf him. 

"Fffuck," he sighed as you began to rock your hips back and forth. You wanted him to feel every part of your inside. 

When his grip tightened on your waist, you began to bounce up and down on him. His hand tangled in the hair at the back of your head, pulling it as he groaned. 

Before you could stop him, he flipped you on to your back all the while keeping himself inside of you. He was on his knees holding up your lower half by your legs. He began bucking his hips, thrusting deep inside of you. The angle he had you situated in caused him to ram against your g-spot making you scream in pleasure. His animalistic grunts intensified with every thrust, each one garnering more power. The sound of your heavy breaths and wanton moans mixed with the sound of yours and his skin slapping against each other drove him to fuck you harder still. He pushed your legs back allowing him to somehow go deeper. 

"You were made for me," he panted as his hair fell over his face. You watched his cock disappearing and reappearing over and over inching you closer and closer to the edge. 

His nails burrowed into your skin. You were sure he had broken the skin at this point, but you loved it. The stinging sensation mixed with the feeling of him stretching you so well was enough to make you cum, but he dropped your legs and fell over you, his face centimeters from your own. He supported himself on one elbow next to your head and the other hand went to work on your clit. His fingers rubbed short circles on your needy clit. 

Your eyes were nailed shut in ecstasy, but Kylo rested his forehead against your own, his moans becoming uncontrollable. His thrusts lost no power, and his fingers continued to rub your clit with gall. Your eyes fluttered open, and Kylo's were already on yours, half lidded. 

"I fucking love you," the words fell from hips lips like honey. Your arms and legs wrapped around him in that moment. That was it. 

"I'm gonna cum, Kylo," was all you could manage, though his words weren't lost on you. 

"Do it," he muttered as he continued railing you. 

And you did. You came harder than you ever had in your life before. The sensation started at your feet. You felt weightless, numb even. The release was so intense you felt next to nothing as the same weightlessness radiated up your entire body. Your eyes rolled back, and your mouth was totally agape as you began to shake underneath him, your clit already oversensitive from the release. 

He was now getting sloppy, slower with every thrust before he finally let out a loud moan, his face escaping into your neck as he unloaded into you. You could feel him filling you up as you tightened your legs around him pulling him as close as possible. 

The two of you laid there for a long while. He eventually softened and fell out of you, but he remained there lying atop you gradually catching his breath. You ran your fingernails up and down his back lightly as you relished in this moment. 

Finally, he rolled off you, and laid there on his back looking up at the ceiling. He appeared to be deep in thought. 

You turned your head to look at him. 

"What are you thinking about?" you questioned. 

He sighed. "My life is a lot different than I thought it would be." 

Your brows furrowed in slight disappointment. 

He looked your way. "For the better. It's just jarring." 

"I understand. I thought I would be a nameless nanny forever. I definitely thought I would never find someone," you looked back up. He kept his eyes on you.

"Why?" sincerity was evident in his tone. 

"I'm nothing," you shrugged.

"Not to me," he turned on his side to face you. "I think you are incredible. My mom thinks so, too." 

You excitedly turned to him. "Really? She's like an icon, that's huge."

He brushed his hair out of his face and smiled at you, "Yeah. She likes you."

Your expression quickly fell to one of concern. This was going to be a huge determining factor in if Kylo was truly willing to change for you. "What happened with her?"

His eyes wandered the room for a moment before he settled on looking at his hands. "It went fine. I am going to start speaking to her more often." 

"Really?"

"Yeah." He looked at you again. You weren't going to make him too uncomfortable. 

"That's great, Kylo." 

Kylo's eyes wandered again before he settled them on your stomach. He furrowed his brows. "Do you think I was too rough on you?"

"No, not at all," you started to giggle, "Your cock isn't so strong and powerful that it would take out a fetus." 

He smiled letting out a small chuckle. "I haven't really expressed it much, but I am really excited about that."

"Yeah, me too."

"No more doubts?"

You placed your hand on your tummy. "Definitely not. We got this."

He paused for a moment, eyes still on your stomach. "Can I listen?"

You nodded. He scooted down a little bit on the bed so his head was level with your bump. He pressed his ear to it. 

"Can you hear anything?" you looked down at him. 

"Shhh," he pressed his ear closer. 

You watched as he listened intently. As if he could hear anything. 

"My mom is definitely right. It's a girl," he kept his ear close. 

"How do you know?"

"She told me," he said matter of factly. 

"I'm sure she did," you giggled. 

"I can feel it. I can hear her," he was completely serious. You didn't want to ruin this moment, so you just watched him. He was rubbing the side of your stomach and continually listening. 

You could do this forever. And you intended to.


	31. A Plan

You were sitting in the pale pink decorated waiting room on the overused leather couch. Your olive colored, once oversized t-shirt was clinging to your torso, and you honestly felt uncomfortable. You were getting to that point where the bloating and heartburn was kicking in, and you started wonder why so many people had always told you pregnancy was so beautiful and amazing. You felt like bloated hog corpse, and you had about two more months of this shit. 

Kylo was sitting by your side, looking absolutely perfect compared to you. He was in casual clothes today. Casual clothes being a plain black t-shirt and jeans that together would cost more than most people's rent. His big stupid hand was on your thigh, and it was irritating you for no reason at all. You loved the shit out of him, but you wanted to punch him today. His hair was perfect as ever and his skin beautiful and clear. You started to feel disdain toward men. They didn't have to go through this bullshit. Disgusting. 

Of course, because it happened anywhere he went, the other people in the waiting room were staring. Kylo hadn't worked with Rae Sloane to make a public announcement yet, because you had asked him to wait till you confirmed with a doctor that it was a girl. So, anyone in that waiting room was now among the first to know about this. Or they could have just assumed you were there for other OB/GYN related things. But they seemed to be way less concerned about you and far more about Kylo. 

You were bouncing your knee nervously as you waited. A woman sitting across from you looked like she was about to burst, and she had a toddler sitting next to her. You couldn't imagine having a baby and then having yet another one so soon. Especially seeing as you felt like a stuffed turkey. 

Kylo's hand squeezed your leg. You could almost feel all the water you were retaining. 

"Why are you so nervous?" he looked down at you.

"Because I'm almost seven months pregnant, and this is my first doctor's appointment. That's some real irresponsible shit," you rolled your eyes at him. 

"Women went thousands upon thousands of year going their entire pregnancy without seeing a doctor. You're fine," he said your name trying to reassure you. 

"What if something is like horrifically wrong?" 

"You need to chill," he said a little more sternly that time. You sighed and brought your knee to a rest. 

You looked at him with an astonished expression. "Don't fucking tell me how to feel right now, you black haired son of a bitch." You were pissed.

Kylo raised his eyebrows. "You're right. I'm sorry."

You exhaled through your nose. "No, I'm sorry. Just shut up. I'm nervous."

He rubbed your thigh. "Yes, ma'am."

A small nurse appeared from behind the door to the waiting room. 

"Mrs. and Mr. Ren?" she called out, awkwardly pretending not to know who she was looking for. You blushed at her calling you Mrs. Ren as you stood and quickly walked past all the eyes on you. 

"We aren't married," you said bluntly as you walked past her. 

"I'm so sorry," she said with an apologetic smile. "Follow me." 

You were following the nurse closely, Kylo by your side. 

"Don't sound so disgusted at the prospect of being married to me," Kylo joked.

"What? Do you want to get married?" You shot back.

His face quickly turned to one of terror and worry.

"I'm kidding, Ren."

He exhaled immediately. 

You and Kylo were situated in the ultrasound room. Everything felt so real at that point. Of course the reality had hit you before, but being in this room solidified it. Kylo was trying to play it cool for you, but you could tell he was nervous now. He was standing by your side, arms crossed and closely watching the nurse as she prepped her tools. 

"Okay, pull up your shirt, and unbutton your pants," she directed you as she popped on her gloves. 

You pulled the hem of your shirt up to just under your bust, and unbuttoned and unzipped your pants. You weren't going to lie, it was a relief to have that undone. 

"This gel will be cold," the nurse said as she scooted forward on her rolling chair. The gel went onto your skin with a loud squirting noise, and you flinched. It was indeed cold. She pushed the transducer to your tummy, and you started squinting your eyes at the monitor trying to make out what was on the screen. She moved the device all over your stomach, and she too was squinting at the screen. 

"I'm trying to find the heartbeat," she muttered. That scared you. Shouldn't it have been easy to find? Why couldn't this seemingly trained professional find your fucking baby?

"There we go," she smiled while settling the device in one place. As you heard the rapid, pounding sound, what seemed to be the baby's face came into view, and you were speechless. It was kind of creepy looking, but it was also overwhelming.

"That's the face," the nurse confirmed. It looked like a little alien on the screen, but it was your little alien. 

"Is it healthy?" you asked nervously.

"From what I can see, yes. Let me look around a little," she started moving the device again, and you could see the baby's hands and feet. It was surreal. You looked over to Kylo whose eyes were locked on the monitor. His jaw was tight and his lips were pressed together hard. Without moving his eyes, his fingers slowly interlocked with your own. He gave you a light squeeze as the nurse continued examining the baby. 

"Can you tell what the sex is?" the nurse smiled at you. 

"I think it's a girl. That's what everyone says, but no, I can't tell," you tried look harder at the image. 

"Do you want to know or should I put it in an envelope?" 

You looked up at Kylo and after a moment his eyes met yours. "Do you want to know now?" you asked him, his gaze returning to the monitor. 

"Yes," he gave a short nod. 

"Well, not to your surprise, she's a girl," the nurse giggled. She put the device down, wiped your belly and slipped off her gloves. "I'll give you two a moment, and I will schedule you for your next check up!" And she left the room. 

You were buttoning up your pants when Kylo's fingertips met the bottom of your chin. He lifted your head and bent down to kiss your lips softly. The skin of his lips were so smooth against your own, you melted into him. It seemed like an eternity when he pulled away. 

"What was that for?" you were smiling. 

"Because you're hot as shit," he smirked.

"No, really," you jokingly hit him. 

He looked down and put his hand back in yours. "I had my doubts. I completely honestly had my doubts about you and me and this whole having a kid thing. And especially had my doubts about letting my 'plan' go for this." He looked back at the blank monitor. "But after this. I am completely convinced." He placed his hand on your still exposed bump. "I can't wait to meet her. Can you hurry up and finish cooking her up in there?"

All that annoyance and irritability was so gone. All that mattered right now was this moment. This side of Kylo was something you were still getting used to, and his readiness to be her father was making you just as impatient as he was. 

He pulled your hand, and you stood off of the table, pulling your shirt down. 

"Are you hungry? Do you want Chinese? I know that's what you've been craving lately," he was leading you out of the room. 

"Fuck, yeah. But not that expensive shit we got last time. I want the cheapest, greasiest lo mein in New York," your mouth was already watering.

It was your typical Sunday morning these days. Leia was at the penthouse helping you cook a traditional breakfast while Kylo did weekend reports for a few hours before coming back home. This had become the tradition the past few weeks since he had brought Leia back into his life. You had always had that kind of experience with your grandmother growing up so you wanted to get some customs started up before the baby came. You were a solid eight months at this point, and you wanted it to be over already. You were excited about her being here, but you were also excited to be able to bend down again. 

Kylo was still pretty quiet around his mom, but he was more open to all types of conversation with her. You loved hanging out with Leia, she was hilarious. She would tell you all kinds of stories about Kylo when he was younger, and it was the best thing ever. It turns out he was a total loner goth kid in high school, and he only got so popular in college because he was so good looking. And rich. He didn't try to make friends or anything. 

"You should go sit down," Leia took the pan of biscuits you had just taken out of the oven, "You shouldn't be picking up stuff like this."

"I'm not helpless, Leia," you laughed. She had demanded you call her Leia. It felt so wrong to call someone so important anything but Mrs. Solo. 

"I know that, but the baby's close to falling out of you, and I don't want to be the one around when it happens, so take it slow," she giggled as she placed the biscuits on a nice platter. "Did you two finally pick a damn name?" 

You shook your head. "No, still no name. We just haven't been inspired. I'm sure it's coming soon." You put your hand on your hip and leaned against the counter. "How soon did you know what Kylo's name would be?"

"As soon as we knew we were having a boy. We knew we wanted to name him after the man who got us into our line of work. Our mentor of sorts," she sat on a barstool. 

"Oh, I figured he was named after a grandfather or something," you raised your eyebrows in interest. 

"No, no. Han didn't know his parents, and my dad was a complex subject. He was a troubled man, anyway. He died a better person, but he wasn't a very good person in his prime," Leia looked at the counter. "My mom died in childbirth, unfortunately." 

"I'm so sorry about that. I can't imagine not growing up with a mom," you looked sad. 

"Oh, it's okay! So Ben just made the most sense."

"You know he never legally changed it? I saw his passport, and it still says Ben," the name felt funny coming from you. 

Leia smiled and then continued cutting mango for the fruit tray. "That whole Kylo thing was always so funny to me, but whatever. I'm just glad I'm able to do this," she gestured around the room.

"Oh, yeah. Me, too. I feel like you're just going to be the coolest grandmother," you walked over to help her cut fruit. "Can I ask what your parents' names were?" You were being cautious with the question. You were still used to doing that. 

"Padme and Anakin. Pretty unique, huh?"

"Definitely. Beautiful names, though," you assured her as you cut the green off some strawberries. 

"Did you ever meet Diane and Ashton?" you asked bluntly. You had met with Leia enough to ask this, you thought. 

"I did. Diane came to my house once. She claimed to just want her son to meet his grandmother, but the visit quickly turned into an opportunity for her to look like a saint in the media, reuniting me with my only grandchild. She brought reporters with her," Leia rolled her eyes. "That woman would do anything for a headline. I was really elated to meet that sweet baby. Even though I had heard from some family friends that he wasn't Ben's, I still considered him one of mine. But here we are now."

"Well, you got a real grandchild right here," you pointed to the bulging belly. Leia chuckled and gave it a light rub. 

The two of continued cooking and having a great time conversing about all kinds of things while you waited for Kylo to return. Finally, he made it back up to the penthouse, and it was time for you all to spend some quality time together. Even on a relaxed Sunday morning where he just had to go down to his office for a couple of hours, he wore a full suit, so he was seated at the dinner table on the deck of the pool in a full Versace suit while you and Leia were very much in casual garb. 

The beautiful morning sun was casting on you all while you enjoyed the breakfast, the pool glittering. The morning sky was clear, and you could see the New York skyline in perfect view. Leia was enjoying a mimosa with her meal, and you were quite jealous of her, but you could be partaking in mimosas again soon enough. 

"Are you two going to move out of this place when the baby gets old enough to sleep in her own room?" Leia asked after taking a sip of the cocktail. 

"No, why would we move?" Kylo asked while he was scarfing down his eggs. 

"Raising a kid in an ostentatious tower? Isn't it a bit much?" 

You giggled at the thought. 

"There is plenty of room here. We have 5 bedrooms and 3 bathrooms. She will have plenty of room," Kylo rolled his eyes, mostly playfully. He was like a sullen teen talking to his mom. 

"Will we raise her here at the tower forever?" you asked, wiping your mouth with your cloth napkin. 

"Unless you want to move somewhere, yeah, I figured," Kylo shrugged.

"Get your girl and your daughter a big house somewhere, I know you can afford it," Leia playfully scolded him. 

"You heard her," you chuckled at Kylo. 

This time Kylo rolled his eyes at you. "So, what's the plan today?"

"I don't know. What do y'all want to do?" you looked at them. 

Kylo's phone started ringing. "I have to take this, you two figure out what we are doing." He got up from the table, and walked to the other side of the pool deck.

You looked to Leia. "What you think?"

She hummed in thought, "We could go upstate or something. It's beautiful this time of year."

"Ooh, yeah. That would be fun." 

"Or if we want to stay in town, we could just go see a show or something of the sort," she shrugged.

"All of it sounds good to me. However, maybe we should stay closer to the hospital in case something were to happen."

"Ah, you are absolutely right. Nice judgment," she smiled and then took another sip. 

You were about to suggest what show you all could go to when you noticed Kylo slumping down into one of the pool chairs hopelessly while he was listening to whoever on the phone. His face was pale and his expression was one of terror. He was intently listening to whoever it was, and your eyebrows furrowed as you watched him. Leia noticed and looked over to her son. 

"What's going on?" you said quietly, shifting in your seat to face him. 

Leia looked as concerned as you. "I don't know."

Kylo was nodding every few seconds silently, the phone pressed to his ear. Minutes passed, and the two of you waited silently for him to finish the seemingly awful call. After what felt like an eternity, he hung up the phone. He stood up and walked past you and Leia before getting on the elevator.

"Rae Sloane is coming. She will explain," he said monotonously as the doors closed. 

You both were silent as you watched him. Finally you looked to one another. 

"What the fuck?" was all you could manage. 

You and Leia were waiting anxiously in the living room. Kylo had left, and neither of you could find him. He hadn't gone to his office, and he hadn't been seen anywhere else in the tower. You had called several times, and he didn't answer, so you were clueless and worried sick. It had been at least two hours.

The elevator finally dinged, and Rae Sloane solemnly entered the room. You stood as she neared a seat. 

"What is it? What's going on? Kylo just left, I don't--"

"Please," she breathed your name, "sit down, and listen to me closely."

You immediately shut your mouth and took your seat. Rae sighed as she sat across from you, throwing a huge file on the coffee table. 

"You haven't been on the internet today, have you?" she looked as hopeless as Kylo.

You shook your head no. 

She sighed again before she began. "Diane released some tapes. It's not confirmed it was Diane, but she would be the only person who knew."

"What were the tapes?" you tilted your head.

Rae looked at the floor. "Recorded meetings between him and Snoke discussing their use of illegal slave labor overseas, embezzling money, Kylo assisting with the cover up of several sexual harassment complaints for Snoke. So much shit."

You were speechless. These were the secrets. This is how Diane would win.

You couldn't formulate a thought so you looked to Leia who didn't look surprised in the least. 

"There's no coming back from this. I can't fix this. He's done." Rae said.

"He's a changed person now. There's no one willing to hear him out?" Leia was doing the talking.

"With a cheating scandal that is still fairly new along with this, no. Not at all. Especially considering his reputation. It's impossible," Rae was usually a stone faced strong woman, but she was vulnerable and open and honest. She said your name, the regret palpable. "He came to my office when he left. He wrote this up. I suggest you read it alone." She pointed to the folder on the table. "Leia, he wants you to go home as soon as possible. He said he will call you when he can." 

Everyone sat in the room filled with awkward silence. Your eyes were glued to the folder. Finally, Leia stood. She wordlessly left. What could anyone say?

Rae followed suit and turned to you before entering the elevator. "I'm so sorry." 

Sitting on the bed, you stared at the folder for a long time. You had no clue what was in it, but you knew it wasn't good, and you hadn't been able to bring yourself to pick it up and read it. But you knew you had to, so finally you grabbed it and opened it up. It was a handwritten letter. Written in that beautiful calligraphy you remembered from the day you met Kylo. 

"An Apology. And a Plan.

I don't know if I could articulate how much this pains me. I am not going to try to. I know what I have to do, and I don't know if I have the strength to do it. But I must. 

At this point, you know what is going on, and you probably don't know what this means for me. And for you. It is no longer a good idea nor is it safe for you to be with me. A lot of bad people are going to come for me because of this; because of things I did when I was misguided. I take full responsibility, and I wish I could take it back, but this is reality, and in reality there are consequences. 

Because of this, I have to ask you to do something. In actuality, I am not asking. I am telling you what you must do. You can't resist. You won't be able to find me or contact me. Please follow this closely. 

In this folder there is a solid plan for you and the girl. You are going to go home, your home. I acquired a nice, secure home for you and her. It's near your mom, too. The deed and all of the important documents are in here. It's in your name. There is all of the important documents you will need for the bank account I set up for you and the girl. It's enough to last you two a lifetime and more, but if you ever need anything at all, I have included a number you can call for anything. It's not my number, and the company has no contact with me either. It's being handled by Sloane. I have also assigned an Associate to go with you and live beside you. He will be there to protect you, though I believe you will be safe back home. 

You have a flight tomorrow at 8 AM. The Associate will be escorting you to the airport.

I will always be watching you. I will always be there in spirit. I know you will take care of her. I wish I could have.

You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Goodbye." 

As you finished reading, you noticed the running ink on the paper and the gut wrenching sobs coming from your mouth. 

You picked up the folder and threw it across the room with great force, screaming as loud as you could. 

He had abandoned you. He had left you to deal with this on your own. He left you to deal with his dilemma on his own. 

You were crushed. You were broken. 

It was over. It was all over.


	32. Most Of The Time

You had tried everything in your power to stay at the tower. Granted, everything in your power wasn't that much, but it was worth the try. You had stayed in bed completely unwilling to leave when your brand new lifelong bodyguard Vicrul showed up to help you get ready to leave New York. You didn't sleep at all that night. A part of you had hoped that Kylo would come rushing in and tell you it wasn't true or he had decided against leaving your life forever. But he never came. Vicrul had waited patiently outside your bedroom door for a while before entering the room. 

"Ma'am, we really have to get going. You have to be gone in just a couple of hours, and we still need to gather your things," he was being gentle and kind, but you wanted nothing more than to punch him repeatedly in the face. 

After you ignored him for some time, he went on to gather your things himself. He grabbed everything he figured was yours and put it in Kylo's luggage. When Vicrul reentered the room after seemingly grabbing everything, he was holding the glass case with the hat. The hat from the office. 

"He told me he wanted you to take this to give to the child when she's older," he explained to you, a delicate look on his face as he placed it down by the loads of luggage. You looked at the man. You had seen him before, but you had never noticed how handsome he was. He had soft brown hair and kind eyes. Your heart was already in pain but knowing that Kylo was leaving personal belongings for your daughter somehow made you hurt even more. 

"I've got everything packed up. We need to be gone in the next thirty minutes to make it, ma'am," Vicrul clasped his hands in front of himself. "Do you have all of the paperwork?"

You stared at him blankly for a few moments before you moved the covers off of yourself. You slid off of the side of the bed and slipped on the shoes you had wore the day before. You were in the same clothes, and you knew your makeup and hair was a mess. But you didn't care. You didn't care about anything anymore. 

"It's over there," you muttered, pointing at the splay of papers on the floor before walking out and waiting at the elevator. 

You had been sitting in the den of your new home. He hadn't lied. The place was nice. The biggest home in the neighborhood you had grown up in. You were only a few doors down from your mom, and she was completely unaware of what was going on. You hadn't had the strength or will to call her. Vicrul was situated just next door in a humble but nice cottage, but he spent the majority of his days at your home in a designated security room. 

When you had been situated for a few days, you forced yourself to go through the folder. It was mostly legal documents. There was a written agreement confirming that the baby was Kylo's, the house documents, the bank account information, contact information for various situations, the now smudged letter to you. Amongst everything you also found an admissions letter to your local university. He had paid your tuition in full, so you could go get a degree in anything you wanted. He had also allotted money for you to get a new car, and you had your pick at whatever you wanted. There was more information and instructions on how the estate money was supposed to work, but you were overwhelmed, and no number of money could mend the feeling you were harboring in every ounce of your being. 

You had stayed clear of looking at the TV or your phone since you had been home. You knew you would hate everything you would see, and you weren't mentally prepared to see the repercussions of everything that had happened. But you knew that you needed to. You needed to see what was so bad that he had to exit your life forever. 

So, you opened your phone and went to the news, Of course, right there on the top headlining article, was a photo of Kylo in a courtroom. He had that big guy, I don't give a shit demeanor going on, but you could read his eyes. He looked scared. And tired, so very tired. He was being tried for the embezzlement, the slave labor, and even insider trading. All of which had taken place when Snoke was in charge, but he was there for the fallback. You knew he was a changed person, you knew he wasn't the same, but the world didn't know that, and that is what mattered most. From the little you understood about white collar crime, Kylo was looking at huge fines and possibly prison time. But he was being represented by the best of the best in terms of prolific lawyers, so maybe he would just be stuck with fines. They said it would be a quick trial. 

Diane had done an excellent job of keeping her name out of things. Kylo's entire team knew it was her because she had gained access to the tapes when Snoke died. It had always been assumed they would stay married, and Kylo had carelessly forgotten about her legal right to the archives. What a terrible oversight that had been. She had indeed ruined him. 

Of course there were articles about you. Articles saying you seemingly disappeared out of thin air. That had been Kylo's goal, so at least he had accomplished that. Tons of news outlets were reaching out to your social media accounts, so you deactivated it all. You didn't need the constant reminder. 

And so here you were in the present. It had been three weeks since you left New York. During that time, you had brought your mom up to date on everything, and her disdain for your decision to have the baby seemed to grow. However, she was there for you. She knew you were in immense pain and needed someone. She even took her yearly personal leave to support you and help you with the baby when she finally came. Though you were expected to give birth at any given moment, you had started online school. You opted for online because the thought of facing people made you so sick. You started the teaching program, but you decided to minor in film. That way, you were being practical but also getting to at least fulfill one small dream. 

You were sitting in the living room on your nice sectional couch, your laptop barely visible due to your belly. Your mom was in the other room cooking dinner for the two of you as you typed up some introductory essay. The TV was buzzing in the background, but you were hyper focused on the essay in front of you. 

That was until the TV spoke his name. 

"Kylo Ren's trial is coming to a close. It seems like there's only a few days left until we get the verdict. In the newest turn of events, an undisclosed group infiltrated his tower last night. They broke into the billionaire's apartment, and it is believed they were trying to steal documents pertaining to their involvement with RenTech," your eyes shot up at the screen, a headache suddenly overtaking your entire being. "Ren was not in the apartment at the time of the--" 

The screen went black.

Your mom was standing behind the couch with the remote in her hand. "You don't need that stress in your life. It can put you in early labor."

You shrugged and then began rubbing your temples, "Yeah, I guess so, I just..." your hands fells and your shoulders slumped. "I hope he's okay. I miss him."

Your mom plopped onto the couch next to you. "You deserve so much better than him. I have never known a more wishy washy piece of shit."

You narrowed your eyes at her, "You didn't know him."

"I know he had slaves in foreign countries and embezzled funds and then had the nerve to send you away," she pointed at the tv, her tone a little more stern than it needed to be. 

"He's not the same guy he used to be," you muttered, averting your attention back to your laptop. You didn't want to deal with her shit. 

"God, you're so dick whipped. I know he was sexy as fuck, but he wasn't even that nice to you. He knocked you up and abandoned you" she persisted. 

"That's really fucking unnecessary," you scowled at your mom. She was being too much. 

"I don't care if its unnecessary, I've watched you mope around for the past three weeks barely able to bring yourself to get out of bed because you're sad a man you've known for a year who treated you like trash knocked you up and left you with this big beautiful house and a free education and anything you want, and it's sickening. I cannot believe the kinds of decisions you have made this past year. Sleeping with a married man? Taking up with said man? Having his child? It's sickening," your mom was standing now, looking down at you the same way she was speaking to you. 

You listened to her rant calmly. Your face was blank as she unleashed on you, and when she was done you closed your laptop and set it to the side. You clasped your hands in your lap, and you looked to her. 

"Mom. I am going to have to ask you to leave my house," you said coolly. 

Her face was a scowl. "Excuse me?"

"I need you to leave. I can't do this right now."

She sat on the couch once more. "Not going anywhere."

"Okay, mom, I am not asking. I am telling you to leave my house. This negativity is not welcome here," you tried to stay collected. 

"I'm not leaving."

Suddenly you understood Kylo more than you ever had. 

"I'm calling Vicrul," you stood up and walked to your phone. 

"If you call your little 'bodyguard' on me, I won't be speaking to you for a long time," she yelled at you. Her sudden behavior was making your headache intensify. 

"That's probably for the best mom," you hit the speed dial number that alerted Vicrul you needed him. You sat at the dining table as your mom paraded into the room. 

"You don't want to hear the truth, and that is your downfall. That man changed you," she was almost in tears. It pained you, but you had to keep it cool. "You need to move on." 

It had been no more than 15 seconds when Vicrul was entering the house. "She needs to go," you said coldly, turning away. 

They were silent as they left, and when the door closed behind them, you just began sobbing. Full bodied, atrocious sobs erupted from you as you cried. You cried because you were honestly alone. Your mom had done her best to hide it, but she did think you were stupid. She did think you were a bad person. You cried because until she could accept you for you, you were alone. You had no one, and you didn't know when you would be able to find the need or want or ability to connect with someone. You were consistently crying when Vicrul reentered the home after a few minutes. 

He cleared his throat at the entrance to the dining room. "Ma'am? Can I do anything for you?" 

You were on the brink of hyperventilation when you looked at him. "No, V-Vicrul, you can go, I'm sorry," you hiccuped. He took a couple of steps forward. 

"If it's okay with you I would just like to make sure you're okay. Is that fine, ma'am?" he was nearing the table. 

You sniffled and pointed to the chair next to you, nodding. 

He took the seat and watched you closely. You were coming down from your freak out, which was daily at this point, when you finally spoke coherently. 

"I'm so sorry you had to do that and see me like this," you wiped your nose. 

He shook his head, "It's my job. Are you sure I can't get you anything?" 

You, too, shook your head. "I'm good. I just don't want to bother you too much." 

"Well, we are neighbors for the rest of our lives, so we need to get used to each other," he chuckled. "I hope you never hesitate to call or anything. I'm also here for, like, the, uh," he was struggling with his words. 

"Father figure stuff?" you finished for him. 

He shrugged uncomfortably, "If you are comfortable with it. It was a conversation he wanted us to have."

Your eyes fell to the table. "He sure made this plan quickly didn't he."

"He's a smart man. Most of the time."

You were silent for a beat before looking back to Vicrul. "So, he wanted you to kind of do like that 'dad' stuff?" 

"Essentially," he threw his hands up quickly, "but like a co-parenting, platonic thing here," he looked worried for a moment. 

You couldn't help but laugh at that. "I'm not trying to come on to you, Vicrul."

He was totally blushing. It was kind of cute. But again, you couldn't foresee a time when you would want that kind of touch again. 

"No, ma'am, I, uh, wasn't insinua--"

"Call me by my name, please. If we are going to raise a child together, you should call me by my name," you assured him. 

"Okay," he said your name. "I am glad we had this talk. Are you feeling any better?"

"Eh, as good as I am gonna get," you wiped your eyes. "I feel a lot less alone now," you smiled at him. 

"That is wonderful," he gave you a smirk. 

There was a bit of an awkward silence amongst the two of you before you felt a splitting pain at your lower back causing you to lurch forward. 

"Holy SHIT!" you cried out, slamming your eyes shut in pain. Then it felt like you were peeing on yourself. 

Vicrul stood quickly, "What is it? Oh, god, are you in labor?! It's five days too early!"

You were going to respond when what felt like a menstrual cramp from hell erupted through your entire lower half. "Oh my fucking god! Call and ambulance, call my mom!" You clutched your lower back as you writhed. 

Very irresponsibly, you hadn't updated your birth plan when everything changed. So, riding in the ambulance with Vicrul and him being your support during the birth was something you had not bargained on. Your mom had refused to come to the hospital in a shitty, defiant move, so it was just you and a man you barely knew. The pain had been absolutely unbearable before they gave you the epidural. It had felt like God had pushed his hand through your stomach and was squeezing and twisting your uterus as hard as he could. It fucking sucked. 

But now you were on meds, and you couldn't feel a thing below the waist. Vicrul was sitting in the "dad seat" next to your hospital bed, his leg bouncing nervously. 

"Yo, chill out," you playfully slapped his leg. "It's all good."

"I've never seen a birth, and I don't know if I am ready," he was fidgeting with his fingers now. 

You laughed. "You can leave when she's coming out. I would prefer that ."

"Oh, God," he exhaled and his eyes rolled back, "Thank you God." 

You giggled. These meds were awesome. You grabbed the remote control and turned on the small tube TV that was in the upper corner of the room. 

As if God were teasing you, Kylo was on the TV yet again. But instead of saddening you, seeing him made you feel at peace. It was strangely like he was there in a way. His beautiful, hardened, complicated face was plastered all over the screen while you had his baby. So weird and strangely poetic. 

"Do you want to see that right now?" Vicrul asked cautiously. 

"Yeah. I do," you watched the TV closely, " I wonder what he is doing right now. Do you know where he is?"

Vicrul looked uncomfortable. "That's confidential." 

"I'm not gonna try to get it out of you. Just wondering," you turned up the TV. 

"So, basically the choices we project Kylo Ren will have are twenty years of prison time or a fine of almost two billion dollars which will essentially drain his fortune. But if he does the prison time, he gets to keep the money. We are sure greed will take suit over it all, so I'm thinking Kylo Ren is going to prison," a talk show host was gossiping about him. 

You were suddenly feeling sleepy. The talk of Kylo's fate would normally give you a massive migraine, but you just wanted to sleep. 

And so you did. 

When the time came, it all happened so fast. You were awoken from your nap to be told that it was time to begin and all in a blur, within an hour, you had her. She was real, she was outside of you. Vicrul had long left, so it was just you and her there in that fluorescent light bulbed labor room. When they put her on your chest, all covered in vernix and blood, you should have been repulsed, but she was beautiful. She was tiny and perfect. Her little head was covered in thick black hair, and they said her eyes were brown, and you began to hope they were the honey brown her father possessed. You found yourself drowning out the entire world, nothing mattered. All that was important was her. 

You were looking at a piece of yourself outside of yourself. 

They had taken her to clean her up, and you had felt very impatient. You wanted to hold her in your arms forever. Finally, they had brought her back. She was wrapped up in a pink blanket with a little pink cap. You had never seen something so cute. You eagerly had taken her back in your arms. 

"Do you want us to get your friend from the waiting room?" the nurse asked.

"Oh, Vicrul? No, I want some time with her," you smiled as you took in every bit of her face. She mostly looked like a potato right now, but you thought she might have her father's lips. 

"Okay, well you should probably try to feed her," the nurse walked over and helped you get situated. She took to you immediately, and you were so proud. She was so good. 

She was latching to you and eating like a champ. The smile on your face couldn't have been more pronounced. 

"Have you picked a name, ma'am?" the nurse reentered the room. You had spent the past hour pondering what she would be called. You were trying to get to know her. To know her demeanor. Her last name would be Ren. That paper that Kylo had signed gave her that right. You thought long and hard. She was a powerful and beautiful girl, you knew that much. 

You watched her little eyes flutter as she ate. 

"Leia," you smiled at the nurse. "Leia Padme."


	33. Is This Okay?

Little Leia was three months old today. She was growing so very fast, and you wanted her to slow down. You were cradling her in one arm while the other was hard at work on the education exam you had due. You had become a pro at being a mom with one hand and a student with the other. You were breezing through your education program, and things were going really well with school. At this point, her face has stopped looking so potato-ish, and she was getting some clear features. She had pink, full lips, round, full cheeks she inherited from you, the golden amber brown eyes you had loved so much, and a luscious head of black hair. It was a lot for an infant. She was the picture of cuteness, and you were so proud of her. Every time you went in public, you were tempted to hold her out to the thinning paparazzi that followed you around your hometown because you were just so fucking proud. And you thought he might be able to see her that way....

You tried not to think about him too often, and you usually did a really good job of it. As he promised, he never reached out, and when you were keeping up with him in the media, he had essentially gone missing after his trial went private. His sentencing was never made public, so for weeks you laid awake with your newborn wondering where her dad was, what came of him. But as you got to know your daughter more and more, he became less of a concern. But he always found a way to creep to the front of your mind through her smile, her giggle. Today being her third month of being alive, he was there again, lingering at the front of your brain. You couldn't stop remembering the way he smelled when he was standing just inches from you, the way he looked down at you, the feeling of his hand on any part of your body. You shuddered as you came back to reality, quickly refocusing on the test. 

You were just finishing the test, when someone came through your door. 

"Hello!" Vicrul called. You knew his voice well these days. He had been your saving grace the first couple of months. He stayed up with you on the restless nights. He would feed her when you just couldn't bring yourself to get out of bed. He had comforted you when you broke down. The first couple weeks you found yourself breaking down a lot because you would never be able to give your daughter a father, and Vicrul was always there to make you feel reassured. He was a wonderful man.

You turned around to see him entering the room with Chinese takeout bags in hand. "My dude! You got Chef Wok!"

"Of course I did. It wouldn't be a Sunday night without it would it?" he rounded the couch and set the greasy bag on the coffee table. 

"I guess you're right," you smiled at him. He motioned to take Leia from you, so you handed her off to him. "How was your day?"

He held Leia to his shoulders as he gave her small little kisses on a chubby cheek. "It was fine. You're safe, so my job is done." 

"I guess so. What do you want to watch tonight?" you asked as you started to unbox the Chinese goodness. 

Vicrul had insisted that you make up some kind of tradition or routine to stay sane and keep your mind off of things, so the two of you concocted Chinese and movie Sunday. Every Sunday night he came over and the two of you took time to hang out without Leia. Just two adults eating terrible Chinese food and watching something good. Vicrul was pretty much at your house all the time, but Sundays were sacred and special to the two of you. Both of you pretty much never got the socialization you needed, so Sunday was mega important for both of you. 

"I don't know, find something, and I am gonna go put baby girl down," he held her up in the air and examined her. He scowled, "Oof, and I'm gonna change her. Be right back." He disappeared up the stairs and you sifted through Netflix. 

The movie you had picked was nearing the end. Vicrul and you sat in the dark living room, the TV illuminating the mess on the coffee table that was several Chinese takeout boxes. The baby monitor hadn't made so much as a peep, and you were pleased to know Leia was sleeping soundly. 

You were staring forward at the screen when you shivered. It was cold in this house. 

"Oh, hey, here," Vicrul took off his zip up hoodie and wrapped it around your bare shoulders. "Do you want me to grab the thermostat?"

"Nah, I like to keep it cold. I just didn't realize how cold I actually was," you wrapped yourself up in the plush hoodie. 

He was silent for a moment, staring at you. "Can you drink yet?" 

You looked at him. "Uh, yeah. I can have a glass of wine. Let me go grab a bottle." You were starting to get up when he grabbed your wrist.

"No, let me."

The breath hitched in your throat. No one had grabbed you like that in a very long time. You nodded as he walked away. His hazel eyes were so beautiful, and his body was very toned. He wasn't on caliber with him, but he was easy to look at. 

You hadn't felt sexual need or desire at all these past few months. Expelling a full child from your body really took the sex drive from you for a while, but also, you were longing for your love, your life. So, no one could do it for you anyway. But since things had been gaining some type of normalcy back, you thought maybe you could get that part of yourself back. Sex was important to you, and Vicrul seemed like the logical option. You far from wanted a relationship or anything, but at this point, he was like your closest friend, so why couldn't he be your closest friend with benefits?

He came back into the living room, sitting on the couch with two glasses and a bottle of red wine. He was wearing a tight heather grey t-shirt and black jeans. Pretty standard for him. You didn't make him wear a suit like his previous boss had. He popped the cork and poured the wine for the both of you. He handed you the stemless glass.

"To Leia," he raised his glass. You tapped yours against his.

"To my Leia," you said before throwing back the entire glass. 

Vicrul took a small sip, "Whoa, you were thirsty. Do you want more?"

You nodded, licking your lips. He poured more.

"I'll take this one slower," you smiled sitting back against the couch again. 

Vicrul took a few silent sips before opening his mouth. "I'm really proud of you."

You tilted your head in wonder. "Why?"

"You have come really far since everything that happened. You are such a good mom, and you don't let any of that adversity get in the way," he took another sip. 

You smiled and looked down into the cup. "Gosh, thank you, Vicrul." 

"I mean it. You are wonderful."

You looked up at him shyly. "So are you. You do so good for her, and you do so much for me. I am so lucky to have you. I couldn't do it without you."

"Oh, yes, you could. You're made of steel. Been through a lot," he shrugged. Again there was a bout of silence as you two sipped the red blend. You eyed Vicrul's tight, chiseled jawline. 

"How did your exam go?" he finally brought you back to the moment. 

"It was fine," you set your glass on the coffee table. "I am pretty sure I passed it." You scooted closer to Vicrul on the couch. He watched you closely and curiously, but he didn't stop you. 

"I'm glad. I know you only have one more test before the final, so..." he trailed off and watched as you grabbed his almost empty wine glass and put it on the table as well. You were starting to get nervous about the decision you were making, so you just went for it. 

You climbed on top of Vicrul's lap, straddling him. He was wide eyed and speechless as you did it. You grabbed his hands and put them on your waist. You placed your hands on his hard, built shoulders. They were nice, but nowhere as broad as Kylo's. Vicrul whispered your name lowly. 

"What are you doing?" he said just as low. 

"I want you," you almost sounded desperate. 

"You made it clear in the beginning this would stay platonic," his eyes drifted down your body before quickly snapping back to your own eyes. 

"I changed my mind."

"Is this okay?" he moved his hands down just an inch. You shifted on his lap. 

"We are both adults. We don't have to ask if it's okay," you said matter of factly before dipping your head down to his neck. You started to leave soft, velvety kisses on his neck, moving one hand into his rich brown, wavy hair. You tugged on it loosely and a low moan came from Vicrul. His hands slipped down to your ass, and he pulled you closer to him. Your tits were pressed against his chest. His rough, calloused hand found your jaw and yanked your face to his. 

"Are you sure you want this?" he looked at you with an intensity you had never seen. You nodded, and in that moment his grip tightened on your ass, and he scooped you up. He grabbed the baby monitor and carried you down the hall to your bedroom. When he entered the room, he threw you down on the bed, and then removed his shirt to reveal his insanely toned torso. Again, he looked great, but it wasn't Kylo. You watched in anticipation as he climbed on top of you, his face just inches from your own. You reached up and pulled his head closer to yours, your lips meeting with his own. The kiss was furious and passionate, like he had wanted to do it for a long time. His pelvis was pressing into you, and you could feel that he was already erect. You wrapped your legs around his own, pulling him in closer. You need the connection, the feeling of someone on you. 

Vicrul yanked up your shirt and palmed one of your tits over the maternity bra you were wearing. You felt slightly embarrassed but it didn't phase him. You lifted yourself up slightly and removed the bra, throwing it on the floor along with your shirt. Vicrul's head instinctively went to catch your nipple in his mouth, but he stopped.

"Probably shouldn't," he remembered. 

"Yeah, probably not," you giggled. 

He stood off of the side of the bed and pulled your leggings down revealing your lack of underwear. You were completely naked in front of him. He looked you all over, taking it all in. 

"Your body is perfect," he muttered as he began to fiddle with his belt buckle. One hand met your knee and ran up the length of your thigh, his thumb parting your lips when he got to the top of you thigh. You lightly gasped at the sensation. No hand had been there in so long. He moved his hand slightly, and his thumb was at your clit. He watched you with burning eyes as he began rubbing slow circles on the swollen spot. You instinctively arched your back and whined. It felt so good, and you couldn't remember the last time someone had made you feel like that. 

Well, you could actually remember it. It was when Kylo had had your legs on his shoulders and his tongue deep in your center a few months prior. But you didn't need to think about that. 

Vicrul's other hand found your thigh as he rubbed you, and his nails burrowed into your skin. The sensation was familiar. 

Much like when Kylo had broken your skin not too long ago in the throes of passion. But you needed to clear your mind. 

You moaned and watched as Vicrul pulled his jeans and boxers down just far enough to reveal his length. Impressive, but not the monster that Kylo possessed. Jesus, you needed to stop thinking about him, comparing him to this man. 

Vicrul put his hands on either of your hips and pulled you down to the edge of the bed. He was looking down, holding his cock at the base while he teased your entrance. He rubbed the head up and down your slit, focusing on your clit, and that sent back floods of memories and feelings. All you could think of was Kylo's presence, his touch, his cock. You could suddenly vividly remember his smell, the way his hair fell in his face when he was so into fucking you. The ferocity in his brown eyes not only when he was fucking you, but any time he interacted with you. 

Vicrul was about to push into you. 

"Stop! Stop, stop. I can't do it, I'm so sorry, I can't do it," you sat straight up and threw your hands up. Your eyes started welling up, the familiar stinging betrayed you. Your breakdowns had become so much less frequent, and you thought that had ceased, but alas. 

Vicrul stepped back and pulled up his pants quickly and exclaimed your name. "See! I told you it was a bad idea, I knew you weren't ready! Why?!"

"I thought I was, I really did," the tears spilled from the rims of your eye. "I'm sorry, Vicrul."

"You know things won't be the same now, dammit," he was picking up and replacing his shirt.

"We can forget it ever happened," the tears kept coming.

He stared at you for a moment before grabbing a throw blanket at the end of the bed and wrapping it around your bare body. He wiped your tears before sitting next to you. 

"Why are you crying?" he sighed. 

"I miss him. I miss him so much, I will always miss him. I'm never going to get over him, and I hate that. I hate him so much," you were really crying now. "I loved him more than anything, and I didn't even get to tell him goodbye!"

Vicrul pulled you into his arms, rubbing your back pitifully. "Shhh, it's okay."

"That beautiful fucking baby out there will never get to know her dad, how much he loved her before she was even alive. She will never get to have a normal life, and neither will I," you had done so well for a while and here you were again. Sobbing on the chest of your coparent. And he took it. He held you there rubbing your back for as long as you needed it. And eventually you fell asleep there in his arms. Your cries and his breath your only lullaby. 

Little Leia was six months old today. She was vibrant and bright and smart and still the center of your universe. She could sit up all by herself, and she was really close to crawling already. The semester had ended, so you had the whole day to spend with your girl. Your life plan had come with money stowed away for her to be in daycare, but you shifted that into the college fund and opted to keep her yourself. You loved spending time with her, and you weren't ready to start working yet. You didn't ever have to work, but you wanted to. Just not yet. 

Things were going really well at the moment. You had passed the semester with straight As, your mom had finally met Leia and absolutely fallen in love with her, you and Vicrul easily recovered from the mishap that one Sunday night, and he was still doing his job super well. You hadn't thought about him in so long. You had kept him tightly locked up in a box in your mind where all of the memories, good and bad, couldn't come out to haunt and hinder you from doing the most important job you had ever had: being your fucking self. And a mom of course. 

Today was a special day. You were celebrating your great semester with your mom in the next town over at a bougie brunch place. It was one of those Instagram worthy places with Edison string lights everywhere. You were wearing flattering distressed jeans with an oversized button up and you had your hair straightened with a nice face of makeup. You felt confident and beautiful as fuck today, and nothing could get you down. You sat in the velvet petal chair at the table while baby Leia sat in the hipster high chair next to you. You had gathered her black tresses into two little buns on either side of her comically large head. She was precious. Her little white lacy sundress exposed her chubby legs and arms, and you couldn't help but lightly pinch the little rolls. She giggled wildly. You were still waiting on your mom, so you went ahead and got what you were looking forward to most. 

You were eyeing the cocktail menu for a moment before you looked at the waiter and ordered a classic mimosa for both you and your mom. But as you were ordering you had noticed a strange figure in your peripheral, and you could feel that the figure was staring at you. When you looked that way, you saw nothing, so you shrugged and waited for your mom and continued to poke and prod at Leia's arms and thighs. 

Finally your mom showed up. She immediately pulled her chair closer to her only granddaughter and quickly began tickling and kissing the baby. 

"Well, hello, mom. Nice to see you, too," you smiled. 

Your mom's eyes didn't leave the baby, "You too. Oh my goodness, look at the little buns!" 

"I'm lucky she has so much hair, I can do a lot with it."

"It's such a rich black color, she's lucky to have gotten that from--," and then she looked at you. Regret in her eyes from bringing him up. "I'm sorry."

You waved your hand, "Don't be. I'm not pretending like he doesn't exist," you lied. 

Your mom turned to the table and took a sip of the mimosa and Leia was babbling about something to the both of you. "Do you think you should?"

"Pretend like he doesn't exist?"

She nodded taking in even more of the cocktail. 

"I mean, I can't," you shrugged, reaching forward for your cocktail. 

"And why is that?" your mom challenged. 

"Mom, her last name is Ren."

"You could change it," she started playing with her again. 

"I don't want to. She deserves to know where she comes from," you sat your drink down.

"I suppose it's ultimately up to you," she sighed as she took a napkin and wiped the baby's mouth. "I just think the people who actually put forth some effort in her life should get credit. Like Vicrul. God, I wish you would marry that man."

You let out a laugh, "Oh my god. No way in hell." The thought was funny to you now. You hadn't told her about your almost encounter with Vicrul. 

"He's a good man to her, that's all." She said. 

"And he will be forever. I don't have to marry him for him to be in her life. It is quite literally his job."

"Touche." 

The brunch was incredible and you had amazing conversation with your mom. You were so glad that you two had reconciled, and it was even more important to you that she was so in love with Leia. She was constantly at your house trying to see Leia, and she constantly was keeping Leia at her house. That baby was her favorite thing in the world. She was yours, too. But the entirety of the brunch, you could have sworn that dark figure was looming in your peripheral, watching you closely. But anytime you looked, there was absolutely nothing, and it was beginning to worry you. Were you seeing things? 

You and your mom had decided to walk around the downtown area and visit some of the quaint, over priced boutiques. You had Leia in her stroller, and she was happily babbling on, everyone who passed by her stopped to talk about how cute she was. You still got recognized from your short lived celebrity status and today was no exception. 

But you mostly got to shop in peace. That was until you felt that presence on you again. You glanced out the window and saw someone in all black rounding the corner out of your vision. It had been a man, huge and tall, the stature you seemed to recognize... 

No. You were just imagining it. He was trying to escape out of the tight little box in your brain. You shook your head and continued shopping. 

It was Leia's bath day. You loved bath day, because she loved it. She absolutely adored the water, and it was so easy to get her to comply. She especially loved when you would wash her hair. Your bathroom had a huge jet tub, so you would always get in the bath with Leia. She could sit up on her own, so she was, and she was splashing around in the water and incoherently yelling. You were lathering up her baby loofa with baby shampoo before you began gently rubbing it into her black locks. Immediately, Leia's yelling subsided, and her eyes closed as you massaged the soap into her scalp. This was her favorite part. You smiled while you gave her your very best massage before rinsing all the soap from her head. You cleaned her up with the baby soap and she almost passed out. She was just like her mom in that she loved to be rubbed and massaged. You cleaned yourself up quickly, and then you drained the bath tub. 

You stepped out of the tub first and wrapped yourself up in a robe before turning and picking Leia up out of the tub. You swaddled her in a little towel and rested her on her changing table. You dried her gently and then applied lotion to her soft skin. You ran hair oil through her raven colored mane to give the health and shine it deserved. You put a cloth diaper on her, and then you stuffed her little thighs into the stars and moons pajamas you had picked up for her at one of those boutiques today. You still were bothered that your mind had let yourself drift from your promise. You hadn't let him take over your well being for so long, and today your mind decided it would be appropriate for you to think he was following you. Just great. 

Leia was sleepy, so you were going to go ahead and put her down for the night. You clutched her to your chest, and headed to her bedroom. You sat in the rocking chair next to the crib and rocked her back and forth for a little while to assure she was fast asleep. Her mouth was hanging open and her breathing was deepening, so you were fairly sure she was good to go down. 

You stood and gently laid her in the crib. You watched her for a moment, studying her face. You couldn't help but notice in that very moment how much she looked like him while he slept. They had so many of the same mannerisms, it was insane. It was almost as if you were looking right at him, like he was here. You walked to the other side of the room and grabbed the baby monitor before giving her one last look in the crib. 

BANG BANG BANG

You jumped almost a mile high at the sound. Leia's eyes popped open, and she instantly started crying.

BANG BANG BANG

It happened again, and you realized it was someone at your front door. You knew it wasn't your mom or Vicrul, because they had keys, and they would just come in whenever they wanted: they didn't knock. And it was ten o'clock at night, so it wouldn't just be a normal visitor. 

You started freaking out because you just knew it was one of those dangerous people he had mentioned so long ago. You grabbed Leia from the crib and ran back to your room, locking you and your daughter in. You scrambled for your phone, but finally, you hit the speed dial for Vicrul. 

"Yes?" he said.

"Someone is banging on the front door," you sounded scared. 

"On it." He hung up and you waited. 

You were bouncing Leia in your arms as you waited for the all clear from Vicrul. You rarely had to call him for this kind of stuff, so you just weren't used to it. 

After about ten minutes, your cell phone began to ring. 

"Hello?" you answered.

"You need to come to the front door," he sounded grave. 

"Is it safe?" you asked.

"Yes, I am going back to my house," he hung up. He had sounded so strange, so you curiously walked to the front door with zero explanation for what was going on. 

You held Leia on your shoulder with one arm, and the other opened up your front door. 

In a black hoodie and black sweats, the hood up, Kylo Ren was standing at your door. His eyes were filling with water as he glanced at the baby and then back to you, his voice cracking audibly. 

"I'm so sorry."


	34. Denouement

You stood there for a long time. You stared at his sunken in, tired face, and you didn't say a word. He looked like he had lost weight, and the bags under his eyes confirmed to you that he hadn't slept in ages. Finally, involuntarily, your hand found his cheek, searching for the warmth you had missed so much. He leaned his face into your palm, planting a small, light kiss on it.

"Kylo..." you whispered.

"Please let me come in. I will explain everything to you," he grabbed your hand in his own. You stepped to the side, still unable to form a coherent thought. Kylo stepped through the thresh hold of your home, and you felt a million things. Your heart was in a kind of pain that even childbirth couldn't compare to. You had begun thinking of him as if he were dead, so it was as if you were being visited by a ghost. He still held your hand as he closed and locked your front door behind him. He led you into the home and made his way into your living area. The entire walk to the living room, his eyes kept darting between you and the baby.

"Please sit," he gestured to your couch, and he sat in the seat directly next to you. Your brows were knit together as you continued to stare at him, still in disbelief that he was here in the flesh. It had been seven months since you saw him. He had never even laid eyes on his daughter, but it was seemingly the only thing he could focus on at the moment. It was clear he was trying to gather his thoughts, but it was difficult seeing as you were holding his only child.

So, you brought her into your lap and turned her to face Kylo. She was gnawing on her fingers, and she had since calmed down from crying. Before Kylo's eyes had switched between you and Leia, but now his eyes were locked on Leia. His bloodshot, tired eyes were focused on his daughter, examining her closely. He sat still, his hands in his lap, no words coming from him now. His eyes had been threatening to spill with tears before, but now they were falling freely down his hollow cheeks. His lip and chin quivered as he took in the face of the half year old girl, his girl, tear after after tear falling. His hand shot up and wiped his tears before he spoke gently.

"Can I hold her?" he swallowed thickly, voice unstable.

You moved closer to him on the couch and held her out to him. He lifted his hands to her and you noticed they were almost bigger than Leia herself. It almost made you smile. He took her in his hands and sat her on his lap facing toward him. She was staring up at him with those big brown eyes in complete wonder. It was almost as if she had some weird sense telling her that this was her father. You had never seen her look at someone this way.

"Oh my god, she's beautiful," he whispered before running his hand through her freshly cleaned hair. "She looks like you." He sniffled consistently staring at her. She was calm and cool, and was content in his hands.

You reached for her, finally having some inclination to speak, "I'll go put her down so we can talk."

Kylo pulled her closer to him and held up his hand. "No. I want to hold her."

You dropped your arms and waited for him to give some explanation. Some logical reason for leaving you in your biggest time of need, leaving you at all. A reason for breaking your heart and your spirit.

He cradled her in his big arms and bounced her lightly until she started to doze off, never looking away from her round little face. You watched the entire interaction, and a familiar warmth buzzed somewhere in your chest. Finally, her eyes wavered from their position on Kylo's face and they fluttered shut, her lips parted as she drifted into sleep again. She was going to sleep so late. He situated her in his lap gently, her back against the tops of his thighs. Finally, he looked to you.

"I can't believe we made that," he caressed her little head. "I can't believe I missed so much time."

Your breath hitched in your throat, "What happened?"

Kylo sighed. The tears had dried up, and he just looked sad now. Completely hopeless.

"The day I left, I had to make a lot of decisions. The first of those decisions being choosing to selfishly keep you in New York, with me, and risk someone trying to hurt you to hurt me or sending you away to a private secure place. Since we had been so public it would have been so easy for someone to try to sabotage or even worse physically harm you. And because of the scandal, my stocks dropped dramatically, people pulled out like crazy, and I was going to have to cut down on staff immediately. That meant less security, so less protection for you" his eyes were back on his lap now, fixated on the sleeping girl.

"So, my first priority was securing safety and financial security for you and her. What did you name her?" he looked at you with glassy eyes, tearing up again at the revelation he didn't know his own daughter's name.

"Leia," you said barely audible. He closed his eyes and more tears fell. He looked back down.

"For you and Leia. I was losing money by the second, so I quickly transferred as much as I could to an account for you. I had already been trying to buy this house for us, so it was easy to secure. Vicrul was my best Associate, so I paid him off for life to be here for you. Has he been effective?"

You nodded meekly.

"Good. The trial was dirty. The jury had no sympathy for me, not that they should have. But my lawyer did everything she could. It came down to a thirty year prison sentence or a two billion dollar fine. The fine would essentially end my fortune, my career was done for either way. But if I went to prison, I could keep a lot of money and maybe possibly fix my image in business when I got out," he sniffled.

"I didn't want the public to be part of my sentencing. I didn't want you to find out. I planned on staying far away from you forever. It would have been the logical, safe thing to do. Especially steering clear of her," he brushed the hair out of Leia's forehead.

"But every single night when I closed my eyes all I could see was you. All my mind would allow me to think about was your smile, your laugh, your cry, your beautiful, beautiful face. I would dream of our future, and how it was supposed to have looked. Us happily raising our baby girl and giving her a stable, safe world to live in. I would constantly think about how she looked. Did she get your gorgeous eyes and your cute nose? Would I ever get to know her name? These things haunted me.

And so when my lawyer and I met on that final day, she heavily suggested I take the prison time. She said celebrities of my status never do more than five years, even for the worst of the worst. When I told her I was concerned about you, she said I would be out in no time, five years tops, and I wouldn't be broke. So, I could come back to you a rich man just a little bit later than I would like." He sighed again, his hand playing with the irresistible rolls of Leia's thighs. "So, I told her I would pay the money. I couldn't imagine missing five years of her. Or you."

You were listening so closely that reality hadn't set in yet.

"So, I paid my fine, and I had six months of community service. I had to sell the business for next to nothing, the tower, too. All my properties, all my assets. It's all gone. But I am here now, and I know now more than ever that I made the right decision." He picked up the baby and held her to his chest, nuzzling his face into her, his eyes shutting.

Reality had never felt less real. Here was the only man you had ever loved telling you that he had essentially forgone everything for you and your child. He had abandoned you to save you.

"Why didn't you call me?" you said, the knot in your throat growing.

"I didn't want you to count on me coming home. Anything could have changed before I finished the community service. It was better that way," he was rubbing her back, looking at you now.

"Do you know how bad it hurt to see you willfully walk out of the door?"

"It was never willfully. I had a big decision to make, and to me there was no decision. Your security was the only answer," one of his hands was now on your knee. The feeling sent currents through your body. Currents of memories and warmth and pain.

"I have next to nothing. You probably have more money than me now. You definitely have more assets than me. So, if you don't want to be with a poor loser, I will understand. I can go if I have hurt you beyond repair," he said solemnly.

You were feeling so many conflicting emotions, but you laughed. You fucking laughed. You laughed like you were watching the funniest comedy special you had ever seen in your life, a ridiculous, annoying loud laugh. You couldn't believe that he had just said what he said. You couldn't believe that after months of thinking he didn't love you anymore and that he would have rather been alone and leave you with raising your daughter on your own, that he would insinuate his money was an issue. His money had never been a thing to you. Sure, you had been used to living a certain way with him, but you weren't in love with his lifestyle. His lifestyle didn't give you the greatest gift of your life. He did. That complex, irritating, beautiful son of bitch is what you loved more than anything. And even among all of the pain, you still loved him, and you still needed him.

"What?" he asked, brows furrowing.

"Are you serious, Kylo?" your laughing was still going.

"What?" he was getting irritated so you tried to control yourself. You wiped the tears that were falling from your eyes.

"Have I ever cared about your money?"

"I don't know."

"Oh, shut up. Yes, you do. You know I don't. Kylo, every single day pretty much, I cry because our baby would never know the amazing, beautiful man you are. I cry because I know I would die alone before be with anyone who wasn't you. You are the only thing in my life before that," you pointed to the little bundle on his chest, "that made sense. Which is hilarious, because you started as a complete stranger, powerful celebrity who was married that I worked for and fucked. THAT shouldn't make sense, but it did. I'm pretty sure at this point you could gouge my eyes out Oedipus style, and I would still love you and long to be with you. So, the fact that you have less than nine figures in your bank account means nothing to me."

There was silence. His face was blank as it had been in the past.

"The only thing that worries me, the only thing that would absolutely shatter me for eternity, is the possibility of you leaving again. The possibility of not having you here with me. I am not whole without you, Kylo," you didn't want to cry again, but it was coming.

Kylo gingerly handed Leia to you, "take her. Be careful."

You took her into your arms, cradling her on your shoulder.

Kylo got on the floor on his knees. He knelt between your legs and placed his hands on either side of your waist, his thumbs caressing your sides.

"I know you will probably never trust me again. I don't deserve your trust. I have let you down so much in so little time, and I am blessed to even be here in your presence still." His head dropped for a moment, his voice quivering as he looked up to speak again. "But I am begging you for an ounce of trust and hope right now. Just a little. I will never leave you again. The only thing that matters to me in this fucking world is you and her. I want nothing more than to wake up to you every single day, to see her grow and learn, and to be the best version of myself I can be for you. If you will have me, I am yours forever. I will get a job tomorrow at a grocery store. I'm pretty sure they take felons. I will work so hard to support you and Leia. Anything you want, it's truth. I just need you. I need you more than you know," he was looking up at you.

He extended his hand to you. "Take my hand. Take my hand if you are willing to try this with me. Please."

You were sitting there, looking down at your unlikely someone. The someone who had hurt you so many times. God, did it hurt so good.

But with every pain came beauty. With every hurt there was a silver lining. Love didn't always feel like it should, and that had been proven true by him time and time again. When you looked down at him you saw a monster, you saw your other half, you saw evil, you saw the father of your child, you saw a million things. But above all you saw the only person worth all of this.

The silence was deafening. He was on the brink of losing it like you had. But there was only one thing to do. Only one thing you could do.

You took his hand.


End file.
